Dad PCSes, Mom Adopts Out Child

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When Army Staff Sgt. Terry Achane was accepted into the Army’s Drill Sgt. school, he left his pregnant wife behind in Texas while he PCSed to South Carolina. The couple’s communication was, at the very least, not very good, and the pair gives conflicting stories about just how what happened next went down. But two things are clear:

First, the child’s mom and Achane’s wife, Tira Bland, “felt alone and abandoned.”  And, second, she put the baby up for adoption without his knowledge or consent.

When the couple finally connected over the phone four months after the birth (you can read all about the he-said, she-said here regarding why they didn’t talk while she was pregnant or afterwards), Achane was astounded to learn that his baby girl had born and given up for adoption. The law in Utah allows for adoptions in some instances without the father’s consent.

From the story:

Achane said he was dumbfounded by the news and called the Adoption Center of Choice that same day seeking information about his child, which they declined to provide. An attorney for the agency subsequently contacted Achane and asked him to consent to the adoption. He refused and intervened in the adoption proceeding the Freis initiated in July 2011, which culminated in a two-day hearing in October.

The adoptive parents, who are not affiliated with the military, have declined to return the baby to her biological dad. Achane and the adoptive family are now going through a legal fight, each claiming the best interest of the child.

But let’s focus on two things — first the mom, then the dad.

Since there’s no way to know what actually happened — whether Bland really was abandoned by Achane and feared that she would be left a single mom (something she said she had experienced in the past) like she says, or whether Achane was continuing to support and attempt to contact her, like he says — let’s just assume that Bland did, in fact, feel abandoned when Achane left to start their PCS, like she says.

First, as a commenter here and our friend Janine Boldren (very wisely) pointed out to us, there is no reason for any spouse to ever feel abandoned — at least financially. As an Army wife (they have since divorced), she had rights to housing help, parental support and more. Contacting his command would’ve been enough to get his forced assistance, if necessary.

But perhaps her feelings were more about emotional than financial abandonment. Who among us hasn’t felt just a little alone (whether rightfully or wrongly) during a long separation? Still, you have to wonder what she expected from a life as an Army wife. And adopting out their child without his consent wasn’t the right solution to those feelings.

Second, this case highlights a battle many servicemembers wage to maintain their parental rights over the course of PCS moves, deployments and TDYs. How do you make sure your kid’s caretaker stays within the law when you’re far away and not watching them? How can you make sure your wife doesn’t adopt out your children?

So tell us what you think. The father and the adoptive parents are now battling over who gets to keep the child, and the results could set some serious legal precedence with consequences for more than just military dads looking to make sure their children still belong to them when they get back.

Is the dad right to want his kid back? Is he right to expect his wife to wait for him regardless of their communication? Or was his wife’s reaction — feeling alone and trapped between choosing life as a single mom or adopting out her kid — reasonable?

About the Author

Amy Bushatz
Amy is the editor in chief of Military.com’s spouse and family blog SpouseBuzz.com. A journalist by trade, Amy also covers spouse and family news for Military.com where she is the managing editor of spouse and family content. An Army wife and mother of two, Amy has been featured as a subject matter expert on CNN.com, NPR, Fox News, NBC, CBS, ABC and BBC as well as in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and Washington Post. Follow her on twitter @amybushatz.

90 Comments on "Dad PCSes, Mom Adopts Out Child"

  1. adoptive momma | January 7, 2013 at 8:44 am |

    As an adoptive mother, and the friend of an adoptive mother who had to give their child back to the birth parents after 8 years (long story), it makes me angry that this woman toyed with all these people's lives. The birth father is just trying to fix the situation, and the adoptive parents are just trying to move on with their lives. It is a terrible situation, and one that the state should not have allowed to happen. Thankfully the child is still relatively young, unlike my friend's child who was almost 9, so hopefully there won't be too much damage either way. Odds are the birth father will get his rights back, and I can only hope they do the transition slowly, instead of ripping that baby out of one home and throwing her into another. And hopefully the father will allow the adoptive parents some sort of visitation to help with closure for all involved. If the adoptive parents are allowed to keep the baby, hopefully they will allow visitation for the father.

  2. Pat Sutherland | January 7, 2013 at 8:49 am |

    Whether or not the wife has to wait for him is not the point here. The point is no one parent should be able to give up a child for adoption without the consent of the other parent. By all means in this case the father should be able to get his child back and should be able to do so without a huge court battle. There should be no question. The only thing that should be required is a DNA to prove that he is in fact the father. He should also want that.

  3. THE dad has a legal right to keep the child or he should the woman should not be able to adopt the child out without his consent that makes no sense at all.

  4. This whole situation makes me so angry. The article stated they were married since 2009 and I just can't believe she would do this to her husband. Even if there is marital troubles, you don't do this to another person, especially to the man you supposedly loved for the past 3+ years. This was a spiteful act that shows a complete lack of maturity. She should be ashamed of herself for inflicting such pain upon her husband and the adoptive parents. The husband should get his daughter back. No one has the right to take away his right to be a father to his child.

