Guard Spouses Aren’t “Real” Army Wives?

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An Army spouse blogger in Vermont has gotten the military blogging community in a hot tizzy after writing a post stating that, her in opinion, Army National Guardsmen are not “by any stretch of the imagination” really Soldiers, and Army National Guard wives are not really Army wives.

Her reasoning, in a nut shell, is this: Active Duty Soldiers deploy, come home, put back on their uniforms, return to an Active Duty life. But National Guardsmen come home, take off their uniforms, go back to civilian life. Yes, they drill on a regular schedule, but that doesn’t make them day in and out Soldiers. Yes, Guardsmen suffer from PTSD issues … but so do a lot of civilians from a lot of non-combat related issues.

And if Guardsmen aren’t really Soldiers, their spouses aren’t Army wives, she says.

Feb. 10 Update: The commander of her husband, who she refers to as “Hubs,” has issued a public apology for “Hub’s” comment in defense of his wife’s position. Go here for all the details.

Her husband, who she married in August (according to her blog), has deployed twice in the past and is currently a recruiter based out of Vermont. It is the Vermont National Guard spouses, in particular, that she is taking issue with. She indicates that she is in the dark as to why Guard spouses get so upset about this characterization. In her words: “When you try to explain this to a Guard spouse, they get defensive, and often times throw a huge fit. ”

From the post:

The Vermont National Guard is just that, they are State Militia. The Hubs is a federal soldier. The National Guard spouses around here like to refer to themselves as ‘Army Wives’. They aren’t. I respect their significant others for the things that they do, but they are not, by any stretch of the imagination, soldiers.

And:

I agree, your husband got deployed, just like mine, but when he came home, he knew he wouldn’t get deployed again for at least another four years, in which time he probably wouldn’t have re-upped his contract. When my husband got home, he knew he could turn around and get deployed again. Period.

She also accuses Army Guard spouses of a series of Army wife “rule” infractions, including disgracing their husbands’ uniforms by taking “sexy” photos in them, failing to respect higher ranking Guardsmen by not dressing up  when they meet them or using “proper” greetings, and participating in public affection displays while their husband is in uniform.

Go read the entirety of AirborneWife814’s post over at her blog “Army Wife, Army Life” for yourself. Don’t bother to try commenting there — given the amount of drama her statements have caused, she was smart to close her comments.

Update: After making major edits to her statements Feb. 10, the author appears to have completely killed her blog site.

We don’t know much about this blogger’s background, but I see from her blog that she has only been married to her spouse since August. She does not live on or near an Active Duty base. She probably does not associate with Active Duty spouses very often. Unless it was as a girlfriend, she did not face deployment with her now spouse.

While I truly do respect her right to write whatever she wants on her own blog (FirstAmendment, all the way!), I, like most of the spouse community talking about this on Facebook, disagree with her statements. And here’s why – point by point:

She says: Guardsmen and their spouses are not really “Soldiers” and “Army wives” because they return to civilian life when they get home from deployment, and, when they return, won’t deploy for another four years.

I say: Wrong – or at least partially. While the stated DoD policy is that they only deploy once every four years, often specialty companies or those with high demand skill sets within a given Guard unit will deploy alone. And if a Guardsmen switches to another unit within the same state or elsewhere for promotion opportunities, for example, he will deploy with their new unit before that four year window is up.

In short, just like the “stated policy” for active duty units is currently a nine-month deployment to two years at home, there are always lots of exceptions.

She says: Guardsmen only go to drill one weekend a month, two weekends a year. Therefore they are not full time Soldiers and, therefore, their spouses are not really “Army wives.”

 I say: Wrong again. This used to be the case for Guard units, back in the old days when no one was supporting missions in Afghanistan and Iraq. Since that time units have been mobilized for up to 24 months at a time, requiring a far greater time commitment to training than this “two weekends a year” business.

She says: So what if Guardsmen get PTSD? So do a lot of civilians for non-combat related issues.

I say: Huh? She’s right – PTSD is a problem associated with a lot of traumatic events. But she’s missing the point of the injury – it’s not the PTSD that’s deserving of respect, it’s how it was acquired. The spouses of wounded warriors whose “only” injury is severe mental or psychological trauma will tell you that their lives are altered thanks to service of their country in ways that may far exceed most physical injuries.

And I continue to feel: What is most distasteful about her points is that they demonstrate a complete lack of understanding or ignorance of the lifestyle and potential hardships the spouses of Guardsmen must face.

For example, as an Active Duty spouse myself, I am grateful for the level of predictability I have knowing that my husband will deploy, and likely in a fairly regular pattern. Guard spouses don’t have that benefit. Instead they get to balance between two worlds – civilian and Army – and wake-up one morning to learn that their husband has to leave his safe job at the bank, yet again, for time downrange. At least I know that my husband will definitely deploy again, and probably soon.

Guard (and Reserve) spouses face the same lack of support and benefits shared by those active duty spouses who decide to move home, far away from bases, during deployments – only theirs’ is achieved by staying where they started, not by going somewhere new. All the things that I rely on to get my through a deployment with a shred of sanity, like camaraderie with other deployed spouses, childcare support on base and those fantastic, sponsored nights out, are by and large not available to the Guard. And many Guard wives live not only far away from bases where those amenities would be available, but far away from other Guard spouses who can understand their pain.

I wouldn’t say Guard spouses have it better than Active duty ones – but I know that we at the very least are on equal footing in this thing.

As for her list of reasons Guard wives are less respectful than active duty spouses, let me leave it at this: clearly she has not spent a lot of time around active duty spouses, or she would realize that all of these are common “infractions” in every military community, active duty Army or otherwise.

Conclusion: Sometimes spouses do dumb things, and sometimes those things make them look disrespectful or clueless to both the weight of military service and the burden of the home front. I’d call the post that sparked this discussion “case in point.”

About the Author

Amy Bushatz
Amy is the editor in chief of Military.com’s spouse and family blog SpouseBuzz.com. A journalist by trade, Amy also covers spouse and family news for Military.com where she is the managing editor of spouse and family content. An Army wife and mother of two, Amy has been featured as a subject matter expert on CNN.com, NPR, Fox News, NBC, CBS, ABC and BBC as well as in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and Washington Post. Follow her on twitter @amybushatz.

129 Comments on "Guard Spouses Aren’t “Real” Army Wives?"

  1. She also completely ignores the fact that there are full-time Guardsmen (and women) that serve as Technicians or AGR who work just as many hours (sometimes more) in the military as AD.

    Overall, it disgusts me that she feels the need to rank military members in their wives in some sort of effort to make herself seem superior to those "lesser" Guard wives/soldiers. Also, the fact that she uses "Army Wife" as some sort of special title that's earned only by those that fit her requirements is blatently ridiculous. You don't get to put yourself on a pedestal and act like you deserve to have your feet kissed just because you said "I do" to someone in a uniform. Respect is earned, not just given out based on who you chose to marry….which is an issue I have with many mlitary wives, not just her.

  2. Oh, wow. I do not have any sympathy for this young woman's ill-considered stance, but it makes me cringe to think how easily someone's foolish opinions can be immortalized on the Internet — opinions that time and experience might even temper to the point that the author regrets her youthful misapprehensions. All military spouses (Active Duty, Guard, and Reserve alike) face challenges in the service life; I suspect the Army wife in question has added to hers by insulting broad swaths of what could have been a supportive community for a military newlywed.

  3. As for her list of reasons Guard wives are less respectful than active duty spouses, let me leave it at this: clearly she has not spent a lot of time around active duty spouses, or she would realize that all of these are common “infractions” in every military community, active duty Army or otherwise.

    ^^^I couldn't agree more! Having been at more than one major installation during my husband's career and having gone through a recruiting command, there are wives of ALL ranks and throughout guard, reserves AND active duty that are constantly violating the unwritten code of how to act. This chick needs a large dose of reality! If she wants to rank things, married less than a year and recruiting duty don't really qualify her to speak on very many matters. Grow up honey!

  4. I understand the difference in view each person has especially from branch to branch. My Father and Grandfather were Air Force, my Cousin Navy, my uncles Army and my Husband is a former Marine now in the Guard. My Husband is also a Federal technician which means he doesn't come home and "change to his civilian job" he is military all day, everyday.
    He is currently deployed and his tour will last 12months as do all Army Guard rotations in our state. It's not the 4-6months like the Marines it's a full 12 months. And I can tell you some of the "spouses" to the Guardsmen with my husband do the same stupid things that I saw when my Dad was active duty, the crap I have heard on every branch of the Arm Services on every base around the world.
    As for the title of "Army Wife"- My Husband is a Marine through and through and that makes me a Marine's wife, a retired Air Force Brat, a Marine Aunt, Niece of a Squid and Niece of a Rangers. We are all part of a family that runs deep in the history of this great country! No matter what branch is being served WE are supporting, WE are still a very important part of that military members life. We are all Supports!

