No Sleep... Or Why My Daughter Has a Foxhole Behind the Couch

I haven’t slept in about four months, now. 

The irony of this never ceases to astound me, as each and every time my husband deploys there never fails to be a well meaning person who tries to find the silver lining of the deployment cloud by telling me, “Well, at least you can get some peace and quiet and rest while he’s gone.”

Well.  Rest.  Right.

Aside from the four children I get to raise all by myself while hubby is off saving the world, the lack of another adult in the house makes me jumpy.  Even when my kids are asleep, the house is clean, the dishes are done, the dog has been let out and in, the doors are all locked, and the stove is off (and all of this has been accomplished maybe ONCE), I still find it hard to fall into a deep and replenishing sleep.

I wake up at every little noise; for instance, the heater clicking on and off.  If the heater is on when I fall asleep, I wake up as soon as it clicks off.  It’s too quiet, and no mother is comfortable when there’s too much quiet.  I have to get up and check the house.  And since I’m up, I have to check all the locks.  Then I need to get a drink.  I figure I should probably make sure all the kids are still breathing, too. 

It’s like the military wife version of “If You Give a Moose a Muffin…” 

If a deployed spouse wakes up, they’re going to want to check the doors.  And if they check the doors, they’re going to want to check the stove, too.  The stove will remind them that they are craving Oreo cookies.  And if they have an Oreo cookie, they’re going to want to have a glass of milk to go with it…

After about a month, you start to recognize all the regulars on the infomercials.

If the planets align and I actually do fall asleep at a decent hour, I seem to sleep with one eye open.  My 14 year old daughter witnessed this in action about a week and a half ago when she opened the door to my room unexpectedly while I was dozing next to my son at about 10:00 at night.

Just the soft sound of a door opening caused the adrenalin to suddenly flood my system.  I was immediately awake and apparently catapulted out of bed in a perfectly executed combat dive.  Twisting in the air, I landed on the balls of my feet, knees slightly bent (one leg behind the other), with my arms ready at a forty five degree angle – a perfect Krav Maga fighting stance.

And I’ve never taken Krav Maga instruction.

It took about half an hour for me to convince my daughter to come out from her foxhole behind the couch.

I’ve spoken to other military spouses, and apparently insomnia is quite normal during deployments, even when there are no children involved.  I’m actually a bit surprised that we haven’t been targeted as a group by Rozerem and Lunesta as an unsaturated market.

But we do what we have to do; and it gets done, right?  Just a few more months and I’ll spend 30 days in jammies taking naps and sleeping 12 hour stretches.

As soon as hubby gets home.  

Comments

[LAW]

sleep.... yeah, I think I remember what that is.

[Sis B]

yeah, i was JUST sitting here wondering why i couldn't get my tired, pregnant self in bed. i just keep sitting here clicking links to blogs i've already read 3 times today. bed almost seems pointless, because i will be awake again in an hour or two, exhausted but unable to sleep.

glad i'm not the only one...

[beanermw]

You have described my evenings to a T. I was wondering if I was the only one.

[Calico]

Know what you mean - I find myself almost falling asleep at work sometimes during the day after a particularly restless night. I try working out in the evenings so my body is tired, but my mind won't turn off. I worried about intruders even though we have a watch dog, and we won't have a gun in the house - so I put a machete under the bed. If they get through the dog, then I will chop off their appendages while calling 911. Sure I will. But knowing the machete is there seems to help. So does prayer, for me. He can take care of things, even if I can't.
When the hugs have calmed down enough for us to really look at eachother at Homecoming, we'll both be seeing dark circles under the eyes of our loved one. At least I'll be ready for as many naps as my Hubby will when he finally comes home again.

