MilSpouse Advice From Ashton Kutcher


I promise I don’t pay that much attention to celebrity news (no, really!) but when I saw an article today saying Ashton Kutcher has relationship advice to share, I had to read it.

What could a mid-divorce celebrity possibly say that could be called “advice?”

Here it is:

“I think it’s all about working on the relationship and making it better… when it’s good. Don’t wait for a problem to work on things.”

Even though that is kind of a no-brainer, I think there is something deeper there for Military Spouses to ponder, especially as the drawdowns continue and our servicemembers get ready to spend a ton of time at home. With us. Driving us crazy.

While I cant say for sure that our military leaders back Kutcher on his advice, I do know that they have voiced similar wisdom when it comes to how military families are going to handle having their servicemembers around more and more. All of that emotional stuff we’ve pushed under the rug for so long is going to come up and bite us, they warn. Are we ready?

The most recent leader I’ve heard on this subject is Army Reserve chief Gen. Jack Stultz, who I spent some time chatting with last month.

The frequent absences brought by ten years of deployments have allowed Reserve families to avoid facing major relationship issues, Stultz said, creating a backlog of unresolved emotional problems that will need to be reconciled at some point.

“When you’re going off to war you’ll tolerate a lot of things on both sides,” he said. “Spouses [say] ‘well I can’t live with him or her but they’re going to be leaving in six months anyway.’ We’re going to have to come back and adjust.”

According to Kutcher, then, it’s all about maintenance. And when maintenance has failed, Stultz adds, you have to be mentally prepared to see the problem and fix it, instead of using deployments as an excuse to ignore the whole thing.

All relationships are about work and compromise — if no one else could get us the message, the Kardashians definitely did. Are we ready to maintain the good we have while working through the pains of war?

And that, my friends, is all Kutcher has to offer us.

About the Author

Amy Bushatz
Amy is the editor in chief of’s spouse and family blog A journalist by trade, Amy also covers spouse and family news for where she is the managing editor of spouse and family content. An Army wife and mother of two, Amy has been featured as a subject matter expert on, NPR, Fox News, NBC, CBS, ABC and BBC as well as in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and Washington Post. Follow her on twitter @amybushatz.
  • Shannon

    While I think his/your sentiments are spot on, certainly you could have quoted another famous figure of higher moral character…? I could care less what a philanderer thinks about relationships. Ashton Kutcher doesn’t set an example for anyone, let alone himself.

  • jazzyd

    I agree! I could care less what he has to say! I know what it takes to make my relationship work, I don’t need some two bit “actor” who has NO clue what its like to be in a military relationship, giving me advice.

  • Bine

    Ashton Kutcher’s advice wasn’t for military spouses/relationships. The quote is from an interview out of Women’sHealth magazine. I read it just a day ago. Calm down.

  • SemperSteen

    That’s like a person who weighs 300 pounds giving dieting advice. I’m not taking any relationship advice from a guy who has 162,000 hits when you google “Ashton Kutcher is a douche.” And yes, I actually googled that.

    • SemperSteen

      And since I didn’t realize that was a no-no word, I’ll just say it starts with a D and rhymes with “boosh.”

      • Amy

        LOL. Sorry.

  • Amy

    Folks — yes, RC is correct. My point was not that Ashton Kutcher is someone we should emulate, but that he does make an excellent point. And, let’s be honest, he’s made enough mistakes and done enough dumb things that if experience can be counted on to teach anything, he should know. I also never said he said it specifically for military spouses — just that he has advice and we can use it.

    And, just like RC said, it’s food for thought.

  • Aundria

    Doesn’t matter who said it, it’s the truth. And maybe, just maybe, he said it out of his own regret over not following that advice in his own marriage.