Do you sleep while they are gone?

While reading the postings No Sleep... and Looks Like We Are Not Alone.. I began thinking about all of the issues and funny things that I have done when my husband has been gone.  Lack of sleep sure can make you do insane things sometimes!

You will most likely think that I am totally off my rocker after reading this post.  And I am okay with that.  I am one with and at peace with my nutty self!

I think we all probably have issues sleeping from time to time.  Deployments, TDYs and even motherhood can all make you have sleepless nights.  They all equal STRESS in some form or fashion.  During my husband's last deployment, I spent more nights lying in bed awake than I care to admit.  The lack of sleep during that deployment ran a very close second place to how much sleep I lacked and how evil I became after my first child was born and the first OIF deployment.

How do you deal with sleepless nights alone?  Do you cuddle up to a pillow case or t-shirt that still smells like your spouse?  Do you read, exercise, surf the net, call friends, chat online, watch tv?  What do you do?  I finally figured out that if I slept with a shirt that smelled like my husband, I was able to doze off a little easier. 

Have you resorted to taking meds to help you sleep?  Has your lack of sleep adversely affected your otherwise 'happy & glowing' personality?  I can attest that lack of sleep does turn me into a rather evil human being and I must politely ask anyone that I have offended while lacking sleep to try and forgive me.  I promise it was my evil twin that offended you and not the real me!

Think of all of the ways that the lack of sleep or sleep issues, have affected you and share it with us.

Have you been able to sleep just fine?  Oh, if you have, please, please share you story with us.  I could use the advice for sure.

I was able to sleep a little better during our last deployment after my husband sent me one of his t-shirts, my hormones (that whole middle aged thing) got a little straightened out, I exercised a bit, I started taking long baths before bed time and took melatonin.  I took Ambien one time and I quickly learned that being that asleep, was no good for anyone.  The house could have burned down around me and I would have slept right through it.  That is when I resorted to more 'natural' measures and was thankful that the melatonin actually worked for me.  I know many people that tried it and it never phased them.

I also slept better after I went to the shooting range and brushed up on my sniper skills.  I didn't have the gun locked in a safe in the upstairs bathroom for nothin' and I needed to make sure that I still knew how to use the thing, just in case I ever needed it!  After all, I am from the South and that means, "Do not be surprised to find that many 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim." 

Okay, I like guns, they make me feel secure and protected and I know how to use them, but not all of us are 'gun girls' ~ so what makes you feel safe when you are at home alone?  Is it your dogs by chance?  I love my 'killer dogs' ~ all 20 & 40 lbs of them!  :)

I also learned that I could NOT watch the news when I was in desperate need of sleep, especially in the hours leading up to my bed time.  Watching the news always makes me crazy when my husband is deployed and I want to often yell at the tv.  I finally had to just turn it off.  (My tv is lucky that I knew how to use the off button, or you never know, I might have ended up pounding it with a bat or shooting it.)  Even though I felt a bit less informed by turning it off, I was able to regain what little sanity I had left and get a little more zzzzzz when I 'just said no' to the news.  Do you watch the news when your spouse is away and does it make you unable to sleep?

I also tend to have the same issues that Air Force Wife wrote about:

It’s like the military wife version of “If You Give a Moose a Muffin…” 

If a deployed spouse wakes up, they’re going to want to check the doors.  And if they check the doors, they’re going to want to check the stove, too.  The stove will remind them that they are craving Oreo cookies.  And if they have an Oreo cookie, they’re going to want to have a glass of milk to go with it…

I can't even tell you how many times per night I would leap to my feet out of a dead sleep, at any little noise.  I am the 'protector' when my husband is gone and boy, I am all about protecting my babies.  I had double locks on all of the doors and I put beeping alarms on all doors and windows (which were also good at keeping children from going outside just because they saw a cute puppy and then decided to wander the streets aimlessly) ~ sorry, that is an entirely different story!  When I would hear a noise at night, I would jump up, grab the bat, take my largest dog with me and proceed to 'search' my house for signs of the noise.  If the noise sounded too spooky, I grabbed the gun instead.  I had to remember my glasses too, because if I forget to grab my them, I would end up hitting or shooting the basketball goal in the backyard, that in the dark, had the eerie silhouette of a large man.  No, I never actually shot anything or anyone, but I sure could have!  And that my friends, allowed me to sleep better at night!

Thankfully my children never have the sleep issues that I have when my husband is gone.  They never move, never hear even a mouse!  Thankfully they are never awake in the middle of the night to see how crazy their mother truly is.

Alright, now that you think I am officially insane, go ahead, share you stories!!  Do you sleep while they are gone?

Comments

[Aly]

I know this is going to sound like a rambly mess, but hey..lack of sleep will do that to ya...
If you must watch the news or read up on it like I do, check it first thing in the morning ONLY. I only scan over it and check if the US suffered any losses that day...skim over the article to find out what unit he/they belonged to...exhale when it is not hubby's unit...and then try to forget about the news for the remainder of the day. I know it sounds as if am mean, or don't care about the others, and I swear that isn't it. But just knowing that your spouses unit was not mentioned in the news that day is a good thing. "NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS". I find that is especially helpful after 10+ days pass from the last time I heard his voice (after day 10, my mind starts playing tricks on me).

