He's Back! Now What?

Air Force Guy has been back from deployment for about a week and a half now.  So, on one hand - YAY!  It's been great to have him back - that worry you scrunch down to the bottom of your stomach?  I feel strangely light now that it's gone.  That insomnia that was keeping me up until three or four in the morning?  I'm usually asleep by 11 at the latest now.  And - as all deployment veteran wives know, the *ahem* frustration level has dropped to nothing (although we still have months to make up for, and I do plan on making them up). 

Life is good.

On the other hand...

Climbing out of the Hole

Everyone's life has its ups and downs, and when you live in a military family, things tend to happen big:  You don't move houses, you move continents.  You make lifelong friends faster than some people make acquaintances.  Your spouse doesn't go on a business trip, she goes on a year deployment.  You get to see parts of the country and world that your friends from high school will never see.  Kids get sick all at once as soon as the ship pulls out.  And then there is that Murphy guy.

As some smart military spouse once said, "the highs are higher and the lows are lower."

As a whole, military families are a resilient bunch of folks.  Sometimes, however, it is all just too much.  As much as you want to "suck it up,"  there isn't enough space inside you.  I was reading a blurb at Facebook the other day where a group of military spouses was taking one of those "how much stress is in your life" tests.  The test facilitator was getting mad because he couldn't believe that the scores were so high and thought that they were not taking the test seriously.  I've taken such a test and according to the scores, I should have been paralyzed by all the stress.

Which brings us to the point of this rambling.

Compliment from my son (and he doesn't even know it :)

Yesterday I was checking my 10-year-old son's homework and he unknowingly paid me a compliment.  My rule with checking homework is that I will check it twice (at most) and after that it is my son's responsibility to make corrections.  I don't give him the answers, but I tell him which answers are incorrect and help him problem-solve to find the answer (if he asks).

While checking his homework yesterday, one of his friends stopped by to see if he could play.  My son left the front door wide open and he was talking to his friend through the screen door.  My son was more focused on hurrying through his homework so he could go outside, rather than listening to what I was telling him he needed to do (typical 10-year-old behavior).

After checking his homework twice, he went back to his friend and said he had to write a complete sentence on one final problem.  His friend said, "Well I just wrote..... but I didn't have to write a complete sentence."

My son replied, "Yeah.  Well you don't have MY mom checking your homework."  (THAT was a compliment for me!)

I have expectations of my children and maybe I am a stickler at times.  They don't usually like it (especially with homework), but I know in my heart that some day they will thank me.  SOME day...

The Meaning of Sacrifice

My grandmother is 93 years old.  She's a remarkable lady - when I describe her as a pistol there is no exaggeration in the phrase whatsoever.  Recently my mother had to shoo my grandmother down off the roof where she was sweeping off leaves and detritus that Grandma had deemed a fire hazard.  And mentally?  My grandmother makes it a regular practice to be the terror of the local bridge club - regularly beating members thirty years younger than she. 

And I don't think my grandmother - although blessed with uncommon health - is an outlier for her generation.  She lived through The Great Depression and she lived through World War II.  She sent two sons off to fight in Vietnam, and she has seen her grandson and her grandson-in-law repeatedly deploy in the GWoT.  She has traveled to nearly every country represented in the United Nations, she still enjoys a cold beer several times a week, and she has had an ongoing mental love affair with John F. Kennedy since 1958.  I hope that someday I will be half the person and live half the life my grandmother has.

My grandmother traveled to see us last year, when we knew Air Force Guy would be deploying again, and while she was here she made the most amazing statement to me.  This woman who didn't see her husband for nearly three years while he was at war; who took over running their family farm, caring for elderly parents, and suffered through a very real lack of communication with her husband that I can't even begin to imagine.  This woman who saw those around her lose husbands and sons at an alarming rate and who once confessed to me that she used to do laundry several times a week because she felt that when she was hanging it on the line to dry she could "feel" her two sons in Vietnam, feel that they were still alive and still in one piece - she told me that she couldn't imagine how hard it must be to be a military wife today. 

