Welcome Back, Murphy

What a sad little TV show that would be!  Welcome Back, Kotter was great.  Welcome Back, Murphy?  Not so much.

With everything that's been going on lately, I had not even uttered Murphy's name lately.  When I do, it is in the vein of Seinfeld's uttering Newman's name.

A "shot" in the back

Today was a little backwards for me.  I went to the doctor to have an epidural injection in my back for the first time.  I have suffered from back pain since 1996 - got medically discharged from the Army because of my back in 1999.

It was backwards for me because my husband is always the one in a hospital bed while I patiently wait and then take care of him when we get home.

"If..."

Out of the blue, DH asked me the other night, "If I died, would you get remarried?"

I sat thoughtfully for a moment, wondering why he was asking me this.

Me:  "I don't know.  It would be the last thing on my mind for a long time."

DH:  "Well, could you picture yourself getting married again?  If I died?"

Again, I thought about this (not something I often sit around considering).

Me:  "I really don't know.  What brought this to your mind?"

That Dry Spell

So, here I am trudging along through a deployment.  I have a busy schedule, I'm battling insomnia (as usual) so I'm tired most of the time, and I've had a lot of things on my mind.

Then I turn on the TV to watch a movie and I see... it.  Yes, it.  That thing that wreaks complete havoc on my carefully orchestrated overwhelmed life.  That thing that throws me into a complete tailspin of frustration and irritation.  That thing that seemingly contrives against me to make the deployment trudge completely unbearable.

A romantic movie scene. 

I love my husband, but sometimes...

Sometimes I want to smack him!  I wrote a post a while ago about my struggle regarding whether I should get a job after our PCS in July.  I struggle with this as a wife, mother, and professional.  About a week after I wrote that post I decided NOT to get a job.  I quickly became involved in multiple volunteer activities and have enjoyed each and every one of them.  Plus, I get to go to the gym a few times a week while the kids are in school.

So last night I was balancing the checkbook and paying bills and when I looked at my husband's LES I was very surprised.  Since we now live on post we don't get BAH, which is a nominal amount of money that is no longer in our pocket.  Plus we haven't sold our house in PA, so that's another chunk of money we are "missing."  I told my husband what his take-home pay was now and his response was:  "You need to get a job."

Why Does It Feel So Different?

My girls started school yesterday.  Not just a new school year, but they began their school year at an entirely new school.  The first grader showed only a moment's hesitation with the entire process.  The fifth grader, however, had more speed bumps.

I kept thinking, "This is so much harder with my husband deployed!  If only he were here, this would be so different!"

I realized as I walked from the school building after delivering each child safely to her respective classroom, that I have taken that walk alone, every year whether my husband were deployed or not.

The Ugly Truth

This post has been riding with me for awhile.  I've rolled this around, considered not posting it, considered curbing some of the truths, and then became comfortable enough with the truth that I determined I could handle whatever comments people may want to lob my way. 

Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now!

Having already established that my life is like "If You Give a Moose a Muffin," a new book has been added into the mix at our house.

Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now!

Trust me, I'm not trying to get rid of my husband and I really would like to keep him home with us for a bit.  But if the last two deployments he went on busted the schedule by having him leave earlier than anticipated (and quite suddenly in the case of the first deployment), this one has tried to make up for that by continually setting his date to leave back.  This means several things...

Lost In Translation

If you are a regular reader of SpouseBuzz you may or may not know a few things about me.  Lest I lose YOU in translation too, let me tell you two things.  First, my husband is deployed.  Second, we are in the middle of an international adoption.

That, apparently, is a combination ripe with frustrating possibilities.

The Beginning of Not The Same

I realized as I was sitting in a completely empty house on July 4th with no working knowledge of our gas grill that, perhaps, I should just admit to myself that this is our first of "just not the same" days that we will meet head on this year.

My next thought?  I knew a place I could go where I would not be the only one doing this today.

Pre-Deployment and the State of my Rear End

A few weeks ago Butterfly Wife posted on her blog a question - should she change her blog name to Does This Army Make My Butt Look Big?

What a timely question (and I nearly died laughing reading the newly proposed title!).  Just the last few weeks I've been wondering something close to that myself - Does this pre-deployment make my butt look big?  I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.

For the record, I'm not blaming anyone, any entity, or anything outside of my own self for the state of my rear (and arms, and legs, etc ad infinitum).  I know darn well that I made the choice to eat that, not do that exercise, and so on.  However, I also figured out last go-round that pre-deployment certainly makes it a lot easier to throw caution to the winds!

