April 24, 2008|
Back in October, I was contacted by a writer from Military Spouse Magazine asking me if I knew of anyone who was going through infertility treatments at home alone while her husband was deployed. At the time, I didn't.
Little did I know that if she'd waited six months to write the article, she could've used me as a source.
March 31, 2008|
This is one of those posts that I've put off writing for many, many months. It's a post which will garner a lot of discussion through comments and email, or very little. It's also one of those posts which may cause me to get into trouble with my husband. But hey, I'll take one for the team here.
It's a post about....
March 19, 2008|
One of the hardest things for me to hear from people when my husband is gone or deployed is, "I'm sorry."
February 27, 2008|
So DH had to go back to Walter Reed today to get his cast removed (finally!). I always worry when he is driving without me because he has a tendency to get sleepy (it's about a 4 hour drive). On his way home he pulled over like a good boy about 5pm and called to tell me he was taking a nap. I finally got ahold of him again about 6:50pm to make sure he was awake. He was about 90 miles away from home - no biggie now that he's rested a while.
Then my phone rings again about 8:00pm...
February 17, 2008|
20 years ago today, Col. Rich Higgins, USMC was taken captive by certain forces in Lebanon.
20 years ago today, his wife, Lt. Col. Robin Higgins, USMC embarked on a journey not of her choosing. She began her tireless efforts to bring her husband home.
It is hard for me to fathom the balancing act required to be a Marine and as well as a Marine wife in this situation. It seems a hard enough thing to do when your husband is home. How she managed to do that while her husband was a known captive is just beyond my comprehension.
February 14, 2008|
ArmyWifeToddlerMom is so smart! She initiated a great show on SBTR about PTSD. You should listen to it for some great information!!! Dr. Roca, an expert on PTSD who works with military veterans, gives his expertise and some great perspectives on PTSD. So listen in!!!
And if you have any questions about PTSD, please ask your question in the comments section so we can do our best to get the answers you are looking for. And if you have questions about TBIs (Traumatic Brain Injury) and how it may/ may not relate to PTSD, listen to the show and send us your questions. If you don't ask your questions, we can't answer them!
February 13, 2008|
I think armywifetoddlermom started a good series here. It's especially good because I can participate. In fact, I think I can give many people a run for their money.
Like the time I went through an entire receiving line at an 06 promotion with a booger hanging out of my nose.
A big one.
That was embarrassing.
February 8, 2008|
Lest you all think I can't stand my husband (based on my previous post), let me highlight some of the wonderful things about him...which makes sense as we head toward Valentine's Day.
1. He folds the laundry. I hate folding laundry. HATE. IT. I'd much rather scrub the toilet with a toothbrush. During the last deployment, my friends would come over and have to sit on the floor because the (clean) laundry was piled up on the couch. As I sit here typing this, he is folding laundry next to me.
2. He indulges my (wicked) sweet tooth occasionally. What more could a woman ask for than a man bearing Baskin Robbins, wearing ACUs to show up on her doorstep on a rainy night? MacGyver came home after one of his night classes with a 2 scoop sundae (mint chip, pralines and cream, hot fudge, nuts, and a cherry thankyouverymuch) for me. Now THAT is love!
January 14, 2008|
I haven't seen the new movie starring that cutie from Grey's Anatomy, but the concept is easy enough to grasp...always the bridesmaid and never the bride means a closetful of some pretty heinous dresses.
Translated into military spouse-speak, weddings become military balls and my closet becomes the formal wear graveyard.
January 10, 2008|
I said,"I do" to a tall, dark and handsome US Marine.
22 years of ups, downs, highs and lows. 22 years of childrearing, deployments, moves, the Marine Corps family, stupid fights and wicked nice make ups. I wouldn't trade a minute of it because I was with you (sometimes in theory more than reality but so what?)
And to think it all started when you caught me peeking up your toga on a bet.
I love ya, honey.
December 13, 2007|
Since we moved, I've already hosted one holiday party at our new home with hubby's new associates. It went off really well. People were really getting into the holiday games and giggling madly about the prizes.
We have yet another party this Saturday - and it's a potluck. I'm bringing Kitty Litter Rum Balls.
December 10, 2007|
Yes, yes, I know it's become rather obvious that despite some differences in the ability to tolerate filth and a definite tendency towards procrastination (not mine) that causes some rough moments, I pretty much think the sun rises and sets... well, you know. In a part of my husband's anatomy.