I did not know how to respond to my grandmother's statement, and really I still don't. 

My Sailor Dad

 

Back in May, some of the SpouseBUZZ authors spoke at the MOAA symposium.  While there, Air Force Wife took the time to get a signed copy of My Sailor Dad for my two boys.  Because she is awesome like that.  At the time Seadaddy had just left for the first stop of his countrywide summer school adventure to gear up for his unaccompanied tour (that didn't happen).  It was another example of the perfectly timed gift Super Power that Guard Wife told us about.

I had already made a little laminated social story book with photos we took of Seadaddy leaving with his sea bags packed, coming home, running in PT gear, sleeping in his barracks bed, skyping on the computer, etc for my two year old to go through each day.  Which Little Man liked, but did not love.

My Sailor Dad has been a big hit! Little Man's favorite things in life right now are vehicles of all kinds, so the colorful illustrations of so many ships and a few helicopters and planes really brought out his high pitched excited voice.  I love hearing that voice! 

The story is a great mix of fun and message.  The author, Ross H. Mackenzie, is a Naval Officer himself and did a fantastic job putting the sense of duty and pride in terms our younger children can appreciate.  The concept of separation during a deployment is explained in a clear and helpful way.  I love the illustrations and think Marvin Jarboe did a fantastic job!   I also think it is great there are messages to decode using nautical flags.

The Final Sprint

Air Force Guy's current deployment is rapidly coming to a close - although it seems like the days are moving more slowly than my kids when I call bedtime, the time altogether seems to be hurtling  like a freight train towards homecoming day.

What this means to me, of course, is that the last two weeks have been filled with stress and upset about all the things that I didn't get done, the things I should have started, the fact that my house isn't clean enough, and my rear end isn't small enough.  In fact, I have christened the mad sprint I am going through right now (which centers around 9 boxing/kickboxing workouts a week and the most boring - albeit healthy - eating plan ever devised by a professional dietitian) "Operation Make My A** Smaller". 

This is far from our first deployment or homecoming.  I should know better by now, but it seems I never truly learn.  And it probably doesn't help that I have a competitive streak the size of a politician's ego - I made a goal for myself and I'm going to reach it, so help me, if it's the last thing I do.  The floor will be scrubbed, the beds will be made, my hair will be perfect, and I will fit into that next size down jeans or I will kick and punch and bob and weave until I fall over dead in the ring.  Then I won't need the jeans, so it all works out in my mind.

To Tell or Not to Tell

My husband is gone right now, on an all expense paid vacation to an exotic locale.  Which really isn't anything unusual in this household. 

And, really, I'm okay with it.  I've got the routine down pat at this point.  The kids have their chores, I keep up on my things, and for those frustrations it sometimes feels like I can't talk about to anyone - you know, those ones I would normally talk out with my husband in bed at night?  Well, I go hit things at the gym.  That heavy bag, it's an amazing therapist.

But.  There's always a but, right?  There's always a monkey somewhere with a karmic wrench to throw into the works.  I got one of those two weeks ago.

Pet Peeve #795476

It drives me nuts when we PCS and I don't know anyone local to put in the "Emergency Contact" section of paperwork.

Oh, Now it's ON

I have been chronicling my husband's love of all things Gear in The Geardo Chronicles.   It's truly ridiculous.  There's gear in every room of my house, and no matter how hard I try to pack all this stuff out of the way, it creeps back into every nook and cranny.

I've learned to live with it.  I can deal with finding holsters in my child's bedroom.  I understand that where other people use bungee cords to tie things down in pick up beds, we use 550 Cord.  I understand that body armor is bulky, and that the uniforms, boots, chem gear, and whatever else looked cool the day they had some to give out will take up a decent amount of room. 

But this time, Air Force Guy's gear has gone too far.  The other day I took out my sewing box to put some of those awesome sarcastic patches on my boxing bag, and I FOUND PIECES OF GEAR IN MY SEWING BOX.  Is nothing sacred?

