An Angel Among Us

One thing I love about being a military spouse is the opportunity to PCS/travel and meet so many different people.  Every now and then I have the honor and privilege of meeting someone who is absolutely amazing. I've met politicians, professional athletes, and celebrities. But you're about to meet someone who is truly an inspiration, and heads above any "famous" person I've ever met. 

Today at The White House, President Obama awarded the 2010 Presidential Citizens Medal to MaryAnn Phillips. The award is the second highest award a civilian can receive! And if you think this post has nothing to do with milspouses, you couldn't be more wrong. Chances are good that if your spouse has been wounded and routed through Landstuhl Regional Medical Center (LRMC) in Germany, MaryAnn has taken care of him for you. And if, God forbid, your spouse is ever wounded and routed through Landstuhl, you can bet that MaryAnn will be your best line of communication. She will be there for your family when you really, really need someone.

The Army has done it again...

Last night DH and I had the pleasure of meeting some of the command team from 25th ID in Hawaii (our next duty station).  We also had a VTC with the rest of the command team.  My husband's orders had that he would be going to a brigade.  When we walked in to the meeting last night, we found out he was being assigned to division staff.  WHAT!?

We Are Family

Yesterday I was reminded of something a friend of mine emailed this morning, "Our military family is often closer than our blood family." I was asked if I would be willing to comment on what military spouses were thinking and feeling while this was unfolding. I wouldn't have had to guess, because I knew exactly what they were thinking and feeling. And doing.

I heard the breaking news yesterday while in my car running errands. We have a SpouseBUZZ author whose family is attached to Ft. Hood. I pulled over and texted airforcewife to please try to make contact with her. She texted back that the SpouseBUZZ gals (and Toad) were already on it. All within ten minutes of the initial report. Meanwhile, I was preparing a list in my head of who we knew at Ft. Hood and how to get in touch with them. 

I cut my errands short and returned home to a flurry of emails, phone calls and text messages. People were passing news along and checking in to let everyone know their status. My last phone call of the evening came at 10:00. From a civilian who just wanted to be sure we were okay, the people we knew were okay and to extend her condolences to the entire Army family. 

What was happening at my home was being repeated at countless military homes worldwide. We needed to know that the people we personally know were safe, all the while worrying about the families we've never met who were less fortunate because, like my friend said, they're our family, too. 

My heart breaks for all of the victims of the Ft. Hood shootings, but I know that our Army family has its strong arms wrapped tightly around them. I love having a huge family. Sometimes we squabble. Sometimes we have spats. We may not want to be BFF, but when we need each other. Really, really need each other, we have a massive Army to lean on. As bad as things may get, I'll always find a measure of comfort in that knowledge. 

A "shot" in the back

Today was a little backwards for me.  I went to the doctor to have an epidural injection in my back for the first time.  I have suffered from back pain since 1996 - got medically discharged from the Army because of my back in 1999.

It was backwards for me because my husband is always the one in a hospital bed while I patiently wait and then take care of him when we get home.

The Knock

Air Force Wife Liz writes about "the knock."

Back in the states it was 5:26 am on Monday May 11th and I awoke to "the knock". This is what every single military wife lives in fear of. I never thought I would get the knock.

Thursday May 14th I left Shreveport with my escort Brian (fellow EOD guy who literally had just come back from Afghanistan 3 days earlier) We had to go to DC to get an emergency passport for me to get to Germany. Then Friday night we left DC and arrived in Landstuhl, Germany Saturday morning. I got to the hospital just as David was coming out of surgery.

We left Landstuhl Sunday afternoon on a C17 military aircraft and arrived back in DC Sunday night. We were taken by ambulance to Walter Reed and have been here for the past week and a half. 

Liz maintains a blog to keep family and friends updated on her husband David's condition. She also says blogging is "therapy" for her. Liz and David have a long journey ahead of them. I love the Martha Washington quote Liz has on the blog:

The greater part of our happiness depends on our disposition and not our circumstances.

Reading through Liz's blog, you get the sense that she lives that quote. If you're the praying sort, Liz and David could use your prayers, and your support.