  5. well if the man is fighting for our country and gone with no phone contact there has to be a reason but in no way should she have been able to give up her kid if the dad was still alive and as for utah having a daddy clause i think thats bullshit he is part of the making of that child so why shouldnt he be able to make decisions based on that reason alone i think the baby should be taken away from the adoptive parents and given to the dad no matter what it takes to two to tango so why is only one allowed to say i dont want this baby and just give it away she is WRONG AND SO IS THE STATE OF UTAH AND ANY OTHER STATE THAT SAYS OH YOU CAN ADOPT WITH OUT THE OTHER PARENT HERE

  6. Thats crazy she should go to jail and be a single cellmate. Dads have rights what a dumb bitch.

  7. What I don't understand is why the adoption agency was not required to track down the father. They were legally married, and as a service member it would not have taken very long to locate him. Unless the woman lied, which would open a whole other can of worms, I can't see where this adoption was even legal to begin with.

  8. For those who remember the "Baby Jessica" case from two decades ago, at least there's hope that a little girl torn between an adoptive family (DeBoers) who wouldn't give her up and dragged out legal proceedings and a biological father (Schmidt) who fought for years to get custody, will be able to get past all this and lead a relatively normal life. http://zoey24.hubpages.com/hub/Fight-for-Baby-Jes

  9. The woman should have known what she was getting into by marrying into the Army. All soldiers at one point or another are called to duty elsewhere and depending on his MOS, there's chances that the spouse isn't to know where he is at and communication may be very limited. If she didn't want that life, she shouldn't had married him and definately should not have had children with him. That poor child is the one that is going to suffer the most through this whole situation. If she had any questions or doubts about anything, her first and foremost contact should have been the the FRG (Family Readiness Group) on post. They are always there to help the spouse of a military member regardless of the situation. They could have gotten in contact with the father and helped the situation. This totally should have gone in a different direction. I feel very sorry for all involved!!

  10. As an army wife myself. You know exactly what you're getting yourself into. From the very beginning you are told what rights and privileges you have. As well as when and if any communication you will be able to have with your husband when he is sent else where. But she should've known that if for any reason she need to get in contact with her husband. All she had to do was call his commander. They would've gotten intouch with him . I believe what she did was selfish and she did it knowing how it would make him feel. Everyone knows the military is about takening care of family. So there was no way in hell she would've been alone in takening care of their child. The army would have been there the whole step of the way. She could have any gotten help from other military wives. She just chose not to !

  11. Say what?!? It sounds like both parties involved are immature and not ready for marriage or parent hood.

  12. I would like to first say that as a army wife, My ex husband stopped financially supporting me and my daughter completely for almost a year due to the fact that he was abusing me and didnt want me to have any access to anything of his. I had to find a home by myself and was supported by a friend of mine until I could recover from a surgery I had. As for the chain of command, i wish people would stop giving the chain of command such credit. I know that when I was being abused and hurt at home, they turned their heads and just told my ex husband to deal with it. They not only gave me NO help, they told me to "keep Quiet" and after he got arrested for a choking me out and screaming in my face on post, they didnt do any type of action, they actually promoted him a week later. So I have NO faith in the army and them helping spouses when needed. Im sure there is units out there who actually support the spouse in situations, but I also know that they can be very unhelpful.

  13. gokumonster | January 8, 2013 at 7:28 pm |

    You know, its not always the woman's fault. Maybe she didn't even want the baby and the husband forced her to continue with the pregnancy. There are also plenty of reasons not to PCS with your husband. My husband's career does not define who I am or my lifestyle. I plan on sitting out the next PCS so I can establish a career and get a law degree. You have to put your needs first. Personally, I would have aborted it.

  14. mom of five | January 8, 2013 at 7:29 pm |

    all this talk about how dare her do this to her husband, an so on an so forth….. this was a cruel act on her part to the child! the child did nothing to deserve to be throw into this situation, she should be in trouble for child abuse, and as far as the adoptive parents, they knew when they took her the situation was sticky and should have expected something to come up, an i would honestly throw this back on the adoption agency, they should have better screening tactics! Poor man, an im sorry but if you didnt want kids, or the responsibility that goes with them, if you an your spouse happen to separate, then you shouldnt have them! there is no going thru with a pregnancy all the way to the end, then deciding on your own, oh well im married, but i think i will give this baby up just to cause a crazy life for this child an the man i married, an just so happen to be mad at!! she need help, very expensive HELP!!

  15. Catunya Strauther | January 8, 2013 at 7:33 pm |

    As a military spouse of 21 and 1/2 years I know what it is like to feel alone; however I also knew all command information. To give a child up for adoption without the fathers knowledge is unacceptable by all means. If her husband was not communicating with her why did she not reach out to the command? New laws and precedents needs to take place to stop this from ever happening again. He is at fault just as we’ll, what kind of man leave his spouse and not communicate with her for months. Even those in harms way communicate every now and then. Sad case bring the baby home to her father.

  16. She obviously was not involved with the military community there in Utah. When my husband left for a year I went back to Hill, where we were previously stationed, and was provided with nothing but support from all members of the military and civilian support network, even though my husband wasn't stationed there. In fact, the military community at Hill is BY FAR the best community I have been involved in. Whatever her motivations or her intent, the real issue is the child. I feel for every innocent involved, especially the adoptive parents who have done nothing wrong and the poor child. What a horrible situation.

  17. The adoption agency should be shut down!!! This same agency is responsible for several other adoption mishaps as well as surrogacy issues. They have used very unfair practices and threats to birth moms struggling with their decision. They have even threatened to deem them unfit to keep their other children if they change their minds about the adoptions!!