Superpowers

A couple of years ago I wrote a post where everyone had to describe themselves in exactly six words.  Mine was, "I have not yet been arrested."

It's still true.  Barely.

Anyway, something Guard Wife said awhile ago got me thinking.  It seems Guard Wife has this amazing ability, and really I would call it a super-power, to always choose the best and juiciest watermelon from the supermarket.  And in summer, especially a truly yucky summer like this one, I think that superpower is an amazing one to have.

So, I got to wondering...

Virtual Road Trip--Who Wants Shotgun?!

Some of my fondest memories from childhood were the road trips.  I especially remember my mom's habit of stopping at the brochure walls at restaurants or highway rest areas, collecting the ones that were "on our way" either to or from our final destination, and stopping at some really incredible places.  Sometimes, they were historical and other times hysterical, but memorable nonetheless.

Last summer, we were in the official beginnings of my husband's deployment to Iraq.  Fast forward to this summer and we've added a kindergartener to the fold and my husband isn't traveling anywhere.  Because of our until-further-notice sentence of being housebound, I've become even more nostalgic about summers past and have already begun fantasizing about future summers where we can actually have fun.

I realized I'm likely not the only one whose summer is passing by at warp speed with nothing good to show for it.  I thought maybe someone in the crowd would want to join me on a virtual road trip and maybe we could have some fun without spending money or packing bags.  And, for those in our group who can go places or have already been traveling, pull out those travel tips and be ready to share!  Military families are some of the most well-traveled folks in any given room, so I KNOW you know how to have a good road trip.

Whose coming along for the ride?

 

No Howard Hughes Here

I have someone coming over to visit and my house is a wreck.  I'm going to be completely honest here and say my house is ALWAYS a wreck.  I know people who have clean houses.  In fact, I know people who have clean houses AND children!  And jobs, too!  But I'm not now and never have been one of them.

Also, it smells kind of funny here, and I can't quite track down why. 

I've been cleaning.  I've been tracking that scent like a bloodhound.  But things don't seem to get or stay clean.  Which is really embarrassing.  If my guest opens my refrigerator, I think I'll cry.  And that reminds me - I need to scrub out the microwave, too.  Ooops.

I would really appreciate it if, (1) someone could tell me I'm not alone here.  Also (2) if someone has a solution to the fact that every time I leave a room it magics itself into some kind of cleaning fiasco, that would be great. 

Thanks in advance. 

Perspective From the Flipside

When my husband deployed to Iraq, it seemed like most people thought my fears and worries would be focused on a worst case scenario that involved my husband not coming home.  To me, it seemed like that fear was almost inherent to deployment to a war zone.  And, because I treat worrying like a competitive sport, I couldn't just stop there.

Nope.

I concentrated on the smaller things.  Things that wouldn't end his life, but would impact his civilian career.  A wrenched back, a twisted knee or something else that would prevent him from putting on the Brown and doing it for you.

What would happen to us if that happened?

I Went There

Last weekend my third daughter, the evil blond one, had her first gymnastics exhibition.  She was very excited and ready to go, but also sad because her Dad is deployed and wouldn't be able to make this event (like many, many others in her life). 

However, she perked right up when I promised to record it so that he could watch when he gets home.  And so that was my plan.

Until I got to the gym.

A Hobby Is Not the Answer For Me Either

My husband did indeed meet with another mental health professional, but he also decided to follow the first counselor's advice to "get a hobby" and joined the unit softball team.  Baseball is his favorite sport, so he's enjoyed playing again and getting to know his new officemates in a social setting.

But to be very frank, I hate this new hobby.

Support, Fault, Blame, and the Front of the Commisary Line

When the military lifestyle turns into a soap opera (not one that runs on the Lifetime Network), it does so in A VERY BIG WAY.

There has been no avoiding this story, really, since it's all over the place and we all have strong feelings about this sort of activity.  Or rather, bullying.  Actually, I'm not sure that even the word bullying applies here - but I think that for those of us on the outside of the story, eyebrows raised in horror and a bit of resigned shock.  And embarrassment.