In a nutshell, knowing that the love of your life is going to be gone for a year (or more) and with the beginnings of anticipatory grief making themselves heard, who can say no to just one more trip to Baskin Robbins when the husband says he'd like to go just one more time?  Of course, it won't be the last time, but I pretend not to realize that...

Can't You Act More Torn?

My husband's dedication and wholeheartedness are qualities that I admire most about him.  When he does something, he does it fully.  That especially goes for his job, which he takes very seriously.  It's one of the things I love most about him, one of the things that drew me to him in the first place, but sometimes it is a hard quality for me to accept.

My husband is the type of man who goes in to work over block leave.

The Miss-O-Meter

I spent last week visiting my husband on his final pass prior to his leaving for his overseas deployment.  When I returned home, I picked up the mail that the Post Office had been holding for me.  As I thumbed through the bills, magazines, and junk, I saw it.

A big envelope with Deployment in the "From" field and my name in the "To" field. 

I ran my hands over the envelope and realized what had finally arrived.

The Miss-O-Meter.

This is My Brain

With Air Force Guy coming and going on a very frequent basis, it has become accepted fact in our family that my brain is the repository for all things... well, all things.  Need to know how old the roof is?  2 years.  Family blood types?  Four B negatives and an O negative.  Need a kennel?  A mechanic (I found a great one, by the way, who doesn't overcharge or cheat us!)?  Who is our doctor?  Husband has a headache - what could have triggered it?  Oh, and by the way, the minivan is about ten miles overdue for an oil change.  AND DON'T PUT THAT IN THE DRYER!

Unfortunately, keeping all this information on ready access alert in my head (I do write everything down as well) means that most days I engage in quite a lot of stream of consciousness thought.

For instance:

Putting Down the Yo-Yo

Since early this year, my family has been enduring the predeployment yo-yo.  You know the one.  Two weeks of training.  A weekend at home.  Three weeks training.  A weekend at home.  A month of training.  Five days at home.  A month of training in a different state.  A few days' pass before heading overseas.

I'm not going to lie.  I was never a big fan of yo-yos.

Don't Get MeWrong Or Anything..

Air Force Guy is currently outside the United States, which means that our primary mode of communication is Google Talk.

Last Chance To-Do List

No pressure or anything.  My husband's last pass prior to his final weeks of training begins this weekend.  This will likely be the last time he will set foot in this house for over a year.  No pressure.

I have a tendency to create a monstrous and ridiculous to-do list when my husband is due home from deployment.  I'm promising (in writing no less) NOT to do that this time IF, and only if, I can pretty please have some karmic intervention to accomplish the following to-do list before he leaves in a few days.

George Burns Had It Right

I was shopping for a card a few years ago and saw a great one emblazoned with a quote by George Burns on it:

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Of course, this quote is the preface to yet another story involving my mother-in-law.

A Little Disoriented

My husband, who is deployed right now, had to come to Washington, DC, for a meeting.  And since we live near DC, this meant that he was coming home unexpectedly.  As you can imagine, I was delighted.  Okay, delighted with reservations.  He's only been gone two months, so I have made close to zero progress on my whole "get skinny-clean and decorate the house-save a bjillion dollars-transform the children into model citizens" plan.  But those aren't really the important things, so I was truly delighted when he climbed into the car at the airport.

The first night, (when I'm sleeping on my own side of the bed instead of his side, where I sleep while he's gone,) I wake up in the middle of the night and realize that there is someone in my bed and it isn't a child.  I clearly wasn't entirely awake because I'm perplexed.  I'm pretty sure that I know who this person is, like his name and his personality, but I'm not exactly sure how he's related to me or why he is in my bed.  In my delirium, I figured I'd better go sleep on the sofa.  As I'm fumbling around for my glasses, it occurs to me: maybe I'm married to him.  Since this sounds vague familiar, and I'm really tired, and the sofa is at least twenty five feet away, I just put my head back down on the pillow.

Fortunately, my confusion was gone when I woke up properly the next morning.  However, it made clear to me how hard it must be for my husband's brain to keep track of the upheaval of his life.  And it was funny, in retrospect.  Plus, I remembered who he was for the whole rest of the visit. Yeah!