I've got to admit that when I start feeling irritable towards AirForceGuy for one reason or another it takes just a small glimpse of what other people see when he's with them for me to want to throw my arms around the guy and passionately pin him down somewhere. Especially if he's been telling one of his stories - like the one in which Tariq Azziz plays a walk on role. Or maybe the one about eating on the economy in Afghanistan and pretending you didn't see that mouse hiding under the platter. And those are just the funny stories. There are harsh ones, too, and ones that make me want to cry.
He's very special, that's for sure. And at no time do I see that more than when I have a chance to see my husband through the eyes of my children.
December 6, 2007|
I can't believe almost a week has passed since SpouseBuzz LIVE took place in Fayetteville. It's also hard to believe how many times a man can say, "Let's just do it and then we can talk" in one week's time.
If you don't know what that's in reference to, you either weren't paying attention in Fayetteville or you haven't watched the archived event at SyncLive.
Even with final exams looming, my brain has processed SBL3 and plenty of good things happened.
November 27, 2007|
A few weeks ago DH was getting ready to leave yet AGAIN for about 5 days. He hasn't deployed since he was wounded, thank goodness, but he is gone A LOT in the fall. This one particular trip was not work related for him and I guess I was a bit jealous that he got to go somewhere and have fun and I was "stuck" at home doing, well, everything else.
So before I left for work that morning I gave DH a hug and whispered to him, "Make sure you clean up all your crap before you leave. I don't want to have to stare at it for the next 5 days."
DH's reply: "Great. The last thing you say to me before I leave and you are nagging me."
I took a DEEP breath, counted to 10-ish and simply said, "I love you." Then I left for work.
When I came home that afternoon I found this on my bathroom mirror:
November 10, 2007|
I love my husband. I don't just love my husband, I ADORE my husband.
But sometimes, particularly in the middle of unpacking from a move, I find myself with some very rude urges towards my husband.
October 29, 2007|
I called my husband the other night to tell him I'd be home later than expected. He sounded tired, but "something else" was in his voice. Then he told me one of the soldiers he served with in Iraq was killed in a training accident last Wednesday.
October 17, 2007|
We have two bathrooms in our base housing unit - both of which are falling down around our ears like the rest of the house.
New Jersey is very humid, so the master bathroom, the only one with windows, often sits with its windows open to dry and air out as much as possible. While our bathroom faces the backyard, and our backyard is fenced, people can still see into the window from the alley behind our house. This can create a problem.
September 26, 2007|
I've noticed that several of the wives who post on SpouseBUZZ, both as authors and as active and much appreciated commenters, have online nicknames for their husbands.
I'm jealous. And I'm desperately trying to think up a cool name to use for my husband when I write about him. I've been calling him "Hubby" for about three years now online, and occasionally AirForceGuy, and the cool factor there is approximately that of a thirty-something woman with four children (wait a minute here! That sounds very familiar!).
September 25, 2007|
Last weekend, I got to do something I'd never done before.
I got to see a friend become one of us.
September 24, 2007|
Sometimes my husband does things that surprise the heck out of me. Like today. I came home from my internship just as he was pulling in to the driveway. He's never home that early, so I was curiuos about why he was there.
Me: Hey, Honey! What are you doing home already?
DH: I came home to do some chores before I go do my recon tonight.
Me: Chores??????
September 24, 2007|
You see it in the news, you see it on military/military spouse type forums. Military marriages are doomed, military marriage sucks, marry a military man and you will be divorced sooner rather than later.
I generally try to avoid these type of discussions. They do not represent my personal situation nor the majority of what I have seen in other military marriages.
September 21, 2007|
My husband is coming home from TDY.
I should probably shave my legs now.
September 19, 2007|
I re-read the post I wrote here a year ago and while some things are "the same", I realize they truly have changed.
I'm betting if you think back to a year ago, the same is true for you.
September 15, 2007|
The other night DH and I were watching a movie trailer on TV. I can't recall the name of the movie, but I do know there was a lot of "shoot 'em up stuff." There was a particular scene in the movie trailer and my husband suddenly says, "I really hate it when that happens."
September 13, 2007|
We've had several poignant posts recently about Anticipatory Grief. It's a very real and serious topic. It's also something I have succombed to myself for periods of time.
As a National Guard Wife, I spend a great deal of my waking hours somewhere else. I know it's anticipatory in nature as well, but I haven't quite devised a perfect name.
So, for now, let's just call it "Sweating The Reality Every Stinking Second" (STRESS)
September 10, 2007|
...by my husband!!!
