Looks Like We Are Not Alone..

Is it me or is many other spouses that go through the "Can't Sleep" thing?  When does it end?  Funny I get on this morning to read "No Sleep..or" plus last night I watched a special on "why women can't sleep."  Well heck, I'll tell you why we can't sleep because we are worries sick about our loved ones that are deployed, wondering what they are doing, how they are doing, have they eaten, are they cold, hungry and the list goes on and on....Not to mention you become stuck to the news hoping you hear something about the area they are in.  I don't know about you but I was hooked on the news I didn't want to watch anything else but the news.  Finally, I  realize I had become addicted to Fox  News and CNN when my daughter was upset and told me that's all I wanted to watch the news so from that point forward I limited myself to 15 minutes a day to the news.

As for me I stopped sleeping about a few weeks after my husband left to Iraq.  You become this emotional wreck, worried sick plus you are the only one to manage your family with your head held up high. I came to a point where I felt as if  I had insomnia, my nights were so restless thinking about him, the kids, the house, work, everything you can possibly think of...you know what I'm talking about if you suffer from this. Then your afraid to drive home because the thought of you turning that corner to see a car waiting for you to give you the bad news, it's terrible to have that fear with you daily.  Yes, I know that we are not the ones in the front lines fighting this war but we do battle our own while they are away emotionally and physically.  I have to admit I still have my problem of not being able to sleep especially when he's out in the field and away from home.  I'm not sure if it will ever go away but I sure do hope so. From reading blogs, articles and watching specials it looks like we are not alone in our restless nights.  We should come up with a late night chat room for the spouses that are up at night lying in bed staring at the ceiling. lol

Comments

[Patti]

OMGosh, how true, how true! I have the same fear of the car waiting in the driveway. That is definately no fun. I did get a decent nights sleep last night....1/2 bottle of red wine did the trick!

[Vanessa]

My 1st night of sleep...I mean uninterupted sleep was......LAST NIGHT...hubby's 1st night back on US soil. He wasn't with me as he's still demobing but...just knowing that he was "HOME" was enough to fall fast asleep. It felt like those 15 plus months without sleep all caught up to me...I'm still tired today...tired but SMILING!!!!

[Amy]

My husband left a little over 6 months ago.. The last time I went to sleep at a decent hour and had "good" sleep was a little over six months ago. It didn't help that the first weekend he was gone our home was broken into...
I agree. We need an all hours chat group.. That way I can let my friends sleep while I can't! LOL

[Jen]

LOL... yup sleep is a long missed thing for me. Everytime my hubby leaves, I suffer from insomnia. Granted with deployments, I become a computer junkie too and I swear that when he returns I will have to start a 12 step program just to get used to not jumping up to see if he emailed me. Also by nature I am the worst worrywort. I worry about it all and sleep is the last thing on my mind.... granted I also have a 3 month old so she does her part to keep mommy awake...LOL

[Sondra Eppard]

We are a veteran family my husband retired in 1979 after 20 years in Navy.

Remember, try to get an education while your husband is away. If you have to take a class on the internet, or local college it will all pay off later in your life. I was unable to go to school. We moved 10 times during the 18 1/2 years I was with him and later in life, to busy with trying to make a living. Remember, you have sacrificed much for his career but you must not sacrafice your youth in learning experiences. Later my husband and I divorced and it was too late, so please think about getting some school work in for your own future needs.

[Jeanene Chambers]

I am a "new" Navy wife (2 years), and have already had an Iraq scare. We thought my hubby would be deployed when I was 8 months preg. Just waiting for word I couldn't sleep, so I could only imagine if he had been selected to go (for a year). I really admire all of you women, and hope to be as strong as you if my hubby ever has to go.

[Rhanah]

He has been gone 3 days .. I have slept 5 hours. it does not help that I work overnights :( At least I have something to do in the middle of the night! I find myself thinking if I fall asleep I will miss his call or what if the kids need something, or ... a million other things. i know it will get better with time. I hope once we know when he will be shipping out and to where it will be better. I do have some solice .... only 542 days left till he is home for GOOD!

[Tracy]

My husband is 2 months into his second tour to Iraq and I understand every feeling you described. Especially the worry and sleeplessness. I read and hear so much about the strength that being a military spouse creates and while I know I CAN maintain our home, family, pets, vehicles, lawn, etc.,. I don't want to anymore. The most difficult part is knowing that this is an option that is not available. The military lifestyle truly annihilates one's initial image of what marriage and family life will be like. I think so many civilians take for granted that their spouses return home from work at a given time each day, have weekends off, or that they have family close by to help out. In this lifestyle, the loneliness, anxiety, stress, and worry are quite overwhelming. My worst fear is having to be in the position to tell our young son terrible news. That he might not be afforded the opportunity to know his father. That is in the back (and sometimes the front) of my mind EVERY day. Prayer and friends are what gets me through it. I would be all for a late night chat group.

[Chrys]

Count me in on the late night chat group!!! I am typically a heavy sleeper and am not a morning person and relied on my hubby to say "are you ready for bed?" and to wake me in the mornings. Now that he's not here, I was scared to death that something will happen in the middle of the night and my son will not be able to wake me, but the less sleep I have, the harder it is to wake me. I finally gave in and talked to my doctor. He prescribed Rozerem. It doesn't put me into a deep hybernation like other sleeping pills and doesn't leave me with the after effects the next day. My problem now is actually bringing myself to lay down on the couch (I can't stand to sleep in our bed alone) and turning off the tv at a decent hour.

