Logistics of being a working military wife with children....who knew?

Around October I decided it was time for me to head back into the work force, and despite my online persona Army Wife Toddler Mom, I am no longer the Mother of toddlers.  My son is now 7, and my daughter is 5. 

My 7 year old is now in the first grade, and my daughter the social butterfly,  seemed to be growing bored, and really wanted to go to school as well. 

So after a family meeting, it was decided  I would try and find a job.  This proved to be no easy feat.  I had not been in the workforce for a while, and being a military wife, well lets just say my resume looked a little choppy in spots.  With the help of friends, I managed to create a decent looking resume, and then came the hard part. 

Looking for a job that would allow me to be primary care giver of my children.  Sounds pretty easy, but sadly, it  was not.  Many of you can relate to having a spouse that serves, means last minute schedule changes, TDY, training, schools, and conferences.  Which means, we as spouses, must have a clean and clear schedule to handle these last minute changes.  It is what it is. 

It took about 2 months, and what felt like 100's of resumes, and applications to find the perfect "hours" fit. 

At Christmas, I found a job that would allow me to drive both children to school in the morning, and pick them both up at the end of the day.  This was huge.  As after school care is expensive, as well as transportation costs.  Throw in the fact that preschool here runs about $155 per week, well I had to make enough money to make it worthwhile.  As a National Guard spouse, there is no on base/post care.  I am not sure if I know what life is like on a base/post any longer, as it has been almost 15 years since we lived on one. 

However, I forgot that with school, comes other children.  Which means germs.  Lots of germs.  Schools, seem to be petrie dishes breeding ultra gross viruses of all sorts.  Particularly when your children have been at home, and not exposed to petrie dishes of filth regularly. 

Today I am writing this from home.  Yes I am home again.  Seems as though the 7 year old, was exposed to a gastrointestinal bug, while on Spring Break.  The Spring Break, which we had took the time to organize over a month ago, due to there being no school.  I had arranged fro him to spend his break at the local children's museum partaking in a program called "science camp".  Little did I think this $155 a week camp was actually a petrie dish germ camp, in which he would sadly catch yet another virus. 

In the last 2 months, my daughter has had 2 gastrintestinal viruses, and now this.  Luck would have it, one of those illnesses occured on the weekend, which meant no lost $.  I have missed a total of four days of work, in this time, which I am pretty sure does not bid well with my employer.  Also, FYI for those of you who do not know, if your child is not in attendance at camps, or preschool because of illness you still have to pay.  Ouch. 

I am also on a first name basis with all of the receptionists, nurses, and Drs. at our new family practice, as well as our pharmacy.  Which is not really exciting.  I now have 3 buckets in the house, which are illness buckets, I also think I may be growing a can of lysol out of my left arm, the house smalls like a public pool, and boxes of tissue reign. 

I have learned that gatorade will stain carpet, and children get sick at strange hours.  I have also learned that perhaps a hose attachment in the house, as well as concrete floors might be handy.  I also learned that my children handle illness very differently.  My son, who is typically energetic, is the opposite  when ill.  He wants to be left alone, does not talk, and is docile.  My daughter on the other hand is clingy, and fussy when ill, I might as well wear her as a blanket when she is ill.  These are things I could have went without learning, but I suppose in the end I am better for it. 

The honeymoon period of my new job has ended, the newness of being back in the workforce has too.  And now it seems as though I am juggling more schedules, than I would have imagined. 

I am truly wondering today how many of our SpouseBuzz readers, and authors work, who stays at home, and what led to these choices.  Am I the only one feeling the pinch of logistics?

Comments

[Erin]

I am a working Army wife of 3 children, I've always worked, in fact in the last 14 years I can definitely say I've only had a few stints where I was jobless mostly in between a PCS or two and possibly giving birth. I will say I'm over it now, like you juggling the schedules of all 3 kids, the husbands and my own is taking a toll and I'm not sure it's worth it! Good luck to you I hope it all calms down for you a bit!

[HomefrontSix]

This is the first year since my daughter was born (2001) that I've been back to work. I sub at the local middle and high schools. Right now, I'm only available 2 days per week because my son only goes to school on those days. Thankfully, the schedule of the schools where I sub meshes perfectly with my son's preschool schedule which meshes perfectly with my daughter's elementary school schedule.

