Those Wacky Civilians

A civilian recently asked me what percentage of married life had my husband and I spent apart from one another. I've been luckier than most, but anything over 20% garners a gasp. Then a pause. Then a smile. Then, "oh, so that's why you have such a happy marriage."

Yeah, that's it....

In 2000, my husband pulled a year-long unaccompanied tour in the Middle East. When I told my girlfriend, a civilian with no exposure to the military, that my husband would be leaving for a year, she looked at me and said, "What do you mean he's going without you? They can't do that, can they?"

Yes.They.Can.

And the best worst civilians-don't-get-it story came earlier this year when I was trying to close on a real estate transaction while my husband was deployed. I needed a document from him, a document that was very difficult to obtain (more on this later). I tried to explain to the person seeking the document that my husband was located in a "dedicated combat zone", hoping that the explanation might shed some perspective on the situation. It didn't. I was told that my husband could simply drop the document in a FedEx box.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that? I understand the FedEx camel trots by twice a day.   

Civilians are amusing sometimes, are they not?

Comments

[Jo]

I love it when civilian wives ask me how I can stand him to be gone so long; they can't stand their husband being away one night a week. I smile and say, "Girl time!". Confuses the heck out of them really.

[Tami]

I was working as a nanny in a well-to-do neighborhood, and my husband was having trouble getting a straight answer about our next PCS. He was told we would be going several different places, and then when we finally got "the word" that we were off to England, it took 12 weeks to get written orders. At the bus stop in the morning, the neighbors kept asking if we had orders yet, to which I had to keep saying no. Finally one mom said, "Well, they are going to have to get them soon or you will just have to tell them you changed your mind and you aren't going." Gosh, why didn't I realize it was that easy?

[Sarah]

When my husband got back from his 13 mos in Iraq, we went on a cruise. I'll never forget the look on his face when the young couple at our dinner table said, "Gosh, I think working on a cruise ship must be the hardest job you can have! Look at how hard they work while everyone else has fun! And such long hours too!"

[dez]

Comment on Unaccompanied tours to Korea.
I think this unaccompanied tours in Korea is one of the toughest situation every spouse ever have to deal with. While soldiers are out there, they are free to roam around bar hopping, drinking and of course we all know what else happens. While they are away from their spouses and childrens who are left behind to deal with the separation, the other half is having the time of their lives. Is it fair? No! I know a few of my friends whose marriage did not outlive the Korean challenges.

[Selene]

I can totally relate to the documentation story! I also had to deal with all the paperwork for some things while my hubby was deployed. They just don't get it. I was quite upset because I really hoped to be able to get some slack. After all, he's risking his life serving the country.

[Navy Reservist/Cop Wife]

I know I am luckier than most, my husband is a reservist and when he is home he is a cop in a major east coast city. I guess I am used to him being gone on the holidays anyway, and in danger daily, so maybe during his deployment in Kuwait 2 years ago I felt he was safer there than on the streets of the city "fighting crime". However, this made civilian comments about his deployment rather humorous, here are some of my favorites.... "You mean, you let him go" (like I could call up the Secretary of the Navy and demand they not take my husband...); Just recently upon finding out he may go again, "You mean his unit is leaving again next year....you are going to let him go" (I'm sorry didn't we cover this last year, I don't have a red phone to the Secretary of the Navy next to my bed). Then there were all the people that thanked me for letting my husband go overseas....appreciated but I had no control at all. Just like when he goes off to work everyday when he is home, I have no control over the police department either. I knew what I was gettinginto when I married him...no need in throwing a tantrum, just need to keep living.

[Kristina]

Just before my husband deployed to Iraq in August 05 we went home to see his family in Maine. While having lunch at a local Subway, we overheard the conversation of a reservist, about her recent return from Iraq. After a brief conversation, she sat down with her lunch and we went to pay for ours. The person behind the counter, who happened to be the manager, struck up a conversation with us about the upcoming deployment. Among her rude questions and comments was one directed at me that I'll never forget, "Just think of all the money you'll make when he dies over there!" I have never been so disgusted in my life. After we left I called the franchise owner, who happens to be the son of a Vietnam veteran. He was incredibly apologetic and the manager was promptly fired.

[RangerPara'sGal]

It's been frustrating to constantly explain and defend my husband's deployment. We were married for a mere four months when he left for his 16 months of training and deployment for a UN peace-keeping mission in Kosovo. We are only on month two. People insist that the Army is not allowed to send newly-weds away within the first year of marriage. I wish! My Mother-in-Law has the selfish notion to demand to my husband that he demand the Army to grant him leave at Christmas (in the first month of the actual mission) so the family can fly to Eastern Europe to be with him.

[Katy]

Everytime my husband has to leave to go on any deployment or TDY, there is always some civilian that will come up to me and say things like,It will only make your marriage stronger or it will go by fast. Fast for who? Not me. And I don't need 6 months away from my husband to mak our marriage strong. But my favoirte comment has to be, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you married someone in the Military. Can I just say that....No I didn't know what I was getting myself into. All I do know is that I love my husband and no matter what his job is, I'll always support him.

[SoldiersGirl]

Recently, my husband got deployment orders, and then a small group was told by a phone call to home that they were released from said assignment due to overstrength. The very next day, we got a phone call basically saying, "My bad.. you are still going" When I told some of my girlfriends, they said.. "Oh-- no they said he didn't have to go.. he just doesn't need to go.. They can't make him" Um.. yeah they can, thats what AWOL is about. People ask me, how are you going to do it, your kids are so small.. it is going to be so hard. Really? I had no idea! I thought it was going to be easy and fun! Oh yeah- I was told I'd make $$ from his death too. Grr..

[dizzylizzie]

i know how you feel kristina, my mother in law has done similar things. first off, when he comes home for R&R he likes to be with me and the kids and NOT be baraged by his family members right away. he always tells them. "just give me a week or two to settle in and then you can come or we'll come to you" but it never happens. she always is in his face like the day (or night) he returns. he HATES it. so this time he told her if she was gonna do that again he wasnt going to tell her when he was coming home on R&R.
in fact, the last time he came home it was almost 11pm at night and he didnt tell her. i just picked him up at the airport with our son. it was two days before she found out he was home.
to some this may seem mean to do but its not to us. all he wants is some P & Q with his family and she's always in his face all the time. he once told her "look all i want is some time with my family ok just give me some time" ...and what did she say?... "well what about us? we're your family too! where's that leave us?"
LADY, HE IS 30 YEARS OLD! HE'S MARRIED, WITH TWO KIDS! LEAVE HIM ALONE!
dont get me wrong. i love my MIL but sometimes, i mean jeez! enough is enough!
and dont even get me started on the time she SHOWED UP AT THE AIRPORT ON HIS DEPLOYMENT DAY!

