It Starts Young

I find myself explaining a lot of military humor to people who aren't normally associated with military endeavors. 

It's gallows humor, definitely.  And then there's the teasing aspect - I can make fun of the Air Force, but God help someone not affiliated with the military trying to.  Just doesn't roll well, you know?  It's okay for us to call people PowerPoint Rangers, but if some TV pundit tried it I'd be at the front of the spitting line.

And it's not just my husband or myself with these humor issues - my kids pick them up.  I think they pick them up in the womb.

In fact, just a few weeks ago we had a bit of an issue with this.

It's a good thing DP sent me flowers

When the Dark Prince left for the sandbox, he left such a mess of dirty/clean clothing, etc., in his room and car that Lancelot and I practiced avoidance for a period of time.  The Light twin came home last week and as part of my Mother's Day present, helped me clean out his room. 

U-n-b-e-l-i-e-v-a-b-l-e!!!!!!!!

Gone, but not THAT Gone

I've had some very interesting conversations lately.  Air Force Guy is not getting ready for a deployment right now (as if anything is ever set in stone in this lifestyle), but we do know that he will be spending the rest of the year TDY.

This is the first time we've had an extended TDY that is not a deployment while living in a civilian community.  And the results and explanations coming out of this have been very interesting, to say the least.

Next is the Ninja. Or the Cowboy. Maybe a Pirate.

Last night Air Force Guy and I made a startling realization.

Thanks to his military career and the subsequent military career changes, he's been able to check three of the "little boy dream jobs" off his life sheet.

He was an armor crewman, then he got do PSYOP and work in Intel, then he got law enforcement credentials.

Now all he has to do is find a way to be a Ninja, a cowboy, a pirate, and a starship trooper and his list will be complete.

And as for me...

Hey Look, it's Working....

I recently began participating in airforcewife's Fit Club, and I have to tell you - it's working. Yesterday, I declared myself swimsuit-ready and it's not even summer yet! I never weigh myself because I've always thought that how my clothes fit and how I feel is much more important than a number on a scale. I don't even own a scale. Well, I didn't until this weekend, that is. I decided to buy one just to see how my ramped-up workout routine translated into numbers.

I was astounded, and I can assure you that if you follow my lead, you will be, too.

Here's my secret:

Obviously need a breather!

How can you tell that you are WAY too busy?  That your life is not your own?  That your children are WAY too involved?!?!?!

Here's my latest episode: Papa Bear, God bless him!, got me a margarita machine for my birthday!  I received the gift on Saturday AM.....haven't had a chance to try it out yet!  Why?!?!?!  Children: soccer, school play, church stuff, more soccer (tournament weekend), spring planting (definitely needed a margarita to get through this!), another showing of the play, cast party, neighborhood going away party (should have brought the machine and had a BYOB thing!) and more soccer.....

Truly, I need to slow down!  I'm gonna age quicker unless I get my priorities straight!!!!!  Margarita machines shouldn't sit idle! Officially Margarita Monday - with or without the alcohol - your choice!  Who's with me!??!?!?!?!

A Note to My Child

Dear Daughter,

IF you are at lunch, and IF you do not finish your chocolate milk, and IF you think you need to bring it home with you, please do not lose your lunch box in your bedroom.

Thank you, in advance, for your help with this.

Love,

Mom

The Phone on My Hip

Like many military spouses, I carry around my phone like it is some kind of life support device.  If I don't have it, I don't just get irritated - I feel naked.

And there's a reason, too.  I was trained long ago to realize that call opportunities don't come at set times, and it was easier to carry around an umbilical cord - errr, cell phone - and be available whenever AFG was able to get to a phone in whatever ugly place he's in.

I stay in this habit even when he is working somewhere close and coming home each night.  Like now.

Things That Crack Me Up

Since we are no longer living on a base and we are living in a community that is not largely military, I've started a new past-time:  watching my kids interact with kids who have never been associated with the military.

Let me tell you, it can be hilarious.

Advice from the Trenches

When taking a roiling horde of children to get passports done, be sure to take some kind of calming medication.  Valium might work.  Or large quantities of wine.

For you, or for the kids.  It really doesn't matter much.  Either they will be quiet and good for the ten hours you wait in line, or you won't care how they're behaving.

I wish someone had told me that before we had to go to the Post Office for our passport applications this morning.  One way or another, it would have kept my blood pressure within acceptable levels.

