When Air Force Guy is Away, Murphy Will Play

I have a wasp infestation in my back yard.

Oh yay – lucky me.

Who knew that there are almost no companies in my area that will come and remove a wasp nest from that high up in a tree?  I mean, we are in VIRGINIA, for God’s sake.  I’m pretty sure that other people have to deal with wasp nests high up in trees fairly frequently.

But never fear – I have the problem well under control now.

We first discovered there was a wasp nest when AFG was trying to re-landscape the little tiny poof of area behind our townhouse that we refer to as a "back yard".  The poor man was dive bombed by several Kamikaze wasps that managed to sting him through his 5.11 pants and socks!

Ike was the second victim.  The poor dog – he was out taking care of business when all of a sudden we witnessed him jump about three feet straight into the air and come down in a rolling somersault.  This was followed by what seemed to be my normally sweet and loving pit bull completely losing his mind.  He was snapping and snarling at an area near his left butt-cheek – rolling, jumping, and running around our porch like he was in the throes of ‘roid rage.

Actually, it was just a wasp sting to the butt.  And as soon as Ike managed to close his jaws around the stupid thing, he completely calmed down and waited for us to open the door and let him back in the house.

I had to stop laughing, first, though.

A quick look out the Evil Blond Child’s room showed us where the nest was located – right at the top of the tree.

It seemed like too much for me to handle on my own, so I started calling pest control companies.

"No, I’m sorry!  We don’t do wasp nests that high!"

"We might be able to do it.  We charge $50 to come out and estimate for you."

I was getting so frustrated I even started calling the large, overpriced companies that advertise on TV.  Little did I know that these companies now outsource their calls to India.

"Hello, may I help you please?"

"Yes, I’d like to get an estimate for wasp removal."


"No, wasP.  With a P.  PPPPPPP [here I kept making a "p" sound]."


AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!  I love a good Indian accent – it’s like listening to music.  But when you can’t clean up the dog poop in your yard because of rogue stinging wasps, you just aren’t in the mood to try and talk through that conversation. 

I did everything – I emailed a contractor friend of mine.  I even sent out a mass email to the other SpouseBUZZ authors lamenting Murphy and his darn law.

Then something She of the Sea said gave me an idea.  I was going to win this war with the wasps if it was the last thing I did (and luckily my children have access to a phone and know how to dial 911 if it looks really dire). 

You see, they sell wasp spray at Home Depot.  And this wasp spray can shoot for quite long distances.  I figured that if I were to barricade myself in Evil Blond Child’s room and shoot the spray out the window, I could probably soak the nest and buy myself enough relief to clean up the dog doo in the backyard and get that re-landscaping done (by myself now, though, since AFG is gone again).

This is the window in question:

And this is the spray:

Notice how far that goes?  Twenty seven feet – it was the longest spray guarantee I could find.

I waited until sunset when the wasps would be less active, planning my attack the whole time.  Those wasps were going to rue the day, I tell you what.

So, at dusk I snuck into the room, opened the window, took the screen down, and closed the door.  I had already admonished the children to KEEP THE DOOR SHUT!  And to call 911 if it sounded like things had gone sour on my end.  I put some Drowning Pool on to get me in the mood (Bodies, of course), which probably completely freaked out my neighbors.  They know me fairly well, and are used to the sounds of Neil Diamond and Elvis coming from my house.  Maybe Amy Winehouse if I’m in a saucy kind of mood.  But Bodies?  Played at maximum volume?

They had to know something was going down.

There was no wind outside, but I outfitted myself with AFG’s shemagh to keep rogue sprays (and wasps) from most of my face.  I was also decked out in jeans and long sleeves and a pair of gloves.  You know, just in case.  If I had walked into an airport dressed like this, I’m pretty sure I’d be taken in for the extra special searches.

I.  Was.  Ready.


I am happy to report that Operation Drown the Wasps was a full out success.  My aim was apparently right on this time, as I soaked the nest from the start.  A few of the wasps managed to stagger out during the bombardment, but a quick flick of my wrist soaked them, too.  I emptied two cans on the nest before closing up the window and doing a round of celebratory air guitar.

Victory was mine this day!

Take that, Murphy! 

Now, if I can just figure out how to get that nest out of the tree and disposed of…

About the Author


airforcewife started her military journey as an Army National Guard wife, but upon experiencing base housing decided to aim high and made the switch to the Air Force. That's worked pretty well for Air Force Family so far, even though airforcewife holds the spouse world record for Come to Jesus talks with various members of the command.

