Deployment Confessions

We all know that life when our servicemember is home is different than life when they are gone for a significant amount of time. Routines are changed. Priorities are reorganized. Power structures are altered. Etc.

I have some confessions to make...and please do not judge me.

Sometimes, rather than completely unload the dishwasher (something I hateHATEHATE to do) I will take out the dishes that I need for a given meal and use them and then put them BACK in the dishwasher (that remains to be unloaded) and run the load again at the end of the day.

I. KNOW!

Crazy, isn't it?

My husband is the penny pincher and I am not. Therefore, if it breaks I PAY to have it fixed (or I buy a new one!). I don't try to fix it myself. I don't shop around on eBay for the part and then try to replace it myself. I call someone and say "How much?" I have no qualms spending money to avoid the headache of having to find time to fix it myself. Hell, there are days when I barely find time to shower, let alone FIX things! I've actually budgeted "repair money" into our budget!

When he's home, our meals are not necessarily elaborate but definitely more than 1 course. Not when he's gone. I do my best to include a fruit and/or a vegetable in every meal (and snacks) but that's it. For instance tonight's meal was spinach and cheese tortellini and green beans. No bread. No salad. No accompanying dishes. That was it. We do a LOT of pastas for dinner. And breakfast. Breakfast is a GREAT dinner around here. Maybe because my children won't eat it FOR breakfast. Weirdos. Just like their mother, I suppose.

So, what are YOUR confessions???

Pau.

- hfs

Comments

[Deanna]

My confession is that when my husband is home I am always telling him he needs to pick up after himself but when he's gone the house is a bigger mess than when he is here. I am just so tired that the thought of cleaning makes me want to cry. I have sat and watched TV and looked at my disaster saying "I'll take care of it tomorrow" but tomorrow seems to turn into next week and before I know it I have a huge chore to take care of once I get around to cleaning all the clutter up.
I am also really guilty about the pasta diet while he's gone. He loves his meats and proteins, but for some reason I don't feel the need to make sure it's on the table when he's not around.
I have yet to figure out why I am so exhausted when he is gone. If anyone has a solution to the exhaustion please let me in on your secret I could sure use it:)

[HomefrontSix]

hmm...might be the lack of protein that is making you tired! Seriously! Too many carbs and not enough protein throws everything out of balance. Maybe try throwing a little ground beef in the pasta sauce.

I, too, struggle with the exhaustion. It's so easy to just sit and wait until tomorrow. I hear ya.

[Deltasierra]

Also have to agree on the exhaustion thing. I'm tired a lot as it is, but I tend toward listless sometimes.

Neither am I a good housekeeper nor motivated cook when it's just me. I finally had to break down and buy canned veggies to avoid buying produce that just went bad, because I couldn't eat it all.

The clutter is the worst. I never have people over, because the house is only half moved-into. I've lived here since FEBRUARY.

I really suck at cleaning (and unpacking). I don't have a dishwasher, though, so I have to make sure the dishes are done in a decent amount of time, or it gets pretty nasty around the sink.

I finally had to break down and buy a litter robot ( http://www.litter-robot.com ) so I would empty the litter box on a more regular basis. Almost had a security-deposit-worthy disaster when I found out my cats had been peeing in a corner of my room on some clothes. Thankfully, I was able to get it out of the carpet. I'm still kind of bad about emptying the box out on a consistently regular basis. The litter robot has suffered a bit cosmetically and mechanically as a result.

Between the exhaustion and clutter, this month I have mixed up appointments, forgotten appointments altogether, and done very little to improve my standard of living (well, that's been all deployment long). It's frustrating, because I'm usually pretty good at keeping dates and appointments in order. I'm an intelligent person, but I can't make myself a TIDY intelligent person. My intelligence goes as far as to notify my body that the place is a pig sty and my inner calendar has had a fatal error, but my body says, "Meh. Screw it."

I also tend toward that when thinking of what to make for dinner. "Meh, screw it. I'll make a cheese sandwich." (A cold cheese sandwich - not even grilled.)

Bleh. It'll be nice to have a husband home to make me want to care about the house and cooking again . . .

But right now, I gotta go to bed. It can wait till tomorrow. ;)

[Calico]

I love breakfast! I eat breakfast up to 3 times a day on wknds when Hubby is gone. It's simple to fix for one person and it's good food. Hubby seldom eats one breakfast, so it's a real treat for me to have it for supper. There are times when even breakfast is too much to fix - that's when I have popcorn for supper, eaten while sitting in my chair, watching a movie. :)

[Chrys]

I can identify with just about everything. I am a meat eater, I have to have some kind of meat with my meal. I have a 6 year old to help me eat supper, but still, we have stuff like hot dogs, corn dogs, fried chicken in a box if I feel that ambisious. And with the chicken from a box, we have green beans or corn from a can. Of course, there are days that ya just feel like sitting on the couch and doing nothing, not even go to work. But I've found that if I make myself (typically a daily occurance) get off the couch, get into the shower and go to work I feel better, not only emotionally, but physically too. As far as housework, ha! My house hasn't been clean since just after he left (the first of September) and came back home on a 4 day pass (end of October). I cleaned so he would come home to a clean house, since then, it's not as big of a mess as when he's home, it's easier to keep clean when you're not having to pick up after yourself and hubby too.

I have to admit, he always took out the trash. I HATE THAT JOB!!! I'd rather clean the bathroom than take out the trash.

I buy stuff that I wouldn't buy if he were here. After he left, I bought things for the house we needed. Nothing big, just little things that I've done without just because you can live without them. For example, I bought a napkin holder to sit on the table so our napkins aren't just lying on the table all the time. Anyone else that spends money differently than when he's home?

[Mayday]

I can relate to all of it, but my confession is laundry. I'm so good at laundry when he's here. There's never a full hamper when he's here. Everything is folded and organized in closets and cabinets. His t-shirts are ordered by color and his flight suits are situated from his favorite to his least. My clothes too are always the picture of organization. Not so when he's gone. True the flight suits and most of the shirts of his are gone, but what's left is such a disarray I sometimes have trouble remembering what is dirty and what isn't. There's clothes all over the floor in our bedroom, draped across chairs, etc. When I do wash clothes I leave them in the basket and just take out what I need each day. I know some clean stuff has been washed two or three times and not worn. As far as food, I have no children, so I'm lucky if I eat at all. I'm not home very much, as I spend my free time with my friend at her house with her baby son. Her husband is gone too, so we depend on each other in the low times. I also have a job that I love, which makes everything a little easier. I see the house and all I want to do with it before he gets back, but I'm not motivated. Of course, when it's a month from his return date, I'll get all motivated and not have the time.

[Kristen]

My deployment confession is pretty much the same. I never cook for myself. And I love to cook. I eat canned soup, cereal, pasta, popcorn, etc. Well this week I figured I should make more of an effort, so I made a complete taco dinner (meat, rice, beans, salad, the works!). Well now after eating it three times in a row (and still have over half left) I remember why I don't cook for one...

[Rachel]

I am so happy to know I am not alone!! My house is a mess, not with clutter, but needs to be vacuumed and dusted and laundry but I just keep saying tomorrow, but tomorrow comes and still nothing has been accomplished. I have found it is easier just to eat out than cook for me. Granted, I eat out healthy, I don't think I have had fast food in a month, so that's a plus. But I am also a popcorn, soup in a can, cereal kind of gal. But...the minute he gets home, the house will remain spotless, all laundry will be done, and help him if he leaves his dirty socks on the floor, lol. With this being my first deployment and a new wife, I am glad to know I am not alone. We just need to figure out what motivates us now to keep everything going while he is away.

[Andi]

My confession - I live with my hair in a scrunchie and don't go near make-up, which is probably one of the reasons I had such trouble trying to figure out what to wear and how to apply make-up on the day he came home....

[Bridget]

I don't clean either. For a long time, I felt guilty about it, had it hanging over my head. Whenever my toddler was sleeping, I'd sit on the couch and veg out, but not enjoy it because I thought I should be cleaning. Then I had an epiphany: I didn't need to clean. I put signs on my door that read "We live in squalor." If that bothers anyone, they can stop before they enter. And the weird thing is that I clean the same amount, but when I don't feel like cleaning, I really enjoy my free time. It's saving my sanity, if not the house.

[cindi_2570]

Chrys - yes - I do the same thing - I "update" the house each time my husband is deployed. For some reason, when he's deployed, I get inspired to buy new things. During deployments, I update here and there when I see something that needs to be updated. This time, it's updating kitchen towels and I tossed out 14-year old silverware and bought a whole new set(we were down to one teaspoon). I bought a new silverware tray too while I was at it Every time he comes home, it takes him a while to get used to the changes I've made. I don't know what happens when he leaves, but something clicks and I get inspired to change things around!!! LOL!

[GM]

During this deployment, my kids and I have become very close personal friends of Lean Cuisines. :) Seriously, I add a fruit to it and call it a meal. My oldest is all excited cuz he doesn't have to eat the same thing as his sister and I'm all excited about it cuz it takes like 3 minutes. :) Whoo-hoo!

[PLC]

A trick we use when my husband is here and one I use when he is away...have a party. It can be a grill out or when he's gone, having friends over for Little Debbies on the good china. This trick really works to motivate us to clean! And you can't trick yourself by saying you are going to clean as if someone is going to come over. It just doesn't work. Even doing something like a pampered chef party will do the trick. Plus having friends over can really boost a negative mood. Both for myself and friends.

[honeybear]

I agree, I feel more exhausted when he is gone. I moved home to be around family. It's still hard though. I just make myself do it anyway, then I feel better.

I have a twelve year old boy to keep things going. The routine of the day gets boring then I do something different so it's not.

we go for walks, movies, mountains, rides his bike, rake leaves ect...go get shakes at article circle, play board games, we even tried to play jr. million online with my husband. The internet was so slow the question came every 5 min.