  5. OOOOO this makes me so mad. As I am writing this my husband is deployed!! I have lived on both sides, my husband was active duty and now is with the National Guard. He is serving his country and putting his life on the line just the same as an active duty solider!!!!

    Having been an active duty spouse and now an national guard spouse, it definitely is harder being National Guard. No one in the civilian world really understands why I am sad or what my family is going thru. I miss being on a base where everyone knows where you are coming from.

  6. This is the comment I was going to leave for her. Sorry it's long. I have to post it in two parts:

    First, congratulations on your marriage and pregnancy. Second, thank your husband for his service and you for supporting him.

    Now let's get down to business. You're a brand spanking new Army wife, and since you are out in BFE Vermont, you're not immersed in the community enough to learn the ropes. It's one thing, darlin, to speak your mind and incidentally offend people. That trait will actually help you in this life, because you must be strong enough to voice the things than many others don't. However, it's a completely different thing to shoot yourself in the foot by spouting off all the disagreeable things that come into your mind.

    Perhaps while he is on recruiting duty, you don't need the community. You are obviously still living the life that you were when you met, but if you stay married long enough and he stays in the Army long enough, you will have to leave everything you know and love there in gorgeous Vermont. You will find yourself in a place where you have to build social and professional circles from scratch. You may even find yourself parenting alone (it's a bitch, trust me) and needing the help of people around you. The type of behavior you have exhibited here is going to be detrimental to your own well-being.

    We can all draw lines in the sand. Between the different branches of services, between varying MOSes, between numbers of deployments, types of duty stations, injuries, etc. I could very, very easily rant for days about how everyone who is married to a soldier/airman/Marine/sailor/coastie who wasn't a combat infantryman with a host of decorations, who didn't have a leg blown off in theater, needs to show me more respect and not try to be in the same category as me. But quite frankly, there aren't that many people who are in the same category as me. And some are in much smaller ones–their husbands are quadriplegics or triple amputees. Some of them have crippling PTSD.

    Speaking of PTSD, you clearly don't understand it. "His mind is solid as a rock" is ignorant and harmful. Experiencing PTSD has nothing to do with mental fortitude. It is a byproduct of trauma. Please educate yourself more on this so that you don't further harmful stereotypes. I know you added the "but PTSD is really awful, ya'll! really!" disclaimer, but it was too little, too late.

    National guard soldiers and their families have sacrificed in record numbers for the conflicts over the past ten years. The activated soldiers have bled and died just as much as standard active duty soldiers. Their families do not have the resources that we active families enjoy. One Minnesota unit was deployed for 22 consecutive months–they were supposed to go for 12 and were extended TWICE while they were over there. The families weren't even told by command–they found out on the news. I know this firsthand because one of my very first supportive military wife sisters was a spouse of a soldier in that unit. When the troops came home, they did get to put back on their civvies and go back to work–but without the resources provided by military installations, without support for family members for reintegration, without adequate mental health providers who understand the ins and outs of combat deployments. Their families had no functioning family readiness groups and little if any local support from peers who truly understand.

    Of course your husband is mistaken for Guard. Most of the soldiers (and yes, you call Guard members soldiers), they see ARE Guard. That's their norm. Forgive them for it. Politely explain that he is active duty and move the heck on, hon. You have a baby to worry about. This is small beans.

  7. Part two:

    Civilians often say stupid things to military members and their families. My favorite line OF ALL TIME was when a friend was asked whether she would be moving to Germany during a deployment so that her husband could come home on weekends. Really!? SERIOUSLY!? Do they have a clue? No. No, they do not. Ranting is not a way to educate them–it only serves to isolate our community further, to make us all look like ungrateful bitches and make them turn back to their reality tv shows.

    See these moments as opportunities to give folks a glimpse of what our lives are like. Be honest, respectful and kind. Have an open mind and LISTEN when they speak. Guard families have their own challenges that deserve your utmost respect. There is no gain in comparing struggles. You don't deserve extra respect for being an active duty family. We're all in this fight together.

    The reason I stopped by to comment is that my vast online support network of military spouses is all abuzz about this little post of yours. They are an incredible group of women who have helped me through 3 deployments, having a baby 8 weeks early 1000 miles from home while my husband was on a plane on his way to Afghanistan, through his serious injury this last deployment and a host of other struggles along the way. At first I was offended by your post, but when I realized that you are a brand new wife, I decided to extend an olive branch. Not saying something to you about this would be like letting you walk around all day with your skirt tucked into your underpants and your ass hanging out for everyone to see.

    There is more to being an Army wife than putting on makeup for the First Sergeant. Actually, I've never done that. First Sergeant doesn't care about my makeup and generally only cares about me if I'm a major problem or a major asset to the unit. Until my husband's injury I was an active volunteer, leading the family groups and interacting with high levels of unit command. Since his injury, I have personally advocated for military families to the Sergeant Major of the Army, the Chief of Staff, Division Commanders and others.

    I would suggest that you go on Army One Source and take some Army Family Team Building courses. They are a very helpful introduction to the Army, especially when you are far from the nearest Army post. There are a host of other military spouse blogs that you could read that would give you good insight into the various struggles of the different types of services/ranks/stations/duties/deployments/etc. Learn, understand, appreciate and respect the differences and how every one of us has a vital part to play.

    Welcome to the Army sisterhood. Do good things with it, please.

  8. My husband is in BCT right now, and his Battle Buddy is a National Guardsman. Right now, there's no real difference between the two of them. They're going through the SAME training, and we're BOTH going through the no communication of BCT. They can BOTH be deployed, and the frequency of deployment has more to do with MOS and unit assignment than with whether you're Guard or Active Duty. We ALL go through deployments and separations, no matter which status our soldiers have. And sometimes, it's harder for those Guard wives, who have to be without their husbands for long deployments and may not live near a military installation. Us Active Duty wives have a lot of resources and support systems available to us on base, and the Guard wives may not have that, so it can be more difficult for them to be away from their spouses.

    There is ONE area where Active Duty wives have it harder than Guard wives: MOVING! We're planning and preparing to move when my husband's training is done; his Battle Buddy's wife is not. So being an Active Duty wife can be a little more difficult because of the moves.

    But really, why are we fighting over who has it harder? We ALL have a challenge, whether our husbands deploy constantly or rarely. We ALL have a challenge, whether we get orders to move or our husband's company transfers him to a new city. Maybe if we weren't arguing over who has it worse, we could spend a little more time and energy taking care of one another, making new friends, and supporting our spouses.

  9. sendingcupcakelove | February 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm |

    I want to be Megan's new best friend. Just saying!

  10. I haven't read her blog and do not care to. She obviously has not educated herself very well. I would be willing to educate her. I would love for her to come spend one week with me and walk in my shoes and then maybe, just maybe, she will understand that it does not matter what branch you are we are all Military Spouses.

    I love how she has the idea that you if are a Guard Soldier that you have the "luxury" of only having a chance at being deployed every four years, I wish someone told the Military that. On average my husband has deployed every two years for the past 10 years. My youngest daughter is 6 and her dad has missed 3 years (1/2 her life) to deployments. In addition – My kids are the only kids in their schools that have gone through deployments and I had to fight like hell to get the schools and teachers to understand just a little bit of what my children were going through.

    All of our spouses fight for this country, some die for this country and some suffer injuries for this country. A Roadside bomb, a sniper, an IED etc. does not show any prejudice on who they injure or kill and a military spouse or military member shouldn't either.

  11. I'd like to share a response that I wrote to her on my blog last night. I am a Guard wife and proudly stand behind what I wrote…..
    http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/2012/02/in-res

  12. I guess the 10 years my wife severed as AGR and the two deployments she has done being gone for almost 48months out of the last 8 years don't count. I guess it's ok that I have no support structure, there is no base near me to go to for services, it's just me and the kids alone and on our own. I guess that my experiences is less supported by the military than the active military spouses are make me to soft.

  13. WTF? Over. Is the Soldier, in the pisture shown in this article a National Guard Soldier? Because if he is, he is wearing a Third Infantry Division Combat Patch. Additionally, the Army wife in question (I assume Regular Army) needs a quck history lesson on the National Guard. I have been Regular Army, National Guard and Federal Reserve. I can assure you, that when the enemy is looking through his sights. The only thing he sees is an American Soldier, with U.S. ARMY on his uniform.

  14. waaaaaaaaaaa….

  15. Sounds like she has a real chip on her shoulder. How ironic that she puts emphasis on not holding hands in public and prettying herself up for the 1SG in order to positively reflect on her husband. Yet, she publishes such an ignorant blog and is now probably surprised that it has negatively impacted him. I'm sure 1SG has a strong impression of her now — it's just not due to her make-up or fancy dress.