[Lisa]

My nephew was telling me how they are going to refinance his home to do some additions to it, and I said "yes we are doing the same thing to put a yard in the back. He says yeah you don't have to worry about that cause the military pays all your bills.!!!!!!

[Aimee]

LOL...the FedEx camel! I'm going to remember that one.

[Tamara Grabowski]

Too funny! I was trying to register our car while my husband was deployed in the middle east and was told I was not able to sign on his behalf even though I had a power of attorney. I was talking to DMV personnel and I said that this was frustrating since I couldn't reach my husband. Long story I mentioned I thought that during war time government agencies would recognize this and she had the nerve to tell me . . ."We aren't at war." Civilians?!

[Tamara Grabowski]

Too funny! I was trying to register our car while my husband was deployed in the middle east and was told I was not able to sign on his behalf even though I had a power of attorney. I was talking to DMV personnel and I said that this was frustrating since I couldn't reach my husband. Long story I mentioned I thought that during war time government agencies would recognize this and she had the nerve to tell me . . ."We aren't at war." Civilians?!

[Laurie]

My husband was in GTMO for 2 years.Of those 2 I maybe saw him a total of 3 weeks.Now he's in New Orleans unaccompanied for 3 years.Of course he is closer since I'm in Florida but our schedules are not the same.for those thinking Pensacola no.It's about 10 hr drive to him.
So nothing personal about being deployed 1 year.But that was easy compared to what I face now.

[Barb B]

My husband has been in the Navy for 23 years (four active on subs) and the rest as a reservist. We have been married for five years, so my only exposure has been the wife of a reservist. We have been fortunate that he hasn't been deployed. Even as a reservist, the military still yanks you around and that can be pretty frustrating. Last year, my husband went through transition from E-6 to E-7 (that's a Chief in the Navy) and it's a pretty big deal with a WHOLE lot of frustration built into the process on purpose. Some of the hardest part for me is that there isn't a support system for military spouses where we live. I feel really disconnected from what's going on and have no one to talk with who I have the military in common with. We are getting an Ombudsman, soon, (she's in training right now) and I hope that things improve.

For us, being a reserve family is challenging because we own a small business and we have to really plan things out to account for him being gone on AT and to keep the business running in the meantime. We are managing it so far, but, it really takes some work; I'm sure it's not nearly as difficult as dealing with deployment.

I am encouraging my husband to go active once he makes E-8 and be active until he retires. I love being a Navy wife and I am very proud of my husband's career.

I am glad there is finally a forum out there for the military spouse.

[chiefsailorwife]

Yes to everything! I too have heard many tactless comments about strengthening your marriage (hmm, existing on static filled phone calls shouting to make yourself heard, sudden disconnects, emails which take days to exchange with questions and answers passing by so that yet again you must respond to questions asked days ago), the time will fly by (it snails with worries about communication foremost) and the military pays all your bills (AS IF)!!

What I find is that most civilians have NEVER thought about what military personnel (and their families) have to give up just to serve. And every chance I get, I set the record straight by saying "Ever watched that Tom Hanks movie about being stranded on a desert island?" No? "Multiply it by a hundred and add constant worry and you might just get close to what my dog feels." Immediate apologies and often a statement that they need to broaden their horizons a little.

[Molly Pitcher]

Katy--

I also got the "It was a choice you and your husband made..." comment when I explained to the superintendant that I wanted to take the second of my personal days the day before a long weekend because that was the only time I could see my husband while he was in training.

I just responded, "Yes, my husband chose to defend his country and yes, I chose to support him."

Shut him up.

[Deanna]

My husband and I met in the military and have been married for almost 5 years. Between both of our deployments we've been separated for 2.5 years. He just left last week for this 3rd deployment and it just doesn't get any easier. You dont' really get that much more money and all the money in the world can't replace your husband. People seem to think we can turn down orders all the time and we have choices. I wish they weren't so naive. And the ones who say well it will make your marriage stronger haven't had an argument with there husband that took days to resolve becuase of the awful communication. They don't know what it is like to answer the phone everyday hoping it's their husband on the line. Deployments cause so much stress and strain on a relationship. I can say from experience that the best thing about deployments is you have to learn how to communicate with eachother verbally. My husband and I have learned to talk to eachother and that has really helped us to get through these rough years.

[Armywifetoddlermom]

AMEN Sister

Another reason I love you Andi!!

And this has made me want to write several posts!!

[Michael]

Hate to say it, but Fed-Ex is close to combat zones. As long as a document can be passed to a CO or some other courier, it's as good as gone. Dedicated combat zone or not...Now, this does not count if the zone is in the mountains north of Kabul, but Baghdad, no problem.

[Michael]

Just thinking about my previous post, when it occured to me why would the husband have this real-estate document on his person or out of the country (unless it was another official document)? Bank could/should work with you on this. People have been in ICU and sold homes by proxy.

[Annie]

I have come to the understanding that life REALLY is too short. How can I possibly love this man too much or not cry when we go through that mile long "packing list"? It is nice to read and gain insight from what I believe are the strongest women in the world(Military Wives). I don't need someone telling me that seperation will make us stronger.I think maybe it's the overwhelming fear that I may never kiss him, hold his hand, hear him say my name, or the thought of our youngest forgeting that light that shines in his Daddy's eyes when he comes home. We do not have the regular 9-5 woes we have the 12 to you just got extended woes. All of this combined with his HUGE pay check!! What girl wouldn't sign up for this? Keep your chin up cause it isn't gonna get better, you WILL NOT miss him less, it really is o.k. to have a little "meltdown" in a Target parking lot, and there will always be some people who live in a fantasy world who have no idea what it really means to lay it all on the line. There is nothing in this world that gives me a greater sense of pride than to know I am married to a solider. Love him and always be faithful and I always hope for each and everyone of us the safe and happy return HOME.

[Melissa]

If I had a penny for everytime I heard "the navy pays all of your bills" I WOULDN'T NEED A PAYCHECK AT ALL! I have been told countless times that I don't have to pay for my house, and that my childcare is free because my husband is in the navy. I just shake my head and smile. I've learned over the past 13 years as a military spouse, you can explain until you're blue in the face and the civilians are still going to believe what they want to believe. We've all heard the amount of money we would get should our spouse die, or how deployments "will go by fast". But not one of the people saying these things have ever had to walk a step; much less a mile, in our shoes. Hold your head up, be proud of your spouse, and always love today as if there were no tomorrow. It's the only way to get through!