The hardest time is during holidays.

but we get through one day at a time.

It seems the more active I am the better it is.

[Molly]

#1 the tiredness everyone talks about having is actually a mild form of depression. No matter how prepared we are for it we all go through it. I spent money differently and cooked different as well, but it's more of the stuff the kids and I will eat that my husband won't. I am also the strict parent where he's the laid back dad. I bought things for the house that kept saying we were going to get but never did. I would paint and rearrange rooms around, etc. Not always huge changes but little things I wanted to try. I cooked differently, he's a huge meat eater and while he was deployed me and the kids ate alot more veggies. The house was 10x's cleaner while he was deployed as well. Each kid had a chorelist and dad wasn't home to tell them it's ok just do it later. I'm the frugal one, he's the spender. I have my hands full again now that he's home thank god. As long as I know I don't have to be scared when someone knocks on the door anymore all the little extra things are worth that peace of mind. Now if I could just keep him home for good.

[Anna]

I am the eternal snacker and it seems to get about 5 times worse every time my husband leaves.
My husband is very good at getting to bed on time so that he is always ready for his early morning PT schedule. As a result when he is here I routinely get to bed early and have 7-8 hours of rest/night. NOT SO WHEN HE IS GONE. I don't know how it happens but I have more to do, I am less productive/minute time and ultimately end up procrastinating twice as much. As a result I get 1/2 the amout of good solid sleep (case in point it is 3am and I am still working!!!).

As a side note... I am getting my doctorate right now in nutrition so I thought I might add a few types that I have learned along the way as far as combating exhaustion!!
1) frozen fruits and veggies are always much much better than canned ones b/c the frozen ones are flash frozen when still very fresh. The canned ones are cooked and sealed under extremely high heat to kill bacteria and seal the can. This heating process destroys a lot of the valuable vitamins!!!

2)Over half of Americans are chronically dehydrated. Dehydration is directly linked to exhaustion, disorientation, irritation and apathy!!!! Even worse, most studies show that humans tend to mistake thirst for hunger so people who are chronically thirsty are more prone to chronically overeat! For the last straw... when exhausted we tend to gravitate towards foods high in sugars (i.e. soda!) which stimulates chronic insulin cycling, which in turns exacerbates exhaustion and irritation levels (not to mention diabetes risk). SO WATER IS A REALLY GOOD THING (i.e. at least 2 liters a day).

3) a good daily multivitamin never hurts (and calcium helps regulate the metabolism!!)

I really hope these tips help ya'll like they have helped me!!!

Time to go to bed!!

[Melissa]

Wow, nice to see all these posts. I can say that I fall into all the same categories as everyone else here. Tired, don't cook, hate being alone, ignore the housework. All the same as you! More importantly...reading all these posts made me feel "normal", I thought I was the only one! LOL I am relatively new to this, being married only 2 and 1/2 years, so all you wonderful ladies made me feel good! On another note, as of tomorrow when my husband gets home from deployment, he never has to go to sea again. So I feel very blessed that I have only had to do this for a short time, but at the same time very gulity knowing so many women (and men) have been, and will continue to do this far longer than I have had to. All your posts really touched me, made me giggle, made me cry, but mostly just made me feel sane again! THANK YOU!!!

[heather]

lol bed whats that sicne he left i dont se my bed anymore i sleep for maybe three hours or four at the most get up and looka round at my living roomand think about what i should do but dont as for food once a day if that and thats only if i remember bet ive gained nothing since he left i think about going running or to the gym but why bother who cares nobody sees me anymore i love to cook to but its not worth the effort to me any more "sigh" oh well

[Barbara]

Ladies, THANK GOD for this post! Just a few minutes ago I was feeling horrible about the mess in my house and the lack of motivation to change it. Actually - this post motivated me to go ahead and get started because it showed me that there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!! I'm sending you Hugs and Prayers, Strenght and Courage, and most of all peace of mind. We can do this, even if we have to do it again and again:-)

[Ester]

I have had horrible insomnia, staying up until 5:00 a.m., hoping to catch him online, and sleeping maybe 3.5 hours, or, worse, until 3:00 in the afternoon! You can tell we don't have kids....

All of my friendships have been tested lately. I have family who tell me that they don't want to hear about how much I miss him, friends who don't ask about him, or don't ask how it's going for me without him. It makes me want to dump them all! This really has been such a frustration!

This is my first time experiencing my spouse's deployment, and I do not live on base, do not have any military-wife friends, and it seems that nobody even remembers that I am preoccupied with thoughts of my husband.

Guess I don't have many confessions. It's only been two months since his deployment, but I am having a rough time!

That's not to say all of you aren't. Just venting.

[Rachel]

I understand completely! I wondered that since this is my first deployment that I was going nuts!!! I sleep very little, and if it weren't for my two daughters, I'd never eat. I don't mean that in the sense of I need to cook for them...they are 17 and 11. They can each cook on their own. However, I am also diabetic, so my girls make sure I eat at least two meals a day, even if it's something little.

As for everything else, thankfully my girls have chores, or NOTHING would get done. I help out with the dishes and tidying up. I have created a laundry schedule, because without hubby home, laundry was piling up. (He is usually the one that does laudry and keeps the house swept and mopped.) Now we each have two days a week we can wash clothes, and Sundays are reserved for sheets, towels, and anything we just MUST have for Monday morning.

I lie in bed a lot. Sometimes I will work on a class (I am taking graduate classes) or I will just veg in front of the TV. Or I will sit on the couch and veg. I have to force myself to go to work almost every day.

I DO try to get out of the house with my girls. We went to the movies Saturday night, but then we came home and vegged. We go to the gym two or three times a week (again, a forced effort). We have game night Mondays. Other than that, we do not do a whole lot around here now that my husband's gone.

I think this is a form of depression, I am not sure. I think that it is more difficult because we face the upcoming holidays, and on some days, I don't know if I will make it through that day without crying. If I cry, I CRY. Usually when I'm driving home from work.

It's insane for me to think about all of this, because I have always been a working mom, proud of my independence and ability to be self-sufficient and happy doing it all. Since October, it's been an emotional roller coaster of emotions. Does it get better?

[Dionne]

Nothing I do seems to help when he is away.The depression takes over and things fall apart.I can't talk to him about it because I don't want him worrying about us.He needs to be able to keep himself safe and thinking of me falling apart will only destact him.I have four kids and you would think they would help take my mind off the love of my life away at war but it only hurts me more.He is missing so much and now with Christmas comeing it only makes it harder.The only thing that keeps me going is my praying and knowing God has a plan.

[Andrea]

I can agree with quite a bit of the stuff that you ladies have talked about. I have two kids, my daughter is 18 and my son 12. The two times my husband was gone most recently, my daughter was old enough to drive, so she would pick up her brother and drop him off, while I worked full time as a supervisor at a pharmaceutical company and went to school full time, before work, after work, on the weekends, whenever I could. We have always believed that you raise children to be responsible by giving them responsibilities, so the kids have always had chores, so they did the dishes and laundry. Good thing! We were 1200 miles away from any family. We had several families that we'd gotten close to, that arrived around the same time we did, they however left after 3 years and unbeknownst to us, we had another 2 years left. My husband's office made lots of promises to stay in touch, but never called, so the 3 of us were all we had! So, when my son slammed his hand in the car door of my daughter's car when they arrived at church for service one sunday, I left my post as the videographer, (oh, yes, I still volunteered at church) ran to the emergency room, and then after he got his stitches, I ran off to school to take an algebra test. I was so busy with school and work, that by the time I got home, there was no time for anything else. My daughter was my saviour! She would cook and help my son with his homework. She too had activities being a cheerleader and this was her Junior and Senior year, so it was important for her to enjoy her last two years with her friends, whom she would be leaving after graduation. She would schlepp her brother with her to games, to practices. She never once complained. I am blessed with awesome kids.

Melissa, don't feel guilty about your husband not having to go on deployments anymore. All of us wish it was us and wish that no one had to go. My husband has just been diagnosed with a medical issue that makes him non-deployable. He's been deployed 4 times in our 19 1/2 year career and we have 3 years on this assignment.

[Shannon]

Well it is nice to know I am not alone. As a psych major I understand that we all have a form of depression but just knowing you have it doesnt fix it!
Also as far as I can see it never gets better. This is my husbands 10th deployment, and I still have the same problems each time. I had begun to think it was just me!!! My neighbor's house is clean and she still cooks, so I was convinced I was just lazy! But then again I also thought it was because I work and she doesnt!
So here is my confession!I have so much laundry that I may never get caught up! All the Clean laundry is piled on the dining room table (because we dont use it)! The only rooms in the house that are actually clean are the living room and my daughters room (because I made her clean hers while she was grounded)I dont really eat like a normal human should, and my daughter pretty much eats whatever she wants because it is easier than me cooking a full meal!
I know they have support groups for us...key spouses, family support, etc. but honestly 9 times out of 10 I can't be bothered to go to the things. Not to mention I would just sit and cry anyway!! I cried reading all of your confessions, I cry reading half the articles on Military.com, or even commercials for that matter.
I really hope I am wrong and at some point it does get better, but from past experience it hasn't yet!

[Michelle]

I dont do it either. I go to subway. Umm I dont clean my car. I shave like once a month. ( no need there is no one to impress anymore )umm and I do laundry like once a month.

