Itchin' to Go
July 9, 2007|
In last night's episode of Army Wives, Trevor tears his ACL. He comes out of the doctor's office on crutches and tells his wife that his injuries are serious enough that he won't be deploying with his unit in a few days. And the scene was played absolutely perfectly: Roxy gets a huge smile and thinks it's great news, and Trevor's face falls as he hobbles away.
Now this was a moment I could relate to!
When my husband deployed to Iraq in 2004, his unit got the brilliant idea to leave on Valentine's Day. How nice for all us wives, right? So this year on Valentine's Day, as I was making dinner, I commented that I sure was happy that he wasn't deploying again. And my husband got a sullen look on his face and said in the most bummed-out voice ever, "I'm not..."
Luckily I know my husband well enough to know what he meant deep down, but it never feels good to hear your husband say he wishes he were in Iraq instead of in your kitchen on Valentine's Day!
I think one of the hardest things I've had to try to explain to extended family members or civilian friends is that my husband doesn't dread deploying. He looks forward to it. He considers it his job and he likes doing his job. He wants to be useful to the military, and he thinks he's most useful when he's working the hardest. I am so proud of him for taking his job so seriously and for wanting to Be All That He Can Be. I've just found it's really hard to explain to people that he's not necessarily happiest when he's in garrison, that he really is itching to go back, and that I don't mind it that he feels that way.
I don't mind that he feels that way. That's a really hard one to explain. But I had an epiphany after my husband had been gone about a month, when I realized that I had been looking at the Army all wrong. I finally realized that deployment is the default position.
My father is a sales manager for Carrier. His employer pays him to sell big corporate air conditioning jobs. They don't pay him to sit in his office and get ready to sell these jobs, or to have his co-workers come in and pretend to be potential buyers so he can run through a would-be scenario. His job is to actually do the selling. In the same way, my husband's job is to actually be a soldier, not just to train to be one. Going to CMTC and gunnery and training exercises is a vital part of my husband's preparation, but his actual job is to be in Iraq (or Afghanistan or Timbuktu or wherever the heck else they send him). He works for our Department of Defense, and when they need him, they call him. We don't just get to hang out in Army towns and collect BAH for 20 years without actually having to do the hard job.
I was able to gather strength to face 20 years in the Army when I started looking at this as the way it's supposed to be. My husband is supposed to be in Iraq because that's what his job is, just as a firefighter is supposed to fight fires or a teacher is supposed to teach. Many times I'd heard the word "soldier" used as a verb, and all of a sudden it made sense. A soldier is supposed to soldier.
Roxy just saw for the first time that her husband really and truly is a soldier. It doesn't mean they don't love us and it doesn't mean it doesn't still sting a little sometimes, but if you're like me, you married your spouse for all the qualities that make him or her a good servicemember. I can't weed out the soldier from my husband. And I'm really glad that they showed this on Army Wives. Soldiers love their families, but they love being soldiers too.
Very true. Roxy's boss commented that being soldier is who he [Trevor] is. I know that being a Marine is a huge part of what makes my husband who he is. You can't separate the two.
Posted by: Marine Wife | 07/09/2007 at 15:50
This was definitely one I could relate to also.
More than once Mark thought he was going to Iraq, only to have the plans changed at the last minute.
Several times he let it be known that he wanted to go and was willing to go any time.
Finally, when it came time to ask for his next duty station, he requested a one-year assignment in Iraq. No, he didn't just ask -he pretty much begged.
I, too, have a very hard time explaining that to civilian friends and family. Why, they wonder, would anyone VOLUNTEER to go to Iraq. I don't have to explain it to you guys, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
http://blogs.tampabay.com/standingby/
Posted by: Jan Wesner | 07/09/2007 at 16:43
The first deployment we both agreed to volunteer and this last one we decided to just go ahead and do it. Hubby could have stayed home but in his heart I know he wanted to go. How do you explain? We stopped rying and keep that fact to ourselves.
Posted by: Reasa | 07/09/2007 at 16:49
Everytime he complains of achyness I hope it's more than getting old, isnt' that terrible....but it would completely break his heart if he didn't deploy this fall!!! So I send him heat patches and bengay, and take care of him well with massage and stretching(my profession) when he's home to visit...and send him back on his way!
Posted by: USMC SSGT Wife | 07/09/2007 at 17:00
My husband has yet to deploy, but when he talks about the potential to deploy, he says he wants to go. And I do fully understand that.