Happenstance and History

It never ceases to amaze me just how much *the little things* can have an affect on your life.  A little over twenty years ago, the happenstance meeting between myself and the guy who had the lab stall next to mine at college didn't seem all that unusual - given that we were at a fairly popular local bar.  In fact, it was a fairly common occurrence.  Except this time, he was out with a couple of buddies.....one of whom was an old high school buddy, now a Lance Corporal of Marines, home on leave after a recent tour in Okinawa. 

And the rest, as they say, is history.....

Chatting Them Up

Air Force Guy often becomes annoyed with the amount of time it takes me to leave certain places of business.  It's not that it takes a long time to conduct business, necessarily (although sometimes it does), it's that I have a real issue with chatting people up.

You see, I chat everyone up.  I talk to the ladies at the Post Office.  I learn great things from the waitstaff at new restaurants.  I even make friends with mechanics (do you know how tough that can be when you see those darn bills for car servicing?  I just got my brakes done and *OUCH*). 

This drives AFG nuts.  What I try to explain to him, however, is that it is a completely necessary survival mechanism.

Feelin' Funky And Not In A Good Way

Sometimes having the funk is a good thing...as in a Parliament "We need the funk!  Gotta have that funk!" kind of way.  Other times, though, a negative, non-germ related funk envelopes you and you find yourself fighting the funk.

I'm up to my hairline in the funk and I'm asking you for some funk-busting methods.

And So it Begins...

A girlfriend becomes a wife.

And she's already learning lesson number one - your SSN is about as relevant to the military as a mound of fire ants in India. Heh....

An Open Letter

Dear Deployment,

Although I understand that we are not strangers, I did want to set forth a few ground rules and observations before you officially begin your timeline.  First and foremost, please remember that I despise surprises so should you feel the need to visit again before my husband retires, a little notice never hurt anyone.  Frankly, I'd appreciate it if you would just take the hint and make yourself scarce, but I understand that you have a job to do and you sometimes find it necessary to do it repeatedly and on your own terms.

We Interrupt This Broadcast...

Remember when THAT message used to interrupt your favorite programs and make you roll your eyes?  I feel like I had one of those moments this weekend at my husband's deployment briefing.  I purposely had not "tuned in" to the fact that today marks the start of his last full week at home for at least a year.  Before Saturday, I was blissfully ignoring how entirely tiny the month of February actually is and how March was ready to roar in like a lion.

Then, the briefing and suddenly, it was like I was jolted from my happy land of denial over and over.

Stress? What Stress?

I should admit this right off - yes, I'm one of those dorks who actually clicks on the links hotmail shows me when I check my email.

Omigosh!  Ten tips to liven up your kitchen?  What can they be?  New hairstyles for 2009?  I'd love to hear more!

And today:  When Stress Can Actually be Good for You.  Because, seriously, that is something I truly want to know.  According to most of the "informed opinion", stress is BADBADBAD and you should avoid it at all costs or end up with a complete psychological break from reality, heart disease, two different kinds of stroke, and excessive tartar build up leading to gingivitis.

And since when can a military spouse or a military family avoid stress?  Up until I read this article, I figured my goose was good and cooked.

The Plague

My husband spent the entire last weekend in bed, convinced he was suffering through what could only be a re-emergence of the Black Death.  In his misery, he was sure that that the illness that decimated Europe in the Middle Ages was making a come-back and he was Patient Zero. 

I'll admit it.  I'm a bad person.  I spent a lot of time laughing at the poor guy's predicament.  Of course I was sympathetic!  When he was able to keep fluids and food down again I brought him Gatorade and chicken soup.  I went out for crackers and sourdough bread.  I made sure he had a buffet of pills to choose from.

But whenever my husband gets struck down with one of his bouts of "just kill me now!" illness, I do find the irony giggle inducing.  He spends so much time in nasty situations with his motto being "Suck it up!" that being knocked down by a stomach bug seems so... anti-climactic.  And after talking to other mil-spouse friends it seems that he is not the only one this happens to.

New Family Retreats from NMFA

You may have heard about the National Military Family Association (NMFA) Operation Purple Camps.  This year, they are trying a new program:  Operation Purple Family Retreats.  From the website: 

It is difficult on the entire family when a loved one is deployed, but the time after that father, mother, husband, or wife returns  home is often the most challenging of all. Recognizing this, the National Military Family Association is piloting two Operation Purple® Family Retreats. These free, four-day retreats are set in a National Park using nature’s classroom, where families will have opportunities to strengthen and renew relationships, explore their natural surroundings, and participate in fun family-focused activities.

