Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings, Changes

As previously discussed, Sesame Workshop's newest video for military children is now available.

Sesame Workshop Launches Phase Two of Military Families Outreach

Feel Good Friday!

Looking for an inspiring story or two to perk up your Friday?

Then THIS is the post for you!

Coming Soon - For Children of Wounded Heroes

We previously discussed that a new Sesame Street DVD, designed to help injured veterans talk about their disabilities with their children, would be available in 2008. 

Initial articles stated that the DVD would be available in January.  We now have an update on the DVD release date. 

PTSD: Difficult questions answered on SBTR

ArmyWifeToddlerMom is so smart!  She initiated a great show on SBTR about PTSD.  You should listen to it for some great information!!!  Dr. Roca, an expert on PTSD who works with military veterans, gives his expertise and some great perspectives on PTSD.  So listen in!!!

And if you have any questions about PTSD, please ask your question in the comments section so we can do our best to get the answers you are looking for.  And if you have questions about TBIs (Traumatic Brain Injury) and how it may/ may not relate to PTSD, listen to the show and send us your questions.  If you don't ask your questions, we can't answer them!

Defining PTSD tonight on SpouseBuzz Talk Radio 9pm EST

We at SpouseBuzz have been wanting to do a program on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for some time now.  PTSD is real, and does affect some families.  We have decided that the topic is so important, we will be doing a two part series on PTSD.

I do think the issue has been so politicized, that it has become increasingly hard to discuss in a rational way.  There is a lot of shame associated with PTSD. 

Please join us tonight for a frank discussion, where we define PTSD. 

There should be no shame in discussing PTSD, and helping those families who are affected by the syndrome to seek treatment. 

Join us tonight on SpouseBuzz Talk Radio at 9pm EST, as we will be defining PTSD in a frank discussion with Dr. Roca a representative from the VA who specializes in PTSD.  Feel free to call in, and participate in the discussion, and the chat room will be open for those of you who are interested. 

A cast, a button-down shirt, a 4 year old, and a coffee table

Next time you get dressed in your comfy jeans and button-down shirt, imagine the following:

Your left arm is in a cast from your elbow to the middle of your fingers (and you don't have a pinky), and you don't have an opposable thumb because of nerve damage.  Now, on your right hand you can't use your thumb because the Dr. removed most of your nail so it grows back correctly - and it's REALLY sensitive!  Oh, and your thumb on your right hand is also not opposable.

Now, button your pants and your shirt without becoming incredibly frustrated...

Hospital waiting rooms

So here I sit, in the waiting room, while DH is in surgery for the 35th time since he was wounded in June 2005.  This surgery is outpatient, so at least DH can leave with me today.  DH has an AWESOME surgeon, so it's not the surgery that bothers me.  It's the waiting and wondering.  Waiting for the "all clear" after surgery, and wondering what life will be like when we get home.

I have an idea...

Something like this may already exist in one or more places in our military community, but I have yet to hear about it.  So just in case, I'm throwing an idea out there that I think could really help families of wounded troops. I'm kinda piggy-backing off Andi's post regarding changes to our military (as a whole) that we mil-spouses think would be beneficial.

Here goes... (this is a bit longer than I intended, but I encourage you to read to the end)

I love these visits...

DH and I went to Walter Reed a month ago for a follow-up appointment and we met an awesome soldier and his dad.  Evan was wounded in Iraq in January 2007.  He's been in and out of WR for the last year.  He was due to have surgery 2 days after we were there.

DH and Evan hit it off quickly - sharing war stories, showing scars from their wounds, talking about how they were wounded, etc.  After a few minutes I left them to talk soldier-to-soldier.  But I didn't go far...

A different view

We know the drill all too well.  Whether we want to admit to it or not, we know, deep inside that the big sedan pulling up in front of the house, with the commander, the chaplain, and the First Sergeant, mean literally that good news will not be coming soon.

But we know, as much as we hate it, that this event is something that with trumpets blaring in our head, heralds the arrival of news.  News we must receive.

What if, what if, everyone thought that because of "who" you were, that you didn't "need" to receive this or any news?  Hard to imagine?  Impossible in this day and age of immediate news and cell phones and the Internet ... you say?

Follow along, and pocket a lesson ...

