Are you listening? Those Key Spouses are getting tired ...

Greetings -- SpouseBUZZ LIVE is cranking and running and we have a wonderful mix of all 5 Services represented today!  And as the conversations developed during breaks and as well during the open discussion of the panel, it became apparent that something I've seen before may be more prevalent than I'd thought.  Here tis ...

Commanders -- First Sergeants ... what's up with your support of YOUR Key Spouse programs?  Some seem to be working wonderfully, but more often than not, it seems that your Key Spouse may be getting what little time you have left at the end of the week or even the end of the month ... so ... are you giving it the time it deserves, this Key Spouse program?

Is it Broken? If So, What's the Fix?

I knew something was up yesterday as soon as I turned on my phone and opened my inbox. And it was. A big article in USA Today about the stresses being placed on military families.

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — During the worst of Bravo Troop's 15-month tour in Iraq, when soldiers were dying in bunches, families here poured out their fear, frustrations and even hysteria onto one young woman: Bana Miller.

She's not Army. She's not trained. Her only qualification, then at age 24, was being an officer's wife who volunteered to run Bravo Troop's Family Readiness Group —a job of e-mailing and organizing potluck dinners in peacetime.

But when Bravo went to war, she became a social worker, grief counselor and a 24-hour hotline overnight. At various times, wives threatened to commit themselves to a mental institution or go to the media if Miller did not help bring their husbands home.

"I was in this alternative universe thinking: 'What has my life become?' " says Miller, who grew up in the Main Line suburbs of Philadelphia and married the boy she met in seventh grade.

As the Iraq war nears a sixth year, the Army has more than 3,000 volunteers such as Bana Miller, and many are buckling under the pressure of duties that they never expected would be so hard or last so long. The Army and Marine Corps lean on these family support volunteers to be the first stop for families struggling to deal with war, separation and loss.

Click here to read the full story.

Some interesting things happened yesterday. A Veteran's Service Organization and at least one lawmaker are quite interested in hearing the opinions of military families. What, realistically, can and should be done to better support military families? We're asking for your help, and for your honest, no-holes-barred opinions. 

What is Your Primary Source for Emotional Support?

I just read this article about how milspouses depend on their FRGs for support. We've discussed FRGs at length here at SpouseBUZZ. I think it's pretty clear that all FRGs are different. Some are highly effective, some are disorganized and not particularly helpful.

Heads Up - A Military Spouse Scam

I just received a notice in my email from our family support center about a scam that is targeting military families. 

The email, as I received it, is posted after the jump.  Please take the time to inform yourself of the situation - that's your protection. 

Dysfunctional FRGs

We all know they exist...dysfunctional FRGs.  Some military spouses have been cursed with a whole string of them.  To read online, you might think every FRG is a failure.  That may be due to the fact that those who flee these nightmare FRGs often end up on the Internet, searching for the support they are missing.

What can you do to fix them?

What can you do if they can't be fixed?

I agree that the military should look at ways to fix them (I'll post some suggestions on that next week).  I know that members can't always fix them, too.  These are just some suggestions.  I hope you will consider trying them and adding some of your own ideas.

Pick a Little, Talk a Little

Many people love a little gossip...it is a stereotype of large groups of (mostly) women that unfortunately seems to have a kernel of truth to it.  But there is a time and a place, I think.

One of the biggest complaints I hear about FRGs is that they turn into gossip factories.  One FRG I was in generally avoided this problem thanks to a strong start with a good leader, but there was one incident that troubled me.

Do I Have to Wear Pantyhose?

"So the Family Readiness Group sent me a card asking why I was not attending their meetings...keep in mind that this was the 1970s..."

The kind and fascinating gentleman had not only just given me a parking voucher at the DFW airport, now he was dropping gems about his experience as a male military spouse once upon a time.

"On the card were all sorts of options.  Cannot find childcare, have work, not interested. Of course my wife would not let me check off the one I wanted to select:"

Wait for it.

"Have to wear pantyhose to meetings."

Well, times have changed, haven't they. Or have they? Are there expectations or assumptions placed on you (from Command, from FRG leaders, from wherever) that bother you or chafe you?

What is the role of the Military Spouse?  What "duties" and "obligations" do we have, if any?  Are mandatory meetings really mandatory?  If you don't go, will it affect your husband's career?  Is your servicemember's job also your job?

Geographically Dispersed Spouse Support

Families need and deserve support, especially during activations and deployments.

Some spouses and families who need this support are geographically separated from military installations.

So, I wanted to share with you my own personal experience and also ask everyone to add questions/suggestions of their own...