 

Living in Purge-atory

I have been wanting to write about this for some time, but as you can tell from the title, I have been purging all that is called my home for some time. 

Yes, it is that time of year for us, as it may be with many of you.  We have been purging our house for weeks in preparation for our PCS NEXT MONTH!!!

DH and I "talked" about all that needed to be done around the house for many months.  Then reality hit (i.e. time ran away from us and we realized we had to actually DO all the things we talked about needing done).

Being Vigilant of Scams

We have seen this type of warning before, but the below article reminds us to be ever vigilant.  Being informed about how your spouse's installation and unit deal with notifications will help you to avoid becoming victim to these awful types of scams.

Red Cross Warns of Scam Targeting Military Families

Military families should be wary if they receive a call, apparently from the Red Cross, informing them that an active-duty military relative has been hurt: It could be a scam.

 

“Taking Care of Business”

 Pre-deployment to-do list

“Taking Care of Business” is a new Web-based program that soldiers and families can use to get smart about the legal documents signed before soldiers deploy. In the pre-deployment process, it helps them talk about the possibility of serious injury or death. Short videos and other materials can be downloaded by clicking here.

Psychological Health Update

TBI Outreach Center Opens

DoD recently opened a 24-hour outreach center to provide information and referrals to military servicemembers, veterans, their families and others with questions about psychological health and traumatic brain injury (TBI).

The Unthinkable

A few days ago, I was directed by Guard Wife towards the blog of a wife whose husband was wounded by an IED on October 28, just about a month ago.  I read every post that Dena Yllescas wrote about her husband - from finding out about his injury to the care decisions they had to make, to the small signs of progress and recovery.

I watched Dena Yllesca's blog, which begins here, every day.

Additions to the FMLA

New rules have been added to the Family and Medical Leave Act.  Read more after the jump.

November: Warrior Care Month

The Defense Department has proclaimed November to be Warrior Care Month. To explore what this means, SpouseBUZZ Talk Radio will host a special broadcast this month featuring some VIP guests. More details in the coming days. For now, the deadline for wounded warriors, ill or injured service members and their families to fill out this survey has been extended.

WASHINGTON, Nov. 4, 2008 – As the Defense Department observes November as Warrior Care Month, officials have extended to Nov. 28 the deadline for wounded, ill and injured servicemembers and their families to respond to a survey designed to assess the programs and services they receive.

Dr. S. Ward Casscells, assistant secretary of defense for health affairs, said the extension resulted from overwhelming response.

Two Military Health System questionnaires, one for servicemembers and another for their family members, solicit feedback about satisfaction with the care and services provided. All responses to the online surveys are anonymous to encourage honest assessments, officials said.

Website for Warrior Care Month is here.

Vacation: Military Family Style

I recently returned from a 2 week vacation with my kids at my in-laws... and no DH.  Before you gasp with horror - I actually LOVE my in-laws! 

DH has been TDY for about 6 weeks and I had a really strange sense of "feeling bad" that I was taking a vacation and he was not.  It wouldn't have been so bad, considering I do most of my traveling when he is gone (haven't figured out why yet), but this TDY has been beyond miserable for DH.  Things seem to be getting better for him lately, but the first month was really.... um..... crappy.

Elmo's Tour Schedule

Elmo and friends to visit children at bases

Military Families Beware - Again

These type of things crop up from time to time.  Be very aware.

Scammers back to prey on troops’ families

Traumatic Brain Injury - Memory Loss Help

Many returning injured service members are asking questions about TBI - about resultant memory loss and seeking practical tips for dealing with the life issues.  I recently received an email from a friend whose husband was severely injured in Iraq.  He is now showing one of the signs of TBI - memory loss.  She asked me if I had any suggestions for dealing with this.  I don't have any experience in this area, but I bet some of you do.  Can you help her?

Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings, Changes

As previously discussed, Sesame Workshop's newest video for military children is now available.

Sesame Workshop Launches Phase Two of Military Families Outreach

Feel Good Friday!

