YDU: Where To Find Help After Miscarriage

YDU

Miscarriage is not unusual among military spouses. According to the the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, up to 25% of clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage.

That doesn’t make it easy.  When you combine a miscarriage with a PCS or a deployment, that makes the experience that much harder.  Kalani, a young Navy spouse, wrote in to ask our SpouseBuzz readers for a little advice:

When my husband and I found out we were having a baby, we were more than happy and very excited about our soon-to-be new addition. The military hospital we were receiving care from gave us options of many different classes we could take on becoming new parents.  They recommended books and pamphlets to read.

Four months into the pregnancy we suffered a miscarriage. Now I’m left searching for help and grief counseling. I haven’t been able to locate or find support groups in my area. Is there any military based counseling or support groups for things such as this? Online or on bases?

It’s really frustrating to feel like doctors are silently telling you to “move on,” saying that this something they commonly see. We just went through a deployment and a PCS and now the loss of our baby. Help is greatly needed!

My first instinct is to recommend that Kalani call Military OneSource  1.800.342.9647 to get a little counseling. This is exactly the kind of situation Military OneSource was designed to help.  They offer face-to-face counseling in your local area, counseling by phone, online counseling and even health and wellness counseling.  Having the ear of someone who is one your side that you don’t have to impress can be really helpful after a move.

If you have experience a miscarriage, what would you advise this young couple?  Is there a program or book that worked for you?  Are there right words or right things that this couple could say and do for each other?

About the Author

Jacey Eckhart
Jacey Eckhart is the former Director of Spouse and Family Programs for Military.com. Since 1996, Eckhart’s take on military families has been featured in her syndicated column, her book The Homefront Club, and her award winning CDs These Boots and I Married a Spartan?? Most recently she has been featured as a military family subject matter expert on NBC Dateline, CBS morning news, CNN, NPR and the New York Times. Eckhart is an Air Force brat, a Navy wife and an Army mom. Find her at JaceyEckhart.net.

3 Comments on "YDU: Where To Find Help After Miscarriage"

  1. I have had 5 miscarriages and I agree that there isnt much support from the military. That being said, I did see a wonderful counselor through fleet and family and she suggested I join a miscarriage/baby loss group through our local hospital. I wish the military hospital offered something like this though. Honestly, the best support I have received has been through facebook support groups. There are many out there for people who have suffered a miscarriage. Good luck!

  2. It took time. My husband went to BCT right after I miscarried. It was very difficult and I didn't always handle it well.
    Just know that it wasn't your fault, and it will be better next time around.

  3. The darkest days of my life were post miscarriage. I blamed myself for a really long time. We already had 2 kids and the youngest was only 9 months and had 2 ICU stays and major surgery. I was shocked to be pregnant again with an IUD in place! I questioned God on why he ordained this…. I just didn't know if I could handle a 3rd child so soon. Then I miscarried a month after learning. I was 12 – 13 weeks. This coupled with incompetent care in the ER …. My husband finally convinced them to call my OB/GYN. He had to give me pain meds and keep me awake for my DNC because I had lost so much blood. I have suffered from anemia ever since. It wasn't until our marriage almost fell apart that I ever confronted this issue and delt with it so I could move on. Our marriage counselor helped me talk it through. I still look back on that time and shudder.
    Please get counseling. If not, it will affect other areas of your life. It will never go away, but you can atleast move forward again. Military One source is a great option.

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