  18. Did anyone considers the mental stability of this woman? mental illness is it just something military servicemen suffer from, where are high number for spells is with the same issue. perhaps the long separation couples with the pregnancy, drove her over the edge. who is absolutely no excuse what she’s done

  19. This mom was flat wrong. The adoptive parents are wrong. They knew there was a chance this man would want his child (watched on CNN). The adoptive parents need to give this child back. The mom should have to pay any legal fees involved. She knew how to contact him if it was necessary. I don’t care if he never called her. She was wrong.

  20. I have 3 adopted children, and I would NEVER have accepted custody of them until I was certain that both parents had willingly terminated their parental rights. So my question is: why in the world did the adoptive parents not wonder why there was no documentation from this married woman's husband terminating his rights??? What were they thinking???

  21. Jennifer McMullin | January 8, 2013 at 8:17 pm |

    My first thought was OMG!! Seriously? That just sounds vindictive and you really have to wonder why. I didn’t even know there was any state you could adopt out a child without a serious effort to the find father. If you want to change your name you have to put out ads in the local newspapers to make sure no one’s looking for you. To file for divorce from an absent spouse you have to do the same thing. How can you put a child up for adoption without an effort to find the father? BTW I am a female navy veteran. A service that has frequent, long term deployments. I’ve heard lots of stories of non military husbands and wives going astray during their spouse’s long deployments and getting dear John (and I guess now dear Jane) letters, but this is definitely the first time I’ve heard of someone losing a child to adoption while away. Also, as pointed out there are so many ways to get the help you need from an uncooperative military spouses, a call to their command usually solves any problems.

  22. I know this is petty but in MY opinion…where did he PCS to and does that post have no communication opportunities…? My soldier and I have PCSd all over, together and apart, and there is no need for a 4 month communication gap! There just isn’t! Plain and simple. I do not agree that she adopted their daughter out without notifying him (horribly wrong! bad form lady!) but how did he NOT know…? He didn’t know she was pregnant? He knew she was and didn’t bother to check in with her? I honestly believe neither party was right and the only that matters is that little girl.

  23. Is there a possibility that this child is not his? I can’t understand this dead beat mom. I could never ever walk away from my children like that. Apparently she has felt abandoned before and done this before. She’s obviously mentally unfit. The father can get his kid back by proving she was not fit to sign those adoption papers. Also what does Utah have to do with Texas? The baby was adopted out of Texas and born there.

  24. Shocked and stunned that the law allowed this in the first place and then that the adoption was not nullified after it was found out that the father did not give consent. Even if she didn't want the baby he should have had a say so. Doesn't the Soldiers and Sailors Act cover something about this?

  25. If I am deploy or pcs or away, and my wife give up my son like a dog.
    You will find her by the smell and the flies, second I will go to who ever
    Got my son, and I will give them 10 min to pack his bag.
    10 min after if the kid is not in the car seat, they will have to call swat.
    Because the mess is not going to be easy to clean.
    V/r
    A concern dad

  26. As a Marine wife and mother, I'm disgusted by this. I'm not trying to be mean at all because I know every woman handles the situation differently when it comes to pregnancies and separations, however, to just give up your child because your husband wasn't around and you felt abandoned? Childish and irresponsible decision. You knew what being a military wife was going to be like when you said "I do". Just because your life was difficult for a few months doesn't mean you just give up. And to give up your own flesh and blood when you have the means to provide for that child and without telling your HUSBAND?! I could understand if you were really alone and it wasn't your significant other you were having a child with, but this is ridiculous. I went through my entire pregnancy and the first 6 months and this past 7 alone and would NEVER deny his father the chance to love the child that he helped create. That's selfish and childish. And to the adoptive parents, how dare you keep a father from his child when he had no prior knowledge or consent to the adoption. I understand it's not their fault for what happened and how it happened. But they couldn't even compromise by giving the child back but continue to be in the picture? I could understand if you've been raising the child for 5 years now, but you haven't. And how would that situation be better for the child for you to keep them from the father that actually wants them and can provide a good life? Sounds selfish to me. Completely upset by this news. I hope he gets his baby back and will be praying for him.

  27. What’s all this support the Army speaks of?? I living this right now! My hubby is doing an overseas tour in S. Korea. I gave birth to his twins in August (had a c section ALONE). He came on leave in September, went back to Korea and decided he didn’t wanna be a dad or husband anymore and starts saying he’s filing for divorce as soon as he gets back. Meanwhile he changes where his direct deposit happens to an account I have no access to. I can’t work b/c I also have a 3 yr old and childcare would be about $1600/month for all 3. I went to base JAG and they pulled out a sheet that says hubby is only required to send me and my 3 kids $656/month!!!!! I can’t even rent a 1 bedroom apt for that let alone buy the $400 worth of formula my babies eat monthly. Not to mention BAH is $831 so why am i not entitled to ALL of that??! And they state his command does not have to provide his address so I can seek child support (I have saved all email correspondences). No one forces him to pay even the $656 so he send what he wants when he wants. So tell me how I get housing support in addition to parental support and more that this article in paragraph 8 speaks about??! I’m a single mom of a 3 yr old and 4 month old twins; why won’t the Army MAKE my hubby take care of the family he helped create (and is getting paid extra for)??!

