The Real Show

There have long been shows and movies purporting to be about the experience of being a military family, a military spouse, a military member during wartime.  I think that at this particular junction in time, with such a historically low number of Americans with actual ties to the military and yet everyone having an opinion about the history we are writing, there is probably more interest than usual at looking into "what it is like." 

I know I get questions all the time.  What is it like... to be alone for months at a time?  What is it like... to be pregnant while your husband is gone.  What is it like... to live on base and hear the National Anthem every night?  What is it like...

And then there is the flip side to the "what is it like" question,  "I saw on TV..."  Yep, that's right.  On TV.  Without a whole heck of a lot of input from people who actually live the life and with extra drama thrown in for ratings. 

So, I have decided to put together my own outline for a show that offers a REAL look at the military family experience.  My first rule:  lose the beatifully tousled hair and kicky outfits.  And NO MAKE UP. 

Opening Scene: I am making breakfast.  I have not showered yet, my hair is tangled and I'm still wearing pajamas.  I'm not wearing a bra.  There are still dinner dishes in the sink, and the breakfast I'm actually making is cold cereal.  My children are not yet dressed, and there are several boogery noses.

Daughter #2:  Mom, I feel sick.

Me:  How sick?

Daughter #2:  pukes on table.

Next Scene:  I am driving four children to three different events by myself because my husband is gone.  I still have not showered, and I have a hat covering my hair.  I am, however, wearing a bra. When I drop off the child who belongs at the second stop, I have an encounter with the Team Mother.

Team Mother:  Did you know that today was your snack day?

Me:  Yes, of course I did (lying through my teeth).  I am going to pick up some oranges and Hi C right now!

Team Mother:  Oh, you always have it so together!  I don't know how you do it!  I'm looking forward to snack time!

Me: Mentally adds a stop at the grocery store to the list of things I need to do before picking the rest of the children up.

Next Scene:  The children and I are late for church.  We are driving down the street at top speed when my cell phone rings.  One glance at the number and we pull over in a screech of tires and answer the phone breathlessly.

Me:  HONEY!  IS THAT YOU???

Husband:  [crackle crackle] Sweetie!  I [crackle crackle] everyone! [crackle crackle crackle]

Me:  We miss you, too, Sweetie!

Kids in Background:  [chanting] Daddy!  Daddy!  Daddy! 

Me:  How are you holding up, Baby?

Husband:  What?  [crackle] can't [crackle] you!

Me:  HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?

This goes on for twenty minutes until the time is up.  The kids and I get back on the road to church and strategically plan our entrance to coincide with the general mayhem at Communion.

Next Scene:  Naked children who are supposed to be in the bath tub are running through the house.  A box of mac and cheese is prominently displayed on the counter, and a pile of laundry is sitting next to the washing machine.  It is obviously very stinky.

Me:  I HAVE HAD IT!  EVERYONE GOES TO BED, NOW!

Kids:  [whining] No, Mom!  No!  We'll stop!  I want to watch The Wiggles!  I am still hungry!  I want some water!  Can I take my bath now?  I want a story!

Next Scene:  I am lying on the couch, sprawled out.  The TV News is on, but I'm not watching it.  The phone rings - but a quick check of the caller ID shows it is not hubby.  I toss the phone across the room.  Off set the washing machine can be heard making strange banging noises, and a sudden rush of soapy water flows into the living room...

This would simply be Episode One.  Of course, there would be a few more exciting episodes, and the season finale would be The Homecoming.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the ratings would bite.  That's probably why the shows that actually make it to TV seem so unreal to me - they actually have to do something to keep people watching. 

Comments

[Marine Wife]

Too painfully true, but funny all the same. You might have something there!

[angela]

I can relate to the cell phone calls. We can never understand each other. One day my hubby said he just ate a bug. I asked him why would he eat a bug? Then he asked me why I would have eaten a bug? A long talk on bug eating and we never figured out what was really said at the begining of the conversation, but it wasn't about bug eating. I tell him to call so I can hear his voice, but real conversations take place over emails.

[Reasa]

You need to add the Kiddos fighting every 5 minutes in the background. That has described my life the last few weeks.

