I Can Handle Just About Anything. Anything but "That"

I'm a pretty independent woman, but there were a few occasions when my husband was deployed that I really, really needed him. Below is a story I published on my personal site while he was deployed. I thought I would share it with you.

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It had been a good weekend. Spring was in full bloom. I had been productive all weekend. Checklists were under control. Things were done. At approximately 10:00 p.m. on Sunday evening, the cat began making a terrible chatter in the dining room. I see her on the sofa in the sitting area gazing up at the blinds. I knew immediately that there was a fly, or a butterfly, tucked in the blinds, and it was driving her crazy. I walk over, tap the blinds and the intruder came right at my head. It took .01 second to figure out this was ...... it was..... a....... BAT.

I immediately swung into action- opened the deck door, grabbed a broom. GET IT OUT OF HERE, I said to myself. The cat is jumping from the buffet to the sofa to the table, the dog is barking, furniture is disturbed, the bat is flying - round and round and round. I'm attempting to swat it with the broom, but it was too fast. Then, it heads to the kitchen and I lose it. I grab the phone and call the police (no, I didn't call 9-1-1).

"Do you do bats?"

"Bats?"

"Yes, I have a bat in my house and my husband is deployed, not sure what to do."

"Ma'am, we'll send an officer over."

They lied. Not one, not two, but three police cars show up at my house. Three nice men rummage through my things attempting to flush out the nasty creature. One of them tells me that this is only his second "bat call" in seven years. They try hard, but after 30 minutes, we all know that it could be anywhere and there was nothing we could do about it. Asking the officers to stand guard all night wasn't an option.

I thank them, and apologize for wasting their time. I whip off an email, though not frantic, to the husband hoping he'll get a chance to read it early, throw some things in a bag, load the dog up and head to a hotel. A hotel which cost me an arm and a leg because I had the dog with me. The dog and I arrive shaken and tired at midnight.

After a few hours of sleep, the dog and I awake and I call the "experts." When I arrive back at the house, the cat is on the sofa once again, staring into the blinds. So I knew the nasty creature was lurking there yet again. I open the blinds slowly and my suspicion was verified. There he was, just "hanging out" as if this were his home. I leave him alone, knowing that the expert would soon take care of the problem.

Expert arrives and says he needs to inspect the house. Goes into the attic (seems to be there forever), comes back down and delivers the first good news I've had in hours. "There is no trace of other bats, your attic is sealed tight, no bat droppings." He pokes around the house some more and informs me that this is a fluke, the bat must have come in when I opened the door (memo to self: never leave that back door open at night again). Then, he delivers the blow: "As for the bat right there (points to nasty creature) there is nothing I can do, we specialize in flushing out several bats, not just one, I don't have tools to do that." My smile fades. Fast. "Call animal control" he says.

Smile returns, animal control will be out to carry off nasty creature. One hour. Two hours. Three hours. Nasty creature still hanging upside down in MY HOUSE. Smile left long ago.

Bat Napping (inside black circle).

Call animal control again.

"Well, we have a bear on the loose ...."

"Oh, and I thought I had problems."

"We'll be there as soon as we can and if it's after dusk........" Whatever was said after that, I didn't hear. Expert had already told me that nasty creature would "hang" there all day if I leave him alone. He's sleeping. How nice, I'm starring in my own version of Fear Factor and nasty creature is taking a nap. But, expert warned me that nasty creature will awake at dusk and begin to fly.

Not about to let that happen, I call a friend, another soldier who my husband had called earlier and asked to check on me. He came equipped with a net, though we ended up having to use a nice blanket (which is now in the trash) to seal the deal. Nasty creature removed. Removed from the blinds. Removed from the house. Removed from the property.

Some days I miss my husband more than others...... 

Comments

[Deanna]

LOL that story made my day. Thank you so much for posting it.

[vickie]

This made me laugh. We live out in the country. No bat problem yet, but I do deal with alot of mice. I know that they are smaller then me, but just something I'd rather have my husband deal with.

[Sis B]

mine was a toad in the kitchen. i can handle the pregnancy alone, i can handle the finances and car problems and the possibility of giving birth and dealing with a newborn by myself. but the toad in the kitchen nearly sent me into hysterics as i chased it around with a broom and screamed every time it hopped toward me.

i'm glad i'm not the only one with pest control issues. i SO did not sign up for *that*.

[tankerswife]

Mine are spiders. And unfortunately, I told hubby that I would fix the gate area around the garbage cans. I just hadn't reckoned on having 4 big hairy spiders to deal with before I could even get to the pavers. Ugh!

[K.C.]

I enjoyed the story too.. and I certainly don't want to be a party pooper.. but women have stood up to rodents, insects, and unmentionable invaders since the Pilgrims hit a rock on our shores. We need to toughen up a bit! Dealing with unwelcome critters is the least of our worries (or should be). Good that we can laugh about it, of course (that's what spouses do best together)however, I think it's wasn't dealing with the bat that made you miss your spouse, but the companionship of having him WITH you to remember the unusual moment.. it was a memory-in-the-making that was missed out on (if that makes sense). I think we spouses should work harder at letting our husbands know they are missed for life's "memory making moments" more than their handiness around the house (or lack of it)..
For what it's worth, we had bats in our house in Panama all the time.. and on another overseas assignment - we had fruit bats hanging from every tree limb (the size of small cats)... :o\ Take a deep breath -they're harmless & definitely misunderstood. Cases of bat bites are extremely rare.. so if it happens again, grab your digital camera, take a photo - and take advantage of the opportunity to challenge your kids (after the bat is gone, of course) to determine the species of bat that became a visitor, and turn your "lemon" into lemonade, as they say. :)

[Molly Pitcher]

KC--

Nope...it is the spiders.

Just kidding, kind of. But irrational phobias are just, that, irrational. No amount of information is going to make the sufferer any less afraid.

I mean, there are people afraid of BALLOONS or PENNIES or CLOWNS for goodness sake. Not like those are going to actually hurt anyone...

[Andi]

Aw, K.C. - You are right, and I think it goes without saying why I really miss my huband...

Misunderstood? Perhaps, but the bat is certainly the ugliest creature I've ever seen face-to-face, and the sound they make is blood-chilling. *awful* Having a bat go directly for your head is a bit of an experience.... A bad one. A very bad one.

Give me a toad, give me a spider, give me a snake but never, never, never give me a bat...