Baffled...But Maybe It's Just the Heat?

The only light in this room right now is my Mac.  Lighting is too hot!  Our AC decided that it needed a break tonight.  Never mind that it has been steamy (literally) here today after several thunderstorms that only added to the humidity rather than dispel it.

My husband has been trying to connect with a buddy for two months.  He's wanted to have that "Hey!  I'm home from Iraq with all my pieces and parts" beer with him and tonight is the night! 

Then, the AC went out and my husband, in all seriousness and sincerity, said, "I'm going to call Jon and tell him I can't make it.  I can't have you home alone waiting for some repair guy to come!  It's almost eleven!"

::Blink, Blink::

Hello?  Have we met?

While Snapshots of Arlington Run Through My Mind

Air Force Wife wrote an amazing, brutally honest post yesterday that summed up how I feel about what has been happening at Arlington too.   I don't think I could add anything to what she said except cuss words, so I won't.

While this nightmare unfolds, I go back in my head to the last time I was at Arlington.  My husband and I participated in the Christmas wreath laying a couple of years ago.  I feel bad that I haven't been back since then but life has really intervened.  I hope to get back there this summer and pay my overdue respects.

On that cold December day, I remember so many things. 

Today My Heart is Heavy

I've had a lot of sit-down work to do today, so I've seen more news than I usually get in real time. 

I am horrified.  And sick.  Literally sick, my stomach is clenching and burning and my eyes have been prickling. 

And I'm angry. 

Because apparently when it comes to burying our military dead, nothing is sacred.

How do you handle "Good Bye?"

I hate to say "Good Bye."  Whether I am moving, my friends are moving, or my husband is deploying, I do NOT like it!

The Godfather as a MilSpouse Movie

No, seriously.  It has its moments.  It really does.  And I know it doesn't seem like this makes much sense now (just like calling a scene from The Incredibles the best mil-spouse movie scene ever didn't make sense at first, either), but just bear with me here...

A Hobby Is Not the Answer

I haven't written anything lately because life has been hectic.  My husband returned from Afghanistan ten days before our first child was born.  For those of you who have reintegrated from a deployment and had a baby, I imagine you can understand that doing those two things simultaneously has not been easy.

"Every coin has two sides, kiddo."

That is what my dad said to me earlier this morning.  And it pretty much captures where my mind is at right now.

The Navy threw us a curve ball.  Orders were in for an unaccompanied tour.  Granted the two year old waited until his dad was completely inside the terminal, but our goodbyes were said and Seadaddy was dropped off at the airport.  Turns out we have new orders. 

With two small kids at home this is great news.  More time with dad means getting thrown up in the air while mom gets queasy, having a parent around who can give their child a proper haircut, bedtime stories will be told with great and ridiculous voices and accents mom just can't manage.  All kinds of things.  Rather than miss his third summer in five years with my stepdaughter, she will get to come stay with us for our time and that is fantastic news.  Being the noncustodial parent is hard enough, pcs-ing further away is even worse but extended paid government vacations can really hurt the hearts of both parent and child. 

We are grateful.

But there is the flip side.  The new command is pretty close to the old command, but with traffic in the area there will be a maddening commute most days if we decided to stay put where we are now.  The command is small and does not have base housing or a commissary or an MTF.  So we need to weigh all these things and decide if we move to their off base housing, rent in civilian land or stay put.  Although staying put just means staying on post, we will hopefully take advantage of the pcs and move into a house with one more bedroom, something we decided against after our youngest was born. 

So we have suddenly been thrust into pcs mode.  Which, quite frankly, is not enjoyable.  And all those pcs related posts Joan D'Arc and She of the Sea have been making (and the comments they received!) need to be re-read with more attention.  Because I need all the help I can get. 

There is one thing I am currently mourning, the thing that made my dad laugh at me and elicited the comment above.  As a one car household, I was *really* looking forward to more than 365 days of driving without regard to coordinating schedules. 

