Permission
September 19, 2006|
This blog is just getting off the ground, and already I have a pretty serious topic to broach. It's one that, depending on your spouse's personality, you might have to deal with too.
Last night my husband asked my permission to deploy.
We recently got orders to PCS this winter, and all of the soldiers in my husband's course were tasked for "branch immaterial" jobs, which basically means they just need warm bodies to fill slots. We could give preferences based on location, but no one knew which jobs they would be tasked for. Both my husband and another soldier were assigned to the same post but different units, and the other soldier's unit is already slated for deployment. My husband wants to trade with him.
Every time I think I couldn't be prouder of my husband, he does something to amaze me. This other soldier just returned from a deployment, and my husband doesn't think it's fair that this guy should do another so soon when my husband hasn't been since OIF II. But there's more to his decision than just equality of downrangedness: my husband thinks that the War on Terror is important. He wants to do anything he can to help our country come out on top. He gets personal satisfaction and meaning from doing a job that matters in the world, and right now he thinks he could matter more on a deployment.
So he asked my permission. And I granted it.
I know that this decision is easier for me than for others because I don't have children to worry about. Deployment is not nearly the strain on me as it is on those of you with little ones. But that year of separation still hurts even if I don't have any added responsibilites. No wife wants her husband to be in harms way, and it's even worse when he wants to do it on purpose! But I also want him to "be all that he can be", and if deploying makes him feel closer to finding purpose in his life, then how can I deny him that?
I also think maybe part of the allure of this scenario is that we can feel like we're in control of this scary situation our military is in these days. If my husband and I can pick the deployment and do it on our terms when we're good and ready, then at least we can feel like we have some control over our life. Shoot, you all know how little control we have over our lives in the military...
It's still not certain that this will all pan out. The trade has to be approved, and who knows what can happen. But I'm still proud of my husband for stepping to the plate.
And I'm a teensy bit proud of myself for granting that permission. Gulp.
Hi Sarah,
I just recently faced a decision much like yours. I also do not have children, but am getting married to the man in January... he'll be leaving in late February.
I knew that if this opportunity ever came up, he would want it, so I was prepared in that way. I was excited that we made the decision together, and I don't regret it, but man is it tough to think about sometimes!
I just remind myself that we're strong, we'll make it just like we always do. :o)
Posted by: Kath | 09/19/2006 at 15:57
He never ceases to amaze you, huh? Especially when you think about all the ones out there who do all they can to get out of deploying!
Posted by: RedLegMeg | 09/19/2006 at 16:24
Dang...
Posted by: Erin | 09/19/2006 at 16:54
It's true, the separation still hurts, kids or not.
Posted by: Andi | 09/19/2006 at 17:53
I am proud of him and I am proud of you too! It takes so much for him to go, but in my eyes, it takes a lot for you to be willing to let him.
Thank you both.
Posted by: Melinda | 09/19/2006 at 18:52
Sarah,
I really admire you. DH was OUT of the Guard & wanted to re-enlist during the conflict in Afganistan. I said "absolutely not!" We'd just had a baby and I could only think of myself. When I saw how much it was killing him to not be a part of what was going on, I relented.
Who was I kidding? His patriotism is one of the reasons I love him. I won't ever completely understand the yearning but our country is a better place because of the men and women who feel it.
Posted by: Dusty | 09/19/2006 at 22:21
Dusty, having a baby certainly makes things more complicated. I'm impressed that you relented! My general attitude can be summed up like this: we need the best and smartest folks on the battlefield today, and since I put my husband at the top of that "best and smartest" list, we need him on the front line.
Posted by: Sarah | 09/20/2006 at 07:31
Admiration from me and my household!!!
Posted by: Love My Tanker | 09/20/2006 at 10:12
I've been expecting this ever since he transferred to Finance, but your response is wonderful. I'm so impressed with both of you and so honored to be a recipient of your sacrificing service.
Posted by: FbL | 09/20/2006 at 20:47
Sarah,
I just finished chapter one of The Blog Of War ending with your post.
I was moved to tears.
We are lucky to have men and women like you and your hubby who can appreciate the bigger picture.
Kudos! I want to be you when I grow up. :)
Posted by: dusty | 09/20/2006 at 23:17
You gals give me a lot of hope. I've always believed that military families have the kind of perspective lacking in the rest of the world. My daughter in law sent this link and I'm so glad she did. You're all in our prayers...
Posted by: army grandma/army brat | 09/22/2006 at 17:14
my own better half did pretty much the same thing after 9/11. he was technically still in usmc irr finishing his 8 yr contract. after 9/11 he was pacing up and down the hallway relentlessly. "i gotta get out there and DO something!" he wanted to re-up in the marines. Badly. he hated his civian job but did it because he didnt want to put me and our son through the military life chaos he went through as an air force brat. after a couple weeks of seeing him miserable with wanderlust i gave him my blessing and permission, and we were once again a military family after a short 2 yr break.
here's the funny thing. the marines turned him down due to the unbelievabley HUGE amount of new recruits signing up. they told him he couldnt get back in active duty because it was cheaper on uncle sam to bring on a new recruit than bring back an E4. he was flabbergasted to say the least. he loved the marines and only got out because he thought he was saving his family from that kind of life (i now know he couldnt live without) so being the only other alternative he went to the Air Force Reserves. who more than happily signed him on. He was eager to get deployed and "Kick some Osama Ass". well his wish was granted. so far he's done operation noble eagle, enduring freedom, oif I and oif II and was even stop lossed for oif I.
sometimes i think its too much but for him its never enough. and if he can take it so can i. the homefires will be here burning bright until he returns. again.
Posted by: dizzylizzie | 09/27/2006 at 18:48
My husband enlisted in the Navy Reserves shortly after 9/11 and was recently given the option for deployment. I too, agreed to this endeaver because I know what it means to him. As far as thinking we can never be prouder of them, this morning he told me of a soldier that was on his way home for emergency leave, this soldier's humvee turned over, crushing his shoulder blade, spilling fuel onto all of his clothing and he had no warm clothes to wear. My husband took him to his barracks and gave him a christmas gift that I had sent to him, a flannel jacket lined with a hooded jacket inside. I had sent him 2, but he thought that I would be angry because he gave my gift away. I told him that I was so glad that this soldier found him to transport him and that I felt like I was able to contribute to make his emergency trip home a little bit more comfortable. I'm proud of him everyday and things like this show me just how special he is.
Posted by: Donna | 12/20/2007 at 15:09