[Joe]

Well seeing as how I'm one of the few males around here... I figured I might give you guys a different view of things. My wife is off on a 2 month deployment, so that's really not that bad a deal. It's only got a month left to it, but the past month has seemed like an eternity. As far as confessions are concerned, I wouldn't say that I really have a whole lot. When she left I pretty well just got back into my old routine from when we were single, minus the obvious "picking up chicks" and the like. We've only been married for 2 years, so it was a pretty easy transition. But other than that, the depression has hit me hard. I don't really fear for my wife's safety, she's not exactly in a war zone... I do worry about other factors though. So I guess my true confession would be my lack of trust in my wife, or possibly the jealousy factor. I love this girl to no end, but the depression does make it hard to trust. It is encouraging though to see so many positive posts, and so many relationships survive happily over much longer deployments. I look at you guys, and a little bit of faith comes back to a lost man. Thank you.

[didi1962]

HI MY NAME IS DIANNE.MY SON IS DEPLOYED,AND SOMETIMES I'M IN A DAZE.THANK GOD I HAVE A JOB I LOVE TO KEEP MY MIND FROM BLOWING UP WITH WORRY.I MISS HIM SO MUCH(HE'S MY FIRSTBORN)I KNOW HE'S A MAN,BUT I'M ALSO A MOM.CONGRATS TO HIM AND ALL OF YOUR SPOUSES AND ,OR SONS AND DAUGHTERS.GOD BLESS THEM ALL,AND BRING THEM HOME SAFE.DIANNE

[Gabrielle]

I also suffer from not cooking as much as when my husband is home. My son and I are content with a corn dog and some frenchfries. I work full time and save a nice meal for the weekend wich would never go over if my husband was home. I seem to keep up on the laundry better when my husband is gone. I also try to stay upbeat. My son is only 7yrs old and only thinks his father is out in the field for a long time. I miss my husband every day. I keep things togeather because that is what a good military wife does.

[christy Blaszak]

My confession is after I get up with the kids and get them off to school and clean, do laundry, run errands, cut the grass, clean the pool, whatever task I am left with for that day, I take my shower, and set my alarm and sleep until the kids return home from school. I don't do this everyday but once I start, it is hard to stop. I too eat out about 2 to 3 times a week with the kids because I hate to cook. I spend money on the house, the kids, and myself that I would never spend if he was home. Deep down I do these things because I feel I deserve to do all these things if I want because I am left here alone raising our children and I am overwhelmed, over worked and exhausted, so don't feel guilty, I don't!

[Amy S Baker]

When my husband is deployed it's actually much more laid-back around here. I run a tight-ship, but I don't have half the mess to clean up because the biggest mess-maker is gone! I thought Marines were SUPPOSED to be clean! I can keep my living room clean for days without having to pick up when he's gone. When he's home: gotta go through every day on sock and boot patrol.
Dinner: I'll admit when he's here, there will always be a starch, a veggie/fruit, and meat. When he's gone: a bowl of cereal for me and the kids. Or the kids will eat and I'll nuke a frozen dinner. Oh, and frozen pizza is big around here when Daddy is gone too!
Laundry? Always done when he's gone!! Why? B/c the kids and I don't generate half the clothes he does!
Am I the only one who would rather have my husband gone half the time?? Don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all of my heart and I can't sleep a wink without him in the bed with me, but it's so much easier to clean up after 3 than it is 4, esp when the 4th is a Marine! Did they just forget about "field day" when they got married and left the barricks??

[Karen]

I am not married yet, but engaged to a wonderful sailor. We are coming up on our 2nd deployment since we began dating. The first was 7 months in Iraq and this one is 7 months in Oki. We have been apart significantly more than we have been together, but such is life with the Navy. To make things a little harder, before each deployment he has had a string of schools or field exercises that keep him away and busy for about 3 full months prior to the start of the deployment. He gets 2 weeks back before leaving this time, which is a huge improvement over last year (only 7 days).

I am so happy to read all these posts because I thought I was the only one who was exhausted, lathargic, and unmotivated during deployments. My mother has told me all her stories from when my dad was deployed on 3 month sub tours, but I still wasn't convinced my reaction was "normal". I am encouraged that not doing laundry, not eating properly, and not wanting to do any of my usual activities is a common thread throughout these posts. My biggest confession is probably how difficult it is to motivate myself to take care of myself like I know I should. I don't want to tell him about how difficult things are when he is gone because the last thing he needs is to be worrying about me instead of his job.

I have found that focusing on my college classes and homework helps pass the time. It gives me small milestones to watch approach and pass by, even if they are only homework due dates. I also cross each day off my calendar and keep a coutdown clock on my computer desktop (timeleft from www.nestersoft.com it's FREE). I also force myself to continue my favorite sports, activities, and hobbies. I love ringing handbells at my church, outrigger canoeing in the ocean, and going to the shooting range. Anything that will get me focused completely on something I enjoy and keep my mind off of missing my sailor.

I keep reminding myself that I just have to get through this deployment and then we will begin our married life together with a blessing of 3 years deployment free. If he stays in after that, we will be back to a deployment every year.

I am encouraged by all of you for your admittance of changes and hardships, but mostly because you are positive and have survived much more than I am facing. It is nice to know that you are going through similiar things to me. Thank you for all your posts and your honesty. Thank you especially to Joe. It is nice to know that men AND women feel the depression when left behind during deployments.

[S. Ward]

Ok, ladies, I hate to break up the fun. I always keep a clean house, even when he's home. Fortunately, he didn't leave his stuff all over the place, so I guess it's kind of a habit. But my downfall is the summer. When he's gone and my daughter goes to grandma's house it's all over. I Don't think about cooking. I don't even buy groceries. I work my self to death and come home to eat cereal. Sometimes I might get lunch during work. After that it's over. Cereal is my friend!!!! Once a month, my treat is girl's night in. Me and some girlfriends get together at my house, since my hubby's gone. I pick up some quesadillas from Applebee's, a shrimp platter from Red Lobster, etc. and we have soda/wine coolers and watch movies. That's my social time. We love it!

[Ramie]

Well...I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone in my "laziness while he's away"! When he's home, our house isn't spotless, but it's much nicer than it is now! When he's gone (been gone 12weeks now, should be home in 8 weeks....but you know how that goes), the house is a wreck....I do keep up with the laundry, (Although I hate to put it away....thats one of his jobs) but I've only dusted once (do it weekly when he's home) and I haven't mopped the kitchen floor in MONTHS. I do have to vacuum often though....our 6month old has started crawling and goes for any little thing he can find!

About cooking--what's that?? I usually decide an hour before dinner what to have (I plan it at least a day in advance when he's home) and we rarely have meat (I aim for 3 times a week...since our daughter is 3 and its her magic number right now!). We often have PB&J or lunch meat, cheese and crackers......and breakfast for dinner at least once every 2 weeks! (but I buy that already cooked bacon cuz frying it is HIS job!)!!!

I gotta say that my kudos goes out to all of you with significant others on one year tours.....I don't think I could do (and luckily my husband is in a field that doesn't require the year+ deployments!). My DH has been gone for 8.5months this calendar year, and its been wearing me out. We've moved, unpacked, I had a baby, and went on a 3week vacation (his only leave/time off since October 2004) and I'm thinking 2006 is GONE and I can't remember much of it!!!!

Ramie

[Barbara]

When my G.I. was deployed,I kepted myself busy with redecorating the rooms.I painted every room in the house. I did it my way...no one to work around,or tell me I should do it a different way. No interruptions to make meals. I watch so many home decorating shows. Then I put photo albums together,and labeled all the pictures. I had the livingroom floor covered in paper and pictures.
Christmas night I was painting the basement. My cure for loniess was keepijng busy and getting out of the house to take walks with girl friends. My man is back, and the house looks awesome, and I'm in shape!

[Shirley Pendergraft]

I enjoyed reading all the comments.
My husband was in the Army and did a few trips to overseas, down range and TDY's.
I can relate to how each of you feel, I have a plaque that went up on the door as he went out, I still have it. "Come in, sit down relax, converse. Our home isn't always like this, sometimes it's even worse."

[Linda]

Geeze, and I thought I was the only one who got off the housekeeping schedule. This is my husband's 3rd deployment in a row. Our 3rd anniversary is in January (tell you how much time we've had together). Before I married him I kept a clean house. The few weeks that he's been home between deployments, the house stays spotless, dinners are cooked, and everything is perfect. He leaves and I'm doing good is the dishes get in the dishwasher. I only shave on Saturdays if I'm wearing a skirt to church the day.
I live on an Army post so I get to see other spouses' houses and they are so neat and clean all the time.
Not to mention, I cry at the drop of a hat. I cried over a Dr. Phil show the other day. How dumb is that!

[Heather]

I have a confession. I have more energy and free time oddly enough when my husband is gone. I am a full time mother of two boys, 8 & 9. They are in all activities... Young Marines, baseball, football, and soccer. I also am a full time legal secretary and key volunteer. I continue to cook all meals and repair what I can at home myself. I am much more of a penny pincher than my husband. I have no family in the area and yet when my husband is not at home I complete more task in a timely manner. Why is that?? My husband is probably more like a full time job! lol. Even with all of that said, we miss him terribly when he's gone and I await the tired, exhausting, and ever so busy days when he returns.

[Paige]

My husband is FINALLY home after the longest 7 months of my life (I have nothing but respect for women that put up with this insanity for upward of a year...I hope someday I can have that sort of strength). I didn't notice all the little things that I totally let go while he was gone until he got home and I studdenly saw them glaring me in the face:

1. I live near the beach, but after the summer beach-bum season was over, I didn't shave. At all. It was pretty gross, but who was going to be looking at or touching my legs?

2. I don't have any family around, and not that many friends since I've only lived here since April...so my phone bills were INSANE calling all my friends and family back home constantly. I hate the phone, but it was my life line while he was gone.

3. Popcorn, chick flicks, and a glass of wine were my guilty pleasures. I don't want to become an alcoholic (no joke, it's an easy haibt to fall into, I've seen it happen and it's pretty ugly) so I'd limit it to 1 glass of wine a night at most, but I'd just let the popcorn flow, sit and cry my eyes out at stupid movies I'd normally scoff at for being overly dramatic. It was pretty pathetic.