Also - the Post Office won't let you use their bathroom.  I'll throw that tidbit in for free.

Mimicry

I think the blog Non-Essential Equipment is one of the most cleverly named military spouse blogs out there.  How did she come up with the name?

When a soldier is packing up for a mission, he is often instructed to leave all non-essential equipment behind. This includes a soldier's family.

Anyway, she posted a little story about her toddler son recently that had me in stitches.  Her husband apparently talks on the phone often with the First Sergeant, lovingly referred to as "Top" by many soldiers. 

This morning, after a series of phone calls ... my speech-delayed son picked up my husband's cellular telephone. He likes to play telephone and just babble on but we were amazed this morning when we heard the following:

"Hello, Top. WHAT?! NO! (insert stern random babble)...You're kidding me. ...(more angry babble)...No way. See you later. Bye, Top."

Bwahahaha.

You can read more from Non-Essential Equipment here.

Oh. My. God.

This morning I thought, "Wow!  Things seem to be going really smoothly lately!  How nice!"

That is a very stupid thing for airforcewife to do.  Very stupid. 

What Else?

Have you ever noticed that when something goes wrong, it is never just ONE thing that goes wrong?

Because I had an experience in the kitchen today that will forever live on in the annals of cooking history.  I think I might need to undergo hypnosis to get over it. 

Also, is it just my son, or is wanting to wear the same ratty sweatpants every single day (dirty or clean) normal for a 5 year old boy?  Honestly, this is getting ridiculous.

The Continuing Saga of Life With a Crazy Russian Mother-in-Law

Until my mother-in-law lost her mind, I hadn't even heard of a "Sandwich Generation" - the people who are taking care of both their parents and their children at the same time period. 

Then Air Force Guy and I got shoved firmly (and with quite a protest, I tell you what) into Sandwich-hood with a bang. Air Force Family does everything with a bang, though, so that's not unusual. 

What is turning out to make our Sandwich Generation experience a bit unique, though, is the fact that we're a military family sandwich.  A military family sandwich with  foreign parents.   RUSSIAN foreign parents.  Crazy Russian former parents.  And the fact that we're 3000 miles away from her and moving every few years makes explaining the strange things that come up and the cultural idiosyncrasies of her friends just a bit more involved and difficult than if we lived close enough to do real damage control.

Case in point - our conversation last night with my Father-in-Law.

Give Me the Coffee and Leave Me Alone

Don't call my house Sunday.  Don't stop by, don't expect any decent interaction.  I'm not going to shake anyone's hand peacefully during mass. 

I.  Hate.  Daylight Savings.  I hate it the way only someone who has to get up at 5:30 am can hate Daylight Savings.  And for the few days it takes for my body to adjust to going to bed sooner and getting up later, I am in an angry, stomping, slamming, biting sarcasm type of mood.

More than usual, I mean. 

I can easily see that Air Force Family's coffee bill will be doing its annual skyrocket trip.  Thank God for our Flavia machine.

Daylight Savings Time should be a curse word.  One of the really, really, really bad ones. 

Have Some Milspouses Been Holding Out on the Rest of Us?

I could be wrong. Indeed, I could.

And I want to believe. Indeed, I do.

But I'm not buying it. I am....head down....a cynic.

What Would Melody Do?

I'm not entirely socially adept.

"What? Oh no, airforcewife! I'm utterly SHOCKED! I thought you had calling cards, wore your hair in an elegant chignon, and had white gloves of various lengths for different social visits! You seem so prim and proper!"

Sure, you know that's what you were thinking. I'm good at hiding the truth.

Luckily for me and anyone who has had to attend some kind of airforcewife sponsored shindig, I have a secret weapon.

Gosh, Who Knew?

Last week while Lancelot was traveling, I decided I would run down to the base and do some shopping.  That decision coincided with the weather channel forecasting snow the next day.  I got up early, took care of some email business, let the dog out for one last potty trip and was walking out the door when the phone rang.

Soul sister was calling from halfway 'round the world so I put my purse down and answered the phone.  We don't get to talk to each other as often as we'd like so this was a welcome delay.  After we hung up, I again grabbed my purse, got in the car, remembered to take out my military id to show to the gate guard and took off.

Hey, It's Free!

One of the very many perks of living on or near a base is definately PCS season.

Ah, yes.  PCS Season.  Otherwise known as, "I'm 700 pounds over my weight limit and desperately need to downsize" season.  For those of us not PCSing, it is also known as "Second Christmas."

