And the News is So Good

What was the first lesson you learned as a military spouse?

Mine was "Hurry up and wait."  Hurry up and get to your next duty station.  Wait for housing.  Hurry up and get hubby's gear together for a last minute TDY or deployment.  Wait for the infinity + 1 changes in orders.  Hurry up and write your packet.  Wait while the board sits into an overtime that would make the Guinness people run for their files in an orgy of excitement about a new record.

But then we got the news - hubby made his promotion!  And with a line number that is more than respectable.  And I was so excited I surprised him with a Chocolate Stampede dessert at dinner.

Then I got worried.  A new rank?  Does this mean that now (cue Wicked Witch of the West laughter) I have to be a *gasp* grown up?

I don't know how to be a grown up.  I mean, I'm an adult; but it's just not the same thing.  I can vote, but I probably don't have the requisite amount of maturity to lead a group of plumbers to a leaky pipe.  I know that it is hubby's job and not mine, but the military is still a place where the family makes a difference; what I do will matter.

I even asked people, when I notified them of hubby's selection for promotion.  "Tell me how to be a grown-up, because I don't know how."

The first answer I received was, "Well, first you have to stop wearing hippie clothes."  Give up my hippie beads?  My scarves?  My gaudy and dangly earrings from India?  Well, sheesh!  Why not just take my soul, why don't you!

Another suggestion was, "Try not to laugh so loudly."

Yeah, okay, I know.  I sound like a mortally wounded donkey in a state of hoarse dehydration.  And I probably have the decibel level of a Audioslave concert.  But how does one actually moderate the level of their laughter?  Especially when something is really funny.  I simply can't do it.  I tried once.  I tried to hold the laugh in and all that I managed to do was blow snot out of my nose.

And speaking of that incident, it probably isn't very grown up of me to mention it.  I don't think I'll ever get the hang of this.

My favorite was the family member who told me, "Make an effort to always look presentable."

Rather a double edged comment that, eh?  You mean the velvet leisure pants and camouflage tank top I'm currently sporting aren't refined enough for someone trying to be a grown up?  Does that mean I have to fix my hair every day, or are ponytails through the back of a hat (a SpouseBuzz hat, of course) acceptable?  And are you trying to graciously tell me that it's time I started wearing make-up?

So this leads me right back to the beginning.  When do I have to be a grown up?  How does a person go about doing that?  And can I put it off for just one more promotion cycle?   Because I just don't feel ready to give up my toys yet.

Comments

[Lemon Stand]

'Snot out your nose?' ROFL! Congrats to hubby, as for your personality? Don't change a thing! (Except at the really schmancy parties :o) Anyone who is TRULY worth knowing will be impressed with your honor, spirit and dedication to not only your family but all who serve with you and your husband!

[SigGal]

You have a talent for writing! I'm ROFL. I have the same problem and can only say that I just wish I could make light of it and have as much fun with this *problem* as you do. Keep up the great job sharing here and don't change a thing! Folks who aren't sure of themselves - not happy in their own skin - suffer from anxiety and depression. Don't bring that on! You go girl :)

[Nicole]

You are absolutely hilarious and an excellent writer! I know exactly what you mean! When my hubby returns form Iraq, it is very likely that he will be "Company Commander." Which I am certain will mean that I have been promoted to the "Commander's Wife!" What the heck does that mean?!? How in the world did I end up with military responsibilities?? I thought I been gave that up with I was honorably discharged!
Oh My, I am getting more nervous just writing about it...people will "expect" things of me and from me....like grown up things! ARGH! Well my sister, I understand....please let me know when you find the solution to our shared "problem."

P.S. Don't change one tiny bit....you are a doll!

[Connie Anderson]

Don't change a thing about yourself, there are too many serious and boring "grownups"around. You are refreshingly open and funny. High ^'s

[Household6]

The day I married my DH, I told him, "I don't cross my legs at the ankle, I don't wear white gloves, I don't own a Jackie Kennedy hat and I don't care what's on the man's shoulder boards if he's behaving like an arse I will be the first person to tell him so." He laughed and told me that we were in for one hell of a ride.

I still watch cartoons and I think I am a grown up, with my CBGBs sweatshirt and happy bunny t-shirts and my very, very dry sense of humor.

So don't change because rank makes you think you should - always be yourself, because those who mind don't really matter.

[Hope]

My husband just graduated from his AIT's. Since he has been home he wants me to join the military,too.We have two kids on top of it. I would really love to see him take care of the while I go to boot camp. Their age's are 5 and 3 mon.

[Guard Wife]

Laughing loudly is MUCH more acceptable than blowing snot (or anything else) out your nose...so, I wouldn't change THAT. LOL

I'm sure you're sufficiently grown up to handle all this!

My first lessons included yours as well as surrendering to the things I can't change...granted that mantra belongs to ANOTHER group, but it works for the military too. LOL

[Dual Military Wife]

Hope,

Being dual military can be hard and challenging at times but if you are up to the challenge then go for it! We met and got married after we were both in for a while and we now have two children, 3 years and 6 mon. On my side, I know how it can be to have two babies alone while he is in training or on deployment. But I honestly I don't see him doing things on his own!!! Good luck in your future endeavors and all the best to you and your family!

As to the original post, you shouldn't change yourself just because your spouse just got rank. I hate women who wear their husband's rank. And to the lady who's husband may come back and be the company commander....yeah you will be elevated to the "commander's wife". Don't really know why, but that's the way it goes. And that in itself for some reason brings on a whole new set of responsibilities. I'm still not sure why, but it does.

Merry Christmas to all...i might be on here a lot, my husband just deployed. I'm not expected to go so that's good, i guess, but even being military doesn't make the pain or stress of now being single go away.

[Deltasierra]

Heh, I tried to make myself "look presentable" on a daily basis. I'm about to resign my Mary Kay business because I just can't keep up with the image (among other things). I'm a reclusive writer who loves her jeans, PJ pants, and baggy sweatshirts. :) I also laugh too loud, and if I hold it in, it forces itself out in a rather unladylike snort. My house is a disaster, my yard is a wildlife preserve, and I'm still wondering if I'll ever clean out my office to make it useable. Grown up? What's that? :D

My husband is still junior enlisted in the Guard. It will be a while (a LONG while!) before he ends up with any kind of rank that will make me feel I should be holding fancy parties. ;)

[Carolyn]

You have a wonderful sense of humor. The only advice for you "growing up" as your husband progresses up the food chain is to listen then keep your mouth shut. I found it best to not ask spouses who they are married to (you can always find out from the phone chain list) and this keeps any info you know of the military person seperate and helps you learn more about who you are speaking to. If you need to vent any frustrations about the military or the group your in you NEED to find someone in another state to air your grief to. C'mon we're in the military - we all know someone not living on the same post! Laughter is contagious - keep it up and people will seek you out. Best of luck.

[MyArmyLifeToo]

So, we just PCSed to Bragg. We are all settled in so now I am on the job hunt. I have had two interviews so far. I was offered a position at the first interview but opted not to take the position because I thought I would hate it everyday. The next interview, I am waiting for a call back to do a working interview. I am getting to the point where I am bored and all I do is sit at the computer all day. I feel like I am not pulling my share of the duties. We don't have any kids yet so I really have nothing to do at home.

Anyone have any comments or pointers. I am a dental assistant and love it, I just need to love the office I am at so that I am proud of the service we are giving. Thanks a million!