4. Bed...hah. I didn't sleep much. And when I did, about 90% of the time I slept on the couch. The bed just seemed too big and lonely without my husband next to me. Oh, and as little as I slept in it, the bed was made only twice while he was gone, once when his parents came to visit, and the other time was when I bought a new comforter and wanted to see how it looked.

5. The car. Good God. Our car is my husband's baby. He loves the car. I don't think I can stress that point enough. I got in 2 minor accidents while he was gone. I thought he would blow a gasket, but I guess he had bigger things to worry about. I didn't clean the car, inside or out, the entire 7 months he was gone. He'd kill me if he knew. I drove around with the gas light on all the time. He never lets the tank go under 1/4 full. I normally take really good care of any car I own, but I had absolutely no motivation to care while he was gone...I have a warrenty if something went horribly wrong, roadside assistance if I was stranded somewhere, and no one to remind me to take my stuff in the house at the end of the day. So I just didn't.

And of course the food thing. I don't have kids. I don't have family around. I love cooking, but who was I going to cook for when it was just me? I cooked for about a week after he left, then realized that life was so much easier when I lived off of salads, sandwiches, frozen dinners, and lunchables. I lost 10lbs while he was gone because of my "diet".

[Chris]

My confession is that I stopped going to the gym. With my wife gone I just don't feel motivated to go do it. Who am I trying to look good for? lol I know I should go, though, because I want her to be excited when she comes home. I realize we will both be happy to be together regardless BUT I want to make it as perfect as possible. Thanks for all these posts. It has motivated me to get to the gym and get it going!

[Bianca]

I am a mother to 5 kiddos and 2 large dogs who want to be lap dogs. My husband is on his 5th deployment and I used to try to keep my regular routine while he was gone. But I would get sooo exhausted and cranky and finally started "sneaking" in lazy days. While he was home before he deployed this last time, I mentioned to him that I try to keep things normal. And being the great guy he is, he said, "sweetie, i want you to relax and take it easy. You do enough taking care of 5 kids and me and as long as you're online or write to me often, take every day for yourself". 4 of my kids are in school and 1 goes to a babysitter since I was volunteering full time. But since he's been gone, I've taken the time to allow myself those days to ME time and when the kids get home, I'm a much more relaxed mommy, not a cranky tyrant. Ladies, sometimes it's okay not to be completely tidy and eating "healthy" meals. Sometimes, I think, it's okay to veg out in front of the TV and just be. I can understand where everyone is coming from.

[Linda]

Dear Spouses,
My oldest Son is deployed in Aphganistan for the first time.I am so grateful to You and your families for making the sacrifices for all of us to be safe. God Bless you all.

[Lena]

My husband will be home in about two weeks. Out of the last 18 months he has been stateside 3 months. Siince he left my life has been turned upside down and then some. He and I always joked that only bad things happen when he is deployed to a place where he can not keep in constant contact with us. This year I have lost a tooth and went through oral surgrery (alone), got pickpocked and on the same day lost my mom. I told my husband that I was going to have my breakdown when he could come home and make sure our 5 year-old would still get to school on time.(sigh LOL). I was half joking but mostly not. I am usual really strong on these deployment but with the loss of my mom did I mention it was the day beofre my 31 b-day. Yeah my luck. My husband and I have been together since I was 20 and meet two years before that. So I have been through quite a few deployments. and Every year I swear this one will be orginized. HAHAHa Never say your plans out loud the universe will mock you. This will also be the first Christmas My husband has made in a few years it is usually his MO to be gone two hoildays then home one. This is his home year. Thank God. However, not veer off the subject but, Pre deployment about a week before do any of you every get in the arguement over NOTHING. Just tension, his about being gone yours about being left.

[Heather]

When my husband first left for his LONG tdy I didn't think that I would be able to do it, we did everything together with our 2 children 5 and 1. Its so hard to get out there with 2 kids and take them places and do things with them because my 1yr old thinks he is speed racer and runs every where and my 5yr I think is going thru early pms lol, she always has to be right or win and if not she's heart broken. I moved back with my in-laws which I thought was gonna be a good idea but turned out to be so so, just way to many people in one house although it does help out with the cooking and cleaning but some times I just want some space and it's kinda hard to get that with so many people living under one roof. Not to mention that I can't find a job here or where were stationed (NJ) so I've decided that I'm gonna go back to school and get my nursing degree so I'm start school all over again in the spring. It's amazing how much you miss someone once there gone!! My husband gets back in Feb and I can't wait, so in Jan I have to move all of our stuff back up to NJ with 2 kids in tow, still trying to figure out how I'm gonna do that one. I have to try to get everything unpacked and put away and still find furniture for our living room, dining room and bedroom. We had to get rid of everything before he left, we put everything into storage. Plus Christmas is coming up very soon and I have to do all of the Christmas shopping myself ( I love to shop but I'm really not looking forward to doing this by myself, my husband loves to pick things out for the kids) although he is making wish list for me to look at on different websites so that kinda helps a little.

As for sleep what is that my son is having a hard time with the change he wants to sleep with me all the time and my daugter won't sleep with the lights off. My son has givin up his passy (he almost 2 and was chewing holes in them so I decided that it was time for them to go) so he's kinda fussy doing very well though. But I just went through the kids room and told them to pick all the toys they didn't want anymore and we were gonna give them to kids who really needed them, that made my daughter feel really good. We try to stay busy but it's hard.

[Dawn]

Dear Spouses,

For those of you who are struggling with cooking for one here are a few quick and easy ideas. I use them even when my husband is home since there are only two of us. By the frozen meatballs ( make sure you get the small ones (1 inch) the big ones don't heat all the way though fast enough), the jars of pasta or alfredo sauce and your favorite pasta. Oh, and texas toast. They are all able to be cooked in individual portions. Dump 5 meatballs per person eating in a pot with enough sauce to give the meatballs something to cook in and cook while the pasta is cooking. Throw the bread in the oven when you throw the pasta in the pot. The whole meal takes the length of time it takes to cook the pasta (8 minutes?). The commissary also sells stuffed chicken in the freezer section that you can cook individually. That also doesn't take long. I'm not trying to sound like I have it all together, believe me I don't. But I thought I would throw out somestuff that I found.

Oh and as to my house, whether my husband is gone or not, my 2 year old trashes my house every single day. The only good thing about him being gone is I don't have his boots lying in the middle of the floor and his flight suit draped on a chair. Amazingly enough, I miss it though.

--Dawn

[Kellie]

This is my first (and hopefully last) deployment. And it's good to know I'm in good company!

Exhaustion, what I've read so far hits the nail on the head. Water, water, and more water! Vitamins have been a Godsend for me. And they must be good ones! I also talked to my MD about Ambien to help me get my sleep schedule back on track. It's worked WONDERS as well. Before Ambien, I was up until 2 or 3am every morning. Then only sleeping 3 to 4 hours a night. I had more energy at night, but still no movitation. So reparing my circadian rythems really helped.

I've also found scrapbooking is a good therapy for me. I put all the pictures, bits of info, and other things he sends me into a scrapbook of his military life. It makes me feel closer to him while he's gone. And in 20 years, he'll have something to look back on to help him remember the new friends he's made and obstacles he's overcome. It'll also make great stories for the grandkids!

Scrapbooking is also a good way for the kids to feel a part of a better side of deployment. They get to hear stories I relay to them about the pictures. They learn about another culture. And they tend to open up more about their feelings regarding deployment. I hope this helps!

[Michele]

Ladies, this is so familiar. I'm glad I'm not the only couch potato. It's only worse now that I got a laptop, the only time I get up is to use the bathroom or get something to drink. The diagnosis is depression. Yes, as much as we hate to think of us having a "disorder", that is what it is called. I can not motivate myself at all. It gets to the point where when he is home, I can't wait for him to go back sometimes just so I can go back to my couch. Then when he is gone, I am miserable again. It's like my mind and body doesn't know what it wants. The antidepressants help a little bit. I would go for days without eating a thing, just because I wasn't hungry. I would have to force myself to eat. Then, once I start eating, I can't stop. Well, this is the best blog that I have ever ran into. At least I know I'm not alone.

[Tracy]

My confession is that I regulary use paper plates!!! Thank god for paper plates. Easy clean up, less dishes. I have enough to do with three kids, the house and two vehicles. I cut corners when it's not detrimental to family values. We eat together, we just do it on our "special China"

[Ruth]

Wow, I had no idea that so many other girls felt and did the same things when their husbands were away! I am so exhausted when he's gone because it's so hard to fall asleep at night, and I HATE cooking for myself. I'm just TOO lazy. I practically live off of cans of Campbell's Soup-at Hand and Ramen noodles. I put frozen veggies in the Ramen noodles and an egg, so I have all my food groups. I save at least $300 on groceries per month when my husband's gone.

That trick about inviting people over as motivation to clean really works, too. I try to make sure that I invite someone over at least every 2 weeks if not every week. Having a puppy really helps to get me out of the house and get some exercise, too.

I HATE it when he's gone, though. Somedays, if I can get just one thing done, I count it as a good day.

[Catherine]

I have enjoyed reading all of your comments. My fiance has just returned from his second deployment since we've been together. He was in Iraq for 7 months. I cried every time I saw anything on television regarding Iraq, a fallen soldier, or received a "Support our troops" forward in my email inbox. Ironically though, I had a lot of energy. I was healthier than I've ever been-- taking my vitamins on a regular basis, working out every day, keeping myself up, and taking care of myself very well (although I didn't shave either). I kept myself motivated by imagining how he would appreciate my results when he returned home. After the first few months, however, it wore off! I was tired all the time, and slept a lot!

