How do you define "accomplishment?"

I read She of the Sea's post about how we milspouses manage to do things (while our spouse is deployed) that appear, at first, too overwhelming.  Then we accomplish these things and often wonder how in the world we did it and lived to tell the tale!

One of my personal accomplishments was finishing graduate school.  It took me 4 1/2 years, but I did it.  That was major for me.  But sometimes I (we) have goals that may seem small and minute compared to finishing school or landing a great job or surviving a deployment.  Sometimes just making it through one day, let alone one hour, is a huge accomplishment (when our spouses are home or away).

Milspouse or not, no one looks at accomplishments or goals with the same eyes.  One person's "baby steps" may be "mammoth steps" for someone else. 

As a social worker/therapist I have worked with people who struggled every day just to get out of bed.  Getting out of bed and facing the day is an accomplishment to many - for numerous reasons.  Taking a shower 3 or 4 days a week is an accomplishment.  Doing the dishes or laundry once a week is an accomplishment.  Going out on the front porch is an accomplishment.  The list could go on and on.

To some people, the above list may seem strange when thinking about the word "accomplishment."  It's not strange.  It's very real.  And some of you may identify with this.  Believe me, I have had these moments when the mere thought of facing the day made me want to cry.

Deployments are hard.  Life is hard. We milspouses take on a "super-human" persona when our spouse is deployed (or TDY, etc).  We often think we have to do a million things in one day  - only to lie down at night and beat ourselves up for any number of reasons: We didn't get all the errands done, we didn't get the laundry caught up, we didn't get around to fixing the light that has been out in the hallway for the last month (yep, that was me), etc.

My point is that we need to take a simpler approach to our daily lives and accomplishments.  Will the world stop spinning if we don't run all our errands in one day?  Will it stop spinning if we don't get all the dishes in the house done in the same day?  Will is stop spinning if that light bulb doesn't get changed?

Only you can answer those questions...

Comments

[Semper Fi Wife]

Amen.

[She of the Sea]

A light bulb out only a month? I've currently got three bulbs that have been out for at least two seasons. I've learned to let them go (most days.) But I regularly wake up at 4 am and think about all the things that really needed to be done yesterday. None of which can be done at 4 am.

When I was employed, I used to keep a notepad where I kept track of every task I completed. Perhaps I should do that in my personal life - imagine how long that list would be, even on the days when I feel like "I haven't done anything!"

Great post, Joan. You are 100% right.

[Apryl]

Sometimes my list can take on a life of it's own