Air Force Family has four children, two pit bulls, and a Mother-in-Law who lost her mind eight years ago. Despite the reputation of pit bulls, airforcewife would like to assure you that her Mother-in-Law is truly the most dangerous of the group, and is banned in more places than the dogs.

airforcewife gets through Air Force Guy's frequent deployments and TDY's by frequently attending her boxing gym, after the chance discovery last deployment that hitting things really does make life better. She also volunteers as the Ambassador for Sew Much Comfort to Bethesda National Naval Medical Center and in a variety of other causes throughout the year.

airforcewife has no idea what the future holds, but decided five years ago that she wants to be Andi when she grows up.

  • Sarah

    Hilarious. I love the action shots.

  • Andi

    Hey, do you do bats?

  • http://onearmydayatatime.blogspot.com Penny

    The action shots are priceless! :)

  • Estrella

    YAY!!! Well done!!

  • http://cooksrok.blogspot.com Marine Wife

    Do you do large scary stripey spiders? One’s taken up residence outside our breakfast nook window. When I asked the Orkin guy about it, he said it wasn’t dangerous but he also admitted he’d never seen one like that. So… not exactly getting a warm and fuzzy about that.

  • http://homefrontsix.blogspot.com HomefrontSix

    Andi ~ I’d leave the bats alone if you can. They eat their weight in mosquitoes each day. I’d rather have 1,000 bats than 1 mosquito.
    Marine Wife ~ Can you take a picture? Assuming he’s not poisonous, I’d leave him there too (again, for the bug-eating capacity). Then again, I’m weird like that.
    The action shots are awesome! You are the (wo)man!

  • dagamore

    You can just tell this was done by a woman.
    IF a man had done it, they would have tried to use a lighter and burn the nest down, and the tree, and part of the house. But it would have been cool to watch. :D
    Glad you got it done, and loved the photos!

  • http://profile.typekey.com/GBear/ GBear

    Do you make house calls?????

  • gawaine

    Another approach for this – I use a product called Bug B Gon that attaches to the end of a garden hose. You spray both the nest and just about everything else – it’ll kill the wasps, along with aphids and other nasties that may be in your yard. You just have to do it after the dog’s been outside for the day, and keep him in until the moisture burns off in the morning.

  • angela

    We have a fly problem. They are everywhere. We bought these fly traps that are the size of a gallon Ziploc bag and it said once the bag was full just throw away. I had a hard time believing it would work so we put 2 up. 3 days later both bags were full. I mean about to bust full of flies. 2 gallons worth. Ploblem is that with so many flies it smells like a dead animal. They were in the back yard and even in our front yard the smell was so bad it made you sick. It doesn’t matter that the trap works I don’t want the neighbors thinking we are hiding dead bodies in our house. We then decided to set up fly strips by our doors so maybe we can just catch them before they come in. My son asked what it was for so I told him for dead flies. Next day that strip was full I was so excited. Until I saw my son with the flyswatter killing flies and putting them on the strip. Of course when I asked what he was doing he said “but mom you said it was for dead flies so I am getting you dead flies”. So we are back to having flies everywhere and I give up.

  • http://slightlysalty.wordpress.com Slightly Salty

    Well done. You should totally get an Atta Girl Award for that, and you showed tremendous bravery when confronting the demon wasps. The only thing I would have done differently is put some Rage Against the Machine on for music – you need something angry and hostile for such a situation. :)

  • http://fifenhorn.blogspot.com Linda

    We have the mud wasps building all along our “fake stone front” walls near our garage…where the kids play. I keep forgetting to get out there and spray. Guess it will take a kid getting stung…but then again, I should just leave it up to the duplex manager….

  • liberal army wife

    You are woman, hear you roar!

  • Laura, a Military Mo

    Congrats on Mission Accomplished! But where are the pictures of you in full battle rattle?

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  • christiansoldier

    You seem to be in a remote area, how about a pellet gun and shoot it out of the tree?

  • Ann – AF spouse

    Is the spider just bigger than a quarter, yellow and black stripes, and builds a pretty round web with a zig-zag pattern in the middle? If so, large but friendly guardan spider. They tend to stay put. We had them in AR,MS, and TX.
    While in GA we had a bad black widow problem. There were about 30 on my back porch. I sprayed two, when all the rest started dropping. Scared me to death! They make a low “messy” web and were all over the lawn as well.
    Also beware of Brown recluse. I have never seen one, but they are small brown, and have a fiddle shaped mark on the back. They like hiding places like wood piles. My son was bitten on a campout, and the welt was HUGE! He only needed antibiotic cream and benedryl, but some people need oral antibiotics.
    I have read, wasp stings are “basic”. Bee stings are acidic. So..baking soda on bee stings, vinegar on wasp stings.