My husband was gone for the summer and I took on all of the responsibilities around the house - including yard work. My husband gave me "permission" to hire someone else to do the yard, but now that I have a "new appreciation" for yard work, I was determined to do it myself. So I did. HA! Then he came home and messed up my routine... the NERVE!
September 8, 2007|
As I was checking my hotmail account today, I noticed a link to an MSNBC story about business party etiquette. Being that my grandmother tried for years to indoctrinate me into appropriate public behavior - and most importantly, where the darn fork is supposed to go - and I have never quite gotten the hang of it, I clicked the link hoping for some pointers.
Just a warning... not all of those transfer to the military world...
September 1, 2007|
I know for a fact that my husband loves me more than anything. He's proven it. How?
Last week he not only burned me a CD of my favorite Neil Diamond songs, but then he PLAYED IT IN THE CAR without being asked or prompted.
Of course, he did turn it off when we were going through the gate (he knew the SP on duty), but as soon as the windows were rolled up he turned it right back on.
That's love.
August 23, 2007|
DH and I recently took a road trip of more than 2600 miles - from Seattle, WA to western PA! He was TDY for the summer and I flew out to WA to meet him so we could drive back together, minus the children! Something we've never done before. The kiddos went to Grandma's and DH and I would spend a whole week+ together in the truck... and I was hoping we would survive the trip without one of us hitch-hiking the rest of the way home!
We managed to make it home, both of us together, and we still like each other! That may sound rather harsh in context, but I am sure other milspouses can identify in some way with the feeling of "too much togetherness." I'll explain what I mean...
August 19, 2007|
At Military Crop Talk , we are sharing ideas on keeping memories of our military life. Sometimes, we capture those moment on film. Oftentimes, it's quite by accident that we are able to record a poignant moment that you are certain your family will never forget.
Once that photo is developed, if you are your family's memory keeper, you're left to determine what to do with that once-in-a-lifetime moment. What do you do, however, if that captured moment doesn't easily lend itself to the type of album pages you are used to creating?
Is there the "perfect" way to detail this moment?
August 12, 2007|
The posts at SpouseBuzz and the comments shared by our readers inspire me. Sometimes that inspiration takes on a life of its own and prompts me to try new things.
One of these inspirational outcomes turned into something you might enjoy.
If you are a scrapbooker, whether of the wannabe or the Queen Bee variety, you are invited...
August 11, 2007|
This weekend, Hubs has duty. My mother is entertaining M1 and M2. I am home alone and I should be working on a research project.
But, I'm not. I'm considering having an affair...
July 30, 2007|
After reading GBear's post about going home and wondering how her husband kept up with the "household" duties while she was away for 3 months, I was reminded of some of the things my husband and I have learned about each other over the years when one of us is unable to "fulfill our duties" around the house.
More to the point: I learned that my brain can multitask and his can not. And, he has a really hard time dealing with the fact that he can not help when he feels he should be (i.e. when he was recovering from being wounded in Iraq).
June 25, 2007|
Okay...so even after a half a decade at being a guard wife, I still think I can conquer the world during Hubs' hiatus from home each and every time.
Shall we take a journey through what I thought this month would entail?
June 7, 2007|
Our "two weeks" is fast approaching and I'm perpetually amazed how the Army time continuum turns two weeks into a month.
This is probably the first time where M2 is old enough to understand Daddy is going to be leaving...and she's not too happy about it.
June 2, 2007|
I recently read several articles about the recent "Families Under Stress", as researched by Rand Corp. The research has been on military families, divorce rates, deployments, and family stress.
WASHINGTON - Divorce in the nation's military was no higher after four years of war than it was in peacetime a decade earlier, despite the stress of long and repeated tours of duty.
A yearlong study by Rand Corp. says divorces rose from 2.5 percent of military marriages in 2001 to 3 percent in 2005. But that is still short of a previous Pentagon theory that marriage breakups had been soaring due to the strain of fighting the campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan, lead researcher Benjamin Karney said Thursday
May 27, 2007|
One of the cool things about SpouseBUZZ is that we've got civilian readers too. I think it's really great that our civilian friends take time out of their days to try to learn about us and our lives. And sometimes they ask questions that I wouldn't have thought to address. I got an email from one of our civilian friends asking this:
If you're ever at a loss of things to say on SpouseBuzz, I'd be curious about the difference between women (or men) who married men (or women) who knew they were joining the military or were already in vs. those that found their spouses making a decision "out of the blue" after a long marriage/relationship.
I know that no one expects what they get when they marry into the military. I just wonder how different it is when they've been married and the military finds them after the fact.
