Household Baggage Discussion Thread

For those of you participating in the SpouseBUZZ Book Club, today is discussion day for pages 1-104 of Household Baggage.

I thought that Household Baggage was easy to read because the chapters are made up of very short, funny essays. I found myself saying, "oh, yeah," laughing out loud and being comforted by the fact that although no two milspouses are alike, our lives, in many ways, are very much alike.

It's hard to figure out how to discuss the book. I've picked out my favorite stories from each chapter and would like to hear from you which stories you could most identify with.

Chapter One - Moving.

I could relate to the "Curtain Calls" story because, as I've discovered, no two windows are alike. With each PCS, I accumulate more window treatments, most of which are never used again. As much as I could relate to the window challenges, "The Hunt for Hairstylists" story really hit home.

Marna writes,

The Military lifestyle has challenges. Getting reassigned wipes out our checking account. Transporting children and pets across the country makes me grumpy. Acres of unpacked boxes gets my blood pressure soaring.

Another seemingly minor concern causes a lot of anxiety - finding a new hairstylist.

Marna goes on to recount some of her "hairstylists-gone-bad" stories. I think there are three "professionals" that I hate having to discover each time we move. Hairstylists, Dentists and Gynecologists. The last of those are  "assigned" to us, but we have to hunt for the others, and it's always been a frustrating process for me. 

Chapter Two - Marriage.

Outsiders have the wrong idea about homecomings. While it's great to have our spouses back from long deployments or TDY assignments, the reintegration process or, as Marna puts it, "The Fiery Re-entry," can sometimes be, well, "fiery."

"It's infinitely easier to run the house and make decisions when the 'alpha dog' is not around," a friend emailed me. What happens when the alpha dog returns? All hell breaks loose. That's the fiery re-entry.

This cracked me up:

"B is home for good to bug us all daily! I can't begin to explain the readjustment we are going through. I thought we had this stuff figured out, but this one is the WORST! I'm very thankful he is out of harm's way, but if he keeps up the attitude, I'm gonna have to kick his ass!!"

But, as Marna points out, before long, for most of us, things do get back to normal. It's just that "re-entry" is a big adjustment for the entire family.

Chapter Three - Motherhood.

I don't have children, but it was still nice to read Marna's stories from the perspective of a milmom. I learned a new term too, "Mommy Meat Market," which is explained in the "My Kingdom for a Babysitter" story. After Marna and a friend stalked kids coming off of their school bus in search of babysitting prospects, she recalled the conversation.

Sarah met me back at the porch. We had a debriefing.

"Two promising prospects," I said. "Their backpacks were full. They must be good students."

"Mine, too," she said. "We're bound to get a decent babysitter out of the three of them."

This was the Mommy Meat Market. Normally, I handled this mission alone. Parents on military posts considered information about babysitters "Top Secret." The better sitters were so safe they could be in the Witness Protection Program. I usually didn't share my list, but Sarah and I agreed to pool resources.

Funny stuff.

Household Baggage is a very light-hearted, easy-to-read book. Marna's self-deprecating humor is charming and she touched on so many topics that are unique to milspouses. I enjoyed the fact that Marna dealt with sensitive topics in a good-natured way. For me, reading the book has been a stroll down memory lane. It's made me think about all the places we've lived, all the people we've met, all the friends I've made and all the events -- good and bad -- that we've experienced as a military family. This really is an interesting life, I think I'd be bored out of my mind in a civilian setting!

What are your thoughts on the first 104 pages of the book, and which stories did you enjoy the most? Do you have any questions for Marna about the first half of the book?

We'll post a discussion thread for pages 105 through the end of the book on February 16.

Comments

[Kel]

I will catch up once my book arrives. Hopefully soon. we should decide on our next book soon that way we can all order them and have them around the same time frame. Just a thought.

[Sis B]

As a new Army wife who lives a fair distance from any military installation, I devoured this book in two days. I didn't realize how hungry I was for military insight before this, although the amount of time I spent clicking through milspouse blogs should have been a clue. :) My situation is somewhat unique in that I am unable to PCS with my husband due to a custody issue with my oldest child. While I am certain that moving so often is difficult, I found myself longingly reading through the first chapter, wishing that one day I would have too many curtains. After reading this I realize that given the opportunity, the military life would most certainly "suit" me, including the stress of the PCS.