When he first left 3 months ago, I was not able to sleep at all (only while on Rozerem, which is non-addictive and I think, milder than other sleep meds so you can wake up if need be), but ever since I started the whole 'check the news only in the morning' thing, I've been able to knock out finally around 2 am, which is still late, but a vast improvement.

That and his t-shirt on his pillow which I frequently spray with his cologne :)

[Deltasierra]

(Hi there - just discovered the SpouseBUZZ site.)

I've never had trouble sleeping, but I do have trouble going to bed at a decent time. When hubby's home, we can go to bed at 10:30 and get up at 6 with no problem (well, he'll wake me up, because I hate getting up in the morning, no matter how much sleep I've had). When he's gone, I'm pushing 1am and waking up at 8:30 or later. I only have my cats to wake me up, but they're lazier than I am in the morning. :)

As a general rule, I never watch the news (except for the Daily Show and Colbert Report, because they're funny and don't report on bodycounts all the time). I have enough trouble with depression as it is, without the worry caused by soundbite media. Depression makes me sleep in the afternoon, too, sometimes. To tell the truth, I'm always tired when he's gone. I'd love to just hibernate till he gets back.

I keep the pillow he slept on during R&R next to my head, in case I need something that smells like him. The smell isn't as strong anymore, but I think my brain takes pity on me and tells me I'm still smelling him. ;)

Last night I got to chat with him online, and I was falling asleep much earlier than usual (of course, I'd stayed up really late the night before and got up somewhat early, so that could have been part of it). I was also relieved of my nervous energy after having a chat interrupted that morning when he had to log off due to an "incoming" warning (he's at Kandahar AFB currently). I didn't hear from him again until that evening, because of the time difference.

To keep myself busy (and confident of my safety), I take martial arts lessons, have involved myself in church and the local Kiwanis club, and have learned to shoot my shotgun (which sleeps by the bed). I'd love a dog, except I'm not sure where we'll be next, and I haven't found the "right" dog to live here with me in the rental house.

I think that's it. I also have to clean the house this week, so that will keep me busy, as well, as my husband goes off on yet another op. We only have a few months till he's home . . .

--D.S.

[cindi_2570]

For many years, I've fallen asleep to the tv. Experts say not to because it doesn't give you a restful night's sleep, but it seems to be the only thing that occupies my brain. Otherwise, my brain doesn't shut off for hours. I choose the lesser of the two evils. So, I turn the tv on really low, so that I can barely hear it, but just enough that it takes my mind off everything else. I've tried to read before bed, and although that makes me tired, the activity of putting the book away and turning off the light, wakes me right back up and I'm back to where I started. Last night we lost power at 12:30 a.m. due to high wind. I was 1/2 asleep because 30 minutes prior I heard a loud bang bang which woke me up. I thought either someone was trying to break in or someone was banging at the front door. My heart was pounding for what seemed like 20 or so minutes after that. I had just started to drift back off to sleep after that startling episode and that's when the tv shut off. There went my pacifier! So, needless to say, sleep once again evaded me last night. I can't wait for my DH to come home next month so I can get some zzzzz!!!

[Vanessa]

Caution: Lack of sleep may lead to TV, which may lead to 3am Infomercial watching, which may lead to shrinkage of wallet. BEWARE!

[dizzylizzie]

cindi, i do the same thing. i turn the tv down really low and keep it on like hgtv and ive had no problems with sleep so long as the baby lets me. LOL! i have to have it on or my brain will not shut off. when i get up for the babys early am feeding and return to bed, that is when i turn it off. by then, i'm so tired i'm not thinking about ANYTHING. well except maybe how long she'll sleep until the next feeding...

[Joann]

I slept with my husband's t-shirt the whole time he was gone :) it really helped me get through the night!

[Rachel]

When DH first left, I had a hard time falling asleep because all I could do was look at his empty side of the bed...so about two weeks into it, I decided to switch to his side of the bed. That first night of being on his side of the bed (and using his pillow and sleeping with one of his over-sized PT shirts on) I had the best sleep I had in awhile. Now, three months later I am still on that side of the bed and even joke with DH about when he comes home, he is going to have to sleep on the other side of the bed. :-)

[Elisabeth Smith]

I am engaged to an army vet. He spent 22 months active duty in Iraq. He was on the front lines. My question is He wants more than anyhting to go back, I admire his drive to serve his country. but I dont think that I can handle another tour. What should I say to him?????

[shan]

Vanessa, i had that problem. 3am TV watching that turned into me buying all kinds of useless stuff (mostly exercise equipment). so i had to turn the TV off and put on the radio. I also had to get lots of pillows to make the bed seem less empty.

