He's Back! Now What?

Air Force Guy has been back from deployment for about a week and a half now.  So, on one hand - YAY!  It's been great to have him back - that worry you scrunch down to the bottom of your stomach?  I feel strangely light now that it's gone.  That insomnia that was keeping me up until three or four in the morning?  I'm usually asleep by 11 at the latest now.  And - as all deployment veteran wives know, the *ahem* frustration level has dropped to nothing (although we still have months to make up for, and I do plan on making them up). 

Life is good.

On the other hand...

Climbing out of the Hole

Everyone's life has its ups and downs, and when you live in a military family, things tend to happen big:  You don't move houses, you move continents.  You make lifelong friends faster than some people make acquaintances.  Your spouse doesn't go on a business trip, she goes on a year deployment.  You get to see parts of the country and world that your friends from high school will never see.  Kids get sick all at once as soon as the ship pulls out.  And then there is that Murphy guy.

As some smart military spouse once said, "the highs are higher and the lows are lower."

As a whole, military families are a resilient bunch of folks.  Sometimes, however, it is all just too much.  As much as you want to "suck it up,"  there isn't enough space inside you.  I was reading a blurb at Facebook the other day where a group of military spouses was taking one of those "how much stress is in your life" tests.  The test facilitator was getting mad because he couldn't believe that the scores were so high and thought that they were not taking the test seriously.  I've taken such a test and according to the scores, I should have been paralyzed by all the stress.

Which brings us to the point of this rambling.

Of Pride and Pain

This evening, President Obama will talk about the end of combat operations in Iraq via a prime time address to the nation. A few days ago, as I watched footage of the Strykers leaving Iraq and crossing over into Kuwait, tears welled up in my eyes. Much blood, sweat and tears were spilled over the past several years in order to achieve this goal. In war, there are goals and when goals are achieved, those who fought hard and valiantly to achieve them are entitled to a feeling of accomplishment, and we are proud of their efforts. As you can see, many are heavily invested in the future of Iraq.

Many troops, such as Army Staff Sgt. Nicholas Burkeen, 27, of St. Louis, will keep a keen watch on what happens in the still-fractious country. Burkeen is on his third, and almost certainly last, deployment to Iraq.

“I’m always going to be looking at this place,” he said. “I’ve got 48 months’ deployment time here — it’s like a second home. That will be my best day, whenever I see … this country unify under one flag.”

The only military that troops of the Iraq generation know is one at war. Multiple deployments are the norm rather than a remote possibility, as it was after Vietnam. It has crept into the rhythms of their lives. Time with spouses and children has become a luxury in between tours.

As I listened to the interpretations of various pundits on the day the the last combat Brigade rolled out of Iraq, I knew what was about to ensue in my corner of the world, so I scoured several milspouse forums with predictable results.

I came across many comments by milspouses stressing that approximately 50,000 troops are still in Iraq and that their spouses were among them. I was merely reading words, but the emotion behind the words was palpable. These ladies wanted people to understand that Iraq, while standing, has wobbly knees, and that the men they loved were still in harm's way. Transitioning from Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn, while definitely worth celebrating, doesn't change the reality for many milspouses and their families. The sentiment of the collective commenters was a mixture of pride and pain.

And I understood it perfectly.

Compliment from my son (and he doesn't even know it :)

Yesterday I was checking my 10-year-old son's homework and he unknowingly paid me a compliment.  My rule with checking homework is that I will check it twice (at most) and after that it is my son's responsibility to make corrections.  I don't give him the answers, but I tell him which answers are incorrect and help him problem-solve to find the answer (if he asks).

While checking his homework yesterday, one of his friends stopped by to see if he could play.  My son left the front door wide open and he was talking to his friend through the screen door.  My son was more focused on hurrying through his homework so he could go outside, rather than listening to what I was telling him he needed to do (typical 10-year-old behavior).

After checking his homework twice, he went back to his friend and said he had to write a complete sentence on one final problem.  His friend said, "Well I just wrote..... but I didn't have to write a complete sentence."

My son replied, "Yeah.  Well you don't have MY mom checking your homework."  (THAT was a compliment for me!)

I have expectations of my children and maybe I am a stickler at times.  They don't usually like it (especially with homework), but I know in my heart that some day they will thank me.  SOME day...

Touching the Third Rail

In political circles, it's often said that social security is the third rail. Touch it at your own peril. If there were a third rail with respect to military life, I'd venture to say it would be the issue of rank. Touch it at your own peril. Most of us never do. No good can come of it.