Looking for an inspiring story or two to perk up your Friday?

Then THIS is the post for you!

Coming Soon - For Children of Wounded Heroes

We previously discussed that a new Sesame Street DVD, designed to help injured veterans talk about their disabilities with their children, would be available in 2008. 

Initial articles stated that the DVD would be available in January.  We now have an update on the DVD release date. 

PTSD: Difficult questions answered on SBTR

ArmyWifeToddlerMom is so smart!  She initiated a great show on SBTR about PTSD.  You should listen to it for some great information!!!  Dr. Roca, an expert on PTSD who works with military veterans, gives his expertise and some great perspectives on PTSD.  So listen in!!!

And if you have any questions about PTSD, please ask your question in the comments section so we can do our best to get the answers you are looking for.  And if you have questions about TBIs (Traumatic Brain Injury) and how it may/ may not relate to PTSD, listen to the show and send us your questions.  If you don't ask your questions, we can't answer them!

Defining PTSD tonight on SpouseBuzz Talk Radio 9pm EST

We at SpouseBuzz have been wanting to do a program on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for some time now.  PTSD is real, and does affect some families.  We have decided that the topic is so important, we will be doing a two part series on PTSD.

I do think the issue has been so politicized, that it has become increasingly hard to discuss in a rational way.  There is a lot of shame associated with PTSD. 

Please join us tonight for a frank discussion, where we define PTSD. 

There should be no shame in discussing PTSD, and helping those families who are affected by the syndrome to seek treatment. 

Join us tonight on SpouseBuzz Talk Radio at 9pm EST, as we will be defining PTSD in a frank discussion with Dr. Roca a representative from the VA who specializes in PTSD.  Feel free to call in, and participate in the discussion, and the chat room will be open for those of you who are interested. 

A cast, a button-down shirt, a 4 year old, and a coffee table

Next time you get dressed in your comfy jeans and button-down shirt, imagine the following:

Your left arm is in a cast from your elbow to the middle of your fingers (and you don't have a pinky), and you don't have an opposable thumb because of nerve damage.  Now, on your right hand you can't use your thumb because the Dr. removed most of your nail so it grows back correctly - and it's REALLY sensitive!  Oh, and your thumb on your right hand is also not opposable.

Now, button your pants and your shirt without becoming incredibly frustrated...

Hospital waiting rooms

So here I sit, in the waiting room, while DH is in surgery for the 35th time since he was wounded in June 2005.  This surgery is outpatient, so at least DH can leave with me today.  DH has an AWESOME surgeon, so it's not the surgery that bothers me.  It's the waiting and wondering.  Waiting for the "all clear" after surgery, and wondering what life will be like when we get home.

I have an idea...

Something like this may already exist in one or more places in our military community, but I have yet to hear about it.  So just in case, I'm throwing an idea out there that I think could really help families of wounded troops. I'm kinda piggy-backing off Andi's post regarding changes to our military (as a whole) that we mil-spouses think would be beneficial.

Here goes... (this is a bit longer than I intended, but I encourage you to read to the end)

I love these visits...

DH and I went to Walter Reed a month ago for a follow-up appointment and we met an awesome soldier and his dad.  Evan was wounded in Iraq in January 2007.  He's been in and out of WR for the last year.  He was due to have surgery 2 days after we were there.

DH and Evan hit it off quickly - sharing war stories, showing scars from their wounds, talking about how they were wounded, etc.  After a few minutes I left them to talk soldier-to-soldier.  But I didn't go far...

A different view

We know the drill all too well.  Whether we want to admit to it or not, we know, deep inside that the big sedan pulling up in front of the house, with the commander, the chaplain, and the First Sergeant, mean literally that good news will not be coming soon.

But we know, as much as we hate it, that this event is something that with trumpets blaring in our head, heralds the arrival of news.  News we must receive.

What if, what if, everyone thought that because of "who" you were, that you didn't "need" to receive this or any news?  Hard to imagine?  Impossible in this day and age of immediate news and cell phones and the Internet ... you say?

Follow along, and pocket a lesson ...