Many's the time in my over 10 years as a military wife that I've found items that I absolutely COULD NOT fathom being without before I stand before the Throne of God and account for my life.  I never knew how unfulfilled I was without that papa-san frame, but when I saw it sitting conveniently on the curb across from my house I realized that it was what my life had been missing.  Ditto for the particle board tv stand and the three pedal cars my son spent an entire summer enjoying.

So when we moved away from base, I had to find a way to assuage my guilt at just throwing perfectly good items away and also score some neat free stuff I never knew I was missing.

I joined the local Freecycling list.  And I had no idea what I was getting into.

SpouseBUZZ Fit Club - Report In!

How did you do this week?  I had some good, some bad, and some VERY FRUSTRATING.

The good?  I managed to exercise every day but yesterday when I was barfing up everything I'd eaten since 2002.  I kept up the hamster stair-runs, I managed pilates three times, and I added in two days of intense cardio.  And the family went for long walks on Saturday and Sunday, too! 

The bad...  Although I've been good about sticking to the eating portion of what I'm trying to do, I did slip three times this week.  One night I had fast food.  And two mornings I've had slices of honey toast because I kept forgetting to buy milk for my delicious Special K with Chocolate Cereal. 

And now the frustrating...

SpouseBUZZ Fit Club - Report In!

Good news to report this week!  My butt is getting noticeably firmer!  Those stairs - they are a wondrous thing.  I think my pants might be a little looser, but I'm not sure enough to report a definite yet. I hope I'm not just dehydrated.

I'm up to two times a day hamster running on the stairs, and I'll move it up to three next week.  Unfortunately, I've only done yoga twice this week, and I skipped one day of stairs because I was feeling like donkey poo.  I also need to find a yoga DVD that I actually like, because I feel a gazillion times better when I've stretched myself out several times a week.

Valentine's Day didn't help the diet (damn you, peanut butter cup eggs!), but other than that I've stuck it out pretty well.  No fast food, I switched to nut mixes for snacks, and when I absolutely HAD to have something sweet, I made cheesecake cookies with Splenda instead of sugar.  They were quite yummy.  And I've only had diet soda twice this week - which for me, the original diet soda addict - is a minor miracle in itself.  I'm all about water and tea now.  I hope I can keep that up, I've noticed a definate increase in my energy levels and a stabilization of my moods.  I'm sure Air Force Guy is happy about that.

And then there's that miracle of diet foods - Special K with Chocolate.  Oh how I love it.

So, report in SpouseBUZZers!  How did you do this week?  And what suggestions do you have for us?

Reason #5280 My Husband Will Never Make General

I think armywifetoddlermom started a good series here.  It's especially good because I can participate.  In fact, I think I can give many people a run for their money.

Like the time I went through an entire receiving line at an 06 promotion with a booger hanging out of my nose.

A big one.

That was embarrassing.

I've Spoken Too Soon

Last week we had two SpouseBUZZ authors down for the count, and I think a few more hanging on for dear life. 

Ahhh, cold and flu and walking pneumonia season.  You've gotta love it.

Meanwhile, I was smirking in my morning tea because I felt great.  I take Ester C every day, I also take about (and I'm not exaggerating here) 14 supplements daily (some are double doses, though, so it's really about 9 different supplements) - I thought I was doing great!  I thought, "Hey, airforcewife KNOWS what to do, ya'll!"  Also, we homeschool our kids, so we don't get exposed to the constant stream of boogery viruses and hacking cough bacteria that most families have to deal with.

How many times have I told myself that life doesn't offer guarantees?  And why don't I ever listen?  Because today I woke up feeling like my head was stuffed with cotton and I've had to ban all children from whatever bathroom is nearest so that I can get there in emergencies.  I don't think I'll be leaving the house today.

Curses - cold and flu crud!  And damn you, Karma! 

My darling husband

I love you with all of my heart. However, we need to talk about the kitchen.

1. The kitchen is set up in a fashion that works. For me. Unless you are going to be the one to spend more time in there than me (not likely), leave things the way they are. If you decide that something should be moved/placed in another location, please discuss it with me first so I do not spend hours trying to figure out where the hell I put it. My hold on sanity is tenuous at best. Don't make me feel like I'm losing what is left of my mind.

2. The kitchen is not your workshop, the garage, or a tool box. Knives with names like Benchmade, Spyderco, and Ka-Bar do not belong on my knife block. If you wish to eat like an outdoorsman, you are more than welcome to.