  28. What’s all this support the Army speaks of?? I living this right now! My hubby is doing an overseas tour in S. Korea. I gave birth to his twins in August (had a c section ALONE). He came on leave in September, went back to Korea and decided he didn’t wanna be a dad or husband anymore and starts saying he’s filing for divorce as soon as he gets back. Meanwhile he changes where his direct deposit happens to an account I have no access to. I can’t work b/c I also have a 3 yr old and childcare would be about $1600/month for all 3. I went to base JAG and they pulled out a sheet that says hubby is only required to send me and my 3 kids $656/month!!!!! I can’t even rent a 1 bedroom apt for that let alone buy the $400 worth of formula my babies eat monthly. Not to mention BAH is $831 so why am i not entitled to ALL of that??! And they state his command does not have to provide his address so I can seek child support (I have saved all email correspondences). No one forces him to pay even the $656 so he send what he wants when he wants. So tell me how I get housing support in addition to parental support and more that this article in paragraph 8 speaks about??! I’m a single mom of a 3 yr old and 4 month old twins; why won’t the Army MAKE my hubby take care of the family he helped create (and is getting paid extra for)??!

  29. ………..She's crazy. First of all. Why didn't she follow him? If the answer is because she wanted to stay home with family, then why on God's green earth did her family allow her to give up her child which she had all manner of means to provide for? If not, she should've followed him. This whole situation is just bat crap crazy.

  30. I’m trying to figure out why you quoted Utah law regarding adopting out a child without the father’s consent, considering the case is neither in Utah nor regards either location the parents or adoptive family are.
    The adoption agency should have looked into the father. Do adoption agencies not even care to check anything? It doesn’t matter if the birth mother was “abandoned.” She acted selfishly. There’s no telling what really happened in their relationship, but the father was unaware of his child’s birth and adoption. For one, the father should have had some kind of idea of around when the baby would have been born due to due dates. I understand that due dates are not precise, but my understanding is that the military usually gives some kind of leave times for some things. He could have taken an emergency leave. But that’s besides the point, obviously this couple did not have a good relationship. There are laws in place to protect birth fathers in cases involving adoptions. The adoption agency should not have proceded without the father’s permission. The birth mother went about this all wrong and probably lied about te father. The adoption agency and mother are to blame for this mess, more so the mother. I’m sure the adoptive parents are attached to the child, but they need to understand his position and do what is right for the child. The father obviously wants his child. No matter what, there will be broken hearts.

  31. Though I believe the mother was a bit hasty in this situation, we also have to remember that the communication between her and her then husband was lacking. Pregnancy and child birth is hard on a woman, but doing it alone is even harder. We as women can’t take four plus months off from our responsibility of parenthood which starts in the womb, and so, I must stand with the mother in her decision because if the father really cared, he would have made the extra effort to stay in contact despite the situation to make sure the mother had everything she needed including emotional support to help her through the pregnancy.

  32. Either way it wasn't her decision to make. That's what it comes down to. This didn't happen yesterday as AnaGB pointed out, so I find it hard to believe he's dishing out thousands of dollars to get his daughter back because he is concerned with what the public might think. We can all tell our stories, cause we do have them. This is about what is right and what is wrong. This is one of those situations that is that simple. There is no gray area here. She had no right to do what she did to this baby girl, the father and adoptive parents.

  33. CHRISTIE WAGNER | January 8, 2013 at 10:57 pm |

    As far as I know, the adoptive parents are Mormon. I don't know if they converted Tira Bland but I've seen a situation like this firsthand–Mormons are encourage to have as many children as possible, whether by natural childbirth or adoption, in order to increase the number of Mormons–this statement is factual and not a matter of opinion or perception or prejudice on my part. (Furthermore, I knew a non-Mormon Father who had his child taken away from him by adoptive Mormon parents and tragically, it worked, in addition to their having converted the biological mother of the child and persuaded her to give up her child.)

  34. No money? Feb 1 (the day he left) is payday! Why all of a sudden money troubles? She wouldn’t PCS with him but she sure did move to Utah in a hurry. I don’t believe her at all. he definitley has his faults in thisoo. How do u let your house and car go unpaid oh and phones too! Where was he living during drill why school?

  35. lolu torres | January 9, 2013 at 12:10 am |

    No money? Feb 1 (the day he left) is payday! Why all of a sudden money troubles? She wouldn’t PCS with him but she sure did move to Utah in a hurry. I don’t believe her at all. he definitley has his faults in thisoo. How do u let your house and car go unpaid oh and phones too! Where was he living during drill why school?

  36. I'm beside myself that any adoption agency, judge, attorney or adoptive parent would have excepted her word without his signature. I have lived through this as I adopted out my first child to my older sister who could not get pregnant after years of natural and medical procedures. I was young then and regret my decision today and she probably will down the line too.
    She signed off rights but everyone involved knew the father of a MARRIED woman had not. I understand the heartbreak and disappoint for the adoptive parents, however, this man deserves custody of his child. The mother and adoption agency need to feel the wrath of the law.
    She and all parties involved will ultimately have to answer to God in the end. This should not happen to anyone! Signatures are REQUIRED signing off rights. Claiming abandonment is nothing when married.
    I hope things do change if there are truly legal loopholes out there in any of these United States. No service member should have to deal with this.
    Hell, my husband and I have to live 300 miles apart and only sees his son on weekends because my EX HUSBAND put a limitation on where I can live. In Texas they allow controlling, abusive, ex-husbands the right to still control the life of the mother of the child. Yet he can live where ever he wants. I just happily stay here with my daughter and my son because I'll be damned if I'm leaving my daughter behind. Meanwhile my husband has to pay for two households and is limited to time with his child.
    Some laws really make me wonder!!!

