Tiny Feelings of Resentment

Sis B's husband is home, and she's still liveblogging reintegration.  One paragraph of her recent post jumped out at me. 

Speaking of resentment... I'm harboring a little more of that in the department of feeling underappreciated. Most of my readers know the challenges I have faced during this deployment. (If you don't, go back in my archives a year and read forward from there). What with 2 hospitalizations, a premature baby, a numerous amount of casualties within the unit, an unexplained mystery illness which is still symptomatic, the false casualty notification, the loss of a good friend in Iraq... um... I've been a little busy. I've had my fair share of trauma and near-death experiences. I also turned thirty, which is a harrowing event in and of itself (ha!). I do not, in any way, feel like I have had it harder than my husband. I do, however, feel that I have endured enough to have a little respect and appreciation from him. He gets to be called a hero, have ceremonies, parades, and a lifetime of respect. I am a housewife. It doesn't really have the same ring, does it?

I think we all have felt this way for one moment or another.  Sometimes we like to be thanked too.

And sometimes we go through things during deployment, enormous things, life-altering things.  And while I don't need a tickertape parade or a medal ceremony, it is nice to have someone, especially your spouse, acknowledge that you had it rough.  That you don't have to be in combat to be scared.

Well said, Sis B.

Comments

[Slickbug]

Boy does this ring true - just a few weeks ago, I was saying to my husband that I would like a nice normal life - bordering on the mundane. He groaned - he hates mundane. I thought, well, it must be a lot different to receive promotions, awards, ribbons, and endless recognition for all that you put up with - all of this "excitement"...and me...well, I've received an extra layer of baby fat and wrinkles, and I've been submitted for a grey hair promotion.

[Sarah]

Slickbug -- Bwahaha! Grey hair promotion!

[Sara]

I was JUST thinking about this this past week. I really get steamed when people talk to Mark and want to know everything about him and barely shake my hand or remember my name. I understand I'm not the hero, but for goodness sake, we go through a lot. A LOT! Waiting is serving too. Thank a spouse, people! Or even acknowledge that what we do is tough.

[airforcewife]

I'm going to go ahead and amen this one as well.

Because it totally rings true for me.

[Xtna]

I certainly understand what you mean...I hate to be a martyr, but this week I was called a "dependent" by some civilian at the Legal office. I thought,"Dependent, dependent on who?" The bennies that I "enjoy" such as medical, etc. are no different then if my hubby worked for some corporation...which wouldn't send him away for a year at a time. These days it is so P.C. to "appreciate our heros at home," but I wonder sometimes.

[amanda Martin]

"I, in no way, feel like I've had it harder than my husband". Huh? Honey, we have it JUST as hard, if not harder than them, it's just in a completely different way. Resentment is normal. They have someone to do their laundry, cook their meals, tell them what's happening and when. They may not like what they're having to do, but at least THEY have tons of comrades aroud them that know what they're going thru. We sometimes don't. Non-Military folks just don't understand, and those that do often stay away because it's just easier. we're left here to do everything for our family, homes, jobs, etc, while worrying about them 24/7/365, then they can't pick up a pen and write home more than once a year??? But I completely agree with everything else in your post. Where's my medal of honor? Or just a day off would be nice....:)

[UH60wife_and_mom]

My community celebrated my husband's return from deployment in a very big way... A way which continued for a couple of weeks. For the final day of hoopla we attended a fish fry where an announcement was made to welcoming my husband and thanking God for bringing him and his unit home safely.

As all the hero worship had been taking place I was a bit resentful. As he basked in the glory of the moment I rememered what the last 18 months of our live here at home were. They were exactly like the following; I closed on a house alone, moved myself and our two children out of our temporary housing into our new home, watched a tornado blow through our neighborhood on our first night in the house and tried to convince two kids the was nothing to be scared of despite my tears and a tree falling on the neighbors house, we had raw sewage flood our basement, I arranged a demolition and rebuild for our basement only to have the sump pump give out the week of Christmas and flood the space all over again, and finally shoveled more snow than I have seen in my lifetime in one winter. Some things which are normal everyday things happened to like school starting and ending,illness and defiance, parent teacher conference, school plays, music programs soccer games and a full time job outside the home. Did I mention this was by myself. Now I was not looking for thank yous or hoorahs but as we sat at this fish fry and everyone thanked my "rock star" husband a woman approached me and my children and said "everyone is very grateful to your husband for all he has done to serve this great country, but honey, I want to use my thank you on you and the two fine children you have here. You see if it wasn't for everything you did here at home he would not have been able to focus on the job he was sent away to do. So my dear sweet people, while everyone is passing you by to say thank you to your husband you remember it is you who made it possible for them to say thank you and for that I say thank you!"

I was overwhelmed by her kind words. I realized I had done a lot and I knew I would never be recognized for it and that was fine. I knew what I signed on for. The kids however did not. That brief moment in time during a community fish fry gave them rock star status too. To this day I haven't seen the woman
who bestoyed such kind words on my children and I but we all feel like we are totally in this together now. It is amazing how one person taking the time to say thank you can change your life forever.

To all the spouses who have busted their fannies day in and out to keep the family strong for a soldier, THANK YOU! Without us, the military would be in a very tough spot. Keep up the great work!!!