Confessions of a Milspouse, #745

I am notoriously stingy.  I'm the lady who's been known to use a 50% off coupon on a $1.99 item...or drive home without the $1.99 item if I've forgotten the coupon at home.  My husband is stingy too, so we make a good couple.  But there's one thing that I hate spending money on that almost makes me feel like a bad wife at times.

I don't mail my husband care packages while he's deployed.  I don't think postage is a good use of our family's money.

My husband has never complained and always says that he can get anything he needs downrange, and if he can't get it there, he doesn't need it.  But still, when I hear other military spouses talking about sending care packages, I do sometimes feel guilty.

Still, not guilty enough to spend money to mail him snacks and movies.  He gets plenty of both.

I send letters.  Postage for one package is the cost of sending him at least 20 letters.  I'd rather invest in loving words...

Am I the only one who doesn't send care packages?  (Probably.)

Comments

[Redlegmeg]

Sarah, I sent them, BUT my husband rarely kept any of the stuff I sent for himself. The coffee he kept, the snacks he handed out to whomever wanted them. He often told me that if he needed anything he would tell me, otherwise don't bother. The guilt set in, though, and I sent them anyway... Maybe next time I'll listen.

[Mrs1ltsml]

I have sent packages mostly because I thought it would be fun.

I like to send those little brochure thingies about area attractions that you can get at rest stops or tourist info places. It helps for me to imagine doing these things when he gets home. And I think he likes to check them out and plan on visiting some of the places, too. Those can fit in small envelopes/packages, too, because I agree with you - shipping is incredibly expensive! Even with flat rate and whatever else USPS has going on.

But other than those, when I ask my husband what he needs or what he'd like he just says that he can get mostly what he needs/wants where he is. Occasionally he'll ask for something specific and I make sure that I send that, but for the most part I send small packages with things that I collect over time to send.

He's got a few months left and I'll probably send a package for the holidays and that's about it. *shrug* He always says he doesn't really need/crave/want anything in particular so I guess he doesn't mind.

[angela]

I only sent the stuff he asked for. He couldn't get Oreos there so I sent those. One of my kids bought a fake mouse and wanted to send it. Not sure why but that would make the kids happy so I sent it. I didn't send much because that would have gotten expensive.

[Sarah]

Thank you, ladies, for making me feel less guilty. My husband insists he doesn't care, and I guess I take him at his word! I am putting together a little Christmas package, but that's about it...

Glad I'm not the only one! I feel more normal now :)

[Basinah]

I send things, even though he says the same, if he needs it he can get it there. I told him that it makes ME feel better, so suck it up and say thank you. He laughed.
But finally, usually I am a wee bit jealous of the support the US military and civilians give to their troops and families, but seriously, you have to pay when your partner is deployed? Our letter mail is always free to deployed troops, and parcels are free through the postal service mid-Oct to Mid-Jan, and free the rest of the year if you drop them off on base.
Which means he gets a lot more stuff between October and January! :-)

[AussieCoyote]

Expensive? Try sending care packages from Australia. Although post to Australian forces is free, if I want to sent a package to DM (US Army), I am looking at around $30 for just over a pound. Painful but worth it. When I was in Iraq, even though we could get everything we needed (except Aussie delicacies like Vegemite), receiving packages was the best feeling. It wasn't the physical content of the packages that mattered - we all knew it was really a box full of love and support.

[Lisa]

Nope, you are not the only one. When he is overseas he gets a Christmas package that the kids pack. He says it is a waste of money and the Haji(spelling?) shops have an amazing array of stuff.

[apryl]

Yeah I tried last deployment to send cutsie crap so he would feel a bit more happier...(that's a crap sentence) as I was hearing some depression in his voice. He was also deployed for X-mas and quite honestly as he was raised by not the nicest person in the world who'd toss him into foster care so she could buy shoes (yup!) he has no feelings about the holidays. So I sent the packages so I feel better and in hopes that he gets a bit of love out of the box.

I honestly think he'd tell me to not send anything if he could muster up the courage. LOL

He also hates writing so I could send tons of handwritten crap and I might get 1 freaking post card back.

This time I'm going to try and ENCOURAGE him to write a bit more..at least for our kid's sake. The 5 year old could read his post cards, etc.

[dutchgirl]

I think I must have married a clone of your dh, Sarah! I think his last deployment I sent exactly ONE care package. And even that one was sad, it's main content was natural peanut butter!

I sent lots of dvds of our daughter, but he always said the same thing, there was nothing he needed and it was a waste of money!

[Kate]

I'm with you - I hate to pay those expensive prices to send packages. And honestly, I think he's eating better than we are, so food is out.

I do try to send handwritten cards and letters but even that is getting hard, with email and Skype and FB chat.

You are not alone, Sarah.

[Laura B]

I sent my hubby a very limited amount on packages over his 15 months. Mostly the only time he got a package was for a birthday, anniversary, etc. Typically I sent him silly things, rubber chickens, slinkys, woopie cushions. Anything that might get him and others to laugh for a moment. I sent him things that were not necessities. The necessities they can get easily, it's the thoughtful and/or silly stuff that is unlikely to be found overseas.

[Ann M.]

I have never sent my husband a care package. Sometimes I haven't physically been able to, because there was no address for him, but he's basically the same way--he buys what he needs where he's at, and that's that. I send him off with cards, and we write letters to each other in notebooks that we turn over to the other person when he gets home.

[Love My Soldier]

Ok, Wow! I cannot say I share the same feelings as many of you :) However, that's because my DF does ask for gifts and he really does appreciate them. I keep seeing everyone say that it costs too much. I thought the same thing, but it doesn't. My packages are filled w/ goodies, letters, and other items and my average cost is only $8. Also, if you use the priority flat rate, as long as the package is under like 60 or 70 lbs, you still only pay the $11 to ship.

I hold nothing against you ladies :) but I am definitely shocked to see so many wives/gf who choose not to send a care package. But again, you've made it clear your husbands/bf said they didn't need anything. Maybe it's because it's there 2nd tour, as this is my DF 1st. I know he gets giddy after every one and appreciates every letter I write him (which I do 5x a week).

As that saying goes, different strokes for different folks. Glad to know the efforts were there though!

Be blessed!

[Leofwende]

I've sent a couple, but pretty much only things he asked for and can't get there, or that he ordered online for me to send. Very few of the items I've sent (in a total of 3 packages, I think?) have been just for fun.

[Anonymous in MN]

I'm not a milspouse, but I'll relate my experience for what it's worth. As a volunteer with one of the many troop support organizations out there I've sent hundreds of packages to deployed troops over the past 5+ years. Typical of the responses I receive is this e-mail I got today: "I received your package today, first of all I would like to thank you very much for taking your time and money to support us here. When we receive the goodies that you all send it's like Christmas over here. It’s one thing to go through the misc packages that others send but when we receive them with our names on it really puts a smile on our faces. To know others are thinking [of] us at home is a good feeling. The tempo here [is] very high which is good because the time goes by fast. To go back to the shop after a long day and see a package with your name on it, it’s like a boost of energy and a second wind has come."

[Yanis]

My hubby is out in training n has been out for a while. Even though he didn't ask for a pkg, I still wanted to send him one. Even though he gets all he needs, I think it will be nice when he opens it and finds all the homemade cookies for him n his friends. Just a little thing like that, that can make a huge difference.

[Bri]

Just for anyone who doesn't know if you send it from the base post office you can send one free box each month its a certain size that they offer but it is a good size box.