  37. How could you give up your child and not inform your husband regardless? I find it sickening that the husband doesn't have any legal tie to his own child, a father is just as capable of a parent as a mother. Why is it that men don't have the same rights over their children as women do? It's 2013 for god's sake!

  38. He abandons his pregnant wife, doesn't communicate with her, and then decides to act shocked AFTER a phone call four months following the baby's birth? Seriously? I have seen first hand, as an Army wife myself, helping other Army wives who have been abandoned by their soldiers that the soldier's commanders can't MAKE them do anything. Had one FLAT OUT tell us that even. Oh, sure, they can "suggest" an allotment to which the soldier can agree to and then quietly cancel at will. Also, they have made it clear that the ONLY thing they will enforce is a Court Order. That's really hard to do from out of state and having little to no income for a lawyer. Also, the State welfare system WILL NOT even give food stamps or anything to a Mom & her kids if the father is a soldier without a letter from his Command stating they are separated and that he isn't providing the % of housing allowance he is supposed to give her, which of course they WILL NOT do because they can get in trouble. So, it's a vicious cycle because we are back to the stupid allotment "suggestion" scenario. Bottom line, an adoption agency apparently adopted out a child without the bio father's consent, which I doubt would happen unless it was allowed in that State. If it is sketchy, they will surely answer for it.

  39. Hopeu Choketira | January 9, 2013 at 4:40 am |
  40. The man calls 4 mos. after the child is born 2 find out about the child? I can c he was very interested 2 find out ANYTHING about her. He should have thought about it before. What, he gets upset because the mother puts the child for adoption? I least she didn't kill her like some other folks do. He wants custody of the child? Well, is he going 2 be a responsible father, (yeah, right!), and take care of this childs needs, or, is he going 2 dump her on someone elses' 2 raise her, and is claiming custody just 2 spite the mother or the adoptive parents. Games people play!

  41. First, I see so many issues here. One, the Armed Forces do "not" follow what they "write" or "talk" about or publish in AFIs. So stating there was "help" throughout the command is not true. Armed Forces "turn" their backs on spouses by using their famous coward words "this is a 'civi'l matter–we can't help you."
    Second, no one has the right to adopt-out a child when the biological father/mother is not aware of/or has given consent to said adoption. And the agency who allowed such is at fault for not "thoroughly" investigation first. The adoptive parents who are chosing to be selfish and NOT do the righ thing by giving the child to the biological father are also at fault.
    Also, if you don't understand the commitment it takes to SUPPORT your active duty member, then please do everyone a favor and just go away quietly instead of flauting your inability to cope with the idea that you are there to support your active duty spouse and sometimes you just have to use common sense and handle issues on your own instead of throwing your own childish fits.

  42. Everyone is bashing, and putting her down. R u willing 2 walk in her shoes 4 a period of time? If not, b quiet, do not judge, lest ye be judged. Anyway, where was HE when she was pregnant? Why did it take him so long 2 find out about HIS child and the events that ocurred the child? NOW, he is apalled and offended? Get real, pls!

  43. I am a mother of twin boys they are almost 3 now and my husband is in the army , i can see how the mother could feel alone but what she did was wrong. If she did not want to keep the child she should have given the baby girl to the father not adopted her out . The father wants his baby girl i feel that he should at least be given the chance he at least deserves that . the adoptive parents should want whats best for the child and to me that would be with her father .

  44. Back in 1976 was stationed at Camp Lejuene and getting divorced. Soon to be ex refused to pay support I went to his commander and the child support was institued for his remainding service time. That was just done on verbal communication! So if that could happen some 32+ years ago, it can now! There is always help out there.

  45. Where does the state of Utah come into this at? She was in Texas. Why didnt she go through a Texas agency? Or did she try to go through an agency in Texas and be told that she needed the father to sign off on the adoption? Nothing I read says how the state of Utah got involved.

  46. NurseKellie | January 9, 2013 at 10:13 am |

    I am an Army Wife, Army Mom, Army Nurse, Victim Advocate, and Fetal and Infant mortality bereavement coordinator. There is way more to this story. First I have seen the word deployment used. This soldier, husband, father was not deployed. He was in school. He was TDY (temporary duty). After school there would be a PCS move unless of course the two were combined which is also common. If it was a PCS move then what is the answer as to why the wife did not PCS with the husband. I can almost guarantee you that he claimed them on his financial forms for payment of move. more…

  47. How could she, her husband is defending our country and this Girl, cause I would not call her an adult is sick, I truely believe that she had it planned the whole time, and I believe she has a mental problem. I believe with all my heatrt that this little girl should be given to her father and there should be no questions about it, also the girl should pay ALL expenses and be kept away from her daughter.

    Ms. Ane

  48. Forrest Austin | January 9, 2013 at 10:48 am |

    First of all, any state that allows for one parent to make that decision alone (lawful) is completely out of line and their laws should be changed or modified to reflect "dual" requirement of agreement. Who would approve such a stupidity; allowing one parent to make such an impacting decision alone? OMGoodness!!!

  49. I don't care how abandoned she felt, As a military spouse you have rights to support. Once there is a child involved you have even more rights. She could have done a number of different things but she chose to give away a mans child. She had NO RIGHT. And the adoption agency should be ashamed of themselves for giving away a military mans child when he had no idea what was happening. I'm sorry for the adoptive parents but this baby needs to be returned to his father and the mother needs to have NO visitation and still have to pay support for this child.