At work.

Or out in the backyard.

Not in the kitchen.

A cast, a button-down shirt, a 4 year old, and a coffee table

Next time you get dressed in your comfy jeans and button-down shirt, imagine the following:

Your left arm is in a cast from your elbow to the middle of your fingers (and you don't have a pinky), and you don't have an opposable thumb because of nerve damage.  Now, on your right hand you can't use your thumb because the Dr. removed most of your nail so it grows back correctly - and it's REALLY sensitive!  Oh, and your thumb on your right hand is also not opposable.

Now, button your pants and your shirt without becoming incredibly frustrated...

Yeah, I Should Have Got That Free Flu Shot....

I've spent the better part of three days in my bedroom. It's flu season. Hit me like a freight train late Thursday night. Terrible timing as I had commitments on post the next day.

We were having a competition of sorts and I was responsible for bringing a couple of elements that would be used in decorating our unit's booth. When I woke up Friday morning, I couldn't move. My body ached all over and I was chilled to the bone. 

PCS Benefits

I like moving, I really do.  I know, that makes me weird.  But aside from the fact that moving seems like a vacation paid for out of the ever-so-gracious pocket of Uncle Sam, moving also allows me something particularly necessary after a few years (or sometimes a few months) in one spot.

The ability to start over where people don't know me, my family, or our... um... "issues" is a God Send.

Case in point - today's incident at Little Gym.  Which I will be happy to leave behind.

Further Confessions of a Military Spouse

Today I had a moment between teaching my son to subtract and grading the third daughter's math.  Because I tend to multitask when possible, I decided to clean behind the coffee maker on the counter while I was drilling #3 on her spelling words. 

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?????  And other than resolving never to move the coffee maker from it's ordained spot on the counter, how do I prevent that in the future?

Can Do Spirit?

Today I woke up and was at the point of no return.  I'd had it.  I didn't care how cold it was outside, I didn't care if my kids were cranky, I didn't care if I felt overwhelmed with things to accomplish.

I WAS GOING TO EXERCISE IF IT KILLED ME.

Inside the cluttered mind of Semper Fi Wife

At the beginning of 2008, I decided that I had had enough of the clutter in my house.  It was actually affecting my ability to get anything done.  The piles of notebooks, books, magazines, clothes, ETC., were driving me mad.  LAW, Wifeunit and Cassandra can attest to the fact that I have alot of crap.  I do.

My goal for 2008 is to get organized.  I mean really, really GET ORGANIZED!!!!  I don't have an upcoming move to force me to declutter so I have to find it within myself to get it done.

So yesterday, I cleaned out my pantry.

The Poacher Dude

We run into all sorts of people during our tours.  Have you ever noticed that every assignment seems to have certain personality types that people fall into?  There's usually "The Busy Guy" - this is the guy (and I use the term in a gender neutral way) that is always at work before everyone else, leaves after everyone else, comes in on the weekends, and just looks weird when they aren't wearing their UOD.

Then there's "The Complaining Guy".  You know which one - the one whose office is too hot/cold/moist/dry/loud/quiet, whose lumbago acts up as soon as someone DITY moves and the office volunteers to help pack up, who gets 1/2 the work done in twice the time as everyone else, and knows every single step necessary to file an IG complaint while often offering to coach others through the process.

We also can't forget to mention "Exasperated Guy".  Exasperated Guy is the one who always seems to have the last minute projects land squarely in his/her lap.  This is not due to poor planning, but rather because Exasperated Guy keeps telling him/herself that THIS time s/he will NOT help the people who don't do their work when they are supposed to, s/he will let them take their medicine so they will learn!  Then, of course, when crunch time rolls around, Exasperated Guy can't stand it and jumps in to pull out a last minute save.  Exasperated Guy usually has a lot Tums hanging around the office and does Pepto shots like they're mixed with jello.

Most recently, Air Force Guy and I have been having several run-ins with a type that I like to call, "The Poacher".

Smack Down: The Domestic Goddess Edition

I remember stocking the cupboards with my husband's favorite foods just before he redeployed. I purchased all the ingredients to make the yummy casseroles and homemade treats that he enjoys. My husband was going to return to home-cooked heaven. Yes.He.Was.