[Andi]

Michael - the second, more infurating part of the story involves the document. My husband didn't have the document with him, I had to get it to him for a signature and he had to rush it back. Needlessly, in my opinion. However, it's a story for another day. But it's coming, trust me, it's coming...

[Misty]

I love when a civilian comes up to me and tells me that they understand what I am going thru while my husband is deployed. At times, I just grin and smile while at other times I ask them if they or they spouse has served. I get this obscure look, a drop of the head and then it is like a lightbulb comes on in that civilian peabrain. The best one though, for me, is when the lady looked at me and said "Well no hun, my family has never had anyone serve but my husband is gone to work for 10 hours a day so I know how it is to miss them!" I just want to scream at the top of my lungs at them to go back to the hole they escaped from since she really had no clue.
Isnt it amazing how they know more about how you feel and have all the advice for it. They just really blow my mind sometimes... Civilians are really so funny at times!

[nadia jackson]

i blame the army for my failed marriage. my husband was overseaes more than he was with his family. i honestly did'nt think the army could send you overseas back to back, but my husband said they could do whatever they wanted. we we're married for 6yrs. half of that he was overseas.

[Sahara]

We just had an incident this week with our new apartment. They told me I had to have his signature too for the credit app since it was in both of our names. They told me to fax it to him or have him "next day" it to me. Needless to say he's been in Iraq for 10 months now?? How is he going to get me a document signed AND notarized next day? It takes his mail a month to get to me sent priority?? Some people just dont understand. So then they tell me today.."Just have him sign it when he gets home"...well..ummm...he just got extended last night until March 2007.....so now what?

[Beth]

I too think that civilians can be soooooo stupid! I just recently closed on a loan for my husband and I, and the day of the closing they called me and denied it! When I asked why, they told me that they "don't do POA's". Well if they had asked to see it to begin with, this wouldn't have been an issue, but they didn't. They acted like he was incompetent, and that was why I was using a POA.
Then when I was finally able to get them to use the POA, my loan officer asked if my husband would be at the closing!!! UMMM...HELLO!!! Yeah, he will be there, I just like to sign for him because he doesn't like to use a pen! I didn't even know what to say to her when she asked if he was going to be there.
Then at the closing she decided it was 20 question time about the military. My husband is a tech for the National Guard (works full time when he is home) and trying to explain how that works is like trying to convince someone that they have a third arm or something. No one gets it!
My husband was afraid he was going to get extended and my parents told me to tell him that he had better tell them NO and get home. Yeah, why didn't we think of that. He will just say no....
CIVILIANS!!!!

[Kaycey]

I just don't get it. I'm a civi. The closest thing to military in my immediate family is a deceased Father In Law who served in WWII.
Not even **I'M** that stupid. SHeesh. I promise. Not all of us are so oblivious.

On behalf of the terminally stupid...please accept my appologies. Good grief.

[Jennifer]

I'm an active duty Army wife and can relate to each and every one of your postings, from POA woes (both our apartment and our house) to not telling my mother-in-law exactly when my husband was coming home (so frustrating). My husband has been to Kosovo, countless TDY's, and Iraq twice, and if I had a nickel for everytime someone said well he chose to go there...umm yea he chose to go somewhere that before you leave the military requires you to update your last will and testament...that sounds like a great way to spend more than two years of your life!

I've heard many dumb civilian comments and questions and I've tried my very best to correct them or atleast have a witty come back, but the one I got recently is my new "favorite". We recently PCS'd from Colorado (our home state) to Guam and found out that I'm pregnant with our first child. Well in the process of getting here the Army messed up and HASN'T pay us at ALL for a whole month, stressful yes, but as many a military wives know finance offices works at their own speed to make corrections. And our is in Japan since there isn't an Army base here (it's all Air Force and Navy), so I called all the major bill companies to try and work out something (due date extentions/partial payments) and most were understanding, but I actually had one lady say, "well they can't do that...call the labor board in your state". Oh Right...the labor board of Colorado or better yet Guam...if I could have reach throw the phone I might have choked her! And when I tried to nicely and calmy explain that's not how it works for military she became hostile and accused me of calling her stupid, which she said was rude and insensitive of me. And ended the call...I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!!

[dizzylizzie]

ah yesss...the good ole folks down at finance...*hugs to jennifer* we had the same problem his first tour in iraq. no paycheck for 10 weeks. and we were living out in town because there was no base housing for dobbins. damn near got evicted, almost had the car repo'd (they sent a demand for payment in full letter) and the lights were turned off. had to beg and borrow cash from the inlaws and my parentals. yep. that was great lemme tell ya.

POA's are pretty worthless. i have yet to find anyone who takes them. i went to the bank after he deployed to open a joint savings account (you know for all that extra money he'd be making) and they wouldnt take it either. neither does the DMV. or H & R Block...

yep the military will ruin your credit rating. but you can put a statement on your report with the big three stating your spouse is deployed and there was issues at the finance office.

[Rainefall]

Gosh, reading all this makes you laugh and cry. I too have had many "the military pays for everything and we live for free" comment. I just want to ask or say, that these deployments never get any easier. And when you watch the news, you hear all thats going on and just know that there will be MORE deployments on the horizon. Gosh, I wish we could get out of the military, let the rest of the people (civilians) do this kind of work..... But you know, they never will, they just keep making silly comments coz they don't know any better......

[auburn93rn]

My personal favorite happened during my husband's 1st "remote" (that's air force for unaccompanied short tour) to Saudi Arabia. We didnt have kids then. I went to the bank to take care of some routine business and the teller kept pressing me to open a local savings account. "I dont need one." She responds, "maybe for your children?" "I dont have any children." "Why not? How long have you been married" Anyway, the 3rd degree continued until I finally said "Look, my husband is in the Air Force in Saudi Arabia and I havent even had sex in 6 months!"
That really shut her up!

He's now doing his 2nd unaccompanied remote to South Korea this time. I have to say that not only did I NOT know what I was getting into, but they (the military) keeps changing the rules! When we first started 1 unaccompained was standard, not 2 are, and they have added 365 day TDY's to the mix along with the usual AEF deployments. AHHHH!

[Deanna]

My husband and I had several different problems with POA's while he was on his first deployment so what we did was made me the primary on everything and then he gave me the POA. I haven't had a single problem since then. As long as I have been the primary they hardly even ask for the POA anymore.

[Brenda]

Civies are the same all over, even the civies that live in a "Military Town" Ihave never in my life ever had as much trouble trying to do the simpliest things as I have this year and there is only more to come. Very funny story!

[Andi]

Wow - thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I thought I had some bad experiences, you guys have me beat, hands down.

Your stories are both frustrating and funny

I feel your pain....