And when you roll around in this bad mamajama, it takes a few days to get over your loss:

Male to Female Militarese

Over the years, we at SpouseBUZZ have addressed the issue of the language that exists for those who serve in or are affiliated with the military (for short, called Militarese).   We PCS, our spouses go TDY, we get BAH, and if someone is out of line they get a Come to Jesus.

One thing we haven't really gone into, though, is the gender differences within Militarese.  Because I can tell you right now that I don't speak the same language as my husband. 

For instance...

Borrowing Trouble

It's an old expression, but one my family swears I invented.  I'm always "borrowing trouble" or worrying ahead.  I find, though, that preparing for the worst is the best way for me to be prepared for it.  And, even if the situation turns godawful, my imagination proved approximately 45% worse.  So, worrying ahead made it seem not as bad as it could have been.

Did I mention I also rationalize things in a circular manner?

As if I didn't have enough to worry about on a daily basis, we mixed it up in March.

My husband arrived home on a Monday from his year-long deployment to Iraq. At his homecoming ceremony, our adoption agency called to tell us we needed to be in Ethiopia that following Tuesday for our Embassy appointment.  That meant we needed to leave that Friday to be in country in time.

And so begins the trouble borrowing...

Excuse Me, That's Just Weird

These are Air Force Family's dogs, Ike and Mamie.
 

Ike and Mamie have been wonderful companions, and they love everyone.  Mamie, in particular, has a thing for babies. 

Ike, however, apparently has had some issues come up. 

Soldiers' Angels supports Month of the Military Child

Soldiers' Angels is showing their love and support to children of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans during the Month of the Military Child.  By clicking the "Solders' Angels" link, you will be taken to their website where you can order (for free) either Soldiers' Angels dog tags or a bracelet for a child.

Please read the information on the site before placing your order.  You can order for your own children or for other children.

My family has been blessed in countless ways by Soldiers' Angels and I have been volunteering with this incredible organization for almost 5 years.  No matter your branch of service, Soldiers' Angels is there to support ALL military families and veterans.

Many blessings to you and our military children!!!

Keeping the Home Fires Lit

Ever since he started taking boxing classes, my seven year old son has been stating his intention to be a fighter sponsored by Ranger Up.  It's not surprising that he knows who they are - my husband has been coveting several of their t-shirts for quite awhile, and Ranger Up is represented at every Milblog Conference (which I usually attend with kids in tow, as I do most things).   And anyone who has ever spent three seconds around a military person will immediately recognize the vein of humor running through many of their blog posts and stories - my husband's favorite to read and re-read being The Dining In Story, which continues to reduce my husband to tears of snot-choked laughter (and the barest hint of envy that he didn't manage to pull such a thing off) every time he reads it.

Recently, something was posted there that is a must read for spouses - Keeping the Home Fires Lit.

Thanks, guys.  This spouse with a deployed husband really needed to read that about now.  And I'm pretty sure I'll be reading it again - probably over and over - in the months that we have left to go.

"Talk, Listen, Connect” 2010 Tour

USO Announces Sesame Workshop Tour Dates

The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families, a free traveling USO show based on Sesame Workshop’s award winning “Talk, Listen, Connect” initiative and produced in partnership with Vee, is back in the United States after an around-the-world tour.

The show, which is exclusively for military families, kicks off its second swing through the United States on April 17 at Fort Knox, Ky.

Audiences will experience a 25-minute character performance and receive promotional items and outreach materials, officials said.

The Sesame Street Workshop/USO partnership put on its first show at Twentynine Palms, Calif., in July 2008. Since then, The Sesame Street/USO Experience for Military Families has traveled more than 45,000 miles to 76 bases in nine countries. More than 120,000 servicemembers and families have been entertained during 176 shows.

