What is Your Primary Source for Emotional Support?

I just read this article about how milspouses depend on their FRGs for support. We've discussed FRGs at length here at SpouseBUZZ. I think it's pretty clear that all FRGs are different. Some are highly effective, some are disorganized and not particularly helpful.

The article made me think about our differences, and how each of us seek emotional support. No matter which category their FRG falls into, the majority of milspouses I've talked to do not consider their FRG their primary source of emotional support. Almost everyone I've discussed FRGs with agree that the FRG is, or should be, the primary source for timely, official information, but it's not necessarily the place they turn to for emotional support, although I should note that some of the friendships that they have created have come from meeting other spouses within the FRG. Instead, I've found that these spouses turn to friends, neighbors, family, church communities, faith, on-line communities, etc. for emotional strength. Not a scientific poll, but that's the feedback that I tend to get. 

So, I'm curious. I realize that many of us rely on a combination of sources, but If you had to pick only one, what would you say is your PRIMARY source for emotional support? 

Comments

[Jewel]

Hands down my best friend, Karen. Even though she lives several states away, she's the first person I call with any kind of news, good or bad. She always knows just the right things to say and I value her opinions, advice and most importantly her friendship. She's a milspouse as well so she's "been there, done that" which adds to my value of her opinions. Spouse groups and FRGs have their place, but when I need a should to cry on or someone to listen to me vent, Karen is the rock I turn to each and every time.

[Teresa]

I would have to say my closest friend and Bible study class.My friends are mostly Army spouses, so they have been there and my class have some retired military in there so they understand and the rest are learning what military families go through. The absolute worst would be FRG's and family. FRGs are only designed for official information. Their gatherings help young spouses on first time deployments make friends and reach out, but experienced spouses seek their assistance elsewhere. Families are also not helpful a lot of the time as they are stressed/worried about the deployed person as well. I know with myself and many of my friends, we end up having to be the strength for our families instead of receiving support.

[Reasa]

It has been my church. They are always there wanting to really know what is going on and how I am doing. It has been nice to be able to sit down every once and awhile to vent and not have the "I got one worse" stories. For me this time around it was people who had never been through a deployment who really cared on a dailey basis. Before it was another wife whose husband was deployed. We leaned on each other heavily then.

[MO]

Right now, nobody, just my husband even though he is "over there". Sometimes I call my mom and cry to her, but she's three states away.

[Butterfly Wife]

I guess I go to different people with different issues. My mother is an incredible source of strength for me, but lives several states away and is hard to get on the phone. My BFF is an excellent listener and distractor from this deployment thing. My therapist, who I can tell the craziest things to and she looks at me as though I am perfectly normal. My husband. My blog readers. And when all else fails, I can always have a nice little conversation with the doggies; they always set me straight. ;-)

[Tracie (Navy wife)]

I have to say my best friend Kelly - she is another Navy wife and knows what it's like. I do call my family as well and one or two of my co-workers are always willing to listen. And of course the dogs. They hear it first even if they can't talk back. But happy puppy tails and kisses are very therapeutic.

[TripleE]

A couple of my friends are great support for distraction, but since their husband's have never been away for more than a 2 week business trip, they don't really understand. The FRG is pretty much non-existent, even for official info (I received word on the farewell ceremony 2 weeks after it occurred).
I find great support in reading other spouse's blogs such as Butterfly Wife, Jan Wesner's, LAW's, AWTM, Guard Wife's, etc... It's also been surprisingly helpful to post on my own blog.

[Ramie]

My friends (both local and online) and my family pretty much are tied. I call my mom or sister if I need someone to say "it'll be ok", and I call my friends (both military and civilian) to vent about issues, etc!

Ramie

[Butterfly Wife]

TripleE - thanks! I agree with you about the blogging support. Now if we could just get Tracie (Navy Wife) to blog ... hint, hint.

[Linda]

It would be friends...particularly my friend Suzanne, whose husband is identical to mine and so she understands not only the job our spouses do, but what I go through as well. My sister would be next.