I've run into a wall since the first of the year though. My life has managed to get in the way of my subbing. Between my son's run-ins with strep and subsequent tonsillectomy and recovery, and now it's spring break/FRG stuff/family stuff/milblogging conference/etc.

I'm hoping to sub a few times between now and the end of the school year and then pick up on a more regular basis once both kids are in elementary school next year. We'll see.

It *is* a struggle to juggle (hey, that rhymes!) being a mom and working and my life. And I've not yet found a balance.

[Ann - AF spouse]

When my kids were younger, I worked as a temp, a sub, and a tupperware lady all at the same time. It allowed me to make my own schedule. I still got a call from daycare while subbing that my daughter had chicken pox.

Once they were older, 5 and 9, I tried a part time job. The problem is that it was 12 - 5 each day. Trying to juggle scouts, dance, and sports and deployments was insane.

I finally quit, went back to college and got my teaching certification. I wanted to keep the same hours and vacations as my kids.

My only problem now is getting a job and keeping it, as we move every three years!

Speaking of resumes - don't forget your volunteer time! Team mom, cookie mom, den leader, church volunteer, spouses club, summer camps! If it weren't for these, my resume would be blank!

[Jessie]

I'm finishing up my Master's degree and getting ready to start in on my PhD, and I work as an editor for a magazine (part time) but that job will be ending in May and I'll be working for the university, which will be nice. GI Joe and I don't have kids yet, so I'm not juggling as much as some of y'all, my hat off to ya!

[Joan D'Arc]

I hear ya! I am not "good" at the stay-at-home-mom thing. I work 4 days a week and I am home after school 3 out of 5 days, thanks to a flexible schedule. I am also home every morning when the kids get on the bus. So right now, I love my hours.

Now I am doing preliminary job-hunting since we will be moving this summer and I am not sure I will be so blessed with flexible hours. I really NEED to get a job so I can continue working on my licensing credentials. I worked my butt off to get this far and I just can't stomach not digging in my heals.

I have always either worked, been in grad school, or volunteered after I had kids. I managed 5 months of "at home mom" time after each of my kids, but that was about my limit.

I know not everyone agrees with mothers who work outside the home, but I know that it is best for me and my family (i.e. my sanity).

I feel ya, AWTM!!!

[Maggie Brown]

There is never enough time in the day when you have to work and juggle basically all of the family duties. And no matter how good the kids are at keeping clean, i.e. handwashing, one of them is always bringing something home from school. I have a suggestion. I used to get sick all the time until my daughter learned this great program at daycare: Germy Wormy Germ Awareness for Germ Transportation Vehicles, ages 2 - 7. It really works to teach children in a mom-invented, imaginative and drug-free way to both avoid AND keep from spreading germs. Tell your child's teachers or daycare providers about it(or use it at home)!

http://www.germywormy.com

Give kids a PLACE to give their germs, instead of you!

[Jen]

I am actually leaving the professional workforce to stay at home with my kids! My husband and I are dual-military; he is currently deployed. We have a 4-year old daughter and a 2-year old son, both of whom stay at home with a nanny during the week. We're scheduled to PCS -- if I could bring this nanny with us, I would, and I would continue working! Strange as it may sound, my employer -- the big bad U.S. Army -- has been more supportive of my work absences for my kids than many of my friends civilian employers. Maybe government jobs are the way to go, after all! (Understanding that this all will change once they are school-aged and new challenges arise!)
Cheers!

[up4hiking76]

Well my husband was deploying to Iraq nov 07 so my kids and i decided to move home where our family was while he trained and deployed and had his return debriefment ... well here it is 2 yrs later and we are still living apart waiting next orders to Cali... but anyway...after a year of being a stay at home of 2 children one school age one toddler... i decided to return to the workforce, for my own sanity. I needed to be a part of something bigger. I am a massage therapist and medical assistant. I found a great MA job and love it, absolutely love it..BUT days are long... and with hubby still at the old duty station it can be tough to manage it all. When the little ones are sick it puts strain on my workload and it rolls downhill into of big ball of stress. Fortunately I have a very understanding, former Marine's wife, and she a former Navy officer a, as a supervisor, which initially she said she wouldn't hire me becasue she knew she'd only have me a short time...but overall it has worked out great. I love my babies but I have a need to give back to others inthe world as well... On a different subject...just a reminder: WOMEN do your breast exams TODAY, don't wait... (I work for surgeons and meet many miltiary wives with breast CA... your family needs u take care of yourself today)