  16. Well I am not NG but was a Reserve Soldier. (Almost one in the same) Lets see, I deployed for over 7 years in a 10 year span since 9/11. I do not know very many active duty soldiers that deployed that much in the same time frame.

  17. I am so mad, I can't even think where to begin. She has only been married to her husband since August (6 months)… so I will just leave it at that. There are Guard Soldiers and their wives who have spent more time…….heck I can't even finish that sentence, because everything applies here. Just fill in the blank…. There are Guard Soldiers and their wives who have spent more than 6 months doing…. EVERYTHING! Geez….There is a saying, "If you are dumb, you better be strong."

  18. This story is ~blowing up~ on Facebook. Apparently the phones/email at the soldier's recruiting office have been going crazy since the blog post went viral and people have also sent the unedited blog post to the office that in charge of THAT office. The arrogant couple in question are learning the hard way about the consequences of free speech.

  19. how hurtful, she just affirmed my reasons for staying far away from other military spouses, self entitled mean soul that she is.

  20. Well isn't she just Spesh-ul……………oy

  21. HAHAH funny.. Im deployed right now!!! So im not a soldier because im national guard?? Well listen here female i like to see you go through basic, AIT and come out here where im at and look at these people everyday… Having to watch your back.. carring a weapon on you and even still gotta have a knife just in case… we survive out here cuz we are SOLDIERS.. WE ARE TRAINED TO FIGHT…now stop complaining and start supporting your husband.. keep your rude comments about us to yourself!!

  22. People in the guard are not brain washed and able to live on own.

  23. Who does the pres call on when the active duty needs rest from war? Me and my brothers and sisters of the usarmy national guard. My unit is wanting to delpoy a select few over seas next year so this lady is totally out of control by saying that about the national guard and the soldiers wives. chances are shes gonna be one of those dear john girls or shes gonna cheat while her soldier is gone and not say a word so he has to find out the hard way she has no respect for herself or the military when you marry into the military you you gotta have the same respect for it as the soldier does

  24. funny when National Guard come home they are off the payroll, when the Army comes home, and do what ???? and still on the payroll, right along with there 5 kids and wife. What does that cost us in tax dollars….. Pay the soldier and let him pay for his family…………. we are not here to take care of a PVT and is hole family and parents too…. take care of the soldier period.

  25. This women is whats wrong, but I bet the army is trying to help her find o job, cause her husband is in the army. What a joke. The soldier today is starting to be a burden, seems they want and want every thing free, Guards men go do the same thing and get nothing, but the active soldier wants every thing handed to them. How many are in the army for the (serve my contry), right……….. there for the free easy money and benfits for there family. reduce the military………. big time, get them off the payroll, the Guard will do the job when need be and when not, they will not be being paid like the Army….

  26. Well said. As a reservist myself, in a community in which the Navy has made the choice to fight the war primarily with reservists, I resent the suggestion that we're not "real" service
    members. I actually have been away from home on military service MORE than some of my active duty counterparts. And many of us, as your post states, return after deployment to parts of the country that don't understand the military or how to support families affected by deployment.

    I hope she has the opportunity to learn the error of her beliefs.

  27. Tony Steventon | February 11, 2012 at 9:13 am |

    The sacrifice of a Regular soldier is not different to the sacrifice of a National Guardsman! They bleed the same blood, share the same heartbreak and fear the same horrors ! Its the same here in England as our Reservists get second class treatment at the hands of the full time Regulars. If this is the case then why should we even bother serving our country if were going to be descriminated against?

    ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL, ONE ARMY !

  28. Are you serious? What a MORON. Thats like saying her husband is no longer a soldier because he's a recruiter…..give me a break.
    She's been a spouse since august and that gives her the right to talk trash….I think NOT!
    My husband has been an Air Force guardsman for 10 years and has 18 years active duty marine corps under his belt, what class would she catagorize him? As for me, she can't say squat bescause I'm a marine vet too!
    People don't just "halfway" become a service person, go through a "reservist bootcamp" or stay to the "saferside" in combat because they are in the reserves….it's ALL or nothing!
    AS A SPOUSE, KEEP YOUR PIEHOLE SHUT AND STAY IN YOUR PAYGRADE……YOUR MAKING THE REST HAVE TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!!! WHEN THEY HAVE THE GOOD SENSE TO KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO WHAT THEIR QUALIFIED AND RATE TO DEBATE!

  29. I am an NG wife living (born and raised) in Vermont. I am STUNNED at how far this has gone. I’m almost at the point of feeling sorry for the poor girl; but we all learn from our mistakes and I’m sure she will too. I just want to add a couple of comments.
    The deployment cycle for us is unpredictable. My husbands first deployment came with only about 8 weeks notice back in 2005, he was gone for 14 months. He came home and was here for 7 months and was then deployed to Louisiana in support of Katrina relief. He was gone again in 2010 – by this time the guard had completely revamped their deployment/re-deployment cycle and the lead up was an agonizing 12-18 months of town halls and briefings. Though we do NOT have a traditional military base style support system we DO have an amazing team of contract support staff who do everything from talking me through how to fix my oven to financial help when deployments mess with our income stream to sitting down with the staff at my kids schools when the kids hit a rough patch. I personally would be lost without them and i can’t imagine how I would have survived two overseas and two domestic deployments in the past 8 years.
    The second thing I want to say is this: This little tempest has focused alot of energy on spouses and SO’s. Aside from the insults to my husbands service, I was most upset because this girl has no clue how deployments change a family. That was never brought up nor discussed but is far more important of an issue than the greeting I use when speaking to his commanders (many of whom have become familiar figures in our lives.) My daughter doesn’t see the LT as an officer; she knows her as her friends step-mom. There are things about being in a rural area that you just can’t change. When only a handful of kids in the school have a parent deployed, the lines between officers and enlisted become somewhat blurred OUTSIDE of the uniform. Our soldiers are professionals while in uniform and walk a tight line VERY skillfully when they are NOT in uniform.
    My husband works a full-time job PLUS giving up a full weekend every month (meaning 14 days with NO day off). Additionally, his ‘two weeks in the summer’ is what most people refer to as ‘summer vacation’. he doesn’t get one and we have never been on ‘vacation’ BECAUSE of his dedication to service.
    It’s very tempting to go point to point but I will leave it at that since this dead horse has been flogged enough and you don’t have the full text of the original post (which is readily available if you want it, just ask around). Thank you for your post.

  30. Well….looks like she made her facebook private. I can only imagine the messages she got!

  31. As a mil-spouse blogger who has been married to the military for over 10 years….the first thing that jumped out at me was that she got married in August and her "Hubs" is a recruiter. I want to shout this out to all spouses, guard and active: what she said was wrong. We do not feel that way. She is "young" and doesn't know what she is talking about. Thank God above she isn't writing anymore.

  32. you just can't fix stupid…period.

  33. This woman needs a big ol slap on the face! National guardsmen or not anyone who marries someone in the military is considered a military spouse! I'd like to see her ass sign up and go fight for our country just like I have. And yes I agree she does need to do her f'n research because last I checked not only am I an MDay soldier but I also work for my unit full time, so does that still make me an MDay soldier?! This article really upset me, and I'm not going to post it on here for the simple fact I wouldn't be nice with my words. This wife needs a clue, if I were her husband I'd divorce her ass!

  34. Airborne155ARTY | February 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm |

    Yes national guard is not like active duty and cant do what we do day to day. yes national guard cant deployed within 18hrs if needed and jump from planes. active duty is one job and one job only because this is what we want to do and make a career out of it. national guard has two jobs in the world and that is being a civilian then being a soldier when they are called to duty. they did what most americans wont do and that is raise their hand and pay the price to keep this country free. i talk a lot of crap about the different branches and especially the NG, but when we overseas, we are all brothers fighting to protect each other and bring each other home. yes the NG death rater is higher because they only get once a month to trained, and yes NG is suppose to only stay in the States and protect the home land but when you fighting a war, especially two wars, they do what they can to help and bring their brothers home. i got buddies who went from active to NG because they wanted to have a second job and take a break from active duty life but still be a soldier. im always going to be active, im always going to talk trash about other branches, but i do it because its tradition. but like hell if someone is going to say your not a real soldier because your not active. in a warzone, it doesnt matter, your fighting for the same thing

  35. She sounds like an ignorant, arrogant, immature girl. Women like her give the rest of us a bad name.

  36. This is Horrible!! This woman wants to sit and Comment that Men in the Guard aren't really soliders… Well Honey ou've got another thing Coming to ya!!! My Cousin's Husband is in the National Guard!, along with My Nephew, and A friend of Mine.. 2 of these men have been to Afghanistan. They miss alot out of there family lives that we take forgranted… Kids days at school… Father Daughter Dances. A Daughters " First school Dance", A son's driver's liscense, Football Games, Cheerleading. You think this is easy for them. Knowing they are Missing Special Moments of thier Kids Lives. They are over there Defending Our Country… NOT "PLAYING CROQUET" !!! Lady get a CRIP!!!! Think before you open your mouth about a senative matter like this!!!