“The momentum that this show has gathered since it first performed for military kids and families is unbelievable,” said Gary E. Knell, Sesame Workshop president and CEO. “To see how families come together and then use the messages from the show to talk to their kids is the greatest reward that we could ask for. We at Sesame Workshop are thrilled to continue this work with our partners and friends at the USO and reinforce our commitment to military families.”

Sloan Gibson, USO president, noted the positive impact the tour is having on the military community.

“The fact that more than 100,000 troops and family members have attended these shows so far speaks volumes about the tour’s relevance to today’s military,” Gibson said. “We listen to our troops and understand the challenges they face at home, and are proud to call Sesame Workshop our partner in helping to ease the daily stresses on military families.”

Um, Hello? Snowmaggedon Here!

Last night I got a phone call from Air Force Guy.   He said, quite brightly, "So, I see you're getting some snow!"

The Box I Never Unpack

Most families I've talked to that move frequently have a box or two that never gets unpacked no matter how often or where they move.  We all have a vague idea of what is in that box, but there's no sense of urgency.  We probably won't need it, but we can't get rid of it.  There's a feeling that the box we never unpack is important somehow.

A few days ago I was packing my basement up for remodeling project number 68,742 and I came across that box.  It's pretty beat up by now.  It's falling apart, to be honest.  And since I only had a vague idea of what was in it, I figured I'd go through the never-unpacked box and sort through things.

Guess what I found...

Hearts Aren't For Sleeves

I can tell the end of this deployment is in sight.

Aside from the long to-do lists, the bags beneath my eyes, the new white hairs popping up all over my head (note to self:  root touch-up tomorrow night...STAT!), and my constant desire for but inability to sleep, I'm also not explaining myself anymore.

I've kind of decided it isn't anyone's business what's going on with me and, especially if you don't know me, if you have an issue with how my show is running at this point?  Well, too bad.

Coming in Last Place for the Mother of the Year Award

I'm pretty sure that you'll see, tucked in whatever-millionth place on the list of all American mothers this year, my name.   Number whatever million and three - airforcewife.

Thank you very much.

When DH retires

Do you ever daydream about what your house will look like when your spouse finally retires/separates from the military and you stop moving?  I read magazines with lots of great decorating and organizational ideas (and I NEED organization in my house!) and there's lots of great stuff out there.  Then I realize I don't have a house to call my own.  I do my best to make whatever house I live in cozy and comfortable, but I don't buy curtains or anything "super-special" because I know I have to leave it all behind. 

A Due Date Is As Sketchy As Redeployment...

Planning for a baby to arrive is as bad as planning for the end of a deployment...

In 2008 my husband was supposed to arrive home from Iraq on a Monday.  Instead we got updates all week long about when they'd actually arrive.  By the time they did show up, it was late Friday night.  And a few of the parents who had come into town to spend a week with their single soldier would have to leave to fly home the next day.  They wasted their whole week in town waiting for their child to return from Iraq.  I felt so bad for them.

And now I find myself remembering this as I'm trying to organize family coming into town, because my husband is (probably) returning from deployment right at the same time as I'll be giving birth to our baby.  Unless he's late.  Or the baby's late.  Or the baby's early.  Or he doesn't get permission to come home after all.

How early should my mom come just in case my husband's not there?  I don't want to be in the delivery room alone, but I also don't want to have her come out too early if I'll follow standard wisdom and carry my first baby well past my due date.  And when do I arrange for my in-laws to come?  They'll want to see their son for the first time in over a year, and also their new grandbaby, but when do I tell them to buy plane tickets?  This stuff is hard to arrange in advance, and everyone lives 1000+ miles away.  Including my husband!

Having a baby is like the end of a deployment: you know it's going to happen sometime, but the window of possibility seems mighty big when you're trying to make plans around it.

For Civilians

SpouseBUZZ is a site by military spouses for military spouses, but I'd like to write this post for someone else - civilians.  I live in a civilian community right now, and I've been lucky.  I am surrounded by people who have been truly helpful and kind.  They want to do what they can for our family while Air Force Guy is deployed and I appreciate it more than I can say. 