Since then, I've had little time or inclination to don an apron and play Martha Stewart. I was raised by a mother who knows her way around the kitchen, so I developed a fondness for cooking, but I've become much less fond of the kitchen over the past few years. Time was always the enemy. The grill and microwavable bags were my friends.

Remember my recent whine over holiday travel? While we were stuck at airports and flying across the country, I took a copy of Chef's Magazine with me. I became enamored with all of the fabulous appliances and cooking materials. I remembered how happy it made me to fix those wonderful, home-cooked meals for my husband when he returned. Flipping though the magazine reminded me of that time and sparked a renewed interest in bringing my inner domestic goddess back to life. I decided that I longed to get back in the kitchen and put a little TLC back into our meals. I dogeared pages containing images of new cookware that I intended to purchase and made a silent vow to heat up the kitchen. And did I ever....

"Tell Him We Said Hello"

My father spent a few years in the Army before he met my mother. He has a love of all-things-Army. Many years ago, while stationed in Texas, my husband and I had some single soldiers over to our home for Thanksgiving dinner. My father happened to be in town on this particular Thanksgiving, so he got to meet and hang out with the guys. The soldiers enjoyed listening to my dad's stories about the good ol' days and how, while in Germany during field exercises, anyone who captured Elvis would get a three-day pass (bet Elvis enjoyed being such a prized target).

Pat, one of the soldiers who was at the house, worked very closely with my husband and was widely respected, both personally and professionally. We became very close friends and my husband and I have stayed in touch with him throughout the years. In a roundabout way, that is.

Protocol Primer

I'm not the most politically adept person.  I have a certain knowledge of basic protocol and am not completely embarassing when left in public, unless of course I'm really hungry!  I firmly believe that people should 'help themselves' when in my house.

Protocol has always eluded me.  I do my best, but there are so many rules!!  Most of them unstated, unwritten or not put in front of me in such a way that I can't ignore them!  For instance, did you know that name tags should be worn on the right side?  Makes sense, that way, when you shake hands, the other person can see your name.  Who'd have thought?!?!?!  But there's more!

Even More Military Wife Confessions

As I check around the military spouse blogs, I've noticed something.  Whenever pictures are posted I think, "Wow, that chick has a totally hawt husband!"  Not that I'm being a pervert or home-wrecker, mind you.  I mean it in the same vein that I might say, "Oh, what a lovely sunset!" 

At this point, I can't remember the last time I didn't notice the hawt-factor.  I mean, really.  Is it a chicken or an egg?  Which came first, the hot guy or the military?

Or is it because whenever I see one of those uniforms I just melt?

Whatever the reason, the research seems to bear the thought out.  Military dudes = hot.  And of course, Air Force Guy = hottest.   

So sit on that, Hollywood.  I don't need your Brad Pitt pin-up poster.  I'll just go sit somewhere on base and soak in the view.

Confessions of a Military Spouse - the Ongoing Saga

To keep up with my husband, my friends from various duty stations, and my family I have no fewer than three instant messaging programs on my computer.  I may have more.  I've stopped counting.

Reason 4,278, my DH will not make General

I will preface this story with, I am from the Midwest.  We have no accents.  Which means I find any accent interesting, and enjoyable.   I LOVE accents.  I do.  In fact at the top of my list of favorite American accents is that of those who inhabit the great state of Minnesota, I love it, and could listen to it all day. A close second,  is a Southern accent, but not just any southern accent, I have a preference for Northern Louisiana.  Third is Boston.  So, if you are from any of those areas of our great country, you have my ear all day if you need it.   

More Proof You Just Can't Take airforcewife Anywhere

Look, as if getting kicked off a talk show, flashing my nether-bits to the Comcast guy, broadcasting my eliminatory functions, and having my son urinate on the base commander's lawn weren't proof enough that I am often somewhat less than socially acceptable in polite circles, I'm about to write about something that I'll bet will make the ever-gracious Andi cringe.

But since I'm far closer to Lucille Ball than Audrey Hepburn (despite all my yearnings to be cool and classy in perfect pearls and an immaculate sweater dress), I'm totally going to go there.

Please, if you will be offended with a post that is not generally acceptable discussion in polite company - skip this jump...

27 Dresses? Just About!

I haven't seen the new movie starring that cutie from Grey's Anatomy, but the concept is easy enough to grasp...always the bridesmaid and never the bride means a closetful of some pretty heinous dresses.

Translated into military spouse-speak, weddings become military balls and my closet becomes the formal wear graveyard.

