I Feel Bloated

"I feel bloated," he said to me.

"Bloated?" I asked.

"Yes, bloated. I'm busting at the seams."

I looked him up and down. "You don't look bloated to me," I insisted. "You're just perfect for your frame."

I am not. I am fat.

You are NOT fat.

I am and it's not good to carry around this extra weight, especially now. Be honest, you know it's true.

I thought about it for a bit and agreed. Indeed he was bloated, and in about three months, the extra weight would make a big difference - in a bad way. There would be problems. It would become a hassle. Summer is coming and changes lie ahead.

I scratched my head and asked myself how I allowed this to happen.

You are to blame.

Me?

Yes, you.

It was true. I was to blame. I began feeling guilty and a slight panic set in.

And on top of it all, you just bought a new wardrobe and you know I can't possibly fit in it. How do you think that's going to make me feel when I try to squeeze into the new wardrobe? I will be humiliated.

I scratched my head again and thought for a long while. Maybe I should have bought a larger wardrobe for this summer. He could fit comfortably and feel better about himself. Or, maybe I shouldn't have allowed him to become so fat in the first place, but then that too would have presented problems, he would have been too thin for his current situation.

So, I began working to help him slim down. We've made some visible progress in a very short time. I could tell he was feeling better about himself, and in the process he made some other people very happy.

A few weeks later, I said to him, "you feel better now?"

Ahhhhhhhh, yes. Carrying all that weight around was tough, but now I can breathe easier and I do feel better about myself. Not quite ready for a speedo, but I think I would look respectable in some bermuda shorts.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to fit in a speedo, so you'll have to do some squeezing. But don't worry, I have a plan.

He looked at me warily and sighed, as if to say, "I've seen your plans before, and sometimes they are not executed very well."

Me = Me

He = House/Household Goods

Extra weight = Our household goods

Current situation = Our decent-sized house

Speedo = The small two-bedroom apartment we'll be moving to this summer, for only eleven months...

Happy Persons = The charity that received the purged items

Plan = Most of our household goods will go in storage, and the rest will squeeze into the speedo.

Person left out of this story = My husband who says, "don't buy another thing for the next five years."

Isn't PCSing a hoot? Especially when you move from large to tiny, or vice-versa. I've done both and neither is really fun. Whoa boy, here we go!

Comments

[SigGal]

lol - you are too cute. Thanks for the laugh this morning (morning for me in Germany).

I remember once you wrote about being a natural organizer and I know this has served you well preparing to move when putting stuff into storage is an issue.

I am one who loves an organized home, but I usually have to pay someone or get a relative/friend to give me a hand as I have "issues" when things are in chaos from a move. I jsut shut down. Anyway, I have hired a home organizer everywhere we've lived for the last three PCS moves. I'm really in need of help here in Germany but don't have family or the internet or yellow pages to sift through and find someone.

I'm thinking of running an ad in the local paper for a milspouse like you who is just a natural and wouldn't mind making a little money on the side. I'm a little anxious about it though. Not sure how to word the ad. Not sure if it is legal (but folks sure do advertise babysitting or pet sitting needs).

This is one of the things that is difficult about living overseas - goods and services not available at the px or on base make you leave your comfort zone. I can do it, we always do - but it just takes some extra time for me to get over that hump.

I don't think the Germans have such a thing as a home organizer, and if they did, I'm not sure it would work due to the language barrier access to post, etc...

Again, cute post. I bet you two will look mighty fine in that speedo!

[LAW]

And here I want to open a new business as an organizer... and I'm NOT in Germany! sorry SigGal, would love to be there.

I will be going from a 3,100 sqft house with a large storage room and huge closets to ?????? Since we don't have orders yet, I am not sure where we are going to be. We are hoping for DC.. that means a small apartment. oh my. this is going to be a BIG purge.

LAW

[Sarah]

HA! I totally didn't see the punchline on this one! Nice.

We just did the move from Germany (lots of storage space) to a 6-month PCS in a tiny apartment to a bigger house with zero storage space. My husband asked me why we have so many things we need to hide away from the public :) And I hate to expand furniture-wise in this house because who knows where we'll end up next! Plus we're getting dangerously close to our weight limit (over 1000 books can weigh a ton) and we are hoping to add two babies before we PCS...and before a promotion. I already have woes about moving and we should be here for 5 years!

[dizzylizzie]

LOL, we left a 3K sq.ft. 5 bedroom 2.5 bath house on 1.5 acres in a lovely community with lots of trees, a swimming pool, and their own community phone book complete with things like "1234 Rose Lane, John Smith is a plumber, his wife is an accountant they have three children john jr 15, mary jane 12, and tommy 7. call anytime @ 555-555-555 if you need plumbing done! john jr. can do babysitting and lawn care"

from THAT wonderful community we moved to the projects here virginia in an apt so small we cant even have a coffee table. i purged before we left, sold on ebay two guest bedrooms full of furniture, sold the huge corner office computer desk, cleared out the two car garage of everything but some pool noodles and hubs' tool box, and still we had to donate 4 pick up truck loads of stuff that wouldnt fit into the new apt.

[Maine Wife]

Do you suppose civilians purge as much and as regularly as milspouses? I don't even do it the smart way (garage sales, ebay, etc.). Usually, I've waited to the last minute and am just desperate for the stuff to "go away" so end up giving it away or throwing it out if I can't find any takers.

[MrsDdaland]

Speaking as a civilian (married to National Guard) who is in the process of moving ... NO. Civilians do not purge as often as you active military folks who PCS. We've lived in the same house for the last 13 years. I lived in the one before that for 7 years and I barely purged during that move. I just filled a 20-yard (Yes, you read that right!) dumpster. That doesn't count all the stuff going to local charities, the stuff we'll sell in a yard sale or the stuff my son will be taking when he gets his own apartment, let alone the stuff we're taking. Right about now, I'm envying your frequent purges!

[Butterfly Wife]

Maine Wife - I saw an article in a recent copy of the USAA about what to sell on eBay, what to sell at a garage sale, and what to give away. If I were as organized as the rest of these women, I would be able to tell you exactly which month it was. But it was within the last few months.

[LAW]

Its the Spring 2007 one, "Clean Sweep"... just haven't put it away yet!

LAW

[Shanna]

LOL!! Getting ready to PCS in 30 days and MY house is having gastric bypass right now. My carport is FULL of yard sale stuff and I haven't even put the dining room table, baby crib and changing table or the entertainment center out there yet. Maine Wife, not all military personel purge as much as they should. I know my parents had to pay a considerable amount every PCS because my Dad's a packrat. Now that he's retired, he's filled up their 2 1/2 acres with stuff. Last time he went TDY with his DOD job, I helped my mom toss 200 issues of Arizona Highways magazines plus about 2 truckloads of other stuff. He never missed it. Oh yeah, my couches and the boy's bed aren't going either. I LOVE to PCS, what a great way to spring clean.

[Linda]

this was HILARIOUS! We did the whole "bloated" thing several years ago, for a 6 month school. From a 3 br house to a 2 br apartment...it sucked.

[wiese]

I'm laughing and crying at this. Why did I ever buy furniture to last forever? It's before I knew I was going to live the military life. I have a garage full of boxes yet to open from the March 07 move. Moving again in August 07. Thank the lord, my opportunities are endless!!!