It's happening... again

DH and I will be traveling to Washington, DC tomorrow (Friday) - provided the weather holds.  We have two reasons for going.

#1 - We are doing a video clip for Soldiers' Angels that will be part of a bigger video to help get the word out about SA and what the organization is and does for troops and their families.  DH and I feel very honored to be a part of this video because SA has been amazing for us from even before my husband was wounded.

Now for the other reason we are going...

Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths.....

This was my internal mantra while on the 2nd panel at SBL3 in Fayetteville.  After about 2 sentences, I started crying and surprised the heck out of myself.  I mean, DH was wounded 2 1/2 YEARS ago and I still manage to get emotional (at the most unexpected moments).

Fortunately, I had my SB family (and my awesome mother-in-law) there with me and I was able to gather myself together. 

Traumatic Brain Injury

Preparing our kids for separation

My question for this post: How do you prepare your children for separation (deployments, TDY, weekend trainings, etc)?

We have talked a lot about deployments and reintegration here on SB, but I wonder how other milspouses prepare their children when a parent has to "go away" for a period of time.  I think this is important due to my own "lessons learned" with my kids, as well as helping other milspouses prepare their children.  Especially new spouses, or spouses who have kids that are "at the age" where some preparation needs to be done.  We're all different and do things our own ways, but your "way of doing things" may help another milspouse.  So, please share your experiences.

The Flood

I've had a flood of emotions the last few weeks regarding my husband being wounded in Iraq a little over 2 years ago.  Not sure what's brought it back to the surface, but I spent about an hour the other night fighting tears, and then gave in and let them fall.  I was alone in my bed while DH was in the living room.  I wanted to go talk to him and let him know, but what would I say?  How could I explain something that I couldn't even articulate myself? Once my husband came to bed and wrapped his arm around me, I was fast asleep.

Apparently my 7-year-old son has had a lot on his mind lately, too.  For homework he had to write sentences using his spelling words for the week, one of which was the word "prevent" (it's Fire Safety Week).

His sentence: "I wish I could prevent the war in Iraq."

You wait and you wait, and you hope ...

There are positions of trust and responsibility in our Services, where the onus of command bears heavily on one's shoulders.  Truly, as I type, I'm observing The Boss perform a ritual that probably dates back to the Continental Army.  Unlike in those days, here at SpouseBUZZ, we are strong because each of us gives to the others, an ounce of our private stash of "cyber-ooomph" when it's needed.

A member of our organization isn't coming home.  His spouse has earned, nay, the spouse is owed something unique to the Armed Forces of the United States -- the right to look in the eyes of the one who authorized the signature on the the orders sending a person away.  I would accept beatings in eternity to never ... hear or speak those most dreaded words, ...

Caring for children of our wounded heroes

Sesame Workshop brought military families a wonderful resource when they launched the Talk, Listen, Connect DVD.  The DVD can be obtained at no charge to military families via Military OneSource and many installation family centers also carry the DVD.

Sesame Street also aired a special "When Parents are Deployed" and they re-broadcast it from time to time.

Soon, families of our wounded heroes will be able to obtain a new DVD designed to help veterans talk to their children.

Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund

Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund started on a military wife's kitchen table at Camp Pendleton. In April of 2003, Karen Guenther, a registered nurse and Marine wife, saw the difficulties facing injured or wounded Marines and had an idea.    She decided to make a difference.

Karen drafted other Marine wives and Marines to assist her in making the idea a reality.  It took just a little over a year to incorporate and officially become the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund.  As milspouses, we know that if we really want to do something, we must have the patience and the longterm commitment to see it through.

Conversation filters

The other night DH and I were watching a movie trailer on TV.  I can't recall the name of the movie, but I do know there was a lot of "shoot 'em up stuff."  There was a particular scene in the movie trailer and my husband suddenly says, "I really hate it when that happens."

Operation Santa-itis....

This is a serious disease, folks...not to be taken lightly..