I think this is a really interesting question. In my case, my husband was already in ROTC when I met him, and we got engaged after 9/11. I think I can say that I kinda knew what I was getting myself into. But I sometimes wonder about those of you whose spouses sat you down and asked you if they could join the military. What was that discussion like? How did your family make the decision to join up?
May 25, 2007|
There have long been shows and movies purporting to be about the experience of being a military family, a military spouse, a military member during wartime. I think that at this particular junction in time, with such a historically low number of Americans with actual ties to the military and yet everyone having an opinion about the history we are writing, there is probably more interest than usual at looking into "what it is like."
I know I get questions all the time. What is it like... to be alone for months at a time? What is it like... to be pregnant while your husband is gone. What is it like... to live on base and hear the National Anthem every night? What is it like...
And then there is the flip side to the "what is it like" question, "I saw on TV..." Yep, that's right. On TV. Without a whole heck of a lot of input from people who actually live the life and with extra drama thrown in for ratings.
So, I have decided to put together my own outline for a show that offers a REAL look at the military family experience. My first rule: lose the beatifully tousled hair and kicky outfits. And NO MAKE UP.
May 20, 2007|
I have four kids and a dog with a finicky stomach, so I rarely go any appreciable length of time without someone getting sick. I deal with snotty noses, I deal with coughing that sounds like barks, I deal with vomiting and potty problems. I medicate people, I talk to the TriCare nurse, I prepare hot water bottles and make sure we're stocked up on chicken soup and Sprite.
And I quite often deal with these things on my own because my husband is either gone or completely engaged at work. I'm not complaining about that - it's just a fact of life for a military family. When I agreed to be a military wife, I also volunteered to pull excessive puke patrol duty.
So what happens when I get sick?
May 7, 2007|
Before 9/11 my husband spent some time in Korea - without me, of course, as is usually the case. As such things generally go, I was very pregnant with my third daughter at the time. My eldest daughter, who was 7, made a fascinating discovery one day while I was sleeping off some of my pregnancy exhaustion.
When you pour alcohol in the sink and then toss a kitchen match in it, fireworks ensue. And it is very, very, very dangerous.
Luckily, I smelled something odd about two minutes into the "experiment" and managed to propel myself watermelon belly first into the bathroom and put an end to the attempt to burn down my house. Weeks of grounding and a Texas summer without rubbing alcohol followed.
May 1, 2007|
Not too long ago my husband was packing for a weekend trip and I think he packed 2 weeks' worth of clothes. I was reading in bed as he was going in and out of the closet and opening and shutting slamming drawers. In my mind I was thinking, "It's kinda hard to read with all that noise." But what I said was, "You are only going for the weekend, it shouldn't be THAT hard to pack!"
My mouth should've either listened to my mind, or just kept quiet. DH was not real happy about my comment!
April 30, 2007|
One thing about military jobs that we can always count on is how much the active duty member will "become" their jobs. To a certain extent it's inevitable. There's a great deal of lingo involved and it doesn't stay in the office. We live and work with the same people, particularly if we live on base. Mandatory fun like barbecues and family days further blur the line between work and home.
My first experience with my husband becoming his job happened in the mid-nineties, just before he left his armor unit and entered a college AFROTC program. My husband could no longer navigate his way out of a driveway, much less get from point A to the 300 miles away point B.
April 22, 2007|
I found an interesting article this morning that seems counterintuitive.
Divorce in the nation's military was no higher after four years of war than it was in peacetime a decade earlier, despite the stress of long and repeated tours of duty.
A yearlong study by Rand Corp. says divorces rose from 2.5 percent of military marriages in 2001 to 3 percent in 2005. But that is still short of a previous Pentagon theory that marriage breakups had been soaring due to the strain of fighting the campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan, lead researcher Benjamin Karney said Thursday.
I agree with Mr. Karney that "the future is uncertain. The full impact of these conflicts on military families may not be known for years," but this article seems to suggest we military families are weathering the storm. That's good news.
April 9, 2007|
My kids are crashing from their sugar highs and I am mentally calculating exactly how to stretch my Reese's peanut butter egg stash for as long as humanly possible. Just as I become aggravated with Disney sticking my favorite films in their 'vault', I become a little agitated with the Reese's people for hatching my favorite candy only once a year.
Of course if either the Disney favorites or the eggs were available year 'round I wouldn't appreciate either nearly as much. And, in the case of the eggs, I'd surely weigh 500 pounds...