In the Marriage Chapter, the Stack Containment story struck a familiar chord. I am nefarious for my stacks, although they are usually contained in my office. When Soldier Boy (my husband) and I were dating, he would give me the "tsk tsk tsk" about the stacks regularly. When he left for Korea last March, I thought that one of the perks would be that I could have stacks hither and yon with no grief. That's when he noticed them behind me on the webcam.... I seriously need to reposition that thing.

I have some real fear for the Fiery Re-entry. Because of our living situation, we will not live together for a few years, not just the time of a deployment or unaccompanied tour. Unless lightning strikes, we will be mostly apart for the last 2 years he has left in the Army (in addition to the one we've already spent apart). I hope that our relief for finally being together again will overshadow the issues that we will work through once he is home. I love the email exchange Marna and her husband had prior to his return from the Balkans--the humor, love and respect that they showed in pre-empting another difficult reunion. This type of communication is necessary for a successful military marriage.

As a mother of two, one of whom is a 3 month old who hasn't seen her father since she was 2 weeks old, I related well to the motherhood chapter. "Rainbow Chasing" was my favorite, because so often we get so caught up in where we're going, what we're supposed to be doing, that we miss opportunities for moments like these. I am continually thankful for my son's imagination which can fill gaps in stories with explanations like "it must have been at the other end!"

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the book, even though I have an entirely different circumstance which will prohibit me from experiencing many of the things that Marna writes about. I look forward to hearing perspectives from everyone else and then moving on to the next part of the book.

This was a great idea and I'm enjoying it!

[dizzylizzie]

it was great to know i'm not the only one with 42 different curtains in various sizes. and the tips for making costumes from them, ingenious! i never would have thought of that! just goes to show there's always things you can learn from other people and their experiences, even when you've 'been there done that'

'a walk down memory lane' sure does sum it up! with a few interesting tid bits along the way.

[Erin]

I love the Confessions of a Complaining military wife section! The "complaining but not mutinous" comment was great! i feel that way myself sometimes and it is great to know that I am not the only one! I am not yet married (marrying in July to a Marine) but this book gives me a lot of good insight into what to expect, what to flip out about and what not to flip out about. And it really helps to know that other women have gone through the same thing that I will go through and that they made it so I can too! Marna seems to do it with such humor and I hope that I can be that way myself and learn to see the humor in situations that do not seem so funny at the time. The communication had before Marna's husband returned from the Balkans was one of my favorite parts as well. That the two of them can have that humor and recognize things will be different and maybe difficult but that they will get through them gives me hope and makes me feel more confident about the direction my own life is heading with my future husband. So far this book has been a great read and so easy to get through, I really have enjoyed it.

[LAW]

loved it! sat on the bus and laughed out loud, and met a young Marine fiancee.. she's getting it too and I hope she might join us here on the Buzz. Knowing that a lot of what I did, and do, is normal, makes it easier.

complaining but not mutinous... OH YEH! actually, I have been close to mutinous so many times. And the Re-Entry chapter, hit uncomfortably close to home. I'm considering sending portions of this book to my husband (if that's ok, Marna??) She wrote what I have wanted to say.

Thanks!

LAW

[Sarah]

I sat down and read this whole book in one sitting. All of the commonalities between military spouses everywhere made me laugh. I plan to pass the book on to one of my friends who just got engaged to her Chinook pilot.

[Kel]

I got my book and wizzed through it in 24 hours and passed it on to my neighbor. I loved it and didnt want to stop reading it to make dinner, but had to.lol. I could relate to a lot except hte hand made curtains mine are store bought.. im not crafty with a sewing machine. I am a mother of 5 and get a lot of slack about different things. Like today my DH left for WLC and my sister called right after him leaving to hear my 4 yr old screaming i miss my daddy. and asked why i put te kids through that. Had she called 10 minutes later she wouldnt have heard a single peep. Time moves on.
I have yet to follow teenagers for babysitters as my kids are really young and im leary of leaving them with a young teen. but that was funny.

As for the homecoming. I have found that since DH came home now that he is leaving for hte field and now class and then there after JRTC thigns are getting back to "normal" which sounds bad but i had a routine while he was gone. When he came home it went out the window, now that he is off playing soldier, i can adopt it again and feel "normal'.

all in all i LOVE the book Marna.. you are awesome.

[wiese]

I want to read the next book. Please let me know when you decide.

Thanks.

[Amien]

Wow! Great info. I wish, I could have such a writing skills.