The camps are designed for families who have had a service member return from deployment within the last twelve months.  The camps are being held in March in two locations, California and Washington state, and they are free!  If you live near either of the locations, and you have a recently returned family member, you might want to check it out.  It sounds like a great way to have some affordable family time.

Sometimes Normal Still Stinks

If there is one thing we know about being a military spouse it is that many things considered "normal" in our households would curl our civilian neighbors' hairs. 

Usually, it feels pretty good to hear a fellow milspouse reassure you that what you're experiencing is normal.  Many times, though, even something normal can still be pretty hard to swallow.

The Milspouse Lens

As the end of 2008 draws ever closer, I realized that being a military spouse has created yet another noticeable difference in the way I operate.  I bet it has for you too.

Do I call this a second honeymoon, if we didn't have a first one?

A couple of weeks ago, my Husband told me he nominated for an award, and BOTH of us were invited to Washington DC. 

The Army said BOTH.  You know how rare that is?

I Always Think the Worst First

This doesn't make sense to everyone, but even though I'm an optimist I always plan for the worst case scenario to happen.  In fact, I expect it to.  That way when it doesn't I feel like I'm the luckiest person on earth.

For instance - if I have to take my car in to the mechanic, I always assume it will take the entire amount (to the penny) of whatever we have in savings to fix it.  That way when the mechanic calls and lists some amount that would normally cause my heart to completely stop, I feel like I got off easy.

Usually this helps me save my sanity.  Today it made for some very amused conversation.

It's All Over But the Memories...

Sure the calendar has bid a fond farewell to the month of October, but that doesn't mean your memories of Halloween '08 have to say bye-bye too.  After all, don't you have SCADS of candy lying around?  And, is your trick-or-treater donning his/her costume and parading around the living room today?

Just how might you want to chronicle this year's Halloween festivities?

Military Crop Talk has your answers!

Okay, Now This is Getting Ridiculous

I've spoken about the moving process, as has armywifetoddlermom, fairly frequently and with quite a few adjectives not acceptable on family-type blogs.  The process stinks, even if I do love to go new places.

A few weeks ago in the chatroom during a SpouseBUZZ Radio show, I got some great tips about how to pack the gear Air Force Guy has left behind from the lovely Butterfly Wife and her very helpful husband Jack Bauer. 

The problem, you see, is body armor.

Note to Self: Be careful when nagging DH

Okay, so I have a hundred things to write about (for once) and this is where I will start.  Yesterday I asked DH to vacuum the living room.  Which he did..... almost.  We have a rug that covers most of the living room floor, but leaves about 2 ft. of hardwood floor along three sides.  So he vacuumed the rug - only! 

I was a bit upset because he has watched me vacuum the living room at least a million times and I always vacuum over the hardwood floor parts.  We have a dog and two cats.  And the hardwood floors often look like a street in an old western movie with the giant hairballs floating around.  Seriously, can he NOT see the hairballs?!?!?!

I kindly asked him (okay, maybe I nagged a little) to vacuum the the parts of the floor that he seemed to have accidentally forgotten the first time.  And he did.  Thank you, Honey.

And then... some little spark of motivation lit a huge fire under his butt......

What is success?

I was reading an article this morning on the success of reintegration, reunion, and the transition of Military families.

How does one measure "sucess in reintegration?"

I Know You Know

So that's why I'm asking.

If you have a fool-proof method of turning cluttered chaos into uncluttered utopia, I'm all ears.  If you're looking for help, let's hope others share!

When Goodbye Feels More Like Good Riddance

During our weekend in Virginia, Andi posted some of our "greatest hits" and one of my old posts prompted a new comment that posed a good question.

Armybrat AF Wife asks if any SB readers' spouses have "crazy coping mechanisms" to make it through a goodbye.  Now, she has me curious too.

In the Grand Scheme of Things

One of my oldest friends came to visit me this weekend.  We had a great time together; it's the longest visit we've had with each other since we stopped being roommates when I got married back in 2002.  But I also learned something this weekend: some of my biggest gripes at this point in my life are really not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Honey - Don't Come Home

I hate not seeing my husband.  I hate not waking up with him, going to sleep with him, giving him a kiss as he leaves for work, and - well, you know.  Other things.

I miss him terribly when he is gone.  So it's safe to say that the first time he deployed we made a decision that had our civilian family (I had gone "home" for the duration of the deployment) just could not comprehend.