[Annie]

Sleep....I was familar with that activity. Now I have become a crazed lunatic who finds herself taking the curtains down to wash, semi dry, then I proceed to iron them. I have refinished our living room tables and we have acquired a new cat. I have always been a vibrant person but two weekends in a row to the ER (illness-pink eye and ear infection)and lack of sleep are taking their toll. I go to school and work full time and two babies under 8 years old. I stuffed a pillow in a BDU top and I wrap the arms around me when I am down and out. This weekend was so hard I cried at every single Veterans Day commercial. I take plain old benadryl when I am noticing the delirum setting in. If you have small children take a nap with them on the weekends (at least your bed will know you still need it) I have found that snuggling with the babies and waking up to look at two sets of eyes that are almost a perfect match to one and only's give me a source of comfort. The next thing I do is TALK. I harass my family on a daily basis none of them really know what it is like but I force them into meaningless conversations that will at least consume a half hour. (I bet they are thanking their lucky stars we are 18 hours away)Last but not least....SPOUSE BUZZ provides me with an outlet that I really enjoy. I know this really sucks for all of us but man think of that first kiss when they get home. REDEMPTION!! My thoughts, prayers, and best wishes to all of you. I hope you can all find a way but I am pretty sure a homecoming is the only cure for this type of insomnia. Sweet dreams...yes, a pun is intended.=)

[dizzylizzie]

i used to try harrassing the family. but it just gets depressing hearing the same old "he volunteered to leave you" rhetoric over and over. it just makes me depressed. so ive just stopped calling. and nobody calls here either. thats their way of: "supporting the troops but not the war"; doing nothing. (if you ask them just WHAT they've done to support the troops you'll get one of a few answers 1. the deer in headlights look, followed by rapid blinking of the eyes or 2. "i pay my taxes! and that pays their salaries!"
3. "i voted for Kerry!"

(i know i know, i still cant wrap my mind around their reasoning either. makes my head hurt even trying anymore)

for the first time in almost 10 yrs ive decided not to go home for our yearly visit for the holidays. its just too hard to see everyone else with their husbands all happy. and them being all awkward with me and the kids. (you know the small talk they feel they are obligated to do-and the occasional shouting match with the aunts.) its just too much. so me and the kids are just gonna hang out with ourselves this year.

for sanities sake, i just blab away over here at the buzz.

[Justustwo]

When my husband was gone, I didn't have a hard time sleeping. Frankly, I slept better while he was gone. I think the trick to it was that I knew that no matter what happened to him (or could happen to him), I couldn't do anything about it. I had to remember that God was in control and that whatever happened. I guess that helps if you believe in God but if not, I did other things too. I didn't watch the news for an entire year. I know that may be a big feet for some people but honestly, it was the best thing for me. His mother would call me frantic that she hadn't heard from him and that such and such was on the news. I just had to tell her that I didn't watch the news and that if something did happen, I would be the first person to know. Like we all have heard...no news is good news.

[Marie]

My fiance is on his way back from Iraq. I'm very excited about his return home. I'm wondering if others experienced a long period of time not communicating with a loved one during this transitional time? If so, how long? He's in the Army and was given an expected return home date of November 9th or 10th. I still haven't heard anything and of course now I can't seem to sleep or think straight! The hardest part is I am on the West Coast and he is returning to Ft. Hood.

[Brandy]

First I'd like to say that I really enjoyed reading eveyone's comments. This is my first experience with a deployment and it is certainly still wearing on me. It's 10:40pm CST (that's 7:40am Iraq Time) which seems to be where my mind is all the time. Instead of thinking of going to bed I'm thinking about him waking up or coming back from a mission. I'm lucky if I get more than 5 hours of sleep a day. Our daughter is a mere 7 weeks old and still working on her sleeping pattern. Someone said something about sleeping on his side of the bed and that's one thing that I do, but it doesn't help me fall asleep, I guess maybe it helps me feel closer to him. Funny thing is, I'm just restless. I have little desire to eat or sleep. I spend countless hours on the web (you'd think I'd run out of things to look up). I enjoy being at home and the thought of leaving the house is such a hassle. I don't think any of these things are good for me, but for now it does help me cope to not feel pressured to go out or cook, etc. I do think that I have reacted this way because these were things I enjoyed when my DH was here. He loved my cooking and we loved going shopping together. I find that the only remedy that helps me sleep better is my daughter. At the end of my night (whenever that may be) I get to lie down next to her and hold her. I usually fall asleep almost instantly. Also, one other thing I do that usually knocks me out is daydream. I occupy my thoughts reminiscing about our lives togethers, remembering events, things we did, etc. After about 15 minutes or so I am out.

Good luck to everyone and good night.

[Sylvia]

Just found this site! So far I love what i am reading. Was feeling so alone with my crazy feelings about my husbands deployment. Sleep is a huge problem for me. I thought it was just me. But in a wierd way its good to hear that I am not the only one who struggles with sleep while my honey is gone. My nonmilitary friends dont get it when they hear me say I cant sleep without my husband being by me. They are all firefigheter wives and say "oh I love when my husband is gone on his four day shifts" I just tell them its not the same. 4 days is nothing...Its not just that he is gone...its where he is at. Iraq is not a nice place to be and I worry and miss him. I just feel like part of me is missing. I know it sounds so corney but I really cant sleep with out him. If I am a sleep by 2 am its a good day...usually up by 6 am to start the day....I am so glad that I found this site.....