One of the most discussed stories so far this year was that of the Commander's wife who was accused of harassing soldiers and their spouses. One thing that made me cringe when reading various comment sections was the overt hostility towards the wives of officers. I learned over and over and over again that unacceptable, boorish behavior was standard operating procedure for these wives. They wear their husband's rank, they throw their weight around and they are, after all, notorious bullies. Rumor has it that Home Depot sold out of broad brushes in record time.

The logic here, if anyone cares to objectively examine it, is utterly foolish. Somehow, I missed the ritual that goes something like this: When issuing a military ID card, the issuing party must note the rank of the sponsor and in addition to issuing the ID card, they must also issue a personality which is a good fit for the service members rank. If that's not happening, do you think enlisted service members gravitate towards a certain type of woman and officers opt for another? Although, I must say, I do feel sorry for the wives of members who go green-to-gold. What are those wives to do? They must be so confused. Maybe they go back to the ID office and have another, opposite personality issued. A reprogramming, if you will. That must be it. 

Yesterday, I read a great article written by a milspouse which examined some of the recurring points made by various commenters regarding this story.  

Many individuals posted recommendations that senior spouses should be kept away from young spouses. Many used the excuse of bullies and crazies as their reason to stay away from all military events.

*****

1. Whack jobs are not the norm.

Maybe we should accept that some whack jobs will be with us always. In military life, we will have a certain number of bullies. Crazies. Despots. Dictators. The mentally ill. The terminally strange. The perpetually angry. We can't let ourselves get distracted by folks whose problems need the attentions of a three-star general. Instead, we need to focus on the norm - the young. The lonely. The overwhelmed. The perpetually busy. The remarkably resilient. What can we do for them?

I have a book problem...

I am an avid reader and have read hundreds of books in my life.  I love to read all sorts of different books - mostly fiction, but a lot of non-fiction as well.  My two favorite authors are James Patterson and Janet Evanovich.  LOVE their books!  I also have a soft spot for John Grisham, Richard North Patterson, John Sanford, and a new one for me is Robin Cook.

I grew up reading Judy Blume and Nancy Drew.  My dad would read the Chronicles of Narnia to us at night before bed.  I have always had a love for books and I thank my parents for that.  But now I have a problem.

The Meaning of Sacrifice

My grandmother is 93 years old.  She's a remarkable lady - when I describe her as a pistol there is no exaggeration in the phrase whatsoever.  Recently my mother had to shoo my grandmother down off the roof where she was sweeping off leaves and detritus that Grandma had deemed a fire hazard.  And mentally?  My grandmother makes it a regular practice to be the terror of the local bridge club - regularly beating members thirty years younger than she. 

And I don't think my grandmother - although blessed with uncommon health - is an outlier for her generation.  She lived through The Great Depression and she lived through World War II.  She sent two sons off to fight in Vietnam, and she has seen her grandson and her grandson-in-law repeatedly deploy in the GWoT.  She has traveled to nearly every country represented in the United Nations, she still enjoys a cold beer several times a week, and she has had an ongoing mental love affair with John F. Kennedy since 1958.  I hope that someday I will be half the person and live half the life my grandmother has.

My grandmother traveled to see us last year, when we knew Air Force Guy would be deploying again, and while she was here she made the most amazing statement to me.  This woman who didn't see her husband for nearly three years while he was at war; who took over running their family farm, caring for elderly parents, and suffered through a very real lack of communication with her husband that I can't even begin to imagine.  This woman who saw those around her lose husbands and sons at an alarming rate and who once confessed to me that she used to do laundry several times a week because she felt that when she was hanging it on the line to dry she could "feel" her two sons in Vietnam, feel that they were still alive and still in one piece - she told me that she couldn't imagine how hard it must be to be a military wife today. 

I did not know how to respond to my grandmother's statement, and really I still don't. 

How many times have you moved?

Today I went to a store and when I went to make my purchase the cashier asked me if I had one of the store's "reward" cards.  I told her yes, but I had no idea where the card was located.  She asked for the phone number I used when I applied for the card... this can be a difficult question for a military spouse.  I told her I was military and had to think about where I applied for the card because we move a lot.  Then the conversation went like this:

Stockpiling

Whenever I walk by a greeting cards section, I usually peruse the romantic cards and the I-miss-you cards.  I have always stocked up on these to have on hand when my husband deploys so that I can regularly send him snail mail.  For years it's been a diehard habit for me, and deployments 1 and 2 were spaced out so much that I had a serious stockpile of mushy cards just waiting patiently for him to leave home.  So today when I was at the Dollar Tree, I grabbed a few cute cards...and then I realized that my husband isn't going anywhere for a while.  Right now he will finish out this non-deployable assignment in a staff job and then he will transfer to a new branch of the Army and start training in that job.  It may be quite a while before he deploys again.