[dizzylizzie]

i had a slight case of insomnia when he first left. but after a week of round the clock care for our newborn and 7yo. sleep now comes whether i want it or not. by 9pm i'm fighting back the burning eyelids. i'm zonked by 930, up at midnight for the babys feeding, up again at 430 to feed, then my day starts at 6am to get the 7yo off to school. plus twice a week, there's tae kwon do class for him and time at the aquatic center. plus of course all the other household goodies to take care of. sleep is something i never get enough of, but its not for lack of trying! LOL

[Aly]

When my hubby deployed, I came back home to my family due to lack of housing on base. My least favorite part about the insomnia is...seeing as hubby and I are the only ones in my family doing the whole 'military thing' and no one understands what's going on with me...my whole family keeps telling me "just dont let yourself sleep late in the morning once you do fall asleep." "you're just not doing enough during the day to tire yourself" yada yada yada. Man that boils me up! Sure, I may be home with mom...I have no kids just yet...but regardless of what I do during the day, hubby is STILL not there when I want to go to sleep. His arms are not there to cuddle with, no body to get heat from....THAT, my dear sweet family is the cause for the insomnia!!! Get it through your heads already!!!!!

[Denise]

It would be a good idea for us to all volunteer in a sleep study :) We all suffer from D.I.S. (Deployment Insomnia Disorder) I take my hat off to you at least you make it into the bedroom. I relocate into the livingroom this way I can hear everything and watch all the wonderful infomercials until some where around 4 am I fall asleep to just start all over again at 6:30 am. The joys of TDYS....not :)

[Bette]

This sounds so familiar!

Although I had a small stash of Ambien, I refused to take any of it because I didn't want to sleep through any phone calls from Iraq.

The 12-gauge shotgun under the bed did help lessen my usual freakout about strange noises, though -- that and turning the icemaker off.

[Alisha]

Funny, my hubby doesn't deploy for another 2 months, and the insomnia has already started. I wake at 3 to pee, and lay there blinking at black nothingness for 45 minutes before a fall back to sleep. Only to be woke by an alarm going off for PT. I find myself just laying there THINKING about how much I'm going to miss that warm body, and that foot that's tangled with mine. This is my first deployment and we've only been married 6 months. People asked me if I was ready to be an Army Wife (they were civilians who had no idea what they were even asking) And I have to say, I never gave this life enough credit.

[Robyn]

Hahaha. I can sympathize with the hopping out of bed and waking up at every noise. Except in the rare case when I pass out from lack of sleep (in which case I sleep like the dead), I'm up every time a car door closes outside. It's quite odd.

I think a good portion of it is the lack of someone else there with you whom you feel safe with. In the absence of that, you feel almost compelled to be on the alert. I'd imagine it's only worse with children because you feel the need to protect them as well as yourself.

I'm a milgirlfriend right now, but I already understand exactly the feeling you're talking about. Doesn't bode well for my sleeping habits in the future.

Hope you get some rest soon.

[HomefrontSix]

A friend of mine spent the last deployment sleeping on her couch or in her recliner because she just couldn't tolerate the idea of sleeping in THEIR bed without him.

I happen to enjoy having the bed to myself (though I don't like going to bed by myself) but it's been almost 4 months and I have yet to have a decent night's sleep. I, too, wake up with every noise. The Beretta doesn't do much to help me sleep better. And I'm a night owl while my kids are not. Bad combination.

Give me about 2 more months and I'll get a bit of a reprieve with R&R...ugh.

[dizzylizzie]

i used to sleep better on the couch, but since baby #2 my back just cant take it. and besides, his pillows still smell like him. (i know its gross but i just cant bring myself to yank off the pillow cases and wash them...) every sunday i wash the linens and my pillow cases. then i look at his and think "nope just cant do it. i'm not ready yet. maybe next week"...ladies its been almost 9 weeks. ***rounding chorus of EEEWWWWWWWW fills the room***

[Jess]

Wow...thought I was the only one. My husband returned from Iraq in Feb.... I have children here with my ex husband and could not got to his next post with him. Hawaii for 36 months (lucky sob)..I have not slept literally since Sept. I even gave up my perfect position at work because I cannot function....even though we are lucky and he is technically home and we do talk everyday...it's not enough.
Last night my boys took some one the stuff he brought home with him from his last tour and made "camp" in our bedroom. It was cute and at the same time so ver heart wretching..
What do you do other then drug yourself silly to sleep at night?