It's happening... again

DH and I will be traveling to Washington, DC tomorrow (Friday) - provided the weather holds.  We have two reasons for going.

#1 - We are doing a video clip for Soldiers' Angels that will be part of a bigger video to help get the word out about SA and what the organization is and does for troops and their families.  DH and I feel very honored to be a part of this video because SA has been amazing for us from even before my husband was wounded.

Now for the other reason we are going...

Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths.....

This was my internal mantra while on the 2nd panel at SBL3 in Fayetteville.  After about 2 sentences, I started crying and surprised the heck out of myself.  I mean, DH was wounded 2 1/2 YEARS ago and I still manage to get emotional (at the most unexpected moments).

Fortunately, I had my SB family (and my awesome mother-in-law) there with me and I was able to gather myself together. 

Traumatic Brain Injury

Preparing our kids for separation

My question for this post: How do you prepare your children for separation (deployments, TDY, weekend trainings, etc)?

We have talked a lot about deployments and reintegration here on SB, but I wonder how other milspouses prepare their children when a parent has to "go away" for a period of time.  I think this is important due to my own "lessons learned" with my kids, as well as helping other milspouses prepare their children.  Especially new spouses, or spouses who have kids that are "at the age" where some preparation needs to be done.  We're all different and do things our own ways, but your "way of doing things" may help another milspouse.  So, please share your experiences.

The Flood

I've had a flood of emotions the last few weeks regarding my husband being wounded in Iraq a little over 2 years ago.  Not sure what's brought it back to the surface, but I spent about an hour the other night fighting tears, and then gave in and let them fall.  I was alone in my bed while DH was in the living room.  I wanted to go talk to him and let him know, but what would I say?  How could I explain something that I couldn't even articulate myself? Once my husband came to bed and wrapped his arm around me, I was fast asleep.

Apparently my 7-year-old son has had a lot on his mind lately, too.  For homework he had to write sentences using his spelling words for the week, one of which was the word "prevent" (it's Fire Safety Week).

His sentence: "I wish I could prevent the war in Iraq."

You wait and you wait, and you hope ...

There are positions of trust and responsibility in our Services, where the onus of command bears heavily on one's shoulders.  Truly, as I type, I'm observing The Boss perform a ritual that probably dates back to the Continental Army.  Unlike in those days, here at SpouseBUZZ, we are strong because each of us gives to the others, an ounce of our private stash of "cyber-ooomph" when it's needed.

A member of our organization isn't coming home.  His spouse has earned, nay, the spouse is owed something unique to the Armed Forces of the United States -- the right to look in the eyes of the one who authorized the signature on the the orders sending a person away.  I would accept beatings in eternity to never ... hear or speak those most dreaded words, ...

Caring for children of our wounded heroes

Sesame Workshop brought military families a wonderful resource when they launched the Talk, Listen, Connect DVD.  The DVD can be obtained at no charge to military families via Military OneSource and many installation family centers also carry the DVD.

Sesame Street also aired a special "When Parents are Deployed" and they re-broadcast it from time to time.

Soon, families of our wounded heroes will be able to obtain a new DVD designed to help veterans talk to their children.

Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund

Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund started on a military wife's kitchen table at Camp Pendleton. In April of 2003, Karen Guenther, a registered nurse and Marine wife, saw the difficulties facing injured or wounded Marines and had an idea.    She decided to make a difference.

Karen drafted other Marine wives and Marines to assist her in making the idea a reality.  It took just a little over a year to incorporate and officially become the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund.  As milspouses, we know that if we really want to do something, we must have the patience and the longterm commitment to see it through.

Conversation filters

The other night DH and I were watching a movie trailer on TV.  I can't recall the name of the movie, but I do know there was a lot of "shoot 'em up stuff."  There was a particular scene in the movie trailer and my husband suddenly says, "I really hate it when that happens."

Operation Santa-itis....

This is a serious disease, folks...not to be taken lightly..

Some symptoms include:
While shopping, you look at an individual item (such as a pack of gum) and multiply the price by 100 or 200 or 300, etc...
You start hoarding boxes and extra large ziploc bags.
You require lots of assistance at the post office.
Packages mysteriously appear on your front porch from people you've never met.