Some symptoms include:
While shopping, you look at an individual item (such as a pack of gum) and multiply the price by 100 or 200 or 300, etc...
You start hoarding boxes and extra large ziploc bags.
You require lots of assistance at the post office.
Packages mysteriously appear on your front porch from people you've never met.

I ought to know...I caught the disease 3 years ago....

Military Injured Relief Funds

Was someone in your family injured in Iraq/Afghanistan? Did you know that your family may be entitled to a state grant based on injuries sustained during deployment to Iraq/Afghanistan? It’s true. Some states are providing financial grants to wounded service members.  The money is intended to give assistance to military families and ease some of the financial burdens assumed when a loved one is injured.  It's a beautiful gift from the taxpayers of the state - to recognize a need and try to do something to ease the burden.

Role reversal

After reading GBear's post about going home and wondering how her husband kept up with the "household" duties while she was away for 3 months, I was reminded of some of the things my husband and I have learned about each other over the years when one of us is unable to "fulfill our duties" around the house.

More to the point: I learned that my brain can multitask and his can not.  And, he has a really hard time dealing with the fact that he can not help when he feels he should be (i.e. when he was recovering from being wounded in Iraq). 

Countdown...

My question for this post is, "How do you count down the time while your spouse/significant other is away?"

My life has been a series of semesters for the past 4 years.  I have been in grad school since August of 2003.  I have found that my "time gauge" for DH's return from wherever is based on semesters (or mid-terms, finals, etc.).

In Focus: Homes For Our Troops

At the breakout session on starting your own blog at SpouseBUZZ Live in San Diego, we talked a lot about OPSEC and safety.  One attendee suggested that we set our blogs to private, so that only invited friends and family can read.  While I certainly understand the importance of staying a tad incognito in a world where creepy things can happen, I know for a fact that if my blog had been set to private, I never would've met some of the most cherished people in my life.

Nearly four years ago, I got an email from a retired Air Force fellow about a post I had up on my blog.  That one email started a hearty exchange of ideas and cross-linking between our blogs.  Mike Reed and I became best blog-friends.  He always woke up at the crack of dawn, so he was always the first person in the US to read my blog posts from Germany.  His was always the first comment of the day, and he was there to help me through the rough spots in my husband's deployment.  I'd like to even think I helped him a bit, since both his Marine and Soldier sons were deployed as well.

Two years ago today, I lost my best blog friend when Mike Reed died suddenly of a heart attack.  His last blog post was a link to me.  His passing left a hole in my heart and my life that still hurts to this day.

His obituary suggested that memorial donations be made in his name to Homes For Our Troops.  It is because of my friend's death that I know about this wonderful organization, which is why I want to share it with you today.  It's Mike's legacy, in a sense.

Our Little Patriots

I have a quick story to share, which I feel is appropriate this weekend as we remember the men and women who gave their lives in the name of freedom!  Happy Memorial Day to all... may we Never Forget!!! 

This is about my 7-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter.  We have a flag hanging on the front of our house next to the garage.  We come and go and see it every day... it is a "normal" part of our lives.  Until one day my son did something that made me so proud I was near tears...

Sisterly love

Andi wrote a great post about the sacrifices our extended families make when we live the military lifestyle.  Missed births, birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc.  It's hard for us and our family when we can't be a part of those special days.  (If you haven't read Andi's post, I encourage you to do so!)

This post is about an amazing sacrifice my own family made when DH was wounded.  I don't think I have thanked them enough or could ever repay them for their time, energy, and love.

A Good Samaritan saves the day!

I intended to post about this, but after reading GBear's post about snow etiquette, I figured now was a good time.

DH and I returned home from Walter Reed (he had surgery on his hand) to 12+ inches of snow in our driveway - and don't forget the layers of ice in between the layers of snow!!!  As mentioned, DH had surgery and his left hand is in a cast.  He was shoveling one-handed while I was doing my best to shovel and break up the ice (I have a bad back, hence my medical discharge from the Army a while back).  We were both tired, cranky, sore, etc. and we started biting each other's heads off.  Then I managed to get the truck stuck in the snow, which really started the "snowball of bickering."  And we still had to go to our friends' house to pick up our kids!