Kaycey - don't worry, we know not all civilians are like this, it's just funny to point out how oblivious some of them are to military life. In my experience, most of these "encounters" have been harmless, innocent blunders, but amusing and mind-boggling nonetheless...

[Navy Wife]

I can relate to most of the stories, but I have to say I too did not have a clue about what I was getting myself into, and no offense to our wonderful husbands but they are not great at telling you what is to be expected. So After about 7 yrs of being clueless, I have finally concluded, that there are two things I can guarantee and count on. 1) I will move every 2 to 3 yrs, and 2) I will spend at least 50% of my marriage practicing celebacy. The rest is up to the Navy. I truly enjoy the comments by "even more clueless than us" civillians, "how could I possibly live this life", and and I simply tell them "how could I possibly live any life without the man I fell in love with.".

[Tryn]

I think your being a little hard on civilians. Lets face it before we became apart of the big "military family" most of us had no clue what-so-ever about the goings on within the military system let alone what would happen to our families as a result. Give em some slack. We have enough trouble sometimes keeping up with all the changes and new bills being passed and upheaval just being within the system and we have knowledge of it.

Not to mention, civilians have really done alot for all of us during these last few years. I suspect there will be a few civilians who will be reading this blog as well.

[Robyn]

I have had a couple of experiences dealing with clueless civilians. First, my sister. I was talking to her on the phone before dh deployed and i was explaining that he would be gone for a year. So, she says to me "but he can call you everyday right?" Yeah that's right they have unlimited phone usage in Iraq and oh yeah its free too. Could you imagine if my dh called me everyday that would cost me a fortune.

Then, my dh cosigned a loan for his brother about a year ago. So, my brother-in-law is talking to the bank on the phone about his account being past due. The lady tells him to have dh call her about it so he tells her that he is in Iraq for a year and he isn't able to call her. She continues to tell him to have dh call her and she will talk to him about it. Lady, what part of he is in Iraq do you not understand!!!!

[Shelley]

The one that I hate most is when men find out that I am a military wife and my husband is in Iraq. The first thing they say is, "well, he will never know". WHAT?! I try to explain that there is a little used word called faithfull and that is what I am. I wouldn't be putting up with everything that deployment and the Army has to dish out if I wasn't head over heels in love. But I know there are some wives out there that have different ideas. I also get very offended when people assume that my husband went into the military so he could go shot at people. Like he is high fiveing his buddies right now and counting down till the next deployment. I don't know anyone that went into the military so they could fight a war.

[Jennifer]

Although I haven't had to do the deployment yet, myy husband is new, he is finishing AIT now. But between the 2 of us we have 3 kids, a 10 year old, 19 month old, and a 1 month old. I was out doing the shopping with 2 carts and I had a woman look at me and tell me if she was me she would never leave the house. I just wanted to scream at her, but didn't, I just walked away. You dont choose to do these things alone, it is part of the life our men/women choose, and we support them for that and keep the family safe until their return.

[Sarah]

I loved when my husband was in Iraq and one of our friends asked me for his phone number. Heh. Our buddy's heart was in the right place, but boy was it funny.

[Bette]

Try being "just" a fiancee. Then they're really suspicious of the POA.

I met my infantryman while I was living (and very settled) in Chicago. After we were engaged, you'd be amazed at the number of people who asked, "Why are you moving to Georgia? Can't he move to Chicago?"

Perhaps to Fort Sheridan, which was decommissioned last century? Let me call the CG.

[Kate]

Being a submariner's wife, I had no idea the problems you-all encounter with communications. We don't have problems communicating because we aren't able to. Email can be sent and received - if the sub comes to the surface, if the operation they are doing allows them to send messages ... During this current deployment there were 2 different periods of 60 days during which I received exactly one email from my Hubby. But at least I don't expect or hope that he will call and then get disappointed or postpone doing things like grocery shopping "just in case" the phone rings.

[Andi]

Wow, Kate. I've never thought about that. Hat's off to you, I'm sure that it's difficult to be out of touch for so long. I would love to hear more about submarine life, though. It's such a foreign concept to me being an Army wife. I'm sure you have many interesting stories.

[Holly]

Ok,I have to completely agree with the whole oblivious civilian thing. I grew up in the military (Army) then went and married an Army man...I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess. But some of the comments that are said are just down right stupid. Such as...
I had one credit card company call me 5 times a day...5 times, no kidding, for almost a year asking for my husband. I would tell them "He is deployed overseas and cannot call you. May I help you with something?" At which point they would tell me they would call back later!!!! I actually had to have my husband call...FROM IRAQ... to tell them to stop calling. Needless to say it wasn't a nice conversation as he explained to them his work shift (12+ hours at a time) and that he was calling at 11:00 at night when he should be sleeping! Thankfully the phone calls have gone away. Now you're probably wondering "Why were they calling so much?" Here it is...this is the best. They wanted to raise his credit limit!! My husband FLIPPED OUT over the phone! Then called me to tell me never to answer their calls again!

I've had some interesting situations and comments. I was at Store 24 one evening picking up a few things and while standing in line noticed a soldier in front of me. I didn't pay any attention to their conversation, just kept reading a magazine waiting, since this woman was slower than molasus in the winter time. He paid for his items, the cashier thanked him "for his service to our country" he said thank you and left. After he left I walked up to the counter and put my stuff down. The woman looks at me and says "That has got to be the easiest job in the world" I asked her what she was talking about and she had mentioned that the soldier was in transportation. "All he has to do is drive around all day" I looked at her in complete amazement. I said to her "Well, hun, some people aren't as fortunate to get such a challenging job, such as yourself. My husband is in the military and he is also in transportation. He is also in Iraq and believe me, you don't want to be doing the driving he is doing." She says to me "Well, all they are doing is bringing other soldiers or supplies to other areas!" I said "Well, for some, yes. But, when your driving down the street, do you have to worry about running over a bomb? Having to run over a child because they CAN NOT stop? Wondering if you are going to make it to your destination alive? When, you have a ride to work like that, then and only then, can you tell me how easy his job is!" I didn't even pay for my items. I just walked out.
How stupid can some people be?!?!?!

[air force wife]

I think it's just like any other job really, if you aren't involved in it, you don't really know what it's all about. I do think there are more misconceptions about military life, though.

My husband has only been deployed once for 73 days while we've been married. Me and my son went to stay with my parents while we were gone and I worked part time for my uncle while we were home. Some of the stuff people said was kind of funny. One girl that came in a lot asked me a lot of questions. One day when we were talking about my son, she said "Oh it must be hard paying for a babysitter here when you are used to getting free child care. And you get free food and a free house too when your husband is home don't you?" Do people think we just drop our kids off somewhere and someone watches them totally free and then hands us a free bag of groceries when we pick them up?