Obviously this is fantastic news for our family.  But part of me is so used to the idea of his departure always on the horizon that I have a hard time digesting that he will be home for the foreseeable future.

At any rate, I still bought the cards.  They can stockpile up for some sort of inevitable departure down the road...'cause you know it's coming at some point!

The Final Sprint

Air Force Guy's current deployment is rapidly coming to a close - although it seems like the days are moving more slowly than my kids when I call bedtime, the time altogether seems to be hurtling  like a freight train towards homecoming day.

What this means to me, of course, is that the last two weeks have been filled with stress and upset about all the things that I didn't get done, the things I should have started, the fact that my house isn't clean enough, and my rear end isn't small enough.  In fact, I have christened the mad sprint I am going through right now (which centers around 9 boxing/kickboxing workouts a week and the most boring - albeit healthy - eating plan ever devised by a professional dietitian) "Operation Make My A** Smaller". 

This is far from our first deployment or homecoming.  I should know better by now, but it seems I never truly learn.  And it probably doesn't help that I have a competitive streak the size of a politician's ego - I made a goal for myself and I'm going to reach it, so help me, if it's the last thing I do.  The floor will be scrubbed, the beds will be made, my hair will be perfect, and I will fit into that next size down jeans or I will kick and punch and bob and weave until I fall over dead in the ring.  Then I won't need the jeans, so it all works out in my mind.

Battling the Bandwidth Blues

Once again, this PCS has brought up another good news - bad news type of situation.  The good news is that we have figured out a way to have internet at our house at a price we can afford.  The bad news is that we only get 300 MB a day, and then the price shoots up dramatically.  I am thankful that we can communicate with friends and family, and I can do my job.

I don't want to go over my allowance (but I would like to use nearly all of it every day), so I'm looking for suggestions from those of you who might have similar situations or just generally be smart about this stuff:  What tactics can I use to make sure that I use my allowance well?  Can I adjust settings on my computer to make sure that I'm not accidentally using extra kb when I don't mean to?

Surely I am not the only person in this situation, and I am hoping you can help.  Thanks in advance - I would be so lonely without the internet and y'all, my imaginary friends.

Around the Spouse-O-Sphere

It's been a few weeks since my last update!  My little sister got married back in our home state and then when we finally made it home we had appointments up the wazoo and back-to-school shopping to do. With the kids back in school, though, I should have more free time to peruse the many, many great mil-spouse blogs out there. 

For now, here's the latest and greatest; according to me and my friends (that help me out and send me links)! :)

The Mrs. over at Trying Our Best makes some good points.  Some civilians may get a glimpse into our life, but can they really feel what we're feeling?

Go visit Kimmie over at Never Apart In Heart and reassure her that it's all normal!

Mrs. S over at The Adventures of Mr. Superman and Mrs. S has a list of Ten Great Things About Being a Military Wife.  See if you can add something new to the list.

Finally, Melissa over at New Girl On Post poses a question to other [mil-spouse] bloggers.

Pizza and Other Details

"Ever since I got home from Afghanistan, I have had this total pizza fetish.  I want pizza constantly.  I used to crave pizza so bad while I was deployed," my husband said last night when a Papa John's commercial came on.

And I looked at him like he had just proposed to me...

On, or Off?

I was talking last week with a friend who is torn between living on post, and living off post. Her husband really enjoys driving off post and leaving work behind him for the evening. She, too likes having a buffer zone between work and home life. But at the same time, she loves the security and safety of being on post because of the children. She also feels it's good for the kids, especially during a deployment, to be around peers who understand what her children are going through. 

From what I understand, housing privatization has also thrown a monkey wrench into the mix for some military families. And judging from the 102 comments you left when we first broached the subject, there are strong feelings about this subject.

Do you prefer being on or off post/base, and why? What factors tip the balance for you?

Hard Decisions and Change

A recent article in Stars and Stripes has a lot of people talking, and talking about a subject a subject sure to result in raised voices and anger in almost every conversation - the sustainability of military retirement benefits.

Namely, as described by the 25 member Defense Business Board, that military retirement benefits are too expensive and the system needs to be changed.  Several possibilities were put forth, including raising length of time in service before retirement benefits kick in and lowering benefit amount.  And the reasons behind what the Defense Business Board recommended were undeniable:  the United States budget needs to find cuts somewhere. 