550 cord, the milspouses friend....an essay

When I first married DH, we lived at Fort Bragg in a small apartment off post.   The apartment was not large.  I think we had one bedroom, I cannot recall, as age and about 9 moves have left me with "apartment confusion". 

SpouseBUZZ - The Telenovela

Last night the unflappable Andi and I had quite the email flurry going on.  There was an emergency in SpouseBUZZ-land and we were at the center of the storm.

Let me preface this by saying that at Air Force Guy's new job there is no outgoing email access and no phone access for anything short of loss of life or limb.  Quite simply - there is no way to get a hold of the man unless someone is dying or perhaps if nuclear war breaks out.  Perhaps.  I'm not sure if they consider that an emergency. 

So when I got a call from his former Headquarters stating that there was a problem with the paperwork getting him into the reserves - a problem that had to be resolved by midnight, I had to go into "Pushy Military Wife" mode to get things done.  Because there was no one else to do it. 

As usual.

I Love This. No, I Don't Love This. Yes, I Do.

When I was young and had no appreciation for it, my hair was long, thick, curly, and shiny.  My mom used to put it up in (usually lopsided) pigtails, except when I went through my Laura Ingalls Wilder phase and I wanted it in two braids.  What can I say - Little House on the Prairie was rather popular at the time.

Then I became a teenager and suddenly my hair became important.  And it also became thin, frizzy, and cantankerous.  Luckily, big hair was in.  Because mine wasn't going to sit still for anyone.

Through each of my pregnancies I thought the Hair Fairy had finally blessed me again.  Thick, luxurious locks cascaded from my head in soft ringlets.  But then the kids popped out and my hair decided that it had a sudden and urgent appointment somewhere down my drain.

I Have an Announcement to Make!

After three visits to the DMV, a visit to the Country Treasurer's Office, a lost car registration from California, and someone attempting to tell me that my CA driver's license, my military ID, my birth certificate, and my social security card were not enough to establish my identity (and causing a fit of rage and temper only someone who knows a redhead in person can appreciate)...

I HAVE A VIRGINIA DRIVER'S LICENSE!!  And my cars are successfully registered, too.

The picture is horrible.

Many, many thanks to those of you who emailed me and commented on my last post about the travails of petty bureaucracy.  It was precisely your suggestions which enabled me to get this done.

Yay for SpouseBUZZ!  Ya'll had a sister's back!

Techno Resolution

Another new year has dawned and with it the same old guilt producing search for a resolution!  One that I will actually stick to and achieve would be good.  I'm thinking of trying a bold step this year. 

As I'm not the most technologically savvy person, I've decided to try to hone my skills on the techno stuff!   I've decided to experiment (practice the dark arts?) with SpouseBUZZ.   

The Ongoing Saga of Air Force Family's Move (Soon to be a Rock Opera)

Only once in our entire military life have we had to get non-California license plates - and that was because we bought a car in Texas.  I've had the same driver's license picture for about 10 years, also a California thing.

But now we need to get car registrations and licenses at our new place of residence.  I had no idea what I was getting into when I left the house this morning.

Made With Love

When AirForceGuy is home, I tend to spoil him.  It's nice to have him around and he's very conscientious about fixing things and taking over parent duties to give me some down time. 

He also appreciates the little things, like the fact that I make his lunch and put little Hershey's Kisses in there for him.  He tells everyone his lunch is made "with love".

But now he has a new idea - that in addition to lunches "made with love" he must now have socks "made with love," too.  Yes, that is right.  My husband wants me to learn to knit so I can make him socks.  At least he's sweet about it.  He says, "I have to go to ugly places.  When I'm in ugly places, it would be wonderful if I had socks made with LOVE on my feet."

Kitty Litter Rum Balls Revisited

The kitty litter rum balls were a hit.  Well, few people could steel themselves to try them, but everyone appreciated them very much. 

Every so often at the party, the call would go up, "Who wants a poop?" and someone would have to volunteer while everyone watched in anticipation.

It was almost like a frat party.

So, if you're curious (and because I don't want poor Andi to get fetish hits on SpouseBUZZ), I'm putting the picture of the rum balls after the jump.

Tis the Season and the week!

Tis the season to be jolly and the week before Christmas.....close to the time most spouses hit the crunch wall for shopping.  Not ALL spouses do this, it just seems to be the preponderance - or enough to make a great stereo-type!   So, I thought we'd get together a little list of not-so-nice gifts!  Those gifts that should NEVER be given, except with explicit permission!