But wanting to help and understanding how to help are two entirely different things.  And honestly it really doesn't help that I'm fairly typical as far as military spouses go in not wanting to let people know I need help.  Because I'm Superwoman and I can do it all myself,  thank you.  Don't want to put anyone out - I'm fine...  In military-speak we all know that means, "Um, guys?  Can I get a hand here?"  Actually, it wouldn't come out in military speak because we often tend to just barge in with each other and do what needs to be done.  When you get a bunch of truly capable and strong women together in one small area, things get done - let me tell you.  My teenager spent her weekends mowing several neighborhood lawns one year during a large deployment; there was no asking if it was needed, we knew it was needed and it got done. 

Anyway - we speak the same language.  The civilians who surround me truly try, but they don't.  They want to, but Rosetta Stone doesn't offer that course (yet).  And so it gets weird, particularly awhile ago when AFG's folks took some casualties.

An Open Question

Just how many unit, deployment, event, and military themed t-shirts does one service-member need?

Seriously.  I really need to know this. 

Because 17 years from first signing the dotted line, I'm finally going through these things and I'm pretty sure I'll hit 100.  At least.

Not On the Same Page

Guard Wife wrote a month ago about missed messages, and at the time I didn't have anything to add in the comments.  But I do now!

My husband and I have still been working on a middle name for our baby. He wanted one and I wanted another.  Neither of us has wanted to be pushy.  And so we have a recurring 3-min conversation on the phone, each laying out our case and then deciding to "keep thinking about it."  We've been doing this for months.  I was starting to get nervous that she'd be born and he wouldn't be home yet, and I would have to decide at the hospital whether to pick his choice or mine...

When Homeschooling Meets Military

We have four children, and they have all been home-schooled.  It works for us.

Anyway, one of the books we use for early reading is called "Explode the Code."  My kids LOVE Explode the Code (and I would heartily recommend it for early reading even if your children are attending regular school - it is fun and it works wonders), which uses silly sentences and pictures to teach all sorts of reading rules before the children even know they are learning. 

One of the exercises the books use is to take silly sentences (like:  Do Barby and a classmate ride horseback in rowboat?) and then ask the child if the sentence makes sense.  Today we got an interesting question:

Can an army on the hillside see in the darkness?

My six year old son said yes, the answer book said no.  My son, very exasperated, argued his point, "Haven't these people heard of NIGHT VISION GOGGLES?"

Touche. 

How do you define "accomplishment?"

I read She of the Sea's post about how we milspouses manage to do things (while our spouse is deployed) that appear, at first, too overwhelming.  Then we accomplish these things and often wonder how in the world we did it and lived to tell the tale!

One of my personal accomplishments was finishing graduate school.  It took me 4 1/2 years, but I did it.  That was major for me.  But sometimes I (we) have goals that may seem small and minute compared to finishing school or landing a great job or surviving a deployment.  Sometimes just making it through one day, let alone one hour, is a huge accomplishment (when our spouses are home or away).

Boy Issues

This deployment has been weird.  Partly because, well, I'm kind of tired.  And by "kind of" I mean "really."  A lot.  I also feel guilty about being so tired, because even though Air Force Guy has been gone more than he's been home the last few years, I also know that it could always be worse.

But as Sarah said before, deployments are like snowflakes.  And for this one it's been easier for me to just keep my head down, my feet moving forward, and think about other things.  Like Boston Cream Pie.  Or looking forward to my next boxing class when I get to hit things in a socially acceptable manner (and work off that Boston Cream Pie).  

But this is also the first deployment my husband has had where my son has boy issues come up while Dad is gone.  And figuring out THAT maze has been interesting, to say the least.

No Good Deed Goes Unfreakedoutabout

I take back what I just said about my husband: it seems he did indeed get me a Christmas gift this year.  And he was so stealthy about it that I thought it was credit card fraud.

We had an Amazon purchase show up on our credit card today that I did not make.  It wasn't listed on our Amazon account either.  I was moments away from contacting the credit card and Amazon to report fraud when I thought I'd better ask my husband just in case he bought something.