  37. Wow…. this entire conversation is ridiculous. Everyone has a unique situation and reasons why they had a tougher time than anyone else. my husband was gone longer, I was further away, I have more kids, I did it alone etc…… whine whine, complain, complain. Deployments are tough, regardless of the situation. Make the best of it and stop trying to play the poor me card. Life on a military post is not as grand and supportive as guard wives think. Being at home with your natural family support structure is also not as grand as active duty spouses may think. Both Active Duty and Guard have their share of great Soldiers and their fair share of oxygen thieves. Stop arguing about whose farts stink more and focus on getting through a tough time in your life and making the most of tough circumstances.

  38. WBP USAF RET | February 11, 2012 at 4:57 pm |

    What a shame for this woman to express so much ignorance and arrogance and not even be a part of the military community. My lovely and beautiful and wonderful wife of 45 years and 25 of those in the USAF never ever talked krap about the men or women of wives of other branches of the military. Almost ALL of our familiy members have has either a guardsmen or a reservist or active duty member who deployed to almost every nation on the planet. There has always been support from the civilians and ALL of the military personnel in the neighborhoods and in onbase housing when we lived there. The woman should spend some of her 'spare time on base' while hubby is deployed and get to know her future friends and helpers who offer love , consolation and help when needed and ask nor nothing in return.

  39. MrsSalinas23 | February 11, 2012 at 5:45 pm |

    i read this article after a fellow army wife posted it on facebook heated. after reading it myself, i understood why. i do understand that she does have the right to freedom of speech but, to sit there and mock any part of the military isnt very smart. what really got me mad was how she talked about people with PTSD.. everyone can suffer from it.. AD, NG or reserves. For her to say her "hubs" doesnt have it because his mind is rock solid was dumb. PTSD doesnt discriminate.

  40. . I think this spouse's ignorant comments came from a very close source—her AD soldier husband and it is a crying shame that after all the demand we have put on our Guard and Reserve in the past 22 years, he still holds this ignorant opinion.

  41. My husband was National Guard 1986-1990 before transferring to Active Duty (22 years now, retiring in a few months). He transferred just a couple of months before Iraq's invasion of Kuwait. I was still in our hometown for the year of Desert Shield/Storm and saw what our neighbors and family that were NG families went through. I was in a local community support group and we were families of all branches, AD, NG, and Res, parents of service members as well as spouses. Nobody had it any either than the other and we emotionally supported each other. I have a friend whose hubby transferred from AD to NG just before 9/11. They were in Washington state and he got deployed and she was FRG leader. There were no FRG meetings, only email loops because the families were spread over 4 states. Each side has its plusses, minuses, ups and downs. Neither is harder or easier than the other, they each have their different challenges and nether should be spitting on the other, we should be supporting each other as much as we can

  42. If this is what she thinks about National Guard & Reserve wives…God only knows what she thinks about fiancee's and girlfriends of any military active duty or guards/reserves! We all serve, with or without a marriage license! Active Duty or Guard/Reserves! It is no ones right to judge who has it worse, who has it better. We all have or own shoes to walk in and unless she has the "divine" ability to walk in anyone's shoes other than her own, I would say she doesn't have the right to judge anyone else's life. God bless our military….and EVERYONE who supports them, loves them, believes in them!

  43. Active Duty families don't know how good they have it supporting each other in a relatively centralized location. Most Guardsmen and women in any guard unit is usually not local to that any particular unit. Most commute from far distances and even from other states to drill and deploy.

    Vermont for instance has its members from NH, MA, ME, CT, RI, NY,NJ, PA, CA (yes I meant to say California) and even Canada (yes from another country) to deploy as a combat team overseas while their respective families are left behind in those states. The spouse's and families left behind have no such centralized support let alone a PX or Commissary to shop at tax free.

  44. I can find the UNEDITED Version, but, cannot seem for the life of me to find the EDITED Version! Grr! Help a Girly out please!

  45. and here come the trolls…Stupidity makes an appearance once again.

  46. I Agree with this Article!! I say ARMY Active-Duty, Full time, A Real Soldier!! Part time..No!! just saying

  47. This lady sucks plain and simple…she needs to grow up……..

  48. As someone who spent over 13 years as an AD family member and 15+ on AD (I am still in) I find your statement that it is so much harder to be an AR/NG family member. As one poster pointed out earlier each side has unique challenges. Yes on AD you are have access to more services and friends that are in the same boat you are but your other family members are 3000 miles away. In the AR/NG you don't have all the same support programs but typically your family is nearby and you know your neighbors because they have been there for a while. On my block there are 16 residences and we have four neighbors that have been there less than a year.

  49. WOW this Woman should be ashamed of herself. She is the kind of wife that does not REALLY get it! If someone has joined the Military and willing to fight for their country no matter as a FT AD Military or a weekend warrior they still ALL play an important part in the Military. Her blog shows the lack of respect she actually has as a Military Wife! We are ALL here to Support each other. However I bet she is the type of Military Wife that if stopped by the MP's on base says…Do you know who my husband is?! I am a PROUD Military Wife and my husband did 6 years Army AD, and then took a 15 year break and then at 38 decided he wanted to be able to give more to his country and signed with the Air Force National Guard and has been there 3.5 years! In those 3.5 years he has won Awards, been coined many times, was Distinguished Gard in School while others around him were out partying, he has received not one but TWO Florida Commendation Awards AND when he was picked to go to ALS (Airman Leadership School) at 40 the oldest in his class and ONLY Weekend Warrior he was Awarded the Levitow Award. So she can spew her meanness, hate, and pure ignorance fer the Military and that we ALL matter regardless of the Title, but those of US that are True Military Members, Wife and Familes know her words MEAN NOTHING! I almost did not WASTE time to reply here. But I have a duty to my husband and the Women that I support and help with their lives, weight loss and jobs as Military Loved ones to reply.

  50. I can only think of one thing to say…ok two things:
    1. An avalanche as begun and it is to late fo rthe pebbles to vote
    2. This young lady whom wrote this antagonistic blog has no clue as to what she is saying.
    ok..three…Sad!!

  51. How dispicable an attitude! For those National Guardsmen who fought in Iraq or Afghanistan and came back injured or dead…did it matter whether or not they were "active duty" to their wives and family? Was the pain any LESS for their wives or familes while they were away as it was for the "active duty" wives? You owe every National Guardsmen, their wives, and their families an apology for your insensitivity.

  52. This woman makes me sick. I am a wife of an Army national guard solider. My husband is currently deployed to Afghan. My husband is to be deployed for a year. Every solider in the active, reserves, and guard know what they are signing up for. Some leave more than others. While this woman has the nerve to post such stupid comments, my husband is over there protecting her stupid butt so she can make such dumb remarks. You need to walk in someone elses shoes before opening your big mouth..

  53. juozas balsys | February 12, 2012 at 10:05 pm |

    i was a radio oper. in the marines.spent 26 mounths in viet nam.the reserves might not be considerd real in the states, but in a combat zone everyone is a real soldier.i was reguler usmc in for 4 yrs.67-71.i feel very sorry for all reserves cuz they did not expect to end up in this crap for real.it must be much harder on ther familys.my people knew i was going.it must be a horrific shock to find out your going to war.best wishes to all.go to the V.A. for help when you need it.go now dont go in 30 years like i did.joe semper fi

  54. TXNG Soldier | February 13, 2012 at 3:03 am |

    I am a National Guard soldier. From 04 to 08 I was deployed 3 times. Still looking for that 4 yr break between deployments. This young lady has no clue to the military life if she is not living with her hubs and supporting him by being next to him. In my unit there are a lot of us that came from AD to NG. After 19 yrs in the Army I do believe that on our left side of our uniform it say U.S. Army just like AD. She needs to get to Hubs and see how other spouses act with there Hubs around. When I was deployed in 04 My wife had help from our friends that was still AD and she wasnt treated any different.

  55. While there are plenty of Guardsmen who have had to deploy in the last 10 years now, prior to that, how much did they REALLY deploy? Also, out of ALL the Guards units, what percentage of them ever go beyond weekend drills and deploy even today? There is a reason that they have been called weekend warriors for so long and that view isn't going to change just because for a while now they had to fulfill their military obligations.

  56. What's amazing is how many reasonable, non-offensive posts have been removed without being marked as "removed" by the folks running this board.

  57. This debate has served to illustrate a very real point–military wives and their soldiers have different types of experiences.