[Shan]

wow, so i'm really glad that i am not alone in the daze. When he goes away, i eat so horribly. i hate to cook and i will do it as little as possible. my house stays clean though, because i'm never there. It's a lot easier to clean when you're the only one making the mess. But my big confession, i hate doing the dishes with a passion, so whenever possible i avoid making any. Like eating over the sink...or using a paper towel as a plate. and as for sleep, well, it comes and it goes. some days i get 3 hours some days i get 10.

[Charity]

It is very important to remember that the exhaustion that you feel is a form of depression and to work through it. If you ignore it, it can just become worse. I have been through 8 deployments in the last six years. I have two toddlers. Trust me, having children actually makes things easier. Maybe it is because mine have been in the totally dependent upon me stages. It has made me a stronger person knowing that I had two little lives that needed me to deal with things and move on. I do clean better, cook (worse, I make only toddler friendly meals - not the things my husband would eat)and have to take care of literally everthing else.
I keep my sanity by driving my mom nuts talking to her up to five times a day (thank goodness for free cingular to cingular costumers!). I don't sleep at night either, but a lot of that is just not being able to shut down after being so busy.
My guilty confession is that sometimes life is easier when my husband is gone. It sounds absolutely horrible. I love him with all of my heart, but we have spent half our marriage apart. When he is home I have to let him parent, clean up his mess and get used to living with him again. But I would not trade that for anything. He has actually been home for several months this time - almost six months and it has been wonderful.
It is nice to realize though that we all have similar issues we deal with

[Tiff]

These are so nice to read, my house is cleaner though when he is not home! Thats because he leaves his "toys" around as much as the kids, and never puts anything away. I am forever hearing "honey where are my keys?" "honey wheres my phone?" (i love hearing it though dont get me wrong, ok sometimes i dont LOL)

Laundry is always done, because when he is home there are two hampers a week of black. i wear jeans twice he wears them for 2 hours LOL. he goes through 3 sets of clothes on PT days, and two on other days.

i do cook better when he is here though that is for sure. we have like at least 2 course. When he is gone it raman noodles baby! lol. The kids love them and i can put chicken, peas carrots in them. The love brown rice with veggies too, so i dont feel to bad about it. AND my kids love breakfast for dinner too!

dont you just hate having to clean before you can clean??!!!!!!!

[jeannine]

I definitely spend differently. I have hired a housekeeper/nanny, because we have four children to pick up after. The house is always clean, and that seems to help my depression. I have always cooked for the children (probably why I can't lose weight) so my cooking habits haven't changed. Right after he left, I had a kennel put in for the dogs. They now pretty much live outside. It is too hard to chase them and four children all the time. I let them in at night to help me feel safe in my own home, but they are out before I wake the kids, and in after they go to bed. The bills are what's killing me. I just don't have the motivation to pay them until I am threatened with shut-off. It's not that I don't have the money, I am just not as organized. One night, my daughter and I discussed that night's girl scout meeting before dinner, but promptly forgot to go to the meeting. Sigh!

[Heather]

I totally agree on the whole being tired thing it seems the more I try to sleep I cant and when I do its never enough. When my husband was home he used to like to relax a bit and just lay in bed. I used to get on him about it because I always wanted to be doing something, but now all I do is lay in bed waiting for tomorrow or word from him which ever comes first.

[mellissa]

For the first time I feel like a member to society again! All of these ring true for me and my family in one way or another. Vegging out, quick fast food, laundry sitting in baskets instead of the dressers, and shopping for things we dont really need.This is our first deployment, my husband has been a reservist for 15 years and has recently changed rates to a seabee so this is all new to our family. 10 yr girl 8 yr boy and myself. Gone since July and as much as I complained about picking up his sock, I'd gladly do it now

[Shannon]

I lived in the house for a few days and then I realized that I could get call forwarding and move on with my life. It was so much easier to leave home knowing I wouldn't miss a call. As for dinners for one, I tried to invite my friends over as much as possible. That increased my cooking time and my social time brought me much needed friendship.
As for cleaning I worked full time and had school full time so I was hardly there to do anything. I did however find that I went on shopping trips a bit more and traveled to see family more often than normal. I wish everyone the best in creating something exciting and filling for themselves until their spouses return.

[Jess]

I guess I handle depression way different than everyone else...when my husband is gone I am more motivated to do stuff around the house. For instance the first day I had off from work after he left I got everything on my 3 month long to do list done in that one day. That would have never happened with him here. As far as cooking I prefer not to waste the food because it is just me and my 15 yr old daughter, but she loves it because it makes her not think about him being gone so much when we try to stick to our normal routines. I guess it is not much different with him being gone because me and my daughter pretty much did everything around the house except check the mail and take out the trash. :) We now just have one less person to pick up after. one less person complaining about something = more motivation & self confidence to do what it takes

[celeste]

My fiance hasn't left yet he leaves in October, we get married in Febuary. I am dreading his deployment. I already feel exhausted all the time, frequently cry, and tend to be a percrastinating couch potato. My fiance and I live in different states and I very rarly see him so I think that has alot to do with why I feel this way now.
We talk every night but I miss him so much and I don't know how I am going to ever survive when he leaves. Thinking about his deployment puts me in the crankiest mood, TV commercials make me cry (not even sad ones), and if I ever see troops coming home on the news or something I loose it. I am an emotional wreck and I havn't even had to deal with a deployment yet. Am I being a complete wierdo? Do you think I am making things out to be worse than it will actually be when he deploys?

[Charmaine]

Hello everyone,
This is my first deployment and I must admit that im alot better than what I had expected I have 4 children and I do home child care so my house downstairs stay pretty clean and I make my kids clean there rooms each night before bed I am proud of myself because normally when my hubby is here he is the laundry guy and I have stayed on top of it, and for finances I am normally a spend freak and I have actually had the chance to save since he has been gone I think im just trying to prove to myself that I can be very independent and raise the kids on my own and they play sports and that keeps me busy I rarely have time to sit and watch TV so for all of the ladies that are going through this I say stay strong and try to find a hobby or something that motivate you and I must say that the multi-vitamin thing does work atleast it has for me!

[Shannon]

This blog has just made my day. I am in the process of preparing for my husband's first deployment. He is going to Iraq for 1 year in February, we have 3 kids, 8,6 & 2. I have been losing my mind with worry about not being able to keep the house clean (not that it's that great now but...) and feeding myself and the kids - I hate to cook and my husband loves to - so when I cook it's frozen chicken fried steak and mashed potato flakes - he cooks it's real fresh food. I've been worring about the kids' nutrition & health after eating all those preservatives for a year! I too will probably eat out several times a week, spend my days playing with the youngest and counting the minutes until the older kids come home so they can occupy him! I thought I was a failure before I started, but reading all your confessions reminded me that the most important thing is that the kids feel safe and loved and as secure as possible during this thing. And if the pizza guy comes a couple times a week to keep me sane enough to do that then who cares!
Thanks and my thoughts and prayers are with you all and yours.

[jennifer]

i have to say that in the long run it is easier for them to be gone because instead of worrying about 3 i only have 2. but at the same time it is harder becuase i am playing the part of two plus rolls. im currently dad, mom, grandma, ect. because we are in europe we have no family readily available. my job never ends. i worry about him all the time and console my children when they express their fears. its not easy to do it all, but its the life i chose by marrying a military man, and i thank god everyday i have the oportunity to not just know so many hero's but to be married to one! i think our jobs are pretty equal!

[Courtney]

When my husband was deployed last year, I found that for meals I would rather drive thru for fast food then cook a meal. I also found myself driving over 25 min to the next town to do shopping or see the friends who's husbands were with mine. Now days I hate to shop or drive to far with out my husband and I make supper everynight. We do eat out maybe once a week at a nice place for dinner. I also find that I make sure I look good before leaving the house now that he is home, where is before I wouldnt care cause he couldn't see me. So many things changed when he left and I am so glad he is home and we can be a family again.

[Wright, Patricia A.]

Well I donot have the time to
sit around I work in the medical field; working full time job and a part time job
both in Cancer Research.
What you should do is finds
some thing to do, like going
back to college, getting a
part time job.Wishing every one the very best in filling
your days until your MAN or
Woman is home again.

[rebecca]

i can relate to all the confessions everyone posted. i think its all part of "spouse deployment syndrome". lol. i cook huge meals when my husband is home, but when away, cereal is one of the basic food groups around here. i am much better about cleaning when he is here than when he is not. We made a cross country PCS a few months ago, and the day after our belongings were delivered to the new house, he flwe out to join up with his new unit. our bedroom is still as of today unpacked. we have been in the house 2 months now, and i know that if he were home, the house would have been done within a week of our things arriving. I also get the urge to redecorate when he is gone. i dont really spend alot of money to do it, i just find new uses for things we have, group them together, and make things to complete the look. i did find a great website for anyone who is interrested with great ideas for tackeling the clutter monster. its www.organizedhome.com. i have found the household notebook extremely useful as well as some of their other tips and suggestions. i appreciate all the posts that everyone has put up here. it helps make me feel like i am not alone. i hope you all have a wonderful thanks giving. speaking of which, as an example. we normally have a huge turkey with all the trimmings here. this year i am planning on making some turkey cutlets found in the store, and mashed potatoes from a box instead of homemade, and gravy. maybe i will get fancy and throw in some of those ready to bake dinner rolls from a bag!

[Holly]

I didn't read all of the posts, but I agree with the ones I did read. I am a member of Flylady.net and that has helped a lot. I don't do everything I am suggested to do, but it keeps me doing SOMETHING. I have improved with every move and every deployment. My confession? Hmm... I end up buying things too when he's gone to spruce up the house. I am addicted to books though, they seldom end up read. Life is easier a bit when he's gone, but I still prefer him home. It's mixed like most seem to feel. That's good too, because I thought I was alone in that area too. It's good to hear that these things are normal when your spouse is gone and that everyone is sharing it without judgments etc. thanks. How refreshing and uplifting to me. Peace, Joy, and safety to y'all.