Now, I'm not privy to all the internal conversations.  I don't know the members of the Defense Business Board personally, we don't do lunch.  I've only met the Secretary of Defense once, and I didn't really meet him then, I just got my picture taken with him (his hair is much better than mine).  I doubt he'd take my calls, if you know what I mean, because in the grand scheme of things and as awesome as my kids tell me I am, the Secretary of Defense has far more important things to do.  I can't cast aspersions on anyone's motivations or background, and I realize the difficult position the budget has put people into.

But I'd appreciate a bit of a reality check here.

Break it to me Gently

We have had a long deployment break, in fact I am sure it is longer than the rest of my Spousebuzz cohorts. I won't even mention it out of fear of the stones that could be thrown.  We at Spousebuzz have posted about the guilt regarding long breaks in deployments  as well.  When your job as a family is "to serve" and everyone else is serving, at some point and time you feel as if you are not pulling your weight. 

When we went through our last move, we missed 2 National Guard deployment cycles by luck, and not choice, and DH was very disappointed.  I was actually relieved, and felt guilty about it. 

Recently my husband had to attend a ceremony, and it was mandatory that the entire family go.  That week was a difficult one, as my Father had been in  and out of the hospital with multiple health problems including kidney failure, a brand new diagnosis of diabetes, and a very large blood clot in his lower leg.  It was a long week, and I was spent.....it was also the week I turned 40.  My Husband said "there was no good time to tell me the news".

Five minutes before leaving the house for the event, my husband pulls me aside while I am finishing off the final touches of lipstick to say..."you should probably know, I will be deploying in a year."  I know now he was thwarting some possible disaster of me finding out in a public forum, because I may have punched someone.  For some reason, I became angry at my husband immediately.  I did not yell, or stomp feet, but I was mad at him.  I am still unsure why completely.  But I contend that it was because he volunteered without asking my input, even though if he would have asked I would have said "yes".  So frankly, I am unsure why I felt it so necessary to stew in my own juices. 

Looking back on our deployment history though, I have never received the news well.  

To Tell or Not to Tell

My husband is gone right now, on an all expense paid vacation to an exotic locale.  Which really isn't anything unusual in this household. 

And, really, I'm okay with it.  I've got the routine down pat at this point.  The kids have their chores, I keep up on my things, and for those frustrations it sometimes feels like I can't talk about to anyone - you know, those ones I would normally talk out with my husband in bed at night?  Well, I go hit things at the gym.  That heavy bag, it's an amazing therapist.

But.  There's always a but, right?  There's always a monkey somewhere with a karmic wrench to throw into the works.  I got one of those two weeks ago.

Going "Home"

As you may know, my family embarked upon an overseas PCS around seven weeks ago.  We're still living in the Navy Lodge, and I am having a harder time with this move than with any move I've ever done.  I've never been homesick before, but I have had many moments of homesickness in the last few weeks.

I had an opportunity to come back to the States to visit the USAA mothership (see Andi's post) and it has been a bittersweet journey.  I was so glad to be in the US, and a little worried that this transition has been so hard for me.  Thankfully, something happened yesterday that helped me see that I might be doing better than I think.

I was in an amazing mid-Texas rest stop/convenience store and I was looking in the soda cases for a drink.  None of the options were appealing to me and I thought to myself, "If I were in Italy, I could find something that I wanted to drink."  After the thought sunk in, I was really excited.  I was actually looking forward to going back for a reason other than my family.  What a breakthrough!

I'm sure similar things have happened to each of you.  How did you know that you had become comfortable with your new home?  What was your moment?

Was it something I said?

It's summer office picnic time and rightfully so, our mil members need some time to look around them, prop their feet up, pitch some 'shoes and eat burned-beyond-recognition hot dogs with their friends.  Hey, I love them too.  I get to meet all the folks that are in The Boss' office.  Those that she works with day in and day out and meet as well their spouses, mostly wives.  I just love these adventures ...

The joy is sitting down and listening "to the men talk" while us girls do our thing on the perimeter of the discussions.  My joy is playing the Spy-vs-Spy gig and actually telling the wives WHAT they're actually saying!  It's amazing what doesn't make it through translation when "honey comes home -- he never told me THAT!"  Did I already mention how I love these adventures?

But I have noticed something over the years ... and for an INTJ like me, sometimes it makes you stop and just say "Hmmm."

Pet Peeve #795476

It drives me nuts when we PCS and I don't know anyone local to put in the "Emergency Contact" section of paperwork.