  50. I am a military wife and dealt with schools and deployments(with no communications) I have six children and felt like a single mother of 6, but I was very supported what ever my husband does in the military! I chose the position, knowing I will be a single mother of 6! Put my life on hold and moved where ever the military moves us, I loved my life as a military spouse and mother and took advantage of whatever the military gave us! To let you know I really miss the military life, since my husband recently retired in October of 2012! I Love my husband and my 6 children and I would not change it for the world! Now the spouse gave up her child was thinking selfishly and did not support her husband and I think she was angry and did it out of spite! The Military Husband has all the right to get his daughter back, he did not consent to it, so that means the adoption is illegal!!!!! When you get a passport you have to have permission from both parents to even go over seas( even if one of the parents has been absent from the time the child was born) So how can adoption be legal without both signatures?

  51. The woman suffers from an anxiety of being left alone, a form of separation anxiety, a mental problem…that's obvious as she felt the feeling in the past…he went to school, it's not a short term school…she, as an Army wife, KNEW she had options and people to turn to…in this case, the adoptive parents should be much more understanding and more interested in making sure the child is with family instead of being greedy and not wanting to give the child back to the father…this case is ridiculous…plain and simple, the rights of the father are being trampled…he should get his child back ASAP, the mother needs treatment or counseling, and the adoptive parents need a wake-up call to relearn what real family is all about…

  52. Before fight the adoptive parents in court, have the DNA checked. This is a very odd thing for a mother to do unless she had doubts about if he was the father or not. She saw an opportunity to get rid of the evidence and she took it. She had the child adopted so she would not have a constant reminder. It was just too easy for her to do.

  53. Where did you come from? I am a retired Army female who is working Civilian Service now and I am here to tell you that if the family didn't want any help then ACS would not have known there were any issues before he left. She had the option to PCS with him, she just choose not to. She is the one that choose to give up their daughter for adoption by herself. I truly believe that the father deserves to have the child and the mother needs to get a mental evaluation.

  54. Could you imagine if the tables were turned and the Father had given the baby up for adoption while the mother was away? He would probably be jailed- but no worries the Utah law allows a woman to give up the child without the father's consent not the other way around. When it comes to famuily issues the man never gets the fair shake!

  55. He did a PCS move without his pregnant wife. She gave the baby up for adoption. So who’s at fault here? Who knows?! We are not part of their family and shouldn’t say who is right or wrong. I’m sure she had valid reasons for giving the baby up. Until you hear the full story which would include his, hers and someone close to the family to iron out the lies, we can’t blame either one right now.

  56. He did a PCS move without his pregnant wife. She gave the baby up for adoption. So who’s at fault here? Who knows?! We are not part of their family and shouldn’t say who is right or wrong. I’m sure she had valid reasons for giving the baby up. Until you hear the full story which would include his, hers and someone close to the family to iron out the lies, we can’t blame either one right now.

  57. The adoptive parents are keeping this mans child which is against the law (he did not give consent) and I can't understand why someone of authority has not stepped in yet. If mom didn't want the child why did she get pregnant in the first place. I know from experience that army wives have groups you can join and plenty of support for those left behind. This woman needs to grow up and stop having children she doesn't want. This is a terrible crime to humanity.

  58. Christopher Perego | January 10, 2013 at 4:32 am |

    The father of the child has every right to regain his child that was wrongfully and illegally adopted out by the child's mother. There are too many, ( not say there are too many, just enough ), resources for wives of soldiers, for this to have happened. The Chain of command any support system, on base, would have assisted. I feel as a former soldier, that if my wife did this, I would be fighting for my child as well. So many soldiers serve this country, to come home to their spouse cheating, left them, or be served with "Dear John" letters while they are in a war zone. The soldiers do not deserve things like that to happen to them. Even during long training or TDY experiences of separation, this type of thing happens. Not only do women do this to their male counterparts serving in the military, but Men do this to their female counterparts as well. These soldiers are defending you and this country, or they are preparing to, or preparing others to do so. This is not right on so many different levels of humanity that it is insane!

  59. There are a few things that we know for sure, because this case has already been heard in court and the adoptive family was ordered to give the baby back. They are appealing the decision and not being very cooperative. The mother gave the wrong contact information for the baby's father, so that the agency would not be able to reach him. He was only gone for 10 days when she left Texas to go to Utah to have the baby and give it up for adoption. He was still paying her bills and household expenses and his attorney was able to provide documentation to the judge. This is a very sad story, all the way around. However, the baby needs to be returned to her Dad.

  60. This says more about the relationship (or lack of) between the spouses. There is very little information in the article making it difficult to ascertain the situation. It isn't clear whether he was a reservist who was going to be gone for the requisite training period or and active duty soldier. As a reservist, he would be returning home as soon as the course was completed. If an active duty soldier, it would have been a temporary duty assignment after which he would be reassigned to a new station for which he would have the opportunity to return 'home' and fulfill the requirements for clearing the installation in Texas and arranging shipment of household to the new assignment. There is just not enough information here to make a rational informed observation.

  61. Teresa Taylor | January 10, 2013 at 11:59 am |

    I cannot understand how a mother can opt to give her child up for adoption (particularly) when she is a military wife. There is so much support for military families; if she didn't know she could have asked. I was a military AF wife for 22 years. I've had many days when I felt alone (never abandoned), but alone and afraid, but never once did I consider giving my child up for adoption. I think there is soooo much more to the story, and the mother definitely needs counseling. I do beleive the dad should fight for his flesh and blood (my only negative thought is), perhaps the mother has something to hide and the child may NOT have been his, and this is her way of trying to get out of the problem (especially) now that they are divorced. Seek counsel mentally and spiritually is all I have to say.