[Julie]

My confession is when my husband is deployed I let the kids start sleeping in our bed. The girls are 2 and almost 4 and they say they are soaking up daddy's love. How can I argue against that and besides a king sized bed can get lonely. I also do the dishes less and leave the clutter to pick up the next day. I am cooking more while he is gone trying out new dishes that he may or may not like. The kids get away with more my husband will be home in a month after being gone for 10 months he can straighten them out. Ha ha

[Les]

It's a bit hard for me when hes gone having 3 kids but at the same time it's much easier. He is a neat, clean freak and is alway on my case on what needs to be done next. Nevertheless what's for dinner. I also find myself slacking off more and not wanting to do anything because of his nagging. When he's gone the house is always spotless and I cook diffrent type of meals he wouldn't eat. I do find myself going thru a drive-thru when I've had a rough work day. All in all sometimes I do enjoy the time hes out...kind of harsh even though I do miss him. I feel it gives me a break to do things without the nagging in the background.:)

[Heather (Army Wife)]

Yes, It's the 18 month deployment that really got me! I'm also happy to know that I do exactly what everyone else does during a spouses deployment. It is depression that sets in while they are gone. Marking off the days until he came back helped. Staying busy helps also. I work full-time, I'm finishing my last degree on line,I volunteer, and take care of my 5 year old. I stayed tired though no matter how much or little sleep I got. So cleaning and everything else others have mentioned went to the waste side. Closer to home coming I changed into my normal self spotless house, plenty of food in the fridge, I wore clothes again on the weekends not just PJ Bottoms and a T-Shirt, and happy to know I lost weight from not cooking except for the microwave meals for my son. I felt like a horrible mother, wife and etc. Why couldn't I pick myself up way before the home coming? But I see it is a normal thing to go through. So spouses don't ever feel guilty. I think you need to do what you must to get through your spouses time away from home. I'm so happy my hubby is home now!!! I'm not sure I could do another 18 months with him in a war zone but the short deployments are not bad at all. My husbands have not been in a war zone and I do seem to get so much done. I say to myself I've got to have it done by the time he gets home and this makes the short ones fly by. I turn into the Home Improvement and Exercise Queen on the short deployments. I enjoyed everyones post and it sure helps to know you are not alone!
Love and prayers to all! ;)

[Lisa Shreve]

Before my son went off to Basic I would think I was going crazy with him and his guitar, thats all I ever heard was his practiceing hard rock, now that he is gone and due back in about 4 weeks I can't wait to hear that guitar fire up!!But when he does come back he will be a much more deciplined fella about it so maybe he will get better faster?,,, ;)

[Christine]

I hear ya girls...It is so hard for me to do anything when my hubby is gone. I have terrible depression and seperation anxiety so it makes everything so much worse. The house is always a mess. Sometimes I won't do dishes until I have no silverware left, there's clutter everywhere. I think if I had kids I would keep up on stuff more. The only thing I do keep up on when he's gone is taking care of my dogs, they are my kids. They are my first priority. But it's so hard to get out of bed, let alone get out of the house. If I have an appointment and it's not too important I'll cancel, if I have something I have to go do, I'll put it off until the last minute. I never cook myself an actual meal when he's gone. The best I usually do is hamburger helper, cereal in the morning, and whatever is around for lunch. I guess it's better than getting fast food or something everyday. My job keeps me pretty busy. I work at home, an at home party company called passion parties. It's so much fun and it keeps me busy when I'm depressed and missing him. I really need some help with it. He hasn't even left for an actual deployment yet so I'm not going to do good when he does. It's only been for a few weeks at a time.

[Chrissie]

I can also relate to these. I am new at all this though. My husband and I have only been married for 5 months and he just joined the army in February. Therefore, our first deployment, and I doubt our last.
I hardly ever cook. Fast food has become my friend (or enemy), but my 3 kids just love it. I have made a new vow to cook more and eat out less. I noticed I have been wasting a lot of money on it when I don't need to.
Laundry is my downfall. Never, while he was home, would I have let it all pile up the way I do now.
I only clean the house really well about once every week or two.I used to make sure he had a clean house to come home to every day.
My husband would go to bed at a decent time every night to get up for PT and I liked that. Nowadays, I am lucky to get to bed before 1 or 2 am.
I am so relieved to know that this is a common thing. I only have one friend so far where we are stationed, so I haven't had the chance to hear all the stories about other families yet. I am SO grateful for all of you. You have obviously been going through this much longer than I have. It's people like you that keep our soldiers and our country stong. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO AND SACRIFICE!

[Mallory]

My boyfriend has been in Iraq for almost 2 months now...It's been an extremely tough experience for me. At first I litterally thought I was going to have a nervous break down. I didn't sleep or eat hardly anything for 2 weeks...there was days I didn't eat anything at all...and having the flu on top of it all didn't help much. All I would do was sit on the computer...look at pictures of us...and cry! I was so depressed and cranky from being sick and of the lack of sleep I was miserable. So I started being more active. I hang out with friends and shop A LOT to keep my mind off of things. I bought a boxer puppy...who is a monster lol...and she occupies a lot of my time as well. I'm eating....better. Every now and then I'll skip a meal or two a day....but I snack a lot too. It's very stressful and hard when someone you love with all your heart and soul gets sent away for what seems like forever. I'll keep you all in my prayers and I hope you all will remember me and my boyfriend, Rusty, in yours as well!

[Melly]

My husband just came home from a 3 year tour in Germany and some days i just wish my life was single again but not... does that make any sense??? I am trying to remember he is here but after 2 years of him not its kinda hard i dont talk to him for hours some times but he gets mad when i'm on the phone talkin to my best friend for an hour or more? why is transition so hard??? as for when he is gone i think i could own stock in MCD for the kids dinner. They are very picky eaters but u know how some kids are. We are on our way to a new duty station and of course that has me up all night so i'm tired through out the day but i have a million things to do i kinda have a routine i hope i keep when we move but u know that is next to impossible!!!

[Laura]

When my husband is home we always eat well. We have nice dinners with the whole family. When he's gone, I come home from work, feed my son, bathe him and put him to bed. By the time I'm finished, I'm tired so I make myself a bowl of cereal. Very rarely do I eat dinner or cook for myself when he's gone. Maybe now that my son is getting a little older he can start eating with me, so that will help. But I always tend to lose a little weight when my hubby is gone, and that's not so bad! :o)

[Cassandra]

My day started out very frustrating until I read this. This is our second deployment in less than a year and he will be gone total for 15 months or more and we have two boys under 4. My confessions are not cleaning like I should. Honestly, I would be mortified if someone stopped by without calling first. I actually go on cleaning binges where I clean for a few days and the house is spotless but the second it gets dirty I start thinking why bother because nothing I do makes a difference so it gets dirty again until I can't stand it anymore. When I do manage to cook we eat the same thing for days and then still end up freezing it because I don't know how to make smaller portions. Sometimes I want to avoid my friends and family and just be left alone. I love my close friends and they are very understanding and constantly ask how I am doing, but sometimes I just want everyone but my boys to go away but then I feel bad because I know they are only trying to help. I am also in college and am usually very strict about studying and getting my work done with a perfect grade, but since he left I just can't seem to concentrate and don't particulary care about my gpa anymore. I guess I am kind of ranting, and I am sorry about that. It really helped to hear everyone's side of their story and know that I am not alone. Thank you to everyone who posted a comment.

[Emmanuelys Seda]

I know how you feel it's my first time as a military wife we'll let me just say it my first time as a wife period. My husband joined the Army while I was pergnant and Left right after I had the baby. While he was around eveything was fine and when he left i just didn't have time for anything anymore. After a couple of visits from him it just made it harder and harder everytime he showed up at the house. A couple of weeks after he graduated they had informed him that they were sending him to Germany. But since my oldest daughter was not his there were some problums with her paper work to leave. I have a year since i haven't seen my husband And i'm still awaiting for the paper work to go through. With everything going on i noticed that i didn't have any energy either, I was always tired, couldn't eat and didn't really care about housework at all. My thing everyday was i fed the girls there breakfast every morning,then I would walked my four year old to school.After that my youngest daughter and i would go take a nap together to then get up and feed her to her taking another nap. Then going to pick up my daughter from preschool and tring to stay awake as long enough to play with them and get dinner ready. I really didn't know what was going on with me.

[Victoria]

I have three confessions:
1. I joined NetFlix when he deployed. It was a gift to myself.
2. I bought a Sudoku book and got hooked. I used to make fun of people who did those, but it uses my brain and relaxes me.
3. I use paper/plastic plates, cups and forks and spoons all the time. I know it is expensive and not environmentally friendly, but it saves me from so much time in front of the dishwasher, loading and unloading. My kids love the paper stuff and they clean up after themselves all the time.

Three great confessions! They are saving my life!

[marinewife25]

My situation is a little bit different than most. I have been married a year and a half and have been through 2 deployments to Iraq. I just found out that he was going back early next year when originally I was told he did not ever have to go back again, so I balled. Well, even though we've been married for over a year, I did not live with my hubby until April of this year, almost a year after we got married. We just waited until he got back from Iraq, so I wouldn't be living by myself down here at a new place. Since he's been back, I am loving marriage and life. I don't ever want it to end. I cook at least 6 dinners a week. We usually try to go out once a week. I love cooking for him, but if he wasn't here, I wouldn't be cooking. When he leaves again next year, I am going to move back to my hometown so at least I will have family around. I can't imagine being here alone without him. I wouldn't be able to do it without family and friends. I Thank all your spouses for their service to our country and I thank my husband everyday for being the best husband a woman could ever have and my hero and a hero to his country. He works so hard. I love him.