[Shaneniganz]

huh? whazzat? clunk, loud voices outside, WOOF WOOF, our dane starts to bark, Elmo the inside dog starts to bark Bolt to the front door, truck outside, still there. Just the neighbors with their entourage coming home...again.
check the doors, peek out the back door, check on my rotti and great dane in the back yard, Caesar the dane stands at attention still softly woofing at the neighbors racket. Check on the children, all 3 girls snoring away, son piled under the huge blanket so that not even a finger tip pokes out. *Sigh* head back to my room, to my now cold bed, check to make sure my son's aluminum bat is still at hand (he will be so happy when dad comes home, he can have his bat back!) Tell Elmo dog to hush and "watch" (he's protection trained) crawl back into bed, AGAIN to lay there until the next time. Be glad when this is over.

[Molly Pitcher]

I do this anytime DH is gone--field problems, too.

During the deployment, though, I generally was able to rest, though I am not sure you want to copy this secret: get pregnant.

[Andi]

I am a nite-owl when my husband is away. However, when I finally go to sleep, I sleep like a rock. One of the biggest adjustments when he returned was having to go to bed at a decent hour. I'm still not used to it.....

[Patti]

Oh I can totally relate - I took up residence on the couch too, with 4 doors to check on 3 floors, I thought the 'central' part of the house would be the safest - and I too, have the gun and the baseball bat! So glad to hear that I'm not the only crazy one! And family members just do not get it - I'm so glad that I have this blog to relate to! Last night I did get a decent nights sleep.... 1/2 a bottle of red wine did the trick!!

[Christina]

I have all these problems and then some....we have an interracial blended family with 6 kids and I have become a single mom again! He is a "neat freak" and I lay in bed just thinking of the things I need to clean or pick up ...in a panic because if he walked in the door he would have a heart attack!! (my house is very tidy, but not by his standards!) I have the house, the kids, a dog, a full time job, the lawn, and all the finances to take care of....all in between the hours I spend worrying about my husband!! We have been married a little over 2 years and I know I "signed up" for this life...but I miss EVERYTHING about him! SLEEP...WHAT IS SLEEP!!! I have gone 2 months with hardly any!! I am just afraid when he gets back I will look 50 instead of 36!!! My heart is with all you ladies!!

[Alicia]

Right before my husband left the states on deployment I was able to fly out and spend a weekend with him. All my friends and coworkers teased me all week about getting some but all I could think about was those two nights of great sleep I was going to get. I was almost too exhausted to think about anything but sleeping, well almost. When he finally did deploy I found myself breaking my golden rule of no kids in my bed. Afterall, this is my bed and if your name isn't hubby you don't crawl in to my sacred sleeping zone. Many friends and family said to not start that habit. I had the little inner voice screaming the same thing. That lasted about a month until I couldn't take not only being awakened by every creak, click or general night noise but being awakened from my children either kicking, punching, slapping and oh yeah my favorite, the generous kick the covers off that my children could muster. We follow the golden my bed rule again. Now I just look forward to those nights of pure exhaustion when your body shuts down and you get some sleep. Mostly I look forward to getting use to sleeping with him again.

[Carolyn]

Its good to know that others dont sleep. my husbund and i are new to the airforce. we just arrived at our first duty station 2 months ago. i'm terrified of his first deployment, of course for his saftey, but also i have never lived alone. i lived with my parents, and then my husbund. and while he was gone at basic training and tech school, my son and i moved back in with my parents, becuase they didnt want me to be alone with my 1 year old while he was gone. but now we love in tx and all my family is in fl. he isnt set to leave untill july, but i just cant imagine how to deal with it, or help my son, who will be almost 2 1/2 understand where his dad is. when my husbund left for basic my son was too young to get upset that daddy was gone. now since we've all been back its all about daddy with him.

[catwin]

let's see...i believe I took on his habits...sleep at night I finally drop around 2.a.m. then wake up at 6. get the kid to school and if not working, then sleep on the couch for another 2-4hours, just in case I get a surprise BUZZ from you know who. then off to face the world.

[ArmyNGWife]

When my husband was deployed, I would stay up until 2 am for a while and then slowly eased into going to bed at a more reasonable hour because I was so darn tired I couldn't keep my eyes opened! What helped me the most the second time around was getting an alarm system. Knowing that alarm would go off if any of the doors and windows were opened was one way I found some piece of mind.