I love you too.....
October 1, 2006|
O.k. so no--ones answering,
Well cant you just let it ring a little longer
Ill just sit tight, through the shadows of the night
Let it ring for evermore.
~Electric Light Orchestra
The phone.
I love the phone, I hate the phone.
There are times over the years I loved to hear it ring, and other times, I was afraid to pick it up. The glorious calls of "it's a boy", "we are getting married". The 3:30 am phone call when you find out your Grandmother passed, or your Dad had a heart attack. There are times, when the phone rings and you just do not want to pick it up out of fear.
Then there are the times when your Dear Husband or wife is deployed, and watching the phone is like watching a pot of water boil. Sometimes after sitting by the phone, you finally get the courage to go to get groceries, only to return to his or her voice on the answering machine.
The simple calls, the "I miss you" calls. Those are the sweet calls. I was reminded of one of these "sweet calls" over at Sgt Hooks this week.
He asked if he had waked her.
She told him no. She lied.
He apologized for waking her.
She repeated that he hadn’t, lying again. She asked how his day had been, whispering so as not to wake her bedmate.
He told her it went well. He lied. He asked her what she did over the weekend.
She changed the subject. Not wanting to tell him. She asked if he had gone out on another convoy.
He told her that he had.
She asked if all had gone well.
He replied that it had, lying again. Not wanting to worry her about his injury. He asked if she had gone out with her friends.
Go here to read the rest.
The phone, e-mail, instant messenger. Many couples talk daily, some once a week, others once every couple weeks. We all handle that differently. Communication....is key right?
I never have to go far for a reminder of my Dear Husbands 18 month deployment with his National Guard Brigade. This last week or so I was reading one of my favorite deployed soldiers blogs Jack Army , and he was generous and shared a conversation he and his wife had over the instant messenger... here is part of that conversation.
JILL ARMY: I thought you didn't go on patrols
JILL ARMY: :o
JACK ARMY: talking on the radio, checking Army emails, working on sekrit stuff, picking up or dropping off people and supplies at the airfield, giving briefings, having meetings...
JACK ARMY: Oh, I go. Just not all of them.
JILL ARMY: ugh
JACK ARMY: It's not ugh.
JACK ARMY: It's my job. I'm a Soldier and we go on patrols. sheesh.
JILL ARMY: it is for me!!! what will we do with out you? what will I tell the kids if you don't ever come home to us???
You can go here, to read the rest of the conversation. I could relate to the conversation, although it is one we have NEVER had, it is the conversation I have never been able to have out loud. We have had the conversation, it happens when you are handed the will, and the P.O.A., and they wave goodbye, and the final hug occurs.
I know some couples have the "what if" conversation often, and there are some of us that never say the words.
Once again I am glad to find mil-bloggers discussing the intimate conversations that do take place.
I feel less alone.
Yet another caller on the line:
Sean from Doc in The Box, shares his experience calling home too...
My husband and I didn't have the What If conversation during his OIF II deployment. We had it when he got home, so now I guess we're prepared for this up-coming deployment.
I had a hard time with OIF II because my husband didn't write me paper letters (I wrote him 215 of them). He didn't see why it was that important, why I would want something to hold in my hand if I didn't have him. I think he sees it now, and he *swears* he will write me so many letters I'll drown in them this next time :)
Posted by: Sarah | 10/01/2006 at 18:37
Yes, we had that conversation. his last night home, and it was awful, terrible and sweet all at once.
We don't write a lot of paper letters, but I save each and every email and IM. I back them up religiously.
He doesn't do convoys, but his base isn't the safest place in the world. and when he does go somewhere, he flies and I worry, like crazy. when he says "don't worry, I'll be careful"... yeah, right. Of course I worry, I haven't stopped worrying since he left.
LAW
Posted by: LAW | 10/01/2006 at 21:27
Yeah. Been there, done that. The mission that didn't quite go as planned (remind me again why it is that I don't want you to have a desk job...). The "what if" conversation that is horrible and terrible and touching all at the same time.
We don't do many paper letters either but we hang on to each and every one as if they were gold.
As for the worry...that doesn't cease. Even when he's home, I worry. It's a different level of worry but it's still there. I can't seem to shake it. I'm afraid if I let my guard down, THAT is when awful things will happen.
Funny things, superstitions.
- hfs
Posted by: HomefrontSix | 10/01/2006 at 23:18
Thought I already commented...sorry if it turns up twice!
DH tells me a lot...pretty much anything that is not OpSec. Sometimes it is almost too much...but I like that he tells me what is on his mind.
For me, I hold back in terms of the home front. I don't want him distracted. I'm honest...but I try to sound upbeat and positive as much as I can.
Posted by: Molly Pitcher | 10/01/2006 at 23:43
ugh... I got so mad at Jack for putting this conversation on his blog. It was a private conversation, I guess it's not anymore...I regreted asking him that question the minute I finished typing it. I knew the answer. I was having a little bit of a melt down day...it just came out. I know he is doing what he loves and will come home when he can. I am so incredibly proud of him, we all are.
It's all good.
Posted by: Jillarmy | 10/02/2006 at 01:07
I can so relate to not receiving paper letters and how important they are to me to keep. My dh now feels email is quite sufficient. he recently returned from korea the second time and hadn't written one letter to me but he came home w/ a large stack I'd written him. I guess it's more of a girl thing to want to keep letters.
he hates having any what if convos. yet another girl thing I think for us to have that contingency plan and to feel reassured.
as far as the ph, even when my dh is home, i dread it ringing. when he's deployed, i cant distinguish between his calls and telemarketers'. i just know im gonna dread any contact from the outside world very soon. i just want to go to sleep for a yr.
Posted by: just me | 10/02/2006 at 08:19
Jill - we're proud of you too.
Though you may have wanted the phone conversation to remain private, I think it's touched everyone who has read it. We have all had conversations along those lines, and we totally understand your feelings - all of them.
Posted by: Andi | 10/02/2006 at 11:23
Jillarmy...
I read that exchange on your husband's blog. I'm sorry something was put out there that you did not want shared.
Since I'm the blogger in the family, it is the other way around for us. After DH asked me to remove something from my blog once, I check with him now if I think he might not approve.
As you can see, many of us have dealt with these issues in various ways...no one's judging. Even though we understand and accept most of the time, most of us have those moments when it just seems unfair.
Posted by: Molly Pitcher | 10/02/2006 at 11:26
I just wrote about a phone call I over heard while talking to my wife, to be a fly on the wall of the phone center...
Posted by: Sean | 10/02/2006 at 11:58
what a terrible father
Posted by: Emily | 11/21/2006 at 05:44