[Gini]

I HATE it when people tell me that I married a marine, and I knew what I was getting myself into. We've been married 1 1/2 yrs. We're 3 months into my first deployment (his 2nd). My husband DID choose to go. After asking my permission to go to Iraq and getting a big fat "absolutly not" he not only decided to go anyway, but begged, pushed and pulled every string he could think of to go. So, no, I did not know what I was getting myself into. Call me selfish, but, as much as I love him, I'm not sure I'd choose this life if I had it to do over. The words difficult, challenging, angry, dissapointed and hurt do not even begin to describe this deployment or my feelings about it.

[Petty]

Hi, I can only imagine how hard it must be being a Military Wife. I dated a couple of them and broke it off becuase I saw how much my Sister went thru with her husband. She had their first child all alone because he was deployed and I thought to myself I don't think can't do
this, so I was chicken shit and broke up with my Boyfriend which I was crazy about becuase I was scared. Now I really want to work with Military Agencies so I can help you guys because I do appreciate what you do for us. So XOXOXO to all of you.

[kiki]

Re: Tamara's 9/26 post about going to the DMV. Same thing happened to me, but I was luckier! I asked to see a supervisor. After I explained my story to her, she whispered, "Just forge his name, and I'll take care of it!" God bless her!

For some reason, some soldiers don't share vehicle ownership with their spouses. This didn't bother me at first, but after trying to take care of business in his absence, I realized how vitally important it is to have both partners' names on accounts, titles, and deeds.

[Katherine]

My brother-in-law came to visit us at DMAFB one year, and made all the comments groceries and other stuff being free, then walked around (badly) saluting everyone. It was embarassing. Now that my husband is retired and we've moved back 'home' (is it every really home?), we don't tell people he's retired, just that he's former military. The assumption is that he makes a fortune in retirement income (we call it my $7/hr job), how else could I afford to not work outside the house? Oh, and don't you love those comments also- you know, "I wish I could afford to stay home with my kids." As if going back to work made any sense with constant deployments, TDYs and PCSs. What good would it have done to get a job if I had to leave it in two years? Or be on maternity leave? I just learned how to make the paycheck stretch as much as it could, and I'm still doing the same thing now.

[Carol]

I just had to write after reading you all's posting to tell you "and this too shall pass" General Haig's wife said that to me during one of my lower moments---Genral Haig was way before your time, but a great man....anyway after 23 years of marriage my husband and I figured up we had been together without him being deployed somewhere only 3 months!!! I know it is tough, if there is a "hiccup" with kids, finances--including Jimmy Carter the peanut farmer not paying any of the military, I faced it....I thought I was being strong for my husband because he had enough to worry about.....after 30 years as a military wife I can tell you civilians are clueless, and nothing you can do or say can make it better.....you have to some way let it go......for me all I could do was cherrish every touch of his hand, his snoring, etc. that I could get.....I internalized all the emotions and now at a drop of a hat with my sister, and 3 son in laws in Iraq, I cry at a drop of a hat........I feel very privledged to have been a Military wife and in 30 years we had 21 different "homes"......trust me when you look back on this time it will be with thankfulness for the places you have been, the friends you have made, and the life you have had all the time crying over the friends you have lost the hardships you have endured but with a sense of pride that you stood by your husband who was a very chosen few in history who has made a difference to protect our country....some women are not cut out to be military wives and I don't know what made me so different than anyone else in our rural area but I was....I can't even tell you the number of "incidents" around the world he deployed too from '71 to '01 but we survived all the while holding it together with the thought "and this too shall pass" Stay strong, and God bless you all!!!!

[Heather]

Oh these are priceless.. and to think this is what I have to look forward to.. heh.

So my husband and I just got married sept 5th (only a MONTH ago..) and he just joined the Army, so needless to say we're really pretty new at ALL of this (Although I learn fast.)
Anyway, so after we got married, we spent 5 days together at his new Duty Station, and then I had to head back home to another state to go back to work and wait for him to get Financial organized so I could move up there.
So I come back home... And during the process of getting my name changed everywhere (so now of course the whole wide world knows I just got married, ugh) everyone feels the need to ask, "So, how do you like being married?"
.... Uh, what? What the hell does one say to this kind of question? "Oh shit! I wish I hadn't!"??? And then I explain to them I haven't seen him in over 6 weeks..

And a lot of these people that ask this question actually ARE, or WERE married, so you would think they would know better. Oh boy.

[amanda]

My husband is in the National Guard and is currently on his first deployment to Iraq. I hate to admit it but, I too was one of those IGNORANT "CIVILIANS". My husband wasn't in the military when we met and got married. He joined our local Guard unit about 3 years ago and told me not to worry that the National Guard was more for protecting us on our own soil. Little did I know at the time that he was just telling me that to keep me satisfied for the time being since he knew that I was clueless when it came to military stuff. Well needless to say, I think I've been officially "broken-in". I now consider myself a "military spouse". Somehow I've managed to make it through the past 11 months knowing that his life is in danger at every moment. But I've come to realize that his life is in just as much danger here at home driving to his civilian job as it is "over there" in a combat zone. And trying not to watch the news has helped some too. But for all you "newbees" like me, the only advise I can give you is support your husband as much as you possibly can, make sure he knows that you are thinking about him constantly, send him letters and cards and care packages and emails, and thoughts and prayers and no matter what don't take the time that you do get to spend together as a "normal" married couple for granted. He won't always be home for dinner and there is nothing you or he can do about that. Just be sure to enjoy every second that you do have together while you can because one day you'll wake up and realize that he's not there to say good morning to or to give a kiss goodnight to. and don't let anyone tell you that it will be easy to endure a deployment because it won't. It will suck! There will be days where all you want to do is stay in bed and cry because you miss him so much. Just make sure you resist that urge to stay in bed. One thing that has helped me through the past 11 months is that I have picked up some hobbies to help keep my mind from worrying so much. So start scrapbooking, learn to line dance, take a class you always wanted to take but never had time to, start sewing, do some volunteer work, just do something! Do not stay at home feeling sorry for yourself and always remember that there are thousands and thousand of wives going through the exact same thing as you are right now. And you will make it through whatever the military throws your way. Stay strong and pray a lot. I can now say these things because I know that my husband will be home in about a month and a half which seems like no time at all compared to the past 11 months. Oh, and I almost forgot don't listen to "civilians" because they just really and truely don't know any better. Like when at girl I work with asked me what I'd done to my husband to make him want to leave me for a whole year when she found out he'd volunteered to go on the deployment. Or when people who say you must not really love your husband cause there is no way I'd let mine go anywhere like that without me. So to those stupid insensative people who feel the need to say stupid things just come back with a comment like "I am very proud of my husband for having the courage and pride to serve our country so that you can continue to be ingorant about our relationship" or my favorite "well you must not really love your husband because if you did you'd know that your marriage would last wether you are sleeping in the same bed everynight or sleeping hundreds of thousands of miles away from each other because you completely trust each other and have faith that things happen for a reason and who knows maybe the reason my husband is deployed is to save another soldier's life so that another military spouse can make it through a deployment".