Normally, the turnaround on something like that can be long: emailing downrange, waiting for the reply, and then taking action.  But luckily I must've caught him right before he used a computer.  He said that the purchase was his, and that he'd even opened a new Amazon account so I couldn't see his paper trail and figure out that he'd bought me something.

So my husband did get me a present this year!  And nearly caused me to cancel our credit card too :)

Out Of Ideas

My husband's company deploys the second half of every year.  That means I have to do the Christmas shopping for everyone without any input from him.  And truthfully, even the years he has been here, he's not that much help.  After seven years, I am desperately running out of ideas for his side of the family.  (My mom said, "Wait until you've used up 34 years of ideas for your in-laws...")

I had the thought today, while freaking out that I still didn't have anything for my father-in-law, that it might be nice to deploy somewhere and completely set aside any responsibility for thinking about anyone else but myself.  I mean, he doesn't even get me birthday or Christmas presents while he's deployed.  I'd like to see what would happen if I left my husband at home to have to do the holiday shopping for the whole family, his side and mine.  I'd love to see what he'd come up with to get for everyone...

Drowning in Homework

Calling all moms with school-aged kids--how do you handle all this homework?!

I'm sure having a deployed spouse does not help at all, but I'm needing some encouragement, tips, strategies, ideas on how to organize, keep track of, and help the kids benefit from homework.

If you're willing to spill it, meet me after the jump.

Making the Funnies

I spend enough time online and know enough about communication to understand that many things, when written, do not end up being translated properly by the receiver.  Usually, I am apt to point this out to the receiver (usually my deployed husband) and remind him to ask for clarification if my written words do not make sense.

Guess I should take my own advice?

Doing Delivery Alone

Reader SJ left a comment on Doing Pregnancy Alone:

Reading all of your responses makes me feel a little bit more comfortable about having a baby while my husband is gone. We have been talking about trying and he would be gone about half way through. This definitely makes the decision a little easier. I just hope he can manage to come home before I have the baby, I dont know what I would do if we wasnt there for the delivery.

My husband and my baby are in a race against the clock.  My husband thinks he will get permission to go home two days or so before my due date.  It's a toss up who will arrive first.  I have contingency plans in the back of my mind in case he's not here, and I keep telling myself not to get too hopeful that he will arrive in time just in case he doesn't.

Many of you have had babies alone during deployment.  Do you have any advice to put SJ and me at ease?  Did a family member or friend take on the role of birth partner?  Did you get a doula?  How did you get the news to your husband when you went into labor or once the baby was born?

I'd like to hear your stories...and give you an attagirl for doing it alone!

Greener Grass and All That Jazz

Why is it that even when you are sure of your decisions and that you chose wisely, that the grass STILL looks greener in someone else's yard?

The latest example of this for us?  Our decision that my husband not come home for R & R.

Doing Pregnancy Alone

I am ready for a silver linings post, this time about pregnancy.

My husband left for a nine month deployment right after we found out I was pregnant with our first child.  He will miss the entire pregnancy.  I can think of a million ways that it stinks that he's gone: no one to go with me to ultrasounds, no one to feel my belly when she kicks, no one to rub my feet or go downstairs to get me a glass of water.  No pampering at all.  That is lame.

But I have been trying to keep track of the good things about doing this alone.  I have come up with a couple.

Would you want your child to serve?

On Veteran's Day I received a sweet note from a friend - she thanked me (back in the day I was in the Army) and my husband for serving, as well as a handful of her other military (or former military) friends.  My friend mentioned that she would be very proud if any of her sons (she has 3) ever joined the military.

Two of the other recipients of this note from my friend did a "reply all" and I was surprised at their reaction to my friend mentioning her sons ever possibly joining the military.

I Don't Want to Be That Person

I've had a bit of a conundrum this deployment that has me seriously sensitive to my own behavior. 

What it boils down to is this, "To Tell or Not to Tell?"