April 3, 2007|
Oh. My. God. I think I am pushing the Geritol Stage of life. I am not old enough to be this old. I'm really not. When did this happen? And why has my husband been laughing at me all day? As if turning twenty-thirteen isn't bad enough, he has to find it funny? It's NOT funny! And that bag of Depends isn't funny either! I don't CARE if you grabbed it at the commissary case lot sale! Nor is the denture cream!
And as for the Prep H ointment... Well, some things are just better left unsaid. Especially when your husband is trying to provoke a mid-life crisis. And he does it on purpose, quite gleefully dancing on the fact that I am 360 days older than he is.
Military humor has its own niche, that's for sure.
March 21, 2007|
I was reading Andi and Sarah's posts regarding "do overs," arguments, frustrations, anxieties, etc. that occur when our spouses deploy. This post is not necessarily on the exact same wavelength as those two posts, but it reminded me of an experience that I will never get to "do over" - and I learned something valuable about my husband.
March 10, 2007|
DH and I are quickly approaching our 10th wedding anniversary. 8 days after out wedding we were separated for the first time (as a married couple). Our "honeymoon" was spent at the glorious "Casa de In-laws." We went through TONS of DH's stuff - he was, and still is, a packrat! We were also helping his sister enlist in the Army (then she wound up in the Air Force!). DH is prior service enlisted so we spent hours with the recruiter to make sure he didn't "blow smoke" about enlistment stuff. Not exactly my idea of a honeymoon, but such is life.
Anyway... DH went to Ft. Lewis, WA while I remained in PA to finish college (3 months later). On our one MONTH anniversary he sent me a small gift that has adorned a wall in every house we have lived in. I want to share this gift with you...
March 8, 2007|
This week, my daughters found the CDs I burned for Hubs while he was deployed. These CDs contained pieces and parts of video footage and still photos shot throughout his deployment that I painstakingly edited and burned for his viewing pleasure.
I'm not proud of what I saw, but I'm willing to share my Mom guilt with all of you in the hopes that you'll learn from my mistake.
March 5, 2007|
Many of you may know by now that I am in graduate school. I am working on a paper/presentation and I could use your help, if you are interested. Here's the situation: I am working on my master's in social work and I am currently taking a Couples Therapy class. My paper/presentation is about military couples. That's where you come in...
March 4, 2007|
And it's not even about military spouses. Have you seen it?
February 13, 2007|
While passing my dresser this morning, I noticed a cassette tape labeled "love babble". The label has DH's mark on it, written in black ink, and there are several hearts scrolled on each side. The tape, is a souvenir from Desert Storm, when my DH was deployed with the 82nd, and also not yet DH. The tape is almost 17 years old.
I picked it up, remembering some of his words, and how sweet his voice was to hear.
I was then reminded of the stacks of love letters, stacks and stacks of hand written notes. Free mail written where a stamp should go.
February 11, 2007|
Last year I sent a "Stars and Stripes" Valentine to my hubby while he was in Iraq with an unexpected result. My husband's grandfather had served in WWII and stayed in touch with many of his buddies for decades, often including his family in reunions. As it turns out, one of DH's grandfather's comrades also had a grandson who joined up and was serving in Iraq. He saw my Valentine, recognized DH's name, and got back in touch with my DH. Small world.
Although the deadline for the printed version has passed, you have until February 13, 8 a.m, EST to send your sweetie a Valentine in the online version of "Stars and Stripes." You may submit a message, up to 255 characters, and a photograph. Send your servicemember a virtual love note today!
January 30, 2007|
As military spouses, we have to face all kinds of challenges. Sometimes, the most monumental milestones and trials occur when we are separated from our spouse thanks to training, school, or even deployment.
Can I confess that sometimes, it's actually the smallest things that caused me the most righteous of my freak-outs?
January 11, 2007|
Although I'm in law school now, my studies prior to this focused on communication. It's a fascinating topic when you break it down. We spend so much time desiring effective communication and yet, we learn most of what we know about it through trial and error.
Communication-wise, the military family is unique. After all, at the heart and soul of most military men and women lies a true volunteer. For many military spouses, the willingness to volunteer and the sacrifices that follow are infectious. Our spouses do so much and we, sometimes by default, do too.
In this month of empowerment, let's explore the power of saying NO.
January 6, 2007|
When each new year begins, we're inundated with media stories on how to trim the fat from our bodies, our budgets and our schedule. Although it could do me good to listen to the body fat trimming advice, I have to laugh when all the budget trimming stories deal with people whose household budget is much fatter than mine!
Looking for ways to put some money away as well as discovering "found" money in your household can be very empowering!
December 22, 2006|
Is it just me or does anyone else find it fascinating how our spouse