    Though the way this spouse address her perspective may have belittled the experiences of our National Guardsmen and their spouses, it brings to light that we, as spouses, have very different perspectives and opinions on the military lifestyle. Even though our experiences are different, it's okay! If we though, as a military community, cannot unite and embrace the unique experiences we all have, how is the civilian population supposed to be expected to understand us? If we want employers to acknowledge our positive qualities, we must demonstrate them instead of tearing each other down for the differences between us.

  58. That is wrong. The Guard are Soldiers abd their Wives are Army Wives.

    Knew Army Wives when I was in the Army and to us Term Army Wife would of been better to us the B Word with wife. For the most part the wives I met were nice ladies, but there were a few that were not.

  59. I'm an army vet who left active duty in early '65 after 30 mos. in W. Germany, over five yrs in starting at 18 in 1960. I never was in combat, and I was not married then. Yes, Pres. LBJ refused to activate most (by far) NG and Army Reservists as he feared the fathers who were ardent Democrats, would desert him. Many units were activated and sent overseas in WWII and Korea, but very few in the late 60s to Vietnam. Instead the draft calls escalated. As for the Air NG, many of the pilots outperformed active duty USAF fighter pilots. Remember, draft dodgers during Vietnam knew that NG/ARs would never be sent to 'Nam.

  60. This is actually pretty sad. I just came from a Yellow Ribbon event last weekend and I heard loud and clear that when they actually get to Afghanistan, they are considered Army and not Guardsmen.

  61. I am a reserve wife, and I’m utterly disgusted with this ill conceived notion that because my husband isn’t “active” he’s less of a soldier. Or I’m less of a wife. I had a friend (a friend no longer mind you) whose husband had the nerve to tell me that “weekend warriors only amount to be half the soldier when deployed.” And she went on to tell me all the reasons I wasn’t a “real” army wife. The nearest base to me is 50+ miles away, and my husbands unit doesn’t even have a FRG. To top it off, he’s deploying with a unit out of a completely different state. Active wives definitely get more benefits than reserve/guard wives, but it isn’t any easier because my parents live in the same town as me. They don’t understand, they don’t get it.

  62. As a spouse of a soldier, who by the way has handled both AD and Guard, she has no stinking clue. I'm not going to get overly snotty about the fact that she has apparently only been married to her soldier for about 6 months (being an army gf or fiancee has its own crazy challenges however), but chica needs to get some time under her belt before she goes off on this sort of rant…

    There are unique challenges to both sides of the Army coin (active vs guard/reserve) and she clearly doesn't have the knowledge or experience to critique either.

    Alright, I sat here letting my thoughts wander into a less polite stream, so I'll wrap this up. She just pissed a bunch of people off, that she has never met, and clearly has her tail between her legs. I'm going to write her off as unaware, and un-initiated. Yes?

  63. Obviously she doesn't understand long (375 year) history or the role/purpose of the National Guard…or the country for that matter. What a stupid thing to say. And, of course, the remarks were made anonymously. How embarrassing for her husband. She's a liability to his career…something that I am not. Which makes me not only a "real" military wife but a much better one than she is. I'll be sure to pass the string along to my husband in Afghanistan, as well as everybody I know within the miltiary community. I'm going to use this in a training module I'm doing for Guard Spouses in FL next month. I'll be sure to tell them their husbands/wives aren't "real" Soldiers. Mary Corbett, Author of National Guard 101: A Handbook for Spouses.

  64. I don't get it. She's only been an Army wife for like 6 months so WHO CARES WHAT SHE THINKS?!
    Couldn't we have just read her blog, shaken our heads and just tossed it up to immaturity and ignorance? I mean really, her opinion does NOT matter. It's not ALL of our job to "educate" her in the ways of the army. I mean if I new her then ok…game on. lol But I don't, nor am I even in the same state and not ALL of you know her either. Oh how I wish things like this could just be handled "in house" BUT I guess that's what happens when you stand on the corner with a bull horn bad mouthing thousands of people. They're gonna yell back.
    Was what she posted jacked up? Sure, but so are a LOT of other things on the internet. That's the beauty of it. But, I guess she learned a lesson…. Yes we have Freedom of Speech BUT exercising your right of freedom of speech doesn't come without consequences.

  65. retired A.D.spouse | February 15, 2012 at 10:40 am |

    I agree with her…there is a world of difference between the two!! period!! no comparison!! thats why we collect retirement after 20 yrs. and they have to wait until they are 591/2 yrs. old… end of discussion!

  66. PART – 1

    Let me ask these questions:

    1.What is the price of coffee at the commissary?
    2.Are your children Brats?
    3.How often do you visit your parents?
    4.What was the name of your child's best friend in first grade and where does he/she live now?
    5.What MWR activities do you participate in?
    6.Where was your first child born?
    7.What color are/were your children's bed blankets?
    8.What was the name of your child's best friend in second grade and where does he/she live now?
    9.Where are you from?
    10.How many Euro did you use to get for $10.00?
    11.How did you like Kimchi?
    12.What flag is flown over your base headquarters?
    13.What was the name of your child's best friend in third grade and where does he/she live now?
    14.Where will you be in four years?
    15.How many states have you lived in?

  67. PART – 2

    Let me ask these questions:

    16.What is your husband's serial number?
    17.What was the name of your child's best friend in forth grade and where does he/she live now?
    18.What does PCS stand for?
    19.How often do you go out to the enlisted/officer's club?
    20.Where was your second children born?
    21.What is the name of your base commander's wife?
    22.What was the name of your child's best friend in fifth grade and where does he/she live now?
    23.How much dose a carton of cigarettes cost at the BX?
    24.What color are your children's footlockers?
    25.What is the name of your chaplain?
    26.How many schools did your children go to before they were 12 years old?
    27.What languages do you and your friends speak?
    28.How do you like Balut?
    29.What was the name of your child's best friend in sixth grade and where does he/she live now?
    30.What is playing at the base theater?

    Yes there is a difference.
    A real Military Wife would understand these questions and be able to answer them the way real Military Wives do.

  68. As a former soldier-I've been regular Army(RA), National Guard(NG), and Army reservist-(AR)I have to say at least I've never witnessed a NG/AR wife let her HUSBAND'S RANK GOTO HER HEAD! Unfortunately, I can't say that for RA wives. Ladies your husband outranked me-NOT YOU!!

  69. Thank you so much for writing this. I cried as I read it, so clearly aware of both sides. I grew up in the Air Force and am married to a man currently in the Army Reserve. I was near Wright-Patterson AFB while my husband was stationed in Germany and sent to Desert Storm. I heard nothing from the family support group in Germany during their entire deployment. I was totally on my own.

    We now live in northern MN. We have only a few Reserve and Guard units in MN so the culture here is not nearly as aware of military lifestyle as in areas with large posts. Even through the unit, support is very limited. The only thing I've personally asked for in my husband's four deployments was help plowing our 1/4 mile drive this last time. It was not available and the family support woman actually reprimanded me.

    My husband was activated Jan – May 2003 (the group was deactivated before being sent to Iraq), 2004-05 and 2009-10. Once his unit went, twice he was transferred to another unit to bring it up to strength. One of his unit's soldiers was supposed to deploy with the home unit a week after returning from an involuntary transfer deployment with another unit. There was no four year home-time for him.

    One of our sons also struggled terribly when his dad was gone during his 8th grade year. It was almost impossible to find mental health care and when I did we couldn't get in for 3 months. And they hadn't clarified that delay was not just for new patients, so after the intake session we had to wait another three months by which time my husband was home. There was nothing for children of deployed parents and I believe that time has left some permanent damage on our son.

    Thank you again for speaking up for ALL Army wives. If our spouses serve in the military, their lives are on the line at the beck and call of the govt whether active or reserve. And their families are all put aside when Uncle Sam calls.

  70. "Ignorance is bliss" and she is blissfully unaware. When she discovers that the same loyalty oaths are given and these same individuals, that put their uniforms on to perform their duty are vulnerable to life changing events as are their active duty brothers/sisters in arms she may inch forward to being a true adult. She has a lot to learn and that will come from the spouses organization. She is probably not aware of the "Total Force" concept, but given time, provided she stands by her man, she may succumb to the pride we all have for every one that signs on the dotted line to defend. God bless her and help her grow out of ignorance.

  71. As a retired soldier with over 31 years of service both as a an active duty soldier and a guardsman I think this shows the ignorance of some active dependents of the reality of the real Army in todays world.

  72. Seasoned Spouse | February 15, 2012 at 8:25 pm |

    I can only speculate at this point since the blog is no longer in existence… I would guess the author is very inexperienced with the military, and very insecure in her marriage and her role as a wife. Sounds like she crossed paths with the spouse of a Guardsmen and got jealous of whatever she saw.

  73. CMSgt (ret) Reynolds | February 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm |

    Here is a famous quote from Abraham Lincoln:

    It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all dought.