One of the things about last night's episode that struck me, though, was what Roxy's mom said to Trevor: Roxy's been left behind so many times - don't tell her that you WANT to leave her.
That rings true with me. I do understand what my husband's duty is, and his service to the country comes first; but having been "left" by some very important people in my life, I know that if he WANTED to be there, over being with ME, I'd have a hard time reconciling that.
Posted by: Linda | 07/09/2007 at 17:06
One of my husband's favorite sayings is "A smart Marine doesn't whistle while he packs." Sometimes it can be difficult for those of us left behind to remember that although this is something they want to do, maybe need to do, it is still hard for them to leave their families behind.
On another note, I totally related to the 2 kids getting into bed with Pamela! The first couple of months, that was a crowded bed!
Posted by: Marine Wife | 07/09/2007 at 17:20
They are just like any of us, If went to college and then didn't use our skills...it seems like waste ya know...9 years later MINE finally gets to feel useful to the USMC,oorah !!
Marine WIfe: We also went from a king size for the 2 of us to now in a queen size with just me and 2 kids, completely relate... it's not just for them but for me...I sleep alot better with someone's little foot in my side:)
Posted by: USMC SSGT Wife | 07/09/2007 at 17:30
We absolutely go through this with my hubby. All the time. ALL the time.
He just got back in December, and was volunteering last month to go again.
I know how much he loves me - he writes me nearly every day while he's deployed. He gets me drinks, he rubs my feet when he's home. And I have yet to take out a trash bag when he is available to do so.
But being military is not just a job, it is who he is. Sarah, you really hit that nail on the head.
Posted by: airforcewife | 07/09/2007 at 17:55
Was my husband "itchin to go"? You bet he was and I was thrilled for him when he learned he was deploying. He has wanted to go for so long so when he finally got this opportunity to do the job he's trained 26 years for, how could I not be happy and supportive of him? Would I like him home with me? Of course! Do I miss him? Absolutely! But I'd rather have a happy husband who is deployed doing a job he loves, than one that is grumpy at home becuase he doesn't care for his staff job.
Posted by: Jewel | 07/09/2007 at 18:02
Sara Thank you I now understand better.
Posted by: phyllis | 07/10/2007 at 00:10
It's a rite of passage for men. It's a way to show respect toward our husbands. But it's hard, it's hard, IT'S HARD!!!
Posted by: wiese | 07/10/2007 at 07:05
Sarah, you are so smart and articulate. You never fail to impress me. You got this so right. And like Reasa, we volunteered for this deployment too. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Posted by: Butterfly Wife | 07/10/2007 at 08:18
I believe that Soldiers train for war in the hopes that it never comes to pass, but I do agree that many of them feel a desire to serve when called to do so. I agree as Sarah said that it's the culmination of their training and its their profession to serve in combat when necessary. Not being able to deploy would be akin to sitting on the bench during every game.
My husband spent 23 months in Iraq during a 36 month period. He has no desire to return, but knows it is possible. We both do. I have told him that it will always be his choice.
I think Trevor's character feels a combination of guilt and disappointment and of course, he also has to wonder how many people assume his injury is self-inflicted -- that he didn't want to deploy.
As to Trevor's "identity" as a Soldier, I think he feels a strong sense of loyalty to his unit and an obligation to serve with them.
Posted by: JodieCoyote | 07/10/2007 at 15:41
First time poster here......just found this great site! I am so thrilled that they started this new show. It does hit close to home at times. I find myself both crying and laughing at times. I can't wait to see next weeks episode!
Posted by: Rhonda_USArmyWife | 07/11/2007 at 08:22
This is something I think we all can relate to in one way or another.
My husband's unit is deploying in the winter of this year. He wants to go more than anything. The catch....he is being medically retired after 15 1/2 years and to many deployments to count. We are not just struggling with him wanting to go back, but the struggles of him transitioning from a Active Marine to Civilian as well.
I on the other hand am happy he is not deploying again (too many close calls this last one, part of the reason for retiring), but sad to see him struggle for something and someone he is.
Semper Fi!
dyzgoneby.blogspot.com
Posted by: dyzgoneby | 07/11/2007 at 17:23
My husband has been deployed twice and, even though he isn't anxious to go again, he would do it because it is his job and he loves it. I have a hard time understanding that sometimes but I also have a lot pride in how seriously he takes his job. The moment that stands out in my mind the most is when my brother deployed during OIF I and my hubby (then boyfriend) felt bad because he wasn't going too.
Posted by: jules711 | 07/11/2007 at 18:01