[Nicole]

It sounds like we all do about the same thing. I was somewhat productive when my husband was gone 1 year to Korea and then 1 year to Iraq. The year he was in Korea, I quit my job and finished school. This also happened to be the first year we were married so life didn't change much. Now, when he went to Iraq after he had been home for 6 months from Korea was a different story..Cooking..I had to figure out how to do it again when he came home. Subway was my best friend. I did actually keep my job and I picked up kickboxing...Any of you in Colorado Springs I recommend trying it at the Defense Institute, I lost 80lbs and releived a lot of stress..Cleaning..I hate cleaning. But I did it on occasion. Crap I hated to do like pick up clutter I left alone until about 48 hours before he came home.. Spendng money..I'm the queen of shopping when my husband is not around. When he came home we had a new bed, couches and a whole lot of orange in the kitchen. But he also had his X-box 360 waiting on him.I also added a new family member, so he came home to 3 dogs instead of 2. When it came to battleing depression, I truthfully didn't have any. I was so used to my husband not being home that it wasn't a big deal I just stayed busy. The hardest thing I have had to learn to do is live with my husband. It was very hard for the first few months. So yes Melly I know how you feel about being single again but not. Luckly, I didn't have children to worry about during the transition to being actually married again. It's taken us 7-8 months for us to actually get used to being around each other and living together. I think it helped when we PCS'ed to another post to be closer to family.

[pingersgal]

I find that having been a single mom before I met my sailor and married him really helped when patrols came along. I was independant and had a life WITHOUT him...so when he was gone, I just carried on. Having been an OMB for three years I saw how many of the wives just 'stopped living' when their hubby was gone. This is so counterproductive. You need to have hobbies and interests and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do you miss him? You bet! Will you miss him every single day that he is gone? YES! But life has to continue...you have to ask yourself, is your identity so wrapped up in this other person that when they are gone you don't even do the basics of life, like eating and cleaning? If so, you need to re examine your goals and dreams...rediscover who YOU are and what YOU want! It will keep you motivated and moving and going while he is gone. And when he comes home, it will be to a happy well adjusted wife and family! He will KNOW that while he is gone, he doesn't have to worry about you! Which in turn allows him to do his job so much better!

[trista]

ok, first time doing the blogging thing, but i was so compelled to add something, this is my first deployment, my hubby is in the guards so never thought it would happen, you know the story. Anyway, it has been a learning experience, and man i just send out huge hugs to all of you who do this multiple times and do the full time thing. I am sure you know with out the families behind them we wouldn't have a military at all. SO hoooah out to you. I also really wanted to refer you to flylady for all your cleaning and organizational stuff, the forgetting apointments and such, it is free and she is just great, it is all about Finally Loving Yourself. You all are so important, what we are doing changes the world, both at home and across the big pond. we are so worthy, give yourselves big squeezes and get nuts, learn to fly. there is so much life to be had, stop waiting, love yourself, when you love yourself- you have enough to love your families and spouses, and you know what they say behind every great man is a great woman. we all deserve medals too!!

[Shaun Jones]

I can't tell you ladies how glad I am to see this. Right now I am functioning on about 3 hrs sleep a night. My house is a wreck and I tell myself that I am going to clean a room a day and just never get to it. When hubbie is home, the place is spotless, meals are a 3 times a day. Now i have cooked 3 times for myself this whole time he has been gone. Another wife brought it home for me when she said its mild depression. That explains everything. I don't feel so alone anymore. I wish you all strength through these deployments and thanks for being her.

[Diana]

OMG!! I am the weirdo!!! I always thought you were the weirdos!!! During deployments I enjoy my perfectly clean and organized home, I organize everything down to the rubber band in the kitchen drawer, I cook as I did when he was home (just less, it's only our son and myself) I watch my spendings even closer and work a lot, I mean a lot, I go nuts if I don't have anything to do. (and if there is no job in sight, I volunteer as much as I can, I just can't sit still EVER!!)...well, everything is just the way I like it, but trouble arises as soon as the walks into the door *lol*...

[heather]

I have been a military wife for 18 ys. and this deployment is for a year! He's been gone 7 mo. so far. I think these long ones go in stages. The first month or so I couldn't sleep. I just started a brand new job too. I was having some anxiety attacks, and just general depression. My girls are 16 and 11 so I don't have to worry about them too much, but I still have to work full time and then run them to their activities 4 nights a week. Things are much better now, calmer, I guess. My oldest daughter got her license and can take herself to school and activities! I became a vegetarian while my husband was gone and have lost 10 lbs, and feel much better. I don't shave either or keep the house up very well. No one ever comes over anyway, I just do the basics like laundry, dishes, and sweeping. Yes, as a sidenote, the week before he left we did fight about stupid little things, just because of the stress of it all. When he is home he helps so much around the house, and with the vehicles and yardwork, I really miss that. I don't even want to go outside anymore! My friends and my job have saved my sanity I think!

[psd]

You women (and men!) are truly the ones making sacrifices. I've watched my daughter-in-law handle 3 deployments now (with another deployment to Iraq coming soon--in fact, right after their SON comes home from Iraq) , and I have to say, I admire you all so much. I know if I was in your shoes, I'd be eating cereal every night, the house would be a mess, and I wouldn't ever be getting a full night's sleep. You're all terrific and I salute you for YOUR service. When I pray for our troops, be assured that you're right there in my prayers too.

[Louise]

I spent the first week of my husband's deployment cleaning out the closets to use up restless energy. I spent the second week rearranging most of the rooms in my quarters to make them feel more practical. I spent the third week trying new crafts. This week we were getting ready for Thanksgiving and the walls crashed in. I lost all motivation to cook. My children ages 14 and 12 ate cereal for the first time ever for dinner. We have 14 more months to this deployment. I cried, then my husband called. He said it is okay to give them cereal ever now and then. It's okay to use paper plates. It's okay to let them wear every item of clothing they own before the wash gets done. As long as we are healthy, have something clean to wear when we leave the house, and find time each week to do something as a family, all will be fine. It made me feel better. I had a chat with the kids. Each decided they would cook dinner one night a week. When mom feels up to it, they will learn a new thing to make, when mom doesn't feel like it, they will cook frozen pizza. My daughter agreed to do the family's laundry and my son will care for the pets. We decided for family time to find a local charity we can all volunteer at for a few hours on the weekends. This way we spend time together and feel better helping others in need. We can get through this. We just need to pull together as a family and rely on each other to get through it. When one of us has a rough time, the others are there to help and give support. If you are alone and don't have kids (or your kids are too young to be of much help) you can always find a place to volunteer at by yourself (many base agency's like ACS and Red Cross offer free childcare while you volunteer.) It lets you build a resume as well as have a break from the kids and house. You can also try college classes or take a craft class like cake decorating, jewelry making or stained glass. It helps too if the kids increase their activities. It makes you have to run around a bit more, so you don't have time to get sad. It also helps them get through it as they are kept busier and have less time to miss the deployed parent. Last piece of advice, if you have trouble sleeping at night, take one of your spouses long sleeve shirts and a pair of pants (I use a set of sweats) and stuff them with towels or other clothes. Lay the dummy on your spouses side of the bed. (You can sew or tape the top to the bottoms) It gives you something to curl up to during the night. You can also use a store bought body pillow.

[Carrie]

I find when my husband it deployed I get more motivated. I work full time, we have 2 children and one on the way. I took some college courses towards another degree. And our oldest is in sports which helps the time go by fast. This deployment we found out about the third child, due in Feb.
During the beginning of the deployment, I find myself struggling daily for time to just move, and to settle into a routine. Once I am in a routine, I do begin cooking again. I cook the same size meals and freeze them, for R&R so then we can use the time wisely together as a family, not waiting in a restaurant or in the kitchen. I also find myself going to bed alot earlier than I do when he is home. 8:30 or 9 (I feel like a nerd) but it prompts me to wake up earlier before the kids to give me my time, and to clean and do laundry before I go to work. If I didnt do it this way there would be no time to get it done. The kids also help with daily chores. Nothing big, keep room tolerable, take care of dishes in the dish washer, and garbage...hate taking out the garbage. As for spending differently, I do. I find house projects that I can do that will take a while, like painting rooms (mistake paint from Loew's) or redecorating (TJ Max, or rumage through what I have) I do find myself treating us to dinner mostly on Fridays, because by that time Im exhausted and cant wait for Saturday night movie night....I actually make it to 10:00 then. I do find the house is cleaner and more gets accomplished, but the structure and disapline of the children tends to lack in some areas. For example, I just dont have the memory capacity to remember to check homework, or due dates. And to stay on our son with routine, readings, spelling words. I am working on getting better...

[Crystal]

Wow, it is so great to read these deployment confessions! Now I know I am not the only person who isn't "super mom" when my hubby is away. I actually gave my 2 year old son a TV dinner the other night when we got home from work/daycare because it was late and I was beat-I vowed I would never let him eat that kind of crap! I can totally relate to the lack of cleaning ambition. I keep thinking, "man, I am really going to have to clean up around here before my husband comes home". I still have a month so I am golden.

[Allyson]

Hi Everyone~

Thank you very much for your words of encouragement. My fiance is in process right now and will be leaving for Iraq mid December for 18 months. How do you deal with the lonliness and not hearing from them for months at a time?

I am scared to death, but I know God has this, but it doesn't hurt any less. How do I manage to not cry myself into a fit everyday? He and I communicate a lot, either phone or text messages or emails and how do I deal with not being able to reach out at all? This is NOT going to be easy. Thanks for your help!

May God Bless all of our Soldiers and may God keep them all mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically healthy!