    We all have a steep learning curve in our journey through life and I hope this young lady will learn something from her experience in this matter. As a Guard member for 41 years, 31 years as a Federal Technician, there were many times in my career that I wished I didn't have to serve, but did so because I had made the decision to. We all take the same oath when we enlist or re-enlist and the call can come at anytime day or night. 9/11 was a perfect example of how the Guard responds to the needs of our nation.

  74. Bill (USAF Retired) | February 15, 2012 at 9:02 pm |

    If I'm not mistaken, it was the CITIZEN SOLDIER that fired the first shots at Lexington and not an active duty regular. Any soldier, Sailor, Marine or Airman Guardsman has taken the same oath as his/her AD counterpart and are subject to many if not all of the same regulations when on AD. And, in my opinion asa a retired Air Force senior NCO, they have EARNED the right to be called my brother.

  75. Norman Miller | February 15, 2012 at 9:21 pm |

    I would suggest this lady come to Indiana. I am sure our National Guard Commanders would introduce her to some our National Guard widows. Yes! Indiana Guardsmen have died for their country in Afghanastan and iraq. Their widows weep just as "real army wives" weep.

  76. I would be outraged if I were 10 years younger than I am now, but the age of 37 and 18 years of being married to a soldier (both full time and National Guard) I no longer feel the need to care what anyone thinks of me. She's young, I'm sure she has been schooled on the art of keeping ones mouth shut.

    Thank you ALL full time and guard. :)

  77. NotBuyingIt02 | February 15, 2012 at 9:44 pm |

    Ask yourself… What was the death ratio going into Iraq this second time for Army Guard ???? It was around 38%…. Now what is considered combat ready for a unit ???? Answer is…. 70%…. That means commanders were reporting a ready rate of 100% and they should have been reporting closer to 62%…. But, that would have made the Guard members non-combat ready…. What was the death ratio for regular Army ????? Clue…. They were combat ready…. Now ask youself…. Why does the regular Army consider the Guard to be toy soldiers ????

  78. This vet was Guard and my son's brother in law was Guard and was deployed to A-stan and his best friend was ripped in half from an rpg and he was Guard Me and my sons friend was Guard and He was killed by a suicide bomber in A-stan Now you go and tell there Wife's and girlfriends friends family that the National Guard are not real soldier and don't forget the Air Guard flying there A-10's and F-16 saving the boys on the ground tell them there not real soldiers Tard

  79. Completing Army Basic Training and then joining a National Guard unit does not make one a soldier nor are their spouses "Army Wives". Soldiers are active duty every day of their service. They do not have full-time day jobs for higher pay nor do they go "home" after a deployment and hang up their uniform. All of the remarks posted here just reaffirm my experience that National Guard members want the glory of being a soldier but without making the committment. Stop whining and go Active Duty Army if you want to be called a soldier.

  80. SSG SCARNG(Ret.) | February 15, 2012 at 10:19 pm |

    I spent four years active Navy 1969-1973. One tour Viet Nam. I joined the National Guard 1988. By that time I was married and had three children. I knew there would always be a chance my unit would be mobilized. As some of the other commenters have said my wife did not have a support group like the ones on an installation. She had to take up the slack I left. It was not easy but she did it. As for Nationa Guardsmen not being real soldiers, maybe we should disband the Guard and Reserves and see how often the regular Army has to deploy. In case anyone is wondering you can field ten Guardsmen or Reserves for what it costs for one active duty personnel

  81. WOW is the first thing I thought of. I wonder if she is young. My goodness the hate. My husband is active duty Army. He has deployed 4 times and 1 of those times for 15 months. We have been married for 7 years. It is hard as an active duty wife, but I can't even imagine being in the shoes of a family where they leave a good paying job that pays there bills, to a job that may pay the bills, but may not… they have to redo their family budget just for them to go. My friend's husband lost his job when returned, as they did away with the position. Companies get around the law of keeping the solider's job available, plus many jobs don't want to hire a weekend warrior. I think this lady or young girl needs to grow up. We all take different paths Thank GOD there are men and women that will be weekend warriors to cover what is needed at home, so my husband can deploy or to go and keep our country safe. Most of all, I think she needs to realize the wives and husbands are not soliders. We are not special because of what our husbands and wives do, but we are strong and supportive of our spouses and family, not better than anyone else.

  82. Members of the National Guard have their governor as their Commander in Chief. When a natural or manmade disaster occurs in the state, it is the Guard that responds when called upon by their Commander.
    The Active and Reserve forces only respond to the President of the US as their commander. Unless the President issues a federal disaster declaration, these forces stay home when the Guard continues to support the affected area.
    Without the Guard to support or replace the other components, there would be severe problems in the combat areas. A National Guard general now sits with the Joint Chief of Staffs for his input as well. As a retired member of the National Guard, I thank all members of the military for their military service as well as veterans of previous wars.

  83. Who said "Divide and conquer"?Retired military former Army soldier married 20 years both spouse and self "still (suffering)serving"Can we still say that?Give credit where credit is due on both sides of this arguement.

  84. brian conway | February 16, 2012 at 4:51 am |

    Try telling the members of or the family of, for instance New Yorks fabled "fighting 69 Infantry" or 108th Infantry that they are not soldiers or their families aren't real military families. Make sure you have a running start.

  85. By law I guess she has a right to say how she feels, they only thing about her comments is the fact she is ignorant and stupid. It take a bigger person to work at a normal job and then make the sacrifice to drill on weekends, what she forgets is that you may have to attend schools and so on. Also your MOS may have additional requirements that you have to give up more time. She can think what she wants but to those of us who served, most already had active duty time. She is a professional whiner who desperatly need attention and medications.

  86. She's right, National Guard Soldiers are not Active Duty Soldiers, ask any Soldier who seved on State Active Duty in New York. No retirement points, no vacation time, overtime on every holiday, longer shifts, forget about spending time with your family. Since 911 NYS figured they could provide National Guard Soldiers for security, and save on costs by putting the Soldiers on State Active Duty status.

  87. After spending 7 years on active duty and then 21 years in the Guard and Reserve, I could tell this young lady is still 'Civilian' and that she gets these absurd ideas from her recruiter husband, who is home most every night since their marriage. He recruits AD and is competing with Guard/Reserve recruiters. He might not be meeting goals or is struggling to hit them. So he says something off-hand and she takes it as gospel. it is just rash pillow talk and she takes it to heart. Let her get a couple of years under belt and see how she fairs then. Guard and Reserve are indeed soldiers with a lot more obstacles to serving their commitment than Ad ever did. Thank God for the Guard and Reserves to keep our end strength up.

  88. When I served (many years ago), I was Regular Army for my entire career and like most RAs, didn't hold the Guard in very high esteem. Our opinions were formed by stories about Guard drills consisting of watching porn flicks and eating pizza and summer camp was a time to get away from the wife and kids for two weeks.
    That started to change in the late 80s. The Guard became more "professional" and serious about its mission. Iraq and Afghanistan were the tests that confirmed that Guard Soldiers are as good as the Regulars. In many respects the sacrifices the Citizen Soldiers have had to bear are greater than those of the Active Army. Like the young wife who wrote the blog, I live in Vermont. I have seen first hand, what the Guard men and women of the Vermont Guard and their families have to endure when they deploy (and afterwards). It's not fun. Yet they do it. Why? IMHO it's because they're patriots in the same spirit as the Minutemen of the past and this old soldier salutes them and thanks them and their families for their service and sacrifices.

  89. Must be a natural blond…oh, by the way, have you seen the latest episode of "Desperate Housewives"?(you should be ashamed of yourself, Blondie!)

  90. Barry Roberts | February 16, 2012 at 12:37 pm |

    I just thought I would make a comment, noting that this irresponsible spouse does have the right under the first ammendment, but she spoke out of turn, and she is extremely clueless. Myself being a Viet Nam era Veteran from the 1960s, being a Draftee and completing my six year obligation in the Army Reserves. I then joined the New Jersey National Guard where I remained until I retired, so how would this clueless spouse catagorize someone serving on active duty, Reserves, and National Guard. This woman has to realize that most of your Reserves, and National Guard were full time prior service in the Military. You have to think before you open your mouth!

  91. jenjendupree | February 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm |

    lol, drama..get over it..words are words and people are people…its a free country, let her say what she wants..it doesnt mean that you have to believe it or that she has to think like you…wahhh wahhh wahhh

  92. My son is a Guardsman…Spent 14 month's in Iraq… He was subject to the same risks as the "real " soldiers… Cut me a freaking break!

  93. T W Young USN(Ret) | February 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm |

    Wow. I can't believe the calloused attitude of this woman. As a retired sailor I stand beside my brothers and sisters in arms regardless of the uniform. Know that the purpose of the National Guard is to act as state militia, but in recent years many National Guard troops have been sent to the sandbox to fill gaps left by continued DoD downsizing…and many have been shipped home in boxes. I'd say they have earned the right to call themselves soldiers. And their wives have earned the right to call themselves soldiers spouses. If anything, one could argue that she hasn't earned that right until her husband is off of recruiting duty and she has the opportunity to experience a deployment as a spouse herself.