[Kirsten]

What a nice message above! It's all true, too! Staying busy is so important and helps you grow and appreciate each other more when you're together again. I'm on my husband's second year in Iraq. I had to keep from screaming the other day when a repairman at the house was making small talk and complaining about the coming increase on the city's water rates. We live in a large military town and he said, "I guess they're doing it b/c the military pays all the soldiers' water bills." Yes...BAH covers ALL our bills! The worst thing is whenever a civilian finds out my husband's in Iraq they say, (and I get this all the time) "Oh, I'm so sorry. It's such a waste having people over there. George Bush is throwing people's lives away." Do they think this will make me feel better to think that my husband risks his life every day and I spend another 365 lonely nights at home all for a waste? I know they're just trying to be sympathetic so I bite my tongue, but ranting about the president as though he's the only one who brought us into this war and telling me what a waste it is only makes me feel worse.

[Shannon]

I feel kind of strange adding my comment. You see, I'm not a military wife but the wife of a civilian who was sent by his company to work in Afghanistan on a base there. He's been deployed now since aug. 23rd. I realise that that's not that long but still... I have been reading the milblogs and the posts here and everywhere because I hunger for some news, just some small tidbit about how things are over there. I don't trust the media, their skewed points of view and CNN needs to just go away. I have heard rumors that the military does not like the civilian employees that are sent over. I want someone to talk to, but I don't qualify as a military wife. I try to talk to friends and family but I have gotten the "what are you worried about, he's pulling a good check and if he dies you'll be set for life." No, I won't be set for life, if he dies what good will money be? (and to be honest, civvies don't get that much either, no one will insure them in a warzone, so there's only what the company provides) I didn't marry him for money, I married him because I fell in love with him, because he makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world for him, because he's a wonderful father to our children, because he's a good, kind, honest, caring man. Rich or poor that doesn't matter. After all these years I still feel this way about him and I always will. Money is crap compared to what he brings to our family. Then I get "Well he didn't have to go" No, he didn't have to go, he could have stayed here, been let go by his employer because he didn't go, sat on unemployment for god knows how long while he searched high and low for another job to support his family, become depressed because he would feel like he wasn't providing for us. We talked about all of this, pros and cons, in the end the best thing I can do is support him. So he goes, he's a welder, does repair and maintenance where he's at. I get a letter or a call from him, he's very tired, long days, but nothing but praise for the soldiers he's met there. "They're wonderful people", he tells me. "I am glad that I got the opportunity to come over and work with them" He lives in a tent with a bunch of other guys, last he heard he was about 92nd on the waiting list for a space in a b-hut. So sometime around christmas he will get better housing. But he doesn't gripe or complain about that. He doesn't gripe or complain about any of the hardships. So what do I do? I smile through my tears and lonliness, hold my head up and support him. I fend off the insensitive comments from others. I find things to do, to occupy my time, play with our children, I've enrolled in college, going to work on my dream of becoming a veterinarian (Wow me, in college, at 35!! I still can't believe it)I've started to volunteer for some local organizations. I've got nothing but time so I might as well do something with that time, do something not only for myself but also for my fellow man. I settle in to wait out what looks to be a long year. I wait with bated breath to hear when he might get the chance for an R & R. Maybe in January,(I hope!!) He does miss us, he does. But he also loves to work, to work hard, to feel like he's made a difference no matter how small that difference might be. I'm sorry, I have jumped around from hither to yon in this comment, it's just hard when no one around you understands how you feel. With no one to really talk to, when I started this comment it all just came out in a rush. Maybe you can make sense of it. Thanks, Shannon

[Alison Dunham]

I'm really enjoying ya'lls posts! Listen, though, don't let some ignoramuses sour your outlooks though. I mean, nobody in the world complains about the military more than me...mostly about poor planning and how most commanders aren't fit to serve their troops or make policy and I believe that goes all the way up...
I married my husband out of AIT en route to jump school 10 years ago and we have seen a lot and been through a lot together...we both came from upper middle class families that lived a lifestyle, frankly much richer with material wealth than we can give our 3 kids today. But I will say this to anyone who wants to listen, some of which I learned from an old professor of mine, 'back in the big war' ret. **** General Kirby (long before I even knew my spouse):
1) We have always had a roof over our head, 3 of which we have own(ed). And we have never had to move to live with family for need.
2)Everyone always has clothes, shoes, and there is usually plenty of food on the table
3) We never have to worry about job security, safety, yes, but not layoffs or strikes or lack of work or collecting our pay, (unless DFAS botches something up!!)
5)We have the safety net of good decent healthcare; I know it's there automatically and it might be a pain to deal with TriCare, but it's never going to bankrupt us.
and finally,
5) I look around at my family and friends working their menial jobs and/or living in their enormously huge houses with even bigger mortgages and I realize lots. They aren't any happier than we are, their kids aren't any smarter or healthier, in fact many families are divorced or downfallen or cranky or not really doing much to earn their right to live such a cushy American lifestyle. This makes me IMMEASURABLY proud of my husband.
Granted, military life is not an easy life, but it is not without rewards. And some of those assets are worth something bigger than a more decent salary. And the separations are hard, but they are instructive too. We appreciate and cherish each other so much more and recall easier what brought us together when he goes. I mean, we've weathered some stuff ya'll - but I think we somehow manage to fall in love with each other all over again when we're apart. And as for lifestyle issues, if you give wholeheartedly, spend moderately and save what you can, you can put your allowances to work for you and make a pretty good life; even on one income! My husband had a net worth of nil when we met and we now have more material wealth than we need and money in the bank, it CAN be done.
Once , when asked how we deal with separations, I mused to my girlfriend, "What other job do you get to pack up your husband and all his boy toys and send him out to the field AND NOT have to pay for that privelege ?!" (Musta been that 7 year mark...)
But now, I am with you all, and I am TIRED and I DO just wish these deployment cycles would end. It used to be we had modest pay, but pretty good MWR and quality of life and a enough global diplomacy to keep a modicum of peace with an occasional flare-up. Since 9/11 it's been good big raises and bonuses but more braggadachio and lots more risk in world conflicts. This year we have a lousy cost of living raise and no retention bonus and still the prospect of global insecurity looming large, so it may be getting worse....and may be time to go...but it's ultimately his call and I think we'll weather.
I do so prefer to spend the evenings cuddled up with him instead of posting cheerios to you lucky gals though!
Anyway, my last stand: When I start to think I've got it bad, I instead think of what it must've been like for generations before ours and I just hope we do what we can to make it better still for generations ahead...
Peace all, and please know you're not alone...