  62. I agree with her, I was stationed at ft Jackson and there are pay phones all over that post.
    How come it took him four months to reach out and talk to her about the child. Also, the Army will let you travel from school if your wife is in labor or just gave birth. What did he think, she was going to be pregnant for 15 months. How can you call yourself a real Soldier and husband if your willing to leave your pregnant wife and child in another state. I would hate to have you on my team in a fire fight…Coward….Damn right he should lose the baby. He abandoned her once, he will do it AGAIN.

  63. I don't think any one of us here can judge this case accurately as we're just not privy to details. On one hand, I feel for the dad, but if you read the ENTIRE article, the mother states these things:

    "He didn’t leave me with an address or anything," said Bland. "He just said good-bye. It wasn’t anything like ‘I love you’ or ‘I will be back for you and the baby.’ It was just like he didn’t care."

    "Bland said she also contacted Achane’s commanding officer in Texas and asked him to relay her plans to her husband.

    "He reassured me he did," Bland said, "and told me that [Achane] was going to get a divorce from me and put our house up for sale. I was left to figure it all out on my own."

    "When I met Terry, I was a single mother and I was a struggling single mother," Bland said. "I was living in a one-bedroom apartment and didn’t have any money and knew the harshness for a child of being a single mother. All I could see was the best for my girls at the time. I knew if I was going to go through an adoption agency, I knew someone could help me. It was all of the sudden, but it was all I had at the time."

    Bland said the agency "really didn’t say much" about her marital situation. "They just followed their procedures to reach him. … No one really talked about it. We were all thinking about the well-being of the baby."

    After the birth, Bland returned to Texas and moved in with her parents.

    Bland said months passed without any word from her husband.

    "I still wasn’t receiving anything from him," she said. "He wasn’t calling [my parents] to see how I was doing. … It seemed odd."

    Bland also said that, despite still being married, she was no longer getting any financial support from him, such as housing pay.

    Bland said she contacted Achane’s new commanding officer in South Carolina to complain about the lack of support, a call that took place in June.

    "I was trying to let them know that he had a wife out here he wasn’t even supporting, and a child," Bland said, referring to Achane’s stepdaughter.

    The commanding officer put Achane on the line.

    Bland said she doesn’t remember all the details of the conversation, but recalls Achane telling her he had continued to put money in their joint account. He did not, she said, ask about their daughter. Bland informed him she had placed the child for adoption.

    so while we can all judge him or her equally, there's more details and truths that will never be public.

  64. It doesn't say how well they did communicate it only tells what they each said but regardless giving u child for adoption is up to both parents and how it got this far without the fathers consent is wrong. He should get his child back without a doubt.

  65. The father should fight to get his child back, that’s how u know he will be a great dad. As for the wife, Im a marine wife my self, so I can understand how she could feel alone, but sweetie, u signed up for the military too when u said “I do”. That’s no reason to give ur child up, shame on u. And for the daddy… Good luck and wish nothing but great memories and lots of love

  66. retired MSG Seargent | January 11, 2013 at 5:56 pm |
  67. Actually, her comments are based on the facts as found in court, already proven. So no, they are not generalizations, they are actual FACTS. You would rather chase Diva around than take a few minutes to look up the facts in the case. You would realize pretty quickly that you have absolutely no clue what has been going on. However, you may then be forced to actually do the right thing and apologize to Diva for calling her ignorant.
    I, unlike you, actually know ALOT about this case and it would do you quite a bit of good to shut your mouth and listen to those in the know. I also know for a fact that Diva knows almost everything concerning this case.

  68. Actually, Diva's comments are facts and they are easily proven. It is all court records now.

  69. This is for a petition for SGT Achane http://www.change.org/petitions/support-terry-ach… and there is one on there to stop this adoption agency in Utah. Sorry i didnt apply the link, though it is right in the beginning of under child trafficking. Just wanted to put that out for those who care.

  70. Military Independent | January 12, 2013 at 12:03 pm |

    I also was a military wife and can fully understand this woman's feelings. I often felt abandoned and when I was left in charge of making sure the many PCSs went well or the entire home during extended TDYs, there was not a lot of base support that found its way to my door. In fact, during one extremely trying PCS the PCS move personnel told me that they wouldn't talk to me that they had to talk directly to my husband who was simply not there. There were many, many times that I threatened to walk out the door and never look back and eventually I did vowing never to have another thing to do with that military husband or a military base ever, ever again. It's been 18 years and I've kept that promise to myself. The scars are too deep. The difference is that I took my children with me and have raised them. My ex-husband gave them to my new husband when I remarried by giving them up for adoption to him. In the article above I'm glad to see that the ex-husband wants his child and is fighting for her. The child will still suffer abandonment issues later as she learns that her mother gave her up for adoption. I am hoping the fight is short in favor of the father and the father will be there for the child.

  71. We're still in the 1950's and the father has no rights where kids are concerned. Now the Seargeant gets to pay most of his income to some legal slime to get back what's rightfully his. And I'll prettyt much guarantee that some lawyer is pushing mamma to fight him. It;s all about money. The question I;m curious about is, did momma get paid for the kid?