[Hillary]

I am a working military wife/mom of 6 15,14,12,10,8 and 7 Let me tellyou this isnt easy, BUT i have been blessed with a boss who is very family oriented and is more supportive than ever to the fact i am at this tkme a "single mom " due to Hubbys deployment AF ( and also ex husband's deployment hes army ) I decided to go back to work because I enjoy being out of the home and having the away time, and helping people as I am a medical Assistant. My kids , know nothing else, daddy works mommy works and i have to admit i spent a year at home when we PCS'd I went nuts.......... But ya know the hardest thing to do is find a sitter for kids when they are sick ,... but if anyones like me mine dont get sick until a deployment.. TDY.... or AT ....
yes its a ramble but its nice to see people have the same issues LOL ........ and to go along with up4hiking PLEASE get your breast exams done too your families need you .

[Petra]

I've been volunteering 2-3 days a week for about 2 years now, and it's been keeping me sane. Now we're getting ready to move and I have to start looking for a job. I really hope I get a part-time job that will make it worth-while!

[Holly]

It's so funny to read these. Everytime I whine a little about having to handle it "all" my husband says "how are all the other wives doing it?". Which immediatly throws me into fits! Now I see I'm not the only one that has a hard time. I have always worked and/or gone to school and honestly it keeps me totally sane. But the guilt of having to call in sick for every stomach ache or ear infection can make a girl crazy.

I am in the very fortunate position now (after 10 years of looking) to have found a job where I manage a team of people that work from home. Although I go into the office every day, I help people like me to fulfill their family needs and their monitary needs. When my kids are sick I also have the opportnity to work from home. I hope you all find yourselves in a similar position. It may take a while but eventually you'll find something that allows you to have a decent work/life balance.

May the force be with you :)

[Meredith]

I totally feel your pain! I'm a Marine wife and I've always been a stay-at-home mom but found myself needing something more. I did medical transcription from home for a couple years. It was great while hubby was deployed but got to be too much when he was home. I was really struggling with finding time to finish my work while still hanging out with him and the kids. Then I found Mary Kay and fell in love. I can work my business when I want to or don't want to and there's a high per-hour earning so I have to spend less time to make more money. It gives me that adult girl time that I'd been so craving, as well as a feeling of accomplishment and recognition for a job well done. I love having the best of both worlds. You can check out www.marykay.com/meredithfensler for more info.

[Nancy]

I am an Air Force wife and mom of 4. Our children are 12, 8, 8, and 5. My two children (ages 12 and 8) married my husband and his 2 children (ages 8 and 5) four years ago...just after I finished my teaching certificate. I love my job because my children come to work with me, go to their class when the bell rings, come to my class at the end of the day, and go home with me when I go home. My stepdaughter started kindergarten this year and I loved it because I don't have to drop her off at the Christian preschool around the corner anymore...she's down the hall from me every day. My oldest son is getting ready to start middle school next year, so he'll catch a bus around the time I leave for work and he'll get home about 45 minutes before I get there with the rest of the kids. I originally went into this field because I was a single mom and wanted to be with my kids more...and when I got into teaching, I fell in love with the job. I enjoy going to work every day and I love all the breaks off with the kids. I bring a lot of work home with me, but it's worth it to be able to work doing something I love, and be there for my kids as well.

Smile!

[Glen Ann]

Dear All,
My husband Maj Craig J. Lopes, USAF Ret. died 2 years ago at 55 years old. When he was 40, he presented with leukemia as a result of correcting a radiation leak on a sub during the 70's. He was Navy Intell then. (It's a long story and one you know I can't tell.) One day after a long series of medical appointments I asked him knowing what he knew now, would he go back and change his career choices. I bet all of you know he said "nope." It was his job- and he was proud of his service. And so it goes.

We were lucky (in a way) because Craig's youngest sons were 20 when Craig passed. The boys were in community college and next month Greg leaves home to attend a 4 year university and dorm living.