We Fought the Law and the Law Won

My mother just came for a visit and we had a run-in with the law.

Oh, Now it's ON

I have been chronicling my husband's love of all things Gear in The Geardo Chronicles.   It's truly ridiculous.  There's gear in every room of my house, and no matter how hard I try to pack all this stuff out of the way, it creeps back into every nook and cranny.

I've learned to live with it.  I can deal with finding holsters in my child's bedroom.  I understand that where other people use bungee cords to tie things down in pick up beds, we use 550 Cord.  I understand that body armor is bulky, and that the uniforms, boots, chem gear, and whatever else looked cool the day they had some to give out will take up a decent amount of room. 

But this time, Air Force Guy's gear has gone too far.  The other day I took out my sewing box to put some of those awesome sarcastic patches on my boxing bag, and I FOUND PIECES OF GEAR IN MY SEWING BOX.  Is nothing sacred?

MyCAA Announces Changes

The Department of Defense today announced that the popular MyCAA program will reopen to new participants in October 2010, with several key changes in eligibility and dollar amounts.

Here is a summary of the changes:

• Be available to spouses of active duty service members in pay grades E1-E5, W1-W2, and O1-O2
• Offer a maximum financial benefit of $4,000 with a fiscal year cap of $2,000. Waivers will be available for spouses pursuing licensure or certification up to the total maximum assistance of $4,000
• Require military spouses to finish their program of study within three years from the start date of the first course
• Be limited to associate degrees, certification and licensures

The guidance on existing accounts is unclear, and I have an email in to someone who might know.  I'll keep you updated when I get a good answer.

More information can be found in the complete press release at Defense​.gov or at the MilitaryOneSource MyCAA Homepage.

Read more: http://paycheck-chronicles.military.com/2010/07/20/mycaa-reopening-with-changes/#ixzz0uF5VyNVC

Around the Spouse-O-Sphere

This weeks edition is rather deployment-centric.  I'm feeling a little selfish today, so I've decided it's all about me... and the many others out there preparing for or in the midst of a deployment. 

She Who Waits nearly had a heart attack.

Army Blogger Wife is prepping for her husband's fourth deployment and so are her kids.

This Army Wife (TAW) over at Of Skype and Sand is not new to deployment, but is new to the blogging world.  Stop by and say hello.

Superpowers

A couple of years ago I wrote a post where everyone had to describe themselves in exactly six words.  Mine was, "I have not yet been arrested."

It's still true.  Barely.

Anyway, something Guard Wife said awhile ago got me thinking.  It seems Guard Wife has this amazing ability, and really I would call it a super-power, to always choose the best and juiciest watermelon from the supermarket.  And in summer, especially a truly yucky summer like this one, I think that superpower is an amazing one to have.

So, I got to wondering...

Around the Spouse-O-Sphere

Andrea over at Sgt. & Mrs. Hub is embracing life and and the concept of aging gracefully.  Seeing as how I've got a few years *ahem* on her and my own significant birthday quickly approaching, I appreciated this post.

As a mother who of four who has been where she is, I enjoyed Sarah's post over at When In Rome.

I found this one over at The Unexpected Army Life exactly one week into JD's latest deployment.  While I'm a firm believer in not dwelling on the negative, it's sometimes easier said than done.  I should probably make a list of my own and refer to it often.  Thanks for the idea Erin!

Virtual Road Trip--Who Wants Shotgun?!

Some of my fondest memories from childhood were the road trips.  I especially remember my mom's habit of stopping at the brochure walls at restaurants or highway rest areas, collecting the ones that were "on our way" either to or from our final destination, and stopping at some really incredible places.  Sometimes, they were historical and other times hysterical, but memorable nonetheless.

Last summer, we were in the official beginnings of my husband's deployment to Iraq.  Fast forward to this summer and we've added a kindergartener to the fold and my husband isn't traveling anywhere.  Because of our until-further-notice sentence of being housebound, I've become even more nostalgic about summers past and have already begun fantasizing about future summers where we can actually have fun.

I realized I'm likely not the only one whose summer is passing by at warp speed with nothing good to show for it.  I thought maybe someone in the crowd would want to join me on a virtual road trip and maybe we could have some fun without spending money or packing bags.  And, for those in our group who can go places or have already been traveling, pull out those travel tips and be ready to share!  Military families are some of the most well-traveled folks in any given room, so I KNOW you know how to have a good road trip.

Whose coming along for the ride?