I ought to know...I caught the disease 3 years ago....

Military Injured Relief Funds

Was someone in your family injured in Iraq/Afghanistan? Did you know that your family may be entitled to a state grant based on injuries sustained during deployment to Iraq/Afghanistan? It’s true. Some states are providing financial grants to wounded service members.  The money is intended to give assistance to military families and ease some of the financial burdens assumed when a loved one is injured.  It's a beautiful gift from the taxpayers of the state - to recognize a need and try to do something to ease the burden.

Role reversal

After reading GBear's post about going home and wondering how her husband kept up with the "household" duties while she was away for 3 months, I was reminded of some of the things my husband and I have learned about each other over the years when one of us is unable to "fulfill our duties" around the house.

More to the point: I learned that my brain can multitask and his can not.  And, he has a really hard time dealing with the fact that he can not help when he feels he should be (i.e. when he was recovering from being wounded in Iraq). 

Countdown...

My question for this post is, "How do you count down the time while your spouse/significant other is away?"

My life has been a series of semesters for the past 4 years.  I have been in grad school since August of 2003.  I have found that my "time gauge" for DH's return from wherever is based on semesters (or mid-terms, finals, etc.).

Our Little Patriots

I have a quick story to share, which I feel is appropriate this weekend as we remember the men and women who gave their lives in the name of freedom!  Happy Memorial Day to all... may we Never Forget!!! 

This is about my 7-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter.  We have a flag hanging on the front of our house next to the garage.  We come and go and see it every day... it is a "normal" part of our lives.  Until one day my son did something that made me so proud I was near tears...

Sisterly love

Andi wrote a great post about the sacrifices our extended families make when we live the military lifestyle.  Missed births, birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc.  It's hard for us and our family when we can't be a part of those special days.  (If you haven't read Andi's post, I encourage you to do so!)

This post is about an amazing sacrifice my own family made when DH was wounded.  I don't think I have thanked them enough or could ever repay them for their time, energy, and love.

A Good Samaritan saves the day!

I intended to post about this, but after reading GBear's post about snow etiquette, I figured now was a good time.

DH and I returned home from Walter Reed (he had surgery on his hand) to 12+ inches of snow in our driveway - and don't forget the layers of ice in between the layers of snow!!!  As mentioned, DH had surgery and his left hand is in a cast.  He was shoveling one-handed while I was doing my best to shovel and break up the ice (I have a bad back, hence my medical discharge from the Army a while back).  We were both tired, cranky, sore, etc. and we started biting each other's heads off.  Then I managed to get the truck stuck in the snow, which really started the "snowball of bickering."  And we still had to go to our friends' house to pick up our kids!

Heading back to the big "W.R."

DH and I will be making a road trip back to Walter Reed in Washington, D.C. this week.  As most of you know by now, DH was wounded in Iraq in 2005.  We spent about 10 weeks at "Casa de Walter" and have been back and forth a number of times for follow-ups and surgeries.  I haven't been back since January 2006, although DH has made a number of trips by himself in the last year.

DH will be having surgery # 34 (on Valentine's Day, no less!).  It's outpatient and "minor" compared to his other surgeries, but it's another surgery all the same.  It is starting to bring back memories that I have managed to put aside for a long time.  One such memory may seem a bit strange, but it's just "one of those things."

Kick adversity to the curb!

Adversity - 1. adverse fortune or fate; misfortune; calamity.  2. an adverse event or circumstance

I started graduate school in August 2003 with the intent to graduate in May 2006.  It is now January 2007 and I am STILL not done with grad school.  Am I upset?  No, but I have had a number of frustrations along the way.  Through my journey I have faced a number of "adversities" that had the potential to keep me away from driving on and finishing school.  BUT... I am persevering and I will graduate in December of this year (come he!! or high water!!!).

The intent of this post is to share my experiences in and around grad school.  I know, it seems boring, but I hope my story will inspire you to "kick adversity to the curb" (no matter what the adversity may be) and drive on with your life.

How Many Can There Be?

Two years ago, I finagled two friends into agreeing to start an organization to provide adaptive clothing for the wounded troops, Sew Much Comfort.  I got them to agree by saying, "How many can there be?" - referring to the wounded and the resulting amount of effort they would need to invest in the "little project".   Surely, we'd sew a few things and be done!  That was two years and over 20,000 items ago! 