[Tressa]

I have two friends that are Navy wives that I lean on for support when it comes to military stuff. I tend to shy away from the family groups.

I am also a homeschool mom and so the majority of my support comes from other homeschooling families that I know. Most of them are not military and even though they usually have no idea what I am talking about, they listen and offer a shoulder when I need one.

[Ann M.]

Not many people here does what my husband does. We don't have an FRG either. We have an ombudsman, who sends me emails about support group meetings, but I don't go to those either because those are mostly for families of the people on IAs.

I have a few friends here who are active duty, and I mostly talk to them. Or my mom.

[Patricia]

I've only been married for 11mos and he has been deployed for 10. I live in another state while he's deployed. I have sent several emails to our FRG leader but none were replied. Well, I did get one email but that was to ask for donation for the Christmas packages. I was blessed to have found two spouses that I have met during my two weeks stay before his deployment. Everything I have learned about the Army & this deployment were from the assistance of these two wonderful women. But my everyday emotional struggle, I turned to my childhood friend. I wish FRG could be a better assistance to new spouses. Maybe it's just this FRG that I belong to that is like this. I know I'm at lost and I'm hoping to get on track before my husband comes home.

[Erin]

My husband (if he is here) and if he isn't around then my girlfriends from home. They are such a great support and they're always there when i REALLY need someone, even though they are over a thousand miles away.

[AFWife_Niki]

My family even though they are half way across the country. That's pretty much it. Different family members serve different purposes. I don't really know any other spouses down here nor do I have any real friends, just people I associate with mainly by default. It's really gonna suck when my husband leaves because he is the only person who is physically present when I need someone to talk to. Everyone else I have to call.

[NavyChiefSqueeze]

My husband frequently deploys for quick trips--being in the Navy, that is pretty normal. One of the things that has bothered me is that because he goes alone or with a small team, there is no command effort to reach out and get people connected. I am very self-sufficient, so I don't need the support per se, but I wonder about other spouses and it would be great to be a support to other spouses.

My husband is currently deployed, just left a few weeks ago. This time is very different because of where my husband has gone. I had a private breakdown/pity party, and then picked myself up. Today, I talked to my dearest friend and she cheered me up. Normally my husband is my rock, but I won't tell him how I feel right now because he doesn't need to worry about me. So, my support this time is me...my strength and my faith.

[Penny]

My friend Jackie, we met before our Dh's deployed and it's just great to have someone else who knows what I'm feeling and going through to feel the same. She was such a huge support after Dh left and I was pg during my stay at Hood. Also now that the baby is here. I don't know what I'd do without her! :)

[Evalis]

My main source was definitively God. There is no way I was going to be able to keep my marriage and my self healthy if it wasn't because of him. Eventough I was the "FRG co-leader", I di dnot looked for support within. The group was very disfunctional and did not really offered much when it comes to support. I felt uncomfortable to try and get some supoort when all I heard all the time was negative comments about cheating and other negative things.
I met so many wonderful ladies on the FRG meetings and some are very close friends but my support was solely from God and my family (who live several miles away).

[Deltasierra]

My main source of support is my girlfriends. I have one in particular who I turn to for the most personal matters, and she does the same with me. Helps that we've known each other since kindergarten. :)

My church and family are all in this area, too, but I tend to want to hang out with the girls when I'm feeling down.

[Manny]

Personally, I think that FRGs are a waste of time and should not be sanctioned or in any way affiliated with the United States military. There are too potentially serious letigious issues that can come of their existance. The military and its personel are not in the business of babysitting these groups and in many cases that is what ends up happening. Now if a group of peolpe want to get together and form a group that is independent of the military, I am all for it. There are people out there that want to help and there are those who need help. By all means get them together. But leave the military out of the fray.

[Diana]

My primary source are my parents, my in laws and my two very best friends. Hubby of course supports me too, but I often decide to not really tell him how I feel, he doesn't have to know when he is away. (I tell him when he gets back and then find out it wasn't soooo terrible).