Let's start with vacuum cleaners, move through scales and then travel to snow blowing machines, shall we?  What are the gifts that spouses should not give this time of year?  Or, if you'd rather, list the little gifts that mean a great deal.  I'm sure this will be a to each his own (for instance, there was the year my husband and I both, coincidentally, gave each other Toaster Ovens for Christmas - who'd have thought!?!?!?)  So, let's build a nice and not-so-nice list.......

What do they know, that I don't?

Not that I'm THAT old but the other day AARP sent me a note saying how they’d love for me to sign-up.

And then, they wanted me to spend money on various things, like a new insurance policy for my car as I obviously needed more coverage.  (so when did they see ME drive?)  And then it was "you just have to have a new medical insurance plan!" and while TRICARE ain't great, it sure beats the pants off of other plans and besides you can't beat the price for coverage. 

But the kicker was, I could get a discount on new teeth.  WHAT???  New Teeth?  They went on to say how my old teeth may be spending more hours in a glass by the bed, versus in my head.  When oh when and how in the world did AARP come to the conclusion that I needed New Teeth?  I mean, I kind of like the originals that are all still in pretty good shape and OBTW, still in my head! ... and the only glass these teeth see is the one with single malt scotch in it!  I'm sorry AARP, but it's my plan to have these teeth go with me all the way to the pine box if I have any say about it.  So, what's up AARP?

Who Knew?

Remember my Beer in the Rear post? Reader Sly just solved my "what am I going to get Mr. Andi for Christmas" dilemma.

They actually have a product for this. Instructions included. Who knew?

Disobediant

I cannot join Andi today in taking the day off.  Darn it.  Tis the Season.  Christmas has caught me completely off guard for the past 7 years here down South.

It cannot be Christmas, when it is 70 degrees can it?  For some reason, I think it is September, and then I look at the calender, only to find a few days left to get things in order. 

SpouseBuzz Live 3...Remains of the Day

I can't believe almost a week has passed since SpouseBuzz LIVE took place in Fayetteville.  It's also hard to believe how many times a man can say, "Let's just do it and then we can talk" in one week's time.

If you don't know what that's in reference to, you either weren't paying attention in Fayetteville or you haven't watched the archived event at SyncLive.

Even with final exams looming, my brain has processed SBL3 and plenty of good things happened.

My Dear Husband will never make General, Reason 4,375

I will caveat this with my DH would make a great General. (Cough* hint cough*)

I on the other hand, will not make a good General's wife.

Where do I begin? This will certainly be a post in which there are more stories to add as long as I am alive.

I am not demure. I have mentioned this before. I am never in the crowd that drops names, or rank. We do not gossip at home about what news we here from post. So I am the clueless wife, and I like it that way.

So here is where I am going to take one for the team. And give you some advice, which none of you need, because no one would act this goofy in public except for me.

I Ask You, What is Worse?

What's worse? Having to do The Kelvin, or not having the opportunity to do The Kelvin when The Kelvin should have been done? If you don't know what The Kelvin is, click here before you read on or this story will not make sense.   

While I was in Fayetteville for SpouseBUZZ LIVE, my husband was in Baltimore attending the Army/Navy game. Judging from the score, it's likely that he would rather have spent the day with 200+ military spouses than at the game watching his Army boys get whipped by the Navy boys. 

The Stories Around Us

One of the best things about the "afterglow" of a SpouseBUZZ Live event is that I get to remember and retell my husband over and over the stories we heard while we were there.  I think the poor guy has heard the re-cap about the woman who called someone for help with her boys while her husband was deployed and it turned out to be the General's wife approximately 18 times so far.  And I am planning to tell him again when he gets home today.

I was also surprised that my children, whom I thought would be a conversation ender right off, actually started some one on one conversations.  Particularly my son, Mohawk Boy.

In fact, the day AFTER SpouseBUZZ Live, Mohawk Boy was still introducing me to interesting new people.

Hey, Could I Borrow $45,000?

Flying to Ft. Bragg was out of the question. I had a boatload of stuff to bring with me. The usual luggage and laptop bags, but also boxes of raffle prizes, literature and other stuff. I couldn't exactly drive my car, either. It's teeny-tiny, which always makes PCSing fun (but that's another story). So, I rented a car. Only it wasn't a car at all. It was soooo much more than a car.