  72. She should be locked up, I had to go through similar issue, wife digure after I got in basic training, I could not get back to save my son , her and her lawyer worked together along with a dead beat boyfriend, won the custidy battle and my son had to grow up on the street, got in alot of trouble and was unable to follow in my steps, I worked with him as he grew up, but it wasn't till he reached the age of 18 when i cut the support off that his mother 's boyfriend tossed him on the street. The only good that cane from that was her boyfriend bail when the free money was gone and my son started to listen more to me. he finished last year as a honor student from ITT after he got away from his mother and the glorious town of B-town KY. he doesn't want to come but I leave the light on for him to find his way home. I am proud that he found another way out of theat town.

  73. Is this what we've come to? I am a single soldier with no children, and this scares me. What is to come after things like this? Drill Sergeant school is only 9 weeks long… a little over 2 months. If he is a sergeant then he has been deployed, she can handle a deployment but not a a couple months? This should not even be a question of who gets the baby. This whole situation is morally wrong. And I am so very disappointed that one of my brothers in arms has to be treated like this from his own wife.

    Sgt Johnson

  74. What about the state of Utah? To have a law on the books to allow something like that to happen is just wrong!

  75. Steve in St. Louis | January 13, 2013 at 3:15 pm |

    Actually this would appear to be a case of kidnapping to me. If they were going to go through a divorce, the usual approach is to determine custody, and if the court determined custody settlement is violated, it is kidnapping, a felony.
    I think there is a case of kidnapping here and the father had parental rights to the child, being that they were legally married.
    This will rightfully go to court, but the father should file a complaint against his wife and the adoption agency as soon as possible.
    Certainly the father was placed in a very tight situation, being liable to AWOL or worse, desertion, if he did not show up for his assigned duty.
    He probably should have asked for social work support in this instance, or even the Red Cross, to find out what happened to his wife and baby, but that's no longer an option.
    There is tremendous strain in families with military deployments and usually the law is in the deployed persons favor since it recognizes they are obliged to be away on military duty and not able to be physically present for legal transactions.
    When these family breakups occur, the stress is overwhelming and may lead to emotional breakdown, stress reactions, even suicide, so the military needs to recognize these circumstances and do everything possible to support service members, in the interest of a stable and effective military force.

  76. David in MA | January 13, 2013 at 3:38 pm |

    Me thinks she has done this before and wants to move on with another man….again.

  77. I don't know anything about Utah, but we adopted 4 children from California, and I can tell you they left no stone unturned when it came to finding and contacting a father or suspected father (in California, a legal spouse is the presumed father even if he is not the biological father.) We actually had to contact and get a signature from a husband in a Mexico prison who'd been there for years and couldn't possibly be the biological father, but he was a legal spouse. All that to say, under what circumstance would authorities NOT attempt to seek relinquishment from the father, especially a legal spouse? There is more to this story.

  78. This indeed is a "SAD" situation for all invovled starting with the state that support a law of this nature that can cause nothing but "family" distruction and confussion" starting with this case. This women was able to adopt out these children without the father's consent is such an injustice for the children as well as the father. this action alone shows that the mother was not acting in a rational manner. to palce everyone involved on an emotional roller coaster as such is plain old WRONG! What uncertainty will the children endure while this situation is being sorted out. All this could have been avoided if this state law would have had a few safety nets in place such as a mental evaluation for the parent who set this in motion. hopefully the outcome will cause the state to re-evaluate this law for the best interest of children not being place in a web of this nature ever again.

  79. We've all seen people and said "Wow, they never should have been parents." – Yet when someone admits they shouldn't be a parent everyone treats them badly. Get a grip people: This woman should not be a parent and I think everyone agrees with that. So she did the right thing. Would you have preferred she drowned it in 5 months? Or abused it for the next 18 years? Obviously this couple had troubles before the baby or this never would have gone this far. Nobody knows the whole truth but them. For all we know she needed to get rid of the kid so the husband wouldn't find it he wasn't the dad. Or getting pregnant was a tactic to keep the hubby home. There are 100 ways this could have gone, but the baby getting a good set of parents is the best case outcome so what is everyone loosing their minds over?

  80. DEBRA MORGAN | January 28, 2013 at 5:25 am |

    if dont let peoples know the truth the military husband will keep lying as well the army will keep covering up for them which is wrong so i guess the comment struck someone nerve well one day im going broadcast it in live if i cant get it on here everyone will know the truth i havent finish yet im just getting started i do thank the ones that did agree with me on what i did share light on and it was the truth my time will be on radio station and tv im going to keep voicing my opion til every woman that been through something and it dont happen again i will make it public just like theyhurt i and my son everyone will pay dearly its not so much about the money it our dignity that they ruine of i and my son

  81. J. Harris | June 5, 2013 at 5:51 pm |

    Here is the problem you have young immature people getting married playing house and they put their children well being at state for their selfish needs, we can give age limits to smoking and drinking lets give age limits to giving birth so no more children will have to suffer. The Birth mother should be jail no more children for her The birth father should have the child, no questions asked shame on the parents that raise the birth mother did not teach her what she needed to know to be a mother or an adult. We need to do more to protect these children from these young immature kids having kids. I am a x military wife, these two should have never married so what was wrong with this soldier apparently he really didnt know who he married put her in jail no more children for her any woman that could give her child away because her husband was in school for his job should be taught a lesson. Children should not be having children.

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