So, how can I get so upset when people ask the same question of me now?

Volleyball, anyone?

Stress is one of those things that we all experience... like it or not!  No matter what is going on in our lives, at some point in time we are hit with stress.  Sometimes it's just a little and we manage just fine.  Other times it is so overwhelming we feel like we are caught in a revolving door (at least that's how I have felt in the past).

I have a quick and funny story to share about how my mother-in-law (MIL) and I dealt with stress one night after a looooong day at Walter Reed (when my DH was there after being wounded last year).

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but..."

"But... your husband has been seriously wounded and will be going into surgery in the next 30 minutes.  Don't worry... he'll be okay."  *GULP*

It's 12:15am on June 21, 2005.  I just went to bed 45 minutes ago and I was almost asleep when the phone rang.  I figured it was hubby calling from Iraq - but the voice on the other end of the phone was not hubby's.  In the next 30 seconds (or so), my brain went through the following process:

"Don't panic, Joan.  It won't help the situation.  Ask questions, stay calm, listen to what the voice on the other end of the phone has to say.  Stay calm... kids are sleeping.  THANK GOD HE'S ALIVE!  Don't try to think too much into this, just stay calm.  This is a phone call, not someone standing on the door step in Class A's.  HE'S ALIVE!  THANK YOU, LORD!"

Legislation for Spouses of Seriously Wounded Veterans

Two U.S. Senators, Larry Craig (R-Idaho) and Daniel Akaka (D-Hawaii), are currently pushing bipartisan legislation that would allow spouses of seriously wounded soldiers to obtain educational benefits sooner.

Under current law, when a servicemember is discharged from the military as a "permanently and totally disabled" veteran, the veteran’s spouse is eligible for education benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs, through a program called Survivors’ and Dependents’ Educational Assistance. "The problem is that the discharge process for some individuals can take years. Speeding up the benefit process will help families and ensure a better transition to civilian life," said Sen. Craig, who chairs the U.S. Senate Committee on Veterans’ Affairs. Craig and Akaka have incorporated their amendment into legislation which authorizes funding for the construction and renovation of several VA hospitals (S. 3421). The change will allow spouses to have immediate eligibility for educational benefits when the servicemember is hospitalized or receiving treatment and awaiting discharge from the service. The amendment was prompted by a meeting Sen. Craig had two weeks ago. "I met with Jeff Mittman who was blinded after an attack in Iraq and is being treated at Walter Reed. He has undergone some 20 surgeries already and faces two more years of recovery while he remains on active duty. His wife Christy needs to return to school so that she can eventually earn more money to help sustain their family. But because Jeff is still on active status, under current law, his wife cannot access VA’s educational benefits now and won’t be able to for two more years," said Sen. Craig. "Our change will allow him to get the treatment he needs while his wife gets the education their family will need.  This change will be a win-win for all.  It’s simply the right thing to do."

For more information, visit U.S. Senate Committee on Veterans' Affairs.

The Skinny on TSGLI

I did not even fully understand this benefit until now!

Injury Insurance Surprise
By: Tom Philpott

Trauma Injury Insurance Not Limited To War Wounds   

Service members, particularly Reserve and National Guard, might not understand yet how their military insurance has been enhanced to cover traumatic injury, whether suffered in war or at home, even while off duty.

The new Traumatic Injury Protection under Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (TSGLI) is still referred to as “Wounded Warrior Insurance” by proponents who pushed it through Congress last year with surprising speed. 

Most of the 2700 recipients to date are wounded warriors, say officials. They qualified for TSGLI retroactively because of injuries sustained in combat areas since Oct. 7, 2001, the day U.S. troops first entered Afghanistan.

But for injuries incurred after Nov. 30, 2005, the phrase “wounded warrior” fails to capture the breadth of TSGLI. That’s because any service member, active or reserve, who has Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) and suffers a traumatic injury can be eligible for the trauma pay.

A reservist, for example, might qualify if he loses a limb in a car crash while commuting to his civilian job. A National Guard member might qualify if she is paralyzed in a diving accident while on vacation.

Click the link at the top of this post to read the entire story.