Over these two years I have often wondered what young Military families do when they suffer this loss. How do they survive financially? I was lucky (in a way, again) because I had a career I had developed over the years and could return to it. But what about the Spouses with young children who need to balance work and parenting?

Several months ago I got involved with MoanVie as a business opportunity. I hadn't been feeling well for a long time and my Sister called me one day to report she found something that might help me. It did. In fact because it has helped me heal in so many ways I decided to build a business with it. I love the product and the opportunity to earn a lot of money. The company has integrity- which is hugely important to me.

If anyone would like to learn more about MonaVie, please send me an email: gahagemann@snet.net. I will get information to you and will help in anyway I can.

[JT]

It's definitely not easy to work and raise children. Aside from the illnesses, you have to balance quality time with the children, school activities, and time for yourself to breathe. I have always worked and my job is not family friendly. Like you, my husband traveled, deployed, and/or have staff duties. What I do is make a school year schedule. Another words, I have to map out all the school holidays and days off 9 months ahead. I plan my vacation or time off around that. Because other people don't plan that far ahead, I usually get the requested dates off. So, now I only have to worry about the unpredictable sick days. Additionally, I use early and after school care. It pays to get to know the care staff well. Then as a back-up, I ask the staff, friends, or babysitter ahead of time to be on call when I need child care. When that time comes, these dependable individuals are asked to come forward. Of course, having backup help means having to pay them competitively. Although I may end up not making much money after paying for care on sick days, I have a better relationship with my employer that way. When my child is extremely ill, I call my employer the night before. Try to avoid calling out prior to your shift. It does not give your boss enough time to find coverage. In terms of the guilt of not being there for your child when he/she is sick...it's a fine balance. You can't call off work from all illnesses. Just because you are not physically there for 8 hours or more does not mean you are not providing care for them in other ways. I hope this helps and best of luck.

[Jessica AF Active Duty]

My husband is a stay at home Dad b/c our son is Autistic. With therapy three and four times a week and all the other appointments they juggle, it's almost impossible for him to find a job.

To keep himself sane he started blogging. Now he has a very successful food blog and is doing well financially through his affiliate programs.

He's truly a super Dad and an amazing husband. Being a working Mom is hard. Now I've got an up and coming separation of about a year long. I'm stressed/worried and so is he, but we do what we have to. As all of us do.

Great post, and wonderful comments.

[Judy Flynn]

My husband retired from the Army in 1986-Yes, a long time ago! But the issues were much the same then for me with my children. I stayed at home usually after we moved to a new post, then would need to get back to work-I am a RN so was generally able to find employment that allowed me to work nights and weekends so child care was less of an issue. One spouse must always sacrifice getting ahead on the job to do the sick kid days and all the other responsibilities that go with young children. The Army always came first, as it should have, it provided us with a great life and retirement too! After my husband retired from the Army and the children were grown (all much sooner than I expected!) I have been free to invest much more time in my own career. My point is, yes, it is hard to be mom and caretaker, but it won't be long and the children will be grown and you will have plenty of time for your career! Your experience in the jobs you have , as a mother and military wife will provide a good basis for future work--you will have much to contribute!

[Heather]

I too am a working military spouse, I think with the perfect job for a working mother. I drive a school bus for the county we live in. It's pretty close to a 40 hour work week, usually getting about 37 hours, unless I volunteer to do extra mid-day runs or field trips, which will put me into over-time.
There is no child care cost involved as they ride the bus with me in the mornings, and I drive out of the school they attend, here on post, so I drop them off in the mornings and pick them up in the afternoons. It was wonderful last year when I could drop off the kindergartener and get to spend some alone time with the younger child. Now they're all in school so I have some "me" time during the day.
It is great, I have off on the week-ends, and any school holiday including summers.
The best part is being able to have the day inbetween the bus runs to get and household chores done will the kids and hubby are out of the house!

[CR]

Ah, the ever elusive work-life balance. I think it all comes down to personal courage. Sometimes we have to take a hard look at ourselves and say this demanding work life is killing my family or I am not very happy being a stay at home mom. The important thing is to constantly evaluate where we are and know that these decisions are not set in stone.