 

It's Like Living in A Foreign Country

As you may remember, we have recently PCSed.  Technically I don't think the PCS is over because we are still living in the Navy Lodge and we don't have our stuff.  Anyway, we've moved overseas, which is very exciting and also frustrating.  SpouseBUZZ authors have lived overseas before, but I'm the only author who is currently out of the US and my husband informs me that it is my responsibility to represent all us OCONUS spouses.

We have only been in Italy about three weeks, so my culture shock with the Italians hasn't really set in yet.  I'm still dealing with the culture shock of being on a US base overseas.  Our last tour overseas, we were on our own with no military facilities, so this is different.  Quite different.

Fit Club - Tips You Can Use

In the interests of covering all aspects of the fitness journey, we here at SpouseBUZZ like to make sure we pass on any tips we come across that can help reach a fitness goal or make the fitness journey more enjoyable.

For instance:  if you happen to have a really hard workout, then take a luxurious hot bath to relax, complete with exfoliation...

DON'T apply Ben Gay to your sore back or leg area afterwords. 

Learn from my mistakes, people.

Peek-a-Boo

I bought the most adorable strapless dress this week. I'm just hoping I'll be able to wear it. Why is it that we can send a man to the moon, we have smart phones that can do everything from finding the nearest gas station to calculating the calories you're about to consume at your favorite restaurant, but we can't design a strapless bra that isn't painful to wear, doesn't squish our boobs or make them look utterly ridiculous? For years and years I've been on a quest to find a comfortable, nice-looking strapless bra, but to no avail. It's very frustrating. 

Now that I have that "off my chest," where was I going with this? Hum. Oh yes, I remember now.... I read something yesterday which piqued my interest. 

Tiffany Bonnagio struck a seductive pose as a 6-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around her slender torso. Holding a half-eaten apple in one hand, she opened her mouth slightly to suggest she had just taken a bite.

Photographer Angelita Ballada went into action, capturing Bonnagio in this intimate moment. Bonnagio, a 30-year-old veterinary technician, posed for that photo and a series of other portraits to surprise her husband, Tony, when he returns to Fayetteville from his deployment to Afghanistan. "I wanted to do my take on Eve and the forbidden fruit," said Bonnagio. "I like to come up with themes."

Bonnagio is among a growing number of women, particularly military spouses, who are embracing their beauty through boudoir photography while showing their sensual sides.

The article goes on to state that not all boudoir photos involve nudity, or are suggestive.

No Howard Hughes Here

I have someone coming over to visit and my house is a wreck.  I'm going to be completely honest here and say my house is ALWAYS a wreck.  I know people who have clean houses.  In fact, I know people who have clean houses AND children!  And jobs, too!  But I'm not now and never have been one of them.

Also, it smells kind of funny here, and I can't quite track down why. 

I've been cleaning.  I've been tracking that scent like a bloodhound.  But things don't seem to get or stay clean.  Which is really embarrassing.  If my guest opens my refrigerator, I think I'll cry.  And that reminds me - I need to scrub out the microwave, too.  Ooops.

I would really appreciate it if, (1) someone could tell me I'm not alone here.  Also (2) if someone has a solution to the fact that every time I leave a room it magics itself into some kind of cleaning fiasco, that would be great. 

Thanks in advance. 

I'll Take Root Canal for $500, Alex....

Not long after my husband returned from Afghanistan, a woman tried to engage him in an overtly political discussion. It was clear that she equated the war with politics and she felt that it was perfectly reasonable to approach a member of the military, offer her opinions and solicit his. My husband was respectful, but wouldn't bite. At the time, I was the one willing to discuss politics, but my husband rarely engages in political dialogue, even with me. And he's certainly not about to do so with strangers or casual acquaintances. This doesn't stop people from trying, though. 

Recently, we had a contractor come over to give us an estimate. It was a week night and my husband arrived home wearing his uniform. After introductions, the contractor asked my husband if he missed President Bush. I jumped in and said that my husband serves whomever is Commander in Chief to the best of his ability, feeling the need to shield him from yet another uncomfortable conversation. The contractor was pleasant and didn't push any further, but I knew that this question would not have been posed if my husband had arrived home in a suit and a tie. 

Why is it that when some people find out your're a military family, they feel they are entitled to inform you as to their political views, or grill you with respect to yours?

The Green and Blue Dress

(Details have been changed to protect the innocent.  And because I can't remember details well anymore.)

Well, we are now 12 days into our three year, government paid European vacation and it has been fun interesting so far.  At this base, there is a six day orientation course that everyone attends when they arrive.  While not the point of the orientation (and heck, not even encouraged in any way), you do get to know some other new people as you sit through various briefs and slog your way through paperwork together.  As happens when you get a bunch of military people together, the stories come out pretty quickly.

