I will not apologize if this revelation ruins your existence.
Maybe you read about it in a recent issue of The Atlantic. Maybe you thought that only applied to really important women in high powered positions. But it doesn’t.
Women, including military spouses cannot “have it all.” There … I said it.
That women can have it all is an acclamation formed and supported by women who have: no kids, no husband, enough money to support a household staff, and who do not move every two to three years. Having it all as a woman attached to the military, whether as the military member or a spouse, makes me chuckle.
Does anyone truly believe this horsepucky? I never bought into it. Once upon a time, I entertained the idea of being one of those women who make it all look so darned easy, but that was before kids, before PCSing, before marriage … before realizing that being proficient in all is not the same as a job well done.
“Can you successfully have it all?”…that should be the question. The more is better philosophy of living … is that the best way to live? I could have a garage full of cars, but what does it mean if they are all Yugos? I will take quality over quantity any day of the week.
It is just not possible to juggle all four balls successfully. The key word here is “successfully.” You can get them in the air just fine, but good luck trying to keep them up there without hurting yourself or others near you. I have seen good-hearted attempts, but something always comes crashing down. Whether you have a career or choose to stay at home, something has to give.
I do not have the financial resources for a nanny, maid, personal assistant, or chef to aid in my nonexistent quest to have it all. So what had to give for me is an outside career. I can get on board with a job, but a career demands time that I just do not have and would stretch me too thin in other parts of my life, which for me are more important: wife and mother. One day my parenting duties will lessen, and then I can concentrate on the career part of my life again.
It is my belief, and this is not an excuse, that the military spouse factor plays a part in this as well. My stress level and our family’s health is my utmost importance directly after a move … when everyone has settled and adjusted, I can get back to me. If I had to figure out how to get all those balls juggling at one time, a circus tent would have to put up over my house.
For those of you out there keeping the farce going strong, my hat is off to you…apparently you have discovered some secret well of fortitude and positive spirit that has remained hidden from me, or maybe you are failing in an important category in your life, also kept hidden from me.
For those of you with aspirations to prove me wrong, I will send you a case of wine.