[Laura Gartung]

I am a Navy spouse, and I enjoyed reading everyone's comments. It's refreshing to know I am not alone in all the struggles we go through in our spouse's absence. My husband is currently underway for a 6 month deployment, the 2nd in our marriage, plus all the "little" 6-8 week deployments we've been through. While he has been gone this time, everyone has been SO helpful, like:
my teen-age neighbor and his friend stealing a DVD player and my autistic son's medication while watching my kids when I was in the ER for a dislocated shoulder, my next store neighbor calling the city on me b/c my grass was too high, b/c I couldn't get out and cut it w/ 3 kids, 1 under the age of 2!plus they kill off part of my grass bordering their perfectly landscaped yard w/ some grass killer, my son's principal called CPS on me b/c while I ran in to pick up my son for a DR appt., I left my 2 yr and 8 yr old in their car seats, (like I want to bring 2 extra kids to the DR. w/ my son, but I have no one to help watch them here), someone broke into my car in Aug and stole my purse, and another big help came last week when some teenagers decided to park in front of my house and dump their empty beer cans in my yard before going to the HS football game down the block. If one more person in this town says how much they support our military, I am going to bop them! The school district here wants us to fill out these federal cards, so they can get their fed money for schooling the military housing families, but I am staging a protest this year and not filling them out, due to the "unsupportive" attitude I have gotten from the civilians and local gov in this area. (I am a homeowner anyway, they get their property tax for educ from me, so its not a loss, but its the principal of the matter!) Anyway, thanks for giving me a place to vent.

[Ami Brackeen]

I think that the most reoccurring, annoying things people say is, "Mother of four with your husband always gone! HOW DO YOU DO IT"? It's just another one of those...... uhhh duhhh, do I have a choice. Well I guess I could just have a complete nervous breakdown, not do anything around the house, not take care of the bills and ignore my kids, then they'll let him come home. YEA RIGHT PEOPLE!!!

[ArmyOfOne]

Ah yes... trials and tribulations. Mysteriously disappearing paychecks, clueless civilians, hateful co-workers, etc. I recently had an encounter with a co-worker whose husband is an officer. Upon his recent orders to do a year's tour in Afghanistan, she promptly called upon her high ranking cousin to get him out of the deployment, and what do you know? It worked. That's alright though, because I can proudly say my man served with the 101st Airborne in the very beginning of the war, so if they took the coward's way out, that's fine. They have to sleep at night knowing they sent another man who has a newborn baby at home over there, just because he was scared. You think everyone else isn't/wasn't scared?? Don't even get me started on registering the car, dealing with the bills (which, if you count it out, when on 12 hour shifts stateside, soldiers make LESS than minimum wage), trying to make people understand what POA's are actually FOR!!! Not to mention the countless snide remarks from civilians, or even from other soldiers and their families who have never even so much as gone TDY!! Yeah... we'd be here all day if I started on all that.

[leah marine wife]

We own a truck and im in MN.. the people up here can be very mean when it comes to the military. My husband is currently in Iraq been there for 2 months has 5 more to go. Anyways one day I was driving and this has gone on a few times...my husband has usmc on the tail gate and a few marine stickers too on our truck. A lady got on my tail darted next to me...flipped me off..rolled her window down(stuck at a light next to her) and said who do you think you are with all that crap on your truck. The crazy thing about all that is as she drove off she has support our troops magnet on her van. She is a very confused woman obviously.

[just me]

This is my husband's 2nd "major" deployment in our 9 years of marriage (he's Nat'l Guard). He's been gone since May. We have 3 children. My husband's deployments have made me a stronger person. I know it's only me here on the homefront and I accept that responsibility. Yes, there are days that I want to pull the cover up over my head but my kids need me.

I absolutely HATE hearing about how civilians don't know how to get along without their spouse for even one night. For example: My brother is a civilian. Each time his wife is away for an overnight business trip he pawns his kids off on my mom - because he needs a break. I can't even get my mom to watch my kids so I can get my haircut!

The "how do you do it?" questions get old really quick too. I think it's the pity I feel from them that puts me over the edge. I don't need it - I have enough for myself and my kids.

I am not superwoman, nor am I trying to be. I'm just a wife and mom whose trying her damndest to hold it all together and somedays are better than others. I've learned to accept that.

[Kim]

I just wanted to comment about the people that had problems with POA and let them know that it isnt just the civilians that have a problem with them . When I was over seas with my husband and he had to go and left me with a general POA I figured I would be fine but little did I know at the time that POA's are really not the best thing in the world .I went to the post office (on Base) and had a package slip so I went to the window to pick it up and they told me that he had to pick it up since the PO box was in his name and I explained he was gone and I had a POA ( which was from this base) they told me they dont except them . Well the long and short of it was I have learned after all these years and all these deployments that sometimes you need to make people understand what you are saying and after a little time of explaining and reexplaining the situtation I finally got the package and it was for me not even for him. So please remember there are times that you have to be both mother and father husband and wife and you are left to take care of things and make sure you have the strength to put up with people that dont seem to understand or even care they are just happy they didnt have to leave there family for 3 months , 6 months, a year.
I have learned when the 3 kids were very young that you cant be like other people and say things like wait until your dad gets home because sometimes they will be waiting for a very long time and there are times they go and you have no idea when they will be home so you are mom and dad.
Dont get me wrong I am very happy to have spent the last 22 years in the military and have seen a lot of places and moved a lot of times but have really enjoyed my life as it has been .I would never trade it for anything because I have learned to be strong when he is gone and take care of everything I have learned there isnt anything I cant handle .

[Pat]

Being a military spouse of a former National Guardsmen, deployed twice, turned Active duty.(What a transition). I really feel sorry for civilians. There is this age group that has not gone through anything like this. So they know no better then to ask stupid questions. They are completely ignorent of the military. When my dad was in the Navy, (WWII) civilians tended to be more supportive to the spouses. So he said. To these civilians that ask these questions. Aren't you just jealous? Does it make you mad that we are stronger then you. We who have to be strong for our kids, our husbands, we who have to juggle everyday life here, while we think about our soldiers over there. We who sleep alone, wake alone, we who have no time for ourselfs (to a point). It takes a special woman/man (can't be sexest) to be a military spouse. It is hard, we have to adapt, but like our soldiers we have to "suck it up and move on". I am proud of my soldier, proud he decided to go full active duty. To you civilians, You should thank a military family for sacrificing what you call a normal life. To the newbees, it does get better, may not seem easier, but you learn to adjust. Plus there are many other spouses/support groups out there use them.