[michael]

i know the sadness can be unbearable when a loved one such as a husband or wife leaves for deployment my wife is finishing her second deployment in april and it was crushing my 3 kids 6-8-10 yrs. old when she left they would break down at the drop of a hat like when your out in public and someone asks your kid "do you miss your mom"? that blows my mind, anyway i don't know why it is but we never talk about their mother in our free time not intentionally it doesn't come up once a week she calls we talk an get back to our life without her which is pretty active lately, although winter setting in can slow things down i think what me and the girls are doing (my 8 yr old is autistic and is onsure of what is happening and breaks down on a daily basis) is blanking her out of our minds if we didn't we would all get ulcers i feel horrible about it but don't know where i'd be if i thought about it all the time. i still wake up 3-4 times a night i have not slept a night since she left. what i'm trying to say is you have to let it go and be strong or rot from the inside out.

[Olivia]

this is great! i'm glad to see so many people sharing their "confessions". I am a Marine Mom so mine are a little different, but in trying to survive his deployment, i would sleep in my son's shirts or in his bed, i wrote to him every day, i exercised excessively, i obsessed on sending care packages and i sent 100 gift bags to his platoon for Christmas last year. I became the queen of carepackages and unfortunately, will have to start again soon. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, all of you, and remember we are in this together. VPMM

[Elizabeth]

This is my second long deployment to go through with my husband, he is in the Navy. We have been married 5 years today! Time sure does fly when you are having fun! So, the first deployment, this time last year, was by far not easy. I cried alot like most of you. I didn't clean the house, only for guests. I didn't cook for myself. Why should I, leftovers would last for days and go to waste in the end. I still think that way with this one. This time seems a bit easier for me, granted, I still worry about all the normal, dumb things we worry about. But when I feel sad I just try and remember the feeling that I had when he came home the last time. I was so excited I couldn't think straight. I just think of that and I can't wait to have that feeling again. I hope this helps many of you, remember the good times, try not to dwell on what you don’t have but what you do have, the wonderful man/woman that is out there protecting us.

[S.K.]

Hello. Im not really sure about what this is, cause ive never heard of it. But my confessions are.
I have a hard time showing patience (i've never had to wait for anyting).
I jump to conclusions to fast and instead of stopping to think.
When my daughter plays on the floor i wait to pick up the toys after I put her down.
I cook dinner when my husband is home, but after he leaves I dont cook (my daughter is only 7 months so she eats baby food).
My husband likes to buy expensive stuff, I clip coupons.
I was married to young but I love my husband dearly.
Those are my confessions

[Stephanie]

This is my first deployment as well and I just eke by. I have no motivation at all and have found that everything has suffered since he has left. I have 3 wonderful children and a full time job to keep me busy but mild depression is holding me down. The good thing is, it is only 10 more months to go.

[Michelle]

Hi, my brother has just recently been deployed to Iraq and I worry for his safety all the time he is a medic and a paratrooper and believes it is his job to defend our country. I am proud but very scared for his safety. I am the 9th child out of 10, my brother is the 10th child so we have a closer relationship than the older siblings do. My father fought in Vietnam and knows first hand what my brother is going to have to face.. seeing his pain deepens mine. I know we didn't want to be there and we still don't but I have the deepest respect,appreciation and love for the men and women who have given their lives and those that have been blessed not to pay that price. I pray that no one else has to follow that path for our freedom.My brother left behind a wife and 3 small children ..1,3 and 4 yrs. old. I'm glad she has something to fill her time, I am grateful that I have a 11 and 8 yr old, also a 15 and 2 month old. I know they fill my time along with my spouse who knows I have moments of despair and find myself in the fetal position in a corner. When you have a love one in the military you are all in the military. You are all family to me and we need to hold each other up. Pray to god and remember god never gives us more than we can handle...eventhough it may seem like it..he is a on time god.
pray for everyone ...

[Melissa]

I was so suprised to read these posts, it really made my day. I have been mopey and wierd ever since he left for his second deployment. I went to a counselor and I relized that I am not chronically depressed or anything like that, because I know the exact date my depression kicked in, and the approximate date it will end! I was the same way his first deployment,and even in bootcamp. The never eating meat, eating out or eating convieniance foods mostly. Crying at little things, looking through old photos, and staying up to a ridiculous hour, just in case he is on instant messenger. Its nice to know you ladies feel that same pain. Soon Iwill be moving onto a military base, which will hopefully be better...more wives who know whats up.

[Heather (Army Wife)]

Melly and Marinewife25,
I was glad to hear not only is the deployment the hardest but after my husband being away for 18 months and coming home my life changed! I'm so happy he's home don't get me wrong but you create a new routine and life to some extent while they are gone. I think it's hard on you both imagining what life will be like when the deployment is over. Well, it's not always as imagined. Plus sometimes when we were apart my husbands letters were so sweet and loving. We never had spats of course while he's away and everything was always so sweet. I love my husband and we have a great realtionship but things go back to normal quickly. I know I had a lot of adjusting to do when he came home and I thought the hardest part was going to be the deployment. I know he had much more adjusting to do than I did. Again, I love him and I'm so glad he's home safe! So Crystal enjoy the sweet love letters, calls, or e-mails while he's deployed. I read them over and over. I sent my husband a voice recording of me and our son for Christmas on a little digital recorder. He loved that gift! My number one tip my husband gave me while he was in Iraq is try not to watch or believe everything in the news! That helped me a lot.
Take Care! :)

[D. Clark]

Well, I am so glad to identify with all the women on this site. I have told myself everyday since he's been gone that I would clean the house, yet it never seems to get done. Honestly, the only time I really pick up is when I am going to take pics of my 3 year old and 9 month old daughters to send to daddy, so that way he will at least think I've got it all together here. I too suffer from being overly tired. I never want to leave the house, I cry at the drop of a hat, and I nearly have a coronary every time someone knocks on the door. I never want to talk to anyone, nor do I want people to point out how tired I look, or ask me how am I making it without him. I get so sick of the comments from women at church who said, " Man! My husband was gone for two days and I just about died! How are you making it with 2 little ones and NO breaks?!" Hello, genius, I don't need you to point out that I NEVER get a break. And two days on a business trip does not even compare to 7 months in a war zone. Did anyone shoot at your husband while he slept in his comfy hotel? But I digress.
This is my first deployment, and it's not easy. I don't live on base, and know very few people. I do confess that I don't exactly get out and try to meet new people either. People who think they're sympathizing with you and want to ask all these questions about what your husband is doing is just not my idea of a good time. I have a hard time explaining that I don't want to discuss it with them, not because I don't support him, but because it's hard. Or to get a phone call saying, "I heard on the news a Marine died, it wasn't your husband was it?" Seriously, have people not ever heard of etiquette. There are just some things you don't say.
I also don't make friends because I don't want them just dropping by, then I'd actually have to clean up. And as for dinner, frozen pizza, corndogs, and microwavable chicken nuggets go a long way. If I didn't have kids, I probably wouldn't eat at all. I don't even bother to buy meat at the store anymore because it just sits in the freezer. But I guess I'm glad to see that I'm not in this alone.
Thanks everyone for posting your comments and helping all those women like me who thought they were alone in this.

[Sophiat]

Yes Lena I have gotten into so many huge squabbles with my hubbie that it doesn't make sense. He noticed it before he left and told me "the only reason we are fighting is because I'm leaving." So I said "If you don't want us to fight then don't leave!"

One of those moments that I can remember the way he looked at me. He was upset because I am pregnant and this deployment he more than likely won't get to see the birth of our second child. Our first one is two. She's a character. The reason why I fix anything to eat really. Even being pregnant doesn't really motivate me to eat, as wrong as that sounds its true. My daughter is always in my ear telling me what she thinks we should have today. Normally it consists of fruit snacks and strawberry milk... As long as she has those she figures that everything else will sort itself out.

I too am a bit disorganized when my husband is away. Its a wonder how much we share the responsibility at times. I mean, I normally am the one who is cleaning up the house, but the only places I don't touch are the bathrooms and the trash, husband is in charge of those! But there are times that I get tired of everything and he is the one there singing the clean up song with our daughter and cleaning the entire house himself. I love those days, although they are few... The laundry was horrendous when he left because we put our laundry on hold and so that we could make sure that ALL his clothes and sheets were cleaned before he left. But I found out that between my daughter and I we didn't have that many dirty clothes. Maybe its because the mandate on how clean our clothes are are different from a military person's. I don't know but I looked at my husband and said gee you've got a lot of clothes!
Anyway, I keep myself busy by going to school and work. I hang out with my friends, so that helps. And the thing that makes me clean my house the most is the fact that I hold parties at my house. I tell my friends that have kids, and the ones that don't to all come over and we just eat. I made lasagna with a side of caesar salad the last time they came over. I cooked and they cleaned up afterwards. It was truly nice. And although our kids range from 2-7, I found something for all of them to do. They all had a blast. And are trying to get their mom's to come back. During that shin dig I didn't realize how lonely I was in the house. I mean I do have a child, but I was raised in a large family so there was always something going on. It was fun. Gave me a reason to tidy up the house. And gave the kids reason to redecorate. Fun times.

[Sami Lea (AF wife)]

I want to thank all of you for your posts because I feel normal now. My situation is a little different from y'alls because I have to eat and keep myself together. My son depends on it. I am over 8 months pregnant. I am due on the 20 of December but my doctors say I wont make it that long, I am already in the early stages of labor. This is our first child and my husband wont be here for his birth. I am having sleeping problems, you know, always tired but can't fall asleep. We are stationed in California, but I have moved back to Tennessee to be with my family and his. I really don't have to do much housework or cooking because I have moved back in with my parents. I just feel so unmotivated all the time. I know I have to get better, it is almost time for my baby to be born. My husband wont be back for a while, he just got over there so now I have to pull myself together for our child. It helps to know that I am not the only one suffering about deployed spouses. Here in TN, there isn't a base around for me to talk to other military families so I was glad to come across this, it helps me put things in perspective. I just want to thank all of you once again.