[Linda]

This is so true. I don't have kids though, but that doesn't mean I don't go through the lonliness and all that too, just not as hectic as you. My thing with these shows are the wives look too perfect, I mean please where are the overweight wives, I don't mean that in a negative way, cause I am overweight. Also, I would like to live on whatever base they are living on cause no military house/grounds ever looked that good where I have lived!!!!!!!! The shows are good but just not very realistic.

[phyllis]

You forgot the cell phone conversations that get cut off every 5 minutes and you are talking to "him" and the phone rings so you have no idea what he missed. lol

[Veida]

I can relate to all the messed up phone calls. But the whole no make-up and jacked up hair - never. I maybe a stay at home military wife/mom but no one (not even my kids) is going to take away my fabulous. I have 3 kids ages 8,4 and 2. Ladies, when you leave the house you are representing yourself and your husband. Even if he is gone you can't let yourself go. I hate it when I see my neighbors walking around in sweat pants and over sized shirts. and they tell me that I make them feel bad because I'm always dressed. I'm not saying you have to be glamorous but it only takes a few extra minutes to run a comb through you hair and put on a little lip gloss. Believe me, my day is just as hectic as anyone else's but when you look good, you feel good. But that story line is pretty much dead on right down to the cold cereal.

[wordsmith]

When I was younger, and when it was on the air, I used to watch "Call to Glory". Can't recall how much it actually captured the lives of military families (I don't think it probably did- just used it as a backdrop to tell drama stories), but being an Air Force brat, I thought it was cool. I don't recall my dad being annoyed by it, either, as he can sometimes be critical over inaccuracies, dealing with the military- even about the most seemingly insignificant details.

One thing that always annoys me personally, is sloppy salutes from actors.

[desi]

Hubby likes to watch and make fun of military movies! He is always sure to point out that in Top Gun, Anthony Edwards is wearing a polo shirt under his flight suit. Evidently that is a VERY big no-no in the Naval Aviation world. And he is always quick to agree when in A Few Good Men, Tom Cruise says "I hate the whites" and his friend replies "everybody hates the whites." Evidently that is very true. Everybody does hate the whites. I'm thinking that is just about one of the only things TV or hollywood has gotten correct when it comes to the military life LOL!

[MO]

Instead of the cellphone around here it's the IM's that get booted or delayed. Nothing like having your honey respond to something you typed two minutes ago or in the first few weeks freaking out 'cause you aren't answering him. Delays are so much fun :P. And when they get online right when you are needing to go out the door. Forget it, that errand will have to be done tomorrow ... lol. Don't get me started on having three girls.

[Sarah]

I just about died laughing when I read this! I can so totally relate. I try to look my best when I go out, but make-up never happens and my hair is usually just a decent looking ponytail. My hubby isn't deployed, but he is at OSUT right now. The only thing I wish I could have out of your story is the twenty minute phone calls. We are only getting two or three, but sometimes five. Now we are adding complete bed rest due to my pregnancy to the two kids at home and no huby to help!

[Karen]

Ok I love this!!!! It is sooo true! I can't tell you how many times I watch these shows and think "WHAT?!?!?!". It's crazy that people think this is really how our life is. I always have people asking me questions about what is this like or that like. My fav I have to say is when my hubby was in Kosovo when I had my daughter.... people still today ask me what it was like to have her without him there. MMMMMM DUH it sucked. It wasn't as if she was willing to wait another 4 months for him to come home but I did it and I survived. My other fav thing I hear is "I don't think I could do what your doing alone." To be very honest at 20 when I got married to my hubby I wouldn't have thought I could live this life either, but as time goes by and the longer you do it you learn little helpful tips that make it somewhat easier. Not to say it's easy by any means. Shoot i've been living this life for 12 years now and I'm still getting and seeking tips all the time. It would probably be easier if we lived on or even near an army post but hubby is national guard so we are out here in the "NORMAL" world where daddy's are home every night lol. But you paste on your mostly fake smile and push ahead and sooner or later the day comes to an end. And sooner or later hubby will be home again and things go back to "Normal"!