[Marie]

I can relate soo much to all of you. My sailor has been gone since June. I feel like I am addicted to the computer. I have been keeping my self so busy however that I do sleep because I am so worn out. If I am not working, I am taking classes, Or working at my church Nursery, or shopping for two (when I grocery shop, I don’t know about anyone else, but half the cart is ALWAYS for him...lol...compulsive I know.), or it’s the weekly family dinner, or the few girlfriends that call me up wanting to talk for hours when I really should be doing something else (like cleaning my apartment!). But at the End of each day, I go to bed thinking the same thing....what is he doing, where is he at...does he still have a sore throat... if something happened would they call....should I turn my phone back on just incase.....four days and still no email I hope its just security reasons...why can I not just close my eyes and sleep, I have to be up eairly...(and the next thing you know your fighting yourself for sleep!)
Then there are those other days when everything in everyday life seems to just flat out go wrong...those are the nights I am glad no one is around to see me crumble...I go to bed thinking, if only he were home, he would tell me I am over reacting, he would hug me and make it all go away and make it better.... Over time I have learned the technique of denial to aid in staying focused on the here and now. I have often wondered if I am the only one who utilizes it like a habit with out realizing it.

[JKGlenn]

OK. I totally understand about the whole lack of sleep thing. I've been a military wife for 15 yrs now. It is very aggrevating not being able to sleep when he's gone. BUT, this is the one thing I can't figure out... no matter what time I actually lie down on the couch to go to sleep or eventually fall asleep, I wake EVERY morning between 0410-0420. I have asked him in the past what he is doing at this time (my time) every day & he tells me that he is awake & probably thinking of me. This has happened to me ever since his very first deployment.

[mary]

I am beginning to know how it feels. I am a new navy wife (9 months) and my hubby is stationed in Florida while I am in South Carolina. He is on his way to being deployed to Iraq and I am sick to my stomach. I cant sleep at night and I always have a nervous feeling. To all you ladies who have been going through this for a while I just dont know how you do it.

[DHonneffer]

Hello, i am A new Army wife. we got married July,22 o6. My husband left to iraq last mon, oct 30. i have less sleep after He left. This is his 3rd deployment and 2nd deployment to iraqi. i have to have my phone with me all the time, bc i don't want to miss his calls.

[DHonneffer]

Hello, i am A new Army wife. we got married July,22 o6. My husband left to iraq last mon, oct 30. i have less sleep after He left. This is his 3rd deployment and 2nd deployment to iraqi. i have to have my phone with me all the time, bc i don't want to miss his calls.

[Tara]

The first month after JC's deployment I couldn't sleep at all, I think I actually kept the sleeping pill companies in business!! lol The second month, I didn't want to get out of bed. All I wanted to do is sleep. Now, I go back and forth (frequently). I have been thinking of going to the doctor and finding out about depression/manic/bi-polar, not sure which. It seems as though I can be very "up" or very "down", nothing really in between. I cry over nothing, the other day I was watching a commercial about depression (of all things!!) and started bawling!! I've never been like this before and am having a hard time understanding what's going on. Have any of you gone thru this?

[Michelle]

I am a new Army wife, and my husabnd is in Iraq on his first deployment; he left Oct 1, and will return in about a year. Tara, I know exactly what you are feeling!!! I am sitting here right now crying, just reading this. It is so strange, the first few days after he was gone I was a wreck, then I was okay for about a month. Now, I am worse than right after he left. I just cry all the time. And, I don't even feel like I am me anymore, do you know what I mean! I feel like I am this totally different, unhappy, pesimistic, depressed version of myself. I feel like I am wrong for feeling this way, but I can't stop it. I can't ever sleep, and I never feel motivated to do anything. I admire all military spouses who have survived deployment with their sanity! It takes a very special person to be a Military spouse.

[Margaret Mann]

To Tara and Michelle,

It's okay!! All wives cry when their soldiers are deployed. And yes you will be depressed, and yes you will be sad. But you can not let that stop you from living your day, week, etc.

I created what i called 'my cry time'. I was allowed to cry for at least 15 to 30 minutes. Then that was it. I made myself get up and do something constructive/ fun. It could be walking the dogs, going to a nice dinner, meeting up with a friend, going to martial arts, or painting my ceramics. You have to find something for yourself that makes you happy or you will go insane!
If you live on the base I woudl check with the MWR programs, or you can volunteer with your FRG or maybe even a local organization (I also volunteer at the zoo which is fun).
It is okay to cry and to feel sad/ depressed. It is not okay to let those feelings control you. Also - don't forget there is Military One Source - they are aviable 24/ 7. Phone number is 800.342.9647.

Important thing is to remember you are not alone! We are all in this together!

[susie]

Hello, I recently found this site & am so relieved to find out that I am not alone in my fears for the car outside my house, missed phone calls & obsessed with the computer. We have been married 15 rocky years but this deployment to Iraq(his 2nd) has been the hardest so far. I am currently living closer to family but I miss the ties of military spouses. And, sign me up for the chat room! So, ladies, keep your heads up & keep praying! We will get thru this!!!

[emily]

i cant sleep even when my husband is around. I moved up to illinois to be with him during A and C school against everyone's wishes and even though he's in bed with me every night i cry all the time just imagining if he changes his mind about refusing deployment.

[dorable]

it's nice to know that I'm not going crazy you know? :)

[christy]

Hello ladies, I am bi polar and an Army wife. I'm looking for an online "private" group (specializing in bipolar/depression/panic/anxiety) to chat with.
I have yahoo email and IM.
soulizfree

[Amanda]

I can relate to this, my fiance left 3 days before our wedding date on his first tour in Iraq and I find myself not being able to sleep and only thinking about what he is doing!! I keep my phone attached to me all the time and get online like 50 times a day just to see if I have gotten anything from him, it is a hard job, but I wouldn't change our love for anything!