[NanaLitch]

Hi everyone...this is my first post, and as I was reading down the list, I was relating to all the stories, problems, and frustrations I've had over the past 18 years. The thing that always got me through the deployments was remembering that, even though the separations were hard for me, and putting up with people who didn't understand the military life was difficult, I always thought of my husband's position. He was the one away from his area of security . He was away from everything he knew; his home, his family, his bed, good food, his hobbies. So, what I did was change my focus. Instead of focusing on my situation, I focused on how I could encourage him. Now, with him being on a submarine, one thing I did every, and I mean EVERY night, was I emailed him about what had happened during that day. It may not have been anything other than something that one of our grandsons had said, but I put it in the email. That way, he still felt like he was included in what was going on at home. Also, I didn't have to update him with everything that happened while he was gone, and he was able to help me make big decisions like, do I buy a new computer or get this one fixed? Also, I would be thinking of things he liked to do like work on old cars, so I might send a model car kit to him, or put together a picture album of friends with notes that they would write...anything that would encourage him. When one of his favorite music artists came out with a new cd I would send it to him with some of his favorite candy. I sent pictures of missed holidays with the family to him showing his spot. If I was busy working on encouraging him, I didn't have time to think about how miserable and lonely I was. The military is a hard life, and I know many civilians and higher-ranking military wives will say "you knew what you were getting into,". First of all, a wife doesn't wear her husband's rank...she's the same rank you are...a military wife period! But marrying a man in the military is like having a baby. You know that when you're going to have a baby, you're going to have labor pains, but you don't realize how intense those labor pains are going to be until you go into labor. My encouragement to all military wives is to stand behind your husbands 100%. Don't go to the clubs where rumors can be started about you and some other military personnel; get a women's club going and start doing something fun like scrapbooking, stamping, bookclubs, etc. If you really love your husband, protect his reputation as well as your own. We've been married 25 years with 18 of that in the military, and you grow and become a strong woman while your husband is deployed, but that growth is good if used in the right way.

[Kelly]

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. My husband is active duty serving in Iraq (2nd deployment.) I've never had POA problems but I definately dislike:
1. You knew what you were getting into when you signed on the line.
2. The family that takes your spouse around the mall for the "military discounts."
3. The people that "claim" your spouse like they single handedly invaded Iraq, subdued Fallujah, and found Saddaam. They like being heros by association.
4. I recieved post housing the day my husband left for Iraq, round 1. I moved in three days later. I had a four month old and I talked about my husband in every other sentence. One of the movers starts telling me how he has alot of "friends" that are army spouses. And he starts stroking my hand! UGH! I was like.. did you miss the RING?!
5.I am an inactive soldier and I had someone say to me after I was recalled "Well they cant take you. They wont. They have no reason to. Besides, you dont want to go." I was like.. well, not much of a choice.

Sheesh.

[Susan]

I have enjoyed reading these comments. I am a military wife, I have been married for 2 years and have moved 3 times we will be moving again in about 3 months. Oh the fun! I knew when I married my hubby that this would be difficult. I knew we were in for many moves and many difficulties. Trust me we did not choose to move but we have been moved. I will be so glad to be left in one place for more than a year! I have been fortunate, my family does not say you knew what you were getting into and my very best friend married into the military as well. Thankfully I recieve the "this too shall pass" attitude from my family and friends and for those civi's that don't know any better... I just let them live in their own happy little worlds.

[emily]

Personally, I LOVE civilians, because they are a sfar away from the military as I can get. They're smart for not joining the military. And hey! All you military wives- YOU'RE CIVILIANS TOO

[Nikki]

First- to Emily: No, military spouses are not "civilians", we populate a distinct gray area known as the "military spouse". We aren't military service members, but we have too much knowledgable in the inner workings and dealing of the military to ever be called a "civilian".

Secondly, I haven't laughed as hard as I did reading some of these post in long time. I totally agree with them all. My hubby is in the Navy, and although he hasn't gone out on ship yet, I know that day will come. I heard a lot of off-handed comments while he was away in basic and A school, but my favorite two were these:

1. My hubby left for basic on a Monday. By Wednesday my son and I were in DEERS, and that Friday I went to get my ID card. (Side note - my dad is retired Army who works for TriCare. That's how I got the info on DEERS so quick.)

Anywho, I had to go through the visitor's gate to get on base, and stood there with my POA, marriage certificate, and a copy of my hubby's travel orders to prove I was supposted to get my ID. The man in the office, a member of the security company the bases are now hiring to man the gates told me "I can let you on base, but I don't think you can get an ID card, because you're husband's only in basic training and isn't considered to be in the Navy yet." I stood there blinking at him, and then proceeded to tell him off for giving out misinformation. Then I called my hubby's recruiter (who was really quiet helpful) and asked if this nimrod was right. I got my ID card the following Tuesday (Long holiday weekend). I didn't mind so much, but what if I was someone who didn't know how to play the game?

2. I told some people I was talking to outside of class one day that my hubby was in basic for the Navy. This one girl said, and I quote: "I so sorry to hear that. You know that all Navy guys cheat, right?". My friend had to pull me back by my ponytail. Who says that to someone?! Then another girl told me I was lucky, because I would get my house for free and never have to pay for daycare. Good Lord, I wish.

[YellerB]

My civilian friends are convinced there is a secret handshake and gets mad at me because I don't show them. They also think the schools on base are ran like basic training and are very strick, sometimes I do wish that, the way some of these kids act.

[Marti]

My Fav is Why cant you buy that 500.00 sofa? your husband is in the Military and you have all that money coming in from his Pay. Boy I wish I knew where they got their info from.I have come across this statement alot if they only knew.

[Pilots wife]

I think the funniest question is "So where do you GET to live next?" as if I have a choice...

[Les Wilson]

I've been reading your posts. I would like to thank and commend all of the spouses who stick around through it all. I know it is difficult and painful. I was at bragg in the early '90s. I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman. She still is. Unfortunately, she was an incureable civlian. After 4+ yrs and less than 300 days in the same place at the same time, a Tennessee judge granted her a divorce based upon my "unconcsionable preference for going on camping trips and vacations rather than taking care of your family." I had heard the "you just tell them no" thing so many times I simply didn't answer it anymore. There was also the "You should get a second job/another job" argument over money. To which there just didn't seem to be an answer.
I applaud all of those ladies, and gentlemen, and your families who understand(or at least accept) support and stand by.

Again, I applaud and thank you.