Perspective From the Flipside

When my husband deployed to Iraq, it seemed like most people thought my fears and worries would be focused on a worst case scenario that involved my husband not coming home.  To me, it seemed like that fear was almost inherent to deployment to a war zone.  And, because I treat worrying like a competitive sport, I couldn't just stop there.

Nope.

I concentrated on the smaller things.  Things that wouldn't end his life, but would impact his civilian career.  A wrenched back, a twisted knee or something else that would prevent him from putting on the Brown and doing it for you.

What would happen to us if that happened?

I Went There

Last weekend my third daughter, the evil blond one, had her first gymnastics exhibition.  She was very excited and ready to go, but also sad because her Dad is deployed and wouldn't be able to make this event (like many, many others in her life). 

However, she perked right up when I promised to record it so that he could watch when he gets home.  And so that was my plan.

Until I got to the gym.

A Seven Year Deployment

Obviously the big news focus right now is on Gen. McChrystal, so I took some time to read the original source.  Opinions on this current event range all over the board, and the issue is outside the focus of SpouseBUZZ, but as a spouse what jumped out at me when I read the article in Rolling Stone was this line:

His wife, Annie, has joined him [in Paris] for a rare visit: Since the Iraq War began in 2003, she has seen her husband less than 30 days a year.

Wow.

I guess I've never given too much thought to how generals live.  I suppose I've thought about how sweet it would be to make $18,000 per month, or to have aides, or to live in the loveliest house on post.  In other words, I've thought of the perks.  I realized I'd never considered how much time a four-star general would spend away from home.

Apparently it's a lot.

My hat is off to Mrs. McChrystal for enduring a seven year deployment.

An Update on MyCAA

In my email box today I found a press release where Pentagon Press Secretary Geoff Morrell discusses the MyCAA situation and the future of the program.

Morrell states that MyCAA was designed to provide short-term financial assistance to help spouses earn quick certification in portable careers but more participants were using the program to help them towards long-term educational goals.  

From the press release,

Support, Fault, Blame, and the Front of the Commisary Line

When the military lifestyle turns into a soap opera (not one that runs on the Lifetime Network), it does so in A VERY BIG WAY.

There has been no avoiding this story, really, since it's all over the place and we all have strong feelings about this sort of activity.  Or rather, bullying.  Actually, I'm not sure that even the word bullying applies here - but I think that for those of us on the outside of the story, eyebrows raised in horror and a bit of resigned shock.  And embarrassment.

Pop Culture Suffers During Deployments

A couple of weeks ago we were sitting around the house having drinks with some friends of ours the night before they left for their PCS move. Our husbands were recently deployed together. Someone said something funny about pants and their girls launched into the "Pants on the Ground" song and dance, which was funny. At least most of us thought so.

Turns out, the guys were engaged elsewhere when the whole thing went down (pun intended) and missed the viral nature of Pants on the Ground. I'm sure dad was wondering why his pre-teen and six year-old daughters were singing about pants being on the ground....

Baffled...But Maybe It's Just the Heat?

The only light in this room right now is my Mac.  Lighting is too hot!  Our AC decided that it needed a break tonight.  Never mind that it has been steamy (literally) here today after several thunderstorms that only added to the humidity rather than dispel it.

My husband has been trying to connect with a buddy for two months.  He's wanted to have that "Hey!  I'm home from Iraq with all my pieces and parts" beer with him and tonight is the night! 

Then, the AC went out and my husband, in all seriousness and sincerity, said, "I'm going to call Jon and tell him I can't make it.  I can't have you home alone waiting for some repair guy to come!  It's almost eleven!"

::Blink, Blink::

Hello?  Have we met?

How do you handle "Good Bye?"

I hate to say "Good Bye."  Whether I am moving, my friends are moving, or my husband is deploying, I do NOT like it!

Of Peace Symbols, Flags and Mental Gymnastics

Several months ago, I was at Macy's and saw the cutest pair of pajamas. They were whimsical, colorful and I wanted them. I took them off the rack and went into the fitting room. It was there that I realized the bottoms were covered in tiny peace symbols. On the rack, I had only noted the vibrant collection of colors. I begged off and exchanged them for this not-as-cute, but still-cute pair of pajamas:

 

I've wanted to write about this for some time now, but found it a difficult topic to address because our perceptions will no doubt vary and despite the fact that SpouseBUZZ never delves into politics, someone would likely feel the urge to start a political discussion. But over the weekend, I read a blog post by another military spouse who unknowingly gave me the perfect jumping-off point for writing this post. 