I told him that if R & R was offered, I didn't want him to come home.

How Do We Know If We're Done

I think my first husband may have been right...I do love the drama.

I love it so much that I move from one major life change and decision to another without so much as a quick break.

Now that I've finished law school and the bar exam (no results until Halloween, thanks), I'm thinking about babies...what is wrong with me?!

Vacation: Military Family Style

I recently returned from a 2 week vacation with my kids at my in-laws... and no DH.  Before you gasp with horror - I actually LOVE my in-laws! 

DH has been TDY for about 6 weeks and I had a really strange sense of "feeling bad" that I was taking a vacation and he was not.  It wouldn't have been so bad, considering I do most of my traveling when he is gone (haven't figured out why yet), but this TDY has been beyond miserable for DH.  Things seem to be getting better for him lately, but the first month was really.... um..... crappy.

On Mil-Spouse Conversations

I had the wonderful experience this week of a visit from the lovely and talented Sarah, and her dog Charlie. 

We had a few interesting events happen as Charlie, the 22 pound Tibetan Terrier, causing bodily harm to my 60 pound pit bull Ike.  Ike is now missing one toenail at the root.  And he also has the humiliation of knowing his butt was kicked by a Tibetan Terrier.

But the best part of Sarah's whole visit, to me, was when we got to talk some shop while waiting for Brad Thor to start his appearance and book signing (oh yeah - I got to meet him!  I was like a teenager waiting for High School Musical Live! to start).  Sarah and I spent the time talking about what our plans were if something ever happened to our husbands.

What a Surprise!

I have been teasing my husband about Atta Girls for quite a long time.  Like many wives, I coveted an Atta Girl of my very own, but to be honest it was just too much money for me to imagine spending on a piece of jewelry for myself.

I wanted one very much, but I didn't need one.  My kids needed shoes. We needed to take Ike to the vet.  Air Force Guy needed IR flags.  It was kind of a family joke anytime something went wrong - I'd tell AFG, "I expect to see the Atta Girl ribbon for this one!"  the way the kids and I would say, "Hey, let's go tell those people to move out of our house!" when we would drive past some dreamy picturesque manor we'll never be able to afford.

Apparently, my husband is an awful lot more romantic than I ever would have guessed.

Further Adventures of a Geardo

Air Force Guy left on Sunday for some additional training.  He packed like a Geardo.

Now, you may think that means that he packed all his gadgets, gizmos, helmets, knives, and 550 cord - but that's not quite how a Geardo packs.

Part II: Do you feel "left behind?"

I must apologize.  When I wrote my original post about feeling left behind I had every intention in the world to write a follow-up post within a few days (as I kindly wrote in my first post).  But, alas... I was once again swept up by my life and have done "mental head-slaps" when I think about writing this follow-up post while I am at work, or nowhere near a computer.  So here goes... (FYI - you may want to read the original post in order to know what the heck this one means).

I had many different responses to the question "Do you feel 'left behind' when your spouse is deployed/TDY?" I knew the responses would differ, all of which have very valid reasons for said feelings.  So here's why I asked:

We're Doing THAT Again

Air Force Guy has some training before he leaves on TDY this summer.  It's the kind of training he loves, and loves to complain about - the rough stuff that involves 1Million SPF sunblock and bug repellent with 100% DEET.

And shopping.  It also involves lots of shopping.  Don't get me wrong - I love shopping, but this shopping has the power to drive me completely insane.  Because my husband is a Geardo.

Left Behind? No. Taking on My World Alone? Um, Yeah.

Joan asked an intriguing question and I cannot wait to read her follow-up post.

As I contemplated my answer, I realized that my feelings about my "alone time" have changed in the past six years since becoming a Guard Wife.  And, as we thrust ourselves headlong into another overseas pre-deployment cycle (yep, we've received real word), I began to think about what this deployment may look like.

The Perfect Storm of Stress

Back in October, I was contacted by a writer from Military Spouse Magazine asking me if I knew of anyone who was going through infertility treatments at home alone while her husband was deployed.  At the time, I didn't.

Little did I know that if she'd waited six months to write the article, she could've used me as a source.

The Post I Ignored for Sixteen Months

This is one of those posts that I've put off writing for many, many months. It's a post which will garner a lot of discussion through comments and email, or very little. It's also one of those posts which may cause me to get into trouble with my husband. But hey, I'll take one for the team here.

It's a post about....