Heading back to the big "W.R."

DH and I will be making a road trip back to Walter Reed in Washington, D.C. this week.  As most of you know by now, DH was wounded in Iraq in 2005.  We spent about 10 weeks at "Casa de Walter" and have been back and forth a number of times for follow-ups and surgeries.  I haven't been back since January 2006, although DH has made a number of trips by himself in the last year.

DH will be having surgery # 34 (on Valentine's Day, no less!).  It's outpatient and "minor" compared to his other surgeries, but it's another surgery all the same.  It is starting to bring back memories that I have managed to put aside for a long time.  One such memory may seem a bit strange, but it's just "one of those things."

Kick adversity to the curb!

Adversity - 1. adverse fortune or fate; misfortune; calamity.  2. an adverse event or circumstance

I started graduate school in August 2003 with the intent to graduate in May 2006.  It is now January 2007 and I am STILL not done with grad school.  Am I upset?  No, but I have had a number of frustrations along the way.  Through my journey I have faced a number of "adversities" that had the potential to keep me away from driving on and finishing school.  BUT... I am persevering and I will graduate in December of this year (come he!! or high water!!!).

The intent of this post is to share my experiences in and around grad school.  I know, it seems boring, but I hope my story will inspire you to "kick adversity to the curb" (no matter what the adversity may be) and drive on with your life.

How Many Can There Be?

Two years ago, I finagled two friends into agreeing to start an organization to provide adaptive clothing for the wounded troops, Sew Much Comfort.  I got them to agree by saying, "How many can there be?" - referring to the wounded and the resulting amount of effort they would need to invest in the "little project".   Surely, we'd sew a few things and be done!  That was two years and over 20,000 items ago! 

So, how can I get so upset when people ask the same question of me now?

Volleyball, anyone?

Stress is one of those things that we all experience... like it or not!  No matter what is going on in our lives, at some point in time we are hit with stress.  Sometimes it's just a little and we manage just fine.  Other times it is so overwhelming we feel like we are caught in a revolving door (at least that's how I have felt in the past).

I have a quick and funny story to share about how my mother-in-law (MIL) and I dealt with stress one night after a looooong day at Walter Reed (when my DH was there after being wounded last year).

Valour-IT "Competition" Results

Hello, everyone!!!  I wanted to report the results of the Project Valour-IT Veteran's Day fundraiser.  In case you missed my post about Valour-IT, click here and see what it's all about!

The goal for this year's competition fundraiser was $180,000... and the goal has been met and exceeded!  Here are the results:

Marines - $51,228.85

Navy - $47,112.12

Army - $46,395.00

Air Force - $36,693.10

TOTAL = $184,428.00

I am sooooo thrilled and excited to know that so many wounded troops will benefit from the amazing generosity of all of the donors!  I want to send a heart-felt THANK YOU to all who donated to Valour-IT!!!  This project gives more than a laptop and voice-activated software to wounded troops... it gives them independence, hope, dignity, and a connection to the world!

In Focus: Project Valour-IT

What is Project Valour-IT, you ask?  Well, I am here to tell you all about it so please read the entire post... you won't be sorry that you did!

Valour-IT means "Voice Activated Laptops for Our Injured Troops."  The project provides laptops and voice-activated software to wounded service-members who are unable to use "conventional" computers and keyboards.  In other words, if a wounded service-member has wounded or amputated hand(s), he or she will be provided a laptop and voice-activated software from Valour-IT.  But here's the kicker... these laptops and software can not be donated to our wounded service-members without the amazing generosity of the American people who have donated (and continue to donate)to this project.  As of October 4, 2006, 650 laptops and software packages have been donated to our service-members!!!

Presidential Recognition

Last week I had the most surreal and humbling experience.  I was allowed to represent "Sew Much Comfort" at the White House in a meeting with President Bush.  He had asked 15 organizations who supported the troops to the White House in order to thank them for their service.  What a memorable event!  Now there's an understatement!

During the meeting, I was moved by the President's palpable concern for the military members and for their families back at home!