Your Kid Might Be a Mil-Brat When...

You are watching the news at the doctor's office and your child turns to you and asks, "Shouldn't Major Garrett have been promoted by now?"

Touche,  AF Child.  Touche.

The Godfather as a MilSpouse Movie

No, seriously.  It has its moments.  It really does.  And I know it doesn't seem like this makes much sense now (just like calling a scene from The Incredibles the best mil-spouse movie scene ever didn't make sense at first, either), but just bear with me here...

I Dunno, How About January?

A couple of days ago, a civilian family member asked, "When will we be celebrating Christmas with you this year?" Not a strange question to a military family because we all know that Christmas gets bumped up, anniversaries get bumped back, birthdays are celebrated months from the actual date and so on and so on. That's the way the ball bounces in the military.

In this case, it's not that we're planning on my husband being deployed, it's more like we're always heading to separate parts of the globe to celebrate the holiday season, and we can't be in two places at the same time. One family or the other will not see us on Christmas Day. Our civilian family members are, in a sense, part of the military family, too. Funny how it doesn't take long for them to catch on to how this whole thing works.

And the answer to the question is, "It's way too early to know what's going to be going on at Christmas." World events dictate everything....

But it's nice to know that they know Christmas, deployed or not, rarely means December 25th. 

Defining Success

From Merriam-Webster.com, edited to remove irrelevant stuff:

Main Entry: suc·cess
Pronunciation:  \sək-ˈses\
2 a : degree or measure of succeeding b : favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence
3 : one that succeeds

I think that the dictionary's definition of success is awfully flat, and unsatisfactory since it includes the word succeeding in the definition.  For that, we have to go to another definition:

Main Entry: suc·ceed Pronunciation: \sək-ˈsēd\

1 a : to come next after another in office or position or in possession of an estate; especially : to inherit sovereignty, rank, or title b : to follow after another in order
2 a : to turn out well b : to attain a desired object or end <students who succeed in college>

3 obsolete : to pass to a person by inheritance

Okay, so why is She of the Sea rambling on about success?

Male to Female Militarese

Over the years, we at SpouseBUZZ have addressed the issue of the language that exists for those who serve in or are affiliated with the military (for short, called Militarese).   We PCS, our spouses go TDY, we get BAH, and if someone is out of line they get a Come to Jesus.

One thing we haven't really gone into, though, is the gender differences within Militarese.  Because I can tell you right now that I don't speak the same language as my husband. 

For instance...

I'm Obviously Too Old For This

Oh the pressure of seeing the end of the deployment tunnel!

I still have a few months until Air Force Guy is home for good (or rather, what passes for "for good" in our world.  Probably about three months) and the workouts have been going great.  I've managed to hit the gym 6 days a week, I've watched my diet pretty well with one brief foray into Haagen Daz (and that temptation they hit me with was TOTALLY not fair!).  And I think I'm doing pretty well!

Or rather, I was doing pretty well...

Borrowing Trouble

It's an old expression, but one my family swears I invented.  I'm always "borrowing trouble" or worrying ahead.  I find, though, that preparing for the worst is the best way for me to be prepared for it.  And, even if the situation turns godawful, my imagination proved approximately 45% worse.  So, worrying ahead made it seem not as bad as it could have been.

Did I mention I also rationalize things in a circular manner?

As if I didn't have enough to worry about on a daily basis, we mixed it up in March.

My husband arrived home on a Monday from his year-long deployment to Iraq. At his homecoming ceremony, our adoption agency called to tell us we needed to be in Ethiopia that following Tuesday for our Embassy appointment.  That meant we needed to leave that Friday to be in country in time.

And so begins the trouble borrowing...

Lady, Would You Please Go Away?

My husband has used the same bank for over 20 years. When we married, his bank became our bank. For most of our married life, there was no online bill pay or any of the other convenient services that the internet now allows. Our bank was generally 1,000 miles away from wherever we were stationed so if we had to make a deposit or deal with paperwork, we had to mail everything in. This trend continued for years and years and years.

I remember when we purchased our first home, we had to have the bank overnight a certified check for the closing funds because there wasn't a branch close enough for me to get to. On those rare occasions when you really needed to go into a branch, it was an impossibility. A few years ago, our bank began purchasing other banks and opening new branches. Of course, when they did this there was rarely a need for me to go into a branch and conduct business as you can do most things online now.