    But that's just this vet's opinion.

  94. She's married to a recruiter and she thinks that those in the National Guard aren't "Soldiers"? I have news for her: Recruiter are not "Soldiers", they're salesmen.

  95. I'm just thunderstruck. I was an active duty GF, then fiancee, then wife for 9 years and have been a Guard wife for another 4 since DH left active duty. The Guard life has been more demanding in some ways than AD life because you're always balancing two sets of commitments! Wow, just wow…..

  96. This child is ignorant and ill-informed, and sounds like the phoney soldiers who claim to have been in combat, but never left the company area. She doesn't have the class to be a real soldier wife, she's too busy ragging on others. Listen, you ignorant fool….we are all in this together, so shut your ignorant mouth.

  97. All this bemoaning for what, being a soldier is a state of mind. Being a solders wife is a state of mind. Yes, technically those of us in the Guards are soldiers just like our Active Component brothers and the same for our wives. However being Active and having the mindset of a soldier 24×7 is different than that of the traditional role of the Guards where I drill one weekend and then take the uniform off for a month and my state of mind is this weekend I’m a soldier but Monday morning I’m Bob the plumber and most Guards wives feel more inconvienced when there spouse is drilling on a weekend. Then as a deployment comes up, we as guards get into full time soldier mode but in the end can not wait to get back home and be Bob the plumber that drills.

    Don’t take this wrong I love the Guards, I loved being Active, but I know the difference. I know how the Guards think and I know how the Active side thinks and it is all a state of mind.

    Please everyone a technician is not a full time soldier, yes your state may require that person to be in the guards and some states require them to where a uniform to work but they are not working as a soldier, they are civilian employees. None of that time counts in Guard time. Trust me on this techs have the worst state of mind when it comes to identifying themselves as a soldier.

  98. ArmyBrat2ArmyWife | February 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm |

    Clearly this woman has had a bad experience some place or no experience at all. I am of the mindset that ANYONE who pouts on a uniform in defense of this country, my freedom and her freedom to be a ******, deserves every respect, period. I don’t care if it’s part-time, fulltime, up time, down time or what ever time…a soldier is a soldier when that uniform goes on and when it’s off s/he is still one and the spouse is still a spouse.

  99. ArmyBrat2ArmyWife | February 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm |

    Clearly this woman has had a bad experience some place or no experience at all. I am of the mindset that ANYONE who pouts on a uniform in defense of this country, my freedom and her freedom to be a ******, deserves every respect, period. I don’t care if it’s part-time, fulltime, up time, down time or what ever time…a soldier is a soldier when that uniform goes on and when it’s off s/he is still one and the spouse is still a spouse.

  100. Whether your loved one is active or a guardsmen they are all American Soldier's fighting for our country!

  101. Frances Galletta | February 28, 2012 at 2:52 pm |

    I am sorry-but if they serve they are real soldiers and their families are real military families. Please people, do not downgrade anyone that puts their life on the line for your freedoms.

  102. silencearmywives | February 28, 2012 at 3:15 pm |

    Shes right Army wives are fat good for nothing sluts that live off their husbands paycheck and cheat. NG wives are in shape, self dependant, make money and are able to hold down the fort and marriage while the soldier is away

  103. I don't care who you are if your Reserve or Active Duty Military your still serving your country and so are the wives.They sacrifice just as much as the Active Duty Military Wives do. I should know being married to a soldier that is active duty and plans on going to the reserves here within a yr. It is just rediculous that she seems to think that Army Wives is just for those who are Active Duty Military.

  104. Another reason why I don't claim the "Army Wife" label…it is stupid and it is women like her who make me despise the the label. Never call me an Army Wife…I am an engineer, mother, and wife whose husband just happens to be in the Army.

  105. Obviously she is NOT a soldier who had the GREAT opportunity that we did/do to raise HER right hand to CHOOSE to defend this country. ANY branch. We forgive you lady!! :(

  106. Joan Overton | March 1, 2012 at 7:47 pm |

    Hi. I'm a National Guard mom. My son just came home from Iraq in DEC. How dare anyone say that he or this family didn't serve our country. When you have a loved one in the service, you are in the service too. I am a single mom and I had to support my son and gird him up so he wouldn't know how scared I was that he was going over. I have a strong faith in God and that's what got me through. God and the FRG. I thank God every day for the FRG and those wonderful women and men who support each other in those times. It doesn't matter in what capacity you serve your country but the fact that you are willing to do it. There are many American's who aren't willing to do it. She needs to be knocked down off of that army wife pedistal she's made for herself and get grounded. I'm proud of every one of the men and women who worked to protect this country. i'll pray for her!!

  107. How can an military spouse even say some of these terrible hateful things. Maybe she should spend some time in Maryland at Bethesda hospital in the MATSE . The enemy does not differentiate between yours ,mine and ours! These men choose to train and proctect her as well as our country because they are proud Americans. When they go through months of training to become soldiers, Rangers or Special Forces personel,YES they too can train to be any of these. They are giving of their time with their famalies and loved ones to be ordered to deploy or choose to go because it is the right thing for them to do.YOU be on the other end of the phone when your loved has opened the door to find that car in front of the house and they inform her that her husband is on his way to Germany and so far he is alive.

  108. IF THEY AREN'T REALLY SOILDERS THEN WHY THE HELL DO THEY DIE FOR THEIR COUNTRY. THEY ARE REAL IF ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME SO YOU ACTIVE DUTY CRY BABIES NEED TO LOOK AT THEM AS THE BACK UP FORCE WHO IS ALWAY THERE WHEN YOU guys get short of men in combat. ARE AWAY ON YOUR OUT OF COUNYTRY DUTIES THESES ARE THE GUYS THAT WILL BE PROT3ECTING YOUR DUMB ASS WIVES WHO STAY SAFE AT HOME CRYING ABOUT SHIT THEY SHOULD BOT BE CRYING A BOUTR AND THEY ARE NOT A MILITI FORCE . HAVENT YOU SORRY INDIVIDULAS NOW FEDERAL LAQW CCHANGED RHAT OVER TEN YEARS AGO. THEY GO TO WAR ALONG SIDE YPU FOOLS AND DIE JUST As ypu do aND GET HURTY JUST As you do. trhey have been in evry war that has ever hit our country fronm afar. so grow up and give them open arms. I am a Navy vet and appreciate their help. without them our ships would never go anywhere. when the short end of the stick comes up short who is gonna saqve your ass in a tighjt spot your cry baby wife. i doubt that.

  109. Charley-Retired Army | March 3, 2012 at 2:05 pm |

    Her extreme outcast about labeling someone that offends the system. Seems to me she might be a Tea Party Person also. Want to tear down the system.

  110. Marissa Greer | March 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm |

    This post outraged me. This girl is obviously very nieve to the fact that Guardsmen and Guardswomen are deployed quite often now with the wars going on. I am not married to my Guardsman but we have a very strong relationship and we plan to get married, AFTER his deployment. As many have stated on behalf of their spouses, this will be his 2nd deploment in less than 4 years. As for this womans statement about how they come home after that 1 weekend a month and change our of their uniform and go back to the civilian world, my soldier doesn't get to do that. He works full time for the National Guard. So just like her Soldier, mine gets up every morning and puts that uniform on with pride. I don't care what branch of the military a supporting spouse or girlfriend comes from, whether it be Active, National Guard or Reserves, we all make the same sacrafies by choosing to be with a man/woman in uniform.

  111. Marissa Greer | March 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm |

    It hurts my soul to hear someone that I should be able to stand next to with pride for being the supporter of a soldier, say such awful things. So for all of you men and women out there in a relationship with a solider, thank you for making that sacrafice. I know its a hard one, but know that not all people are like this hardhead, misinformed "army wife". You will always have some sort of suport from your "Military Family"!!

    Hooah!

  112. There is only one important thing that makes a Soldier. Is your husband/wife willing to die for your country? If yes then they are a Soldier. It doesn't matter what they do, how long they are deployed, whether they are active duty or guard/reserve. Did they sign up for the military and signed willing to die for their country? Yes so they deserve the respect to be called a soldier. Its more then a lot of people can do.

  113. Teresa Davis | May 30, 2012 at 3:15 am |

    I haven't read all the responses, but guess what. I was a Navy spouse for over 8 years. My husband left at the drop of a hat in back in the 80's and early 90's. He would leave with 36 hours notice with me being told he could be gone for 10 months and we had 3 children. I got tired of it and he got out of the Navy. After 9/11 he wanted to get back in and be a part of taking care of our nation. Despite my feelings we had already done our part, he joined the National Guard and was deployed to Iraq. Don't tell me I'm not a real Army Wife. At least when he was in the Navy, our family was taken care of. As a National Guard/Army wife, I was on my own. We didn't even get help getting our ID cards. The shit National Guard families have to put up with is beyond comprehention what the military should be allowing to happen. Regular military familes are taken care of, National Guard families are left to their own defenses to deal with the deployments and even getting to partake of the healthcare. They have to fight for everything when regular military families get it all handed to them. I have been on both sides of the fence. How dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  114. My guess is that this young woman is ignorant and full of herself. I also bet she has learned a few lessons from opening this can of worms. Hopefully she will cease judgement in the future. Every wife and mother face challenges, military wive even more so, no matter the branch or rank. Let's all be thankful for all of our soldiers and the families that make sacrifices to to support them, wives and children!

  115. soooo stupid!!!! My husband is in the National Guard and he is a soldier as I am an army wife. He defends our country and puts his life at risk when he is called just as your husband does. My children go 18 months at a time without seeing there father just as your husband does also. So please realize that you are very very wrong sweetheart!! byeeee, proud army wife!!!!

  116. N Peterson | July 3, 2012 at 11:55 pm |

    Sounds like the early 70's all over again. During the Vietnam conflict, my husband was in the guards and getting grief from the regular army guys all during basic training at Ft Campbell KY, and 7 months at Fort Eustis, VA, during special training {aircraft electrician and instrument repairman. The RA's got to him so much that he was seriously considering going full time. I was able to talk him out of it by flying to VA at thanksgiving.

    I gave birth to our oldest daughter 3 days after he left for basic training and he wasn't able to see her for the first time at his basic training graduation. Our baby and I moved to VA to be with him after baby and I spent a week in the hospital in IA, following a car accident.

    I had always considered myself as an army wife for 20 years, Going thru major life changes by myself more than qualifies me an army wife.

    So it's the SAME THING NOW, JUST A DIFFERENT WAR!

  117. I am writing this in recognition and praise of all military spouses regardless of what service or component their spouses belong to. First of all thank you. Without your support your military spouse could not do their job. Recognizing your contributions is just as important as honoring the service of our men and women in uniform. When service members are away from their homes it is their spouses that assume the additional responsibilities and burdens associated with being a military spouse. They are the ones that have to juggle schedules, deal with problems on their own and explain to their children why daddy or mommy missed a birthday.
    It is important to remember that we are all part of a larger military community. Our military spouses face the same challenges, demands and concerns associated with being married to a service member. Instead of finding reasons to discount or marginalize them I recommend we just say thank you to them.
    MAJ Alan Gilman, Student, CGSC, Fort Gordon, Georgia. The views expressed in this response are those of the author and do not reflect the official policy or position of the Department of the Army, Department of Defense, or the U.S. Government

  118. As the wife of a VERMONT ARNG soilder, hearing about this was a slap in the face! Amy B., you have done an amazing job of defending us disrespectful Vermont Army "wives", so thank you. Of course there is a difference between the full time military and the guards, but while overseas, there is absolutely no difference. My husband was on the front line at a COP just like others who were full time. They were in TICs several times a week. All war wounds are just that, war wounds. It dosn;t matter who you are, if you experience them, you feel it, on every level. Being in Vermont, my employer refused to acknowledge the new qualifications for the FMLA Bush signed into law years ago, and I had to deal with that, whereas I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened if I were living near a big base somewhere. The point is, we all suffer from the war, we all lose loved ones, and we all struggle while they are gone, and even when they return sometimes. Instead of scoffing at others, basically saying you aren't entitled to feel as proud of your husband as I am, shouldn't we all be there for each other? It's hard enough without trying to make it any harder.

  119. I am tired of hearing about the Active Army and how tough it is on them. I was Army Reserve living in the Community in New York without the support of an Army Base. I left a wife who worked fulltime as well as a six year old and a three year old girl. My wife did not have the support of an active duty base nearby or the resources which are associated with that base. None of the programs that are available now for soldiers were in place when I was activated for the invasion of Iraq. I have no problem with serving as a reserve officer but the support that my family needed was not in place. Many active component soldiers have that support when they are on an active duty army base not National Guard and Reserve Soldiers who live in the communities the serve in.

  120. Ok so this is my opinon.. I'm a real ARMY wife my (estrange now due to domestic violence) NATIONAL GUARDS husbands has been overseas twice. He never came home and took off that uniform he was active duty!! He was gone all the time I couldn't keep with what state he was in, doing this mission or that mission, or this school or that. Please tell me how it is any different oh and he's training to leave again next year if I can't get him arrested in time to stop it, since the the good oh army has been no help with my restraining order or domestic violence (which has left me disabled) or made him pay me my 1/2 of his BAH! But that's my lame ass SOB the GUARD are soilders the only thing my husband ever was and ever will be I was a proud wife do not take the hard hours we spend alone, or important dates are husbands have to miss serving this country away!!!

  121. My family has a long line of military. Both of my grandfathers and my step grandfather were either Army or Navy, I have a smathering of cousins in the National Guard (along with my husband who is active) and I have several friends who are Marines. It doesn't matter what branch of the military you are in, you are entitled to the same things the rest of the soldiers are entitled too. Yeah National Guard is stateside (we are Alabama National Guard and my husband helped after the tornados that hit Bham two springs ago).
    Okay, are a national guard wife I will agree that some wives are horrible (higher ranking normally) and the smaller the town the worse the FRG gets. I went to one FRG meeting and they were all decked out in their fancy gear and Coach sunglasses while I was still in clothes I went to work in! But honestly, we as wives should be able to count on one and other in times of need, such as a deployment or their long ass camps instead of being so hostile.
    I believe in a strong support system, not a half assed half, baked one.

  122. You offer a great review of her comments. Personally, I've served on Active Duty and the ARNG as an Officer and both have their own unique set of challenges. Personally, I think serving in the ARNG is much more difficult than serving on Active Duty, because you don't get to do Soldier stuff 24/7. We must remain proficient as a "part-time" Soldier and keep our civilian day jobs. In addition, the Active Duty has better support channels for their family members than the ARNG does.

    If I was going to compare the two, I would simply say they are very different. But that doesn't make the Active Duty any more a Soldier than a Guardsmen or Reservist. And the ARNG spouses aren't less of an Army spouse than an Active Duty spouse. At least Active Duty spouses are expecting their spouse to be gone and deploy, whereas the ARNG and USAR aren't.

    Just my thoughts. Great blog you got here.

  123. GigglingAFWife | March 24, 2013 at 11:32 pm |

    <Army Brat/Air Force wife> Oh! Thank you for the laugh I needed tonight!

  124. I am surprised that she isn't in high school. Her mindset seems almost adolescent. As if her soldier was the star football player and she was the peppy cheerleader. *shake my head* Being a military wife, I found her blog to be unsavory. My husband is a NG and has been deployed twice. His 2005 tour was especially eventful. He faced death nearly a dozen times. In one incident, he walked over a land mine. But, I guess that's not enough to be considered a soldier in her eyes. We need less of this negativeness and more love and awareness. These are the reasons that we are being divided. "United we stand, divided we fall"

  125. Joe Stoner | July 23, 2013 at 10:49 pm |

    All branches of service are War Fighters Reserve Guard or Active Duty. How much blood has the Reserve and Guard spilled and someone can say they are not true members of our military. The writer of this story has done a true disservice to our military and our nation. Learn before you insert boot in mouth.

  126. I just read this, I'm a little late, but it really really makes me mad. My husband is a Guardsman. He has been deployed and he does have PTSD, this chick really has no idea. I have been through a deployment with my husband and it was hell. She could have gotten her husband in a lot of trouble for this! She has really crossed a line. My husband has served this country for near ly 8 years now, and he's not a soldier? I have been with him for 6 years and I'm not an "army wife"? come on! Guardsmen go through the same BCT/AIT as Active Duty, they deploy just like Active Duty. And there is a such thing as Active Guard or AGR, honey, you need to learn a little bit of history before running that little head of yours. Also here's bit of history, the National Guard was the first branch of the military. It was created December 13,1636. The soldiers were known as Minute Men then. The Army wasn't formed until June 14,1775. So if I'm correct, the National Guard is 139 years older than the Army. So go back to school and learn your history. Just because you're an Active Duty wife, doesn't give you the right to talk down to the National Guard Wives. It's women like you who give us true and faithful wives a bad name.

  127. I want to say alot of Army wives think they are better than anyone else they are not. They have threesomes and cheat while their SO is deployed,

  128. My husband was a real enough soldier when he was deployed, fighting for her right to spout that nonsense. The level of participation is not what defines these men and women as soldiers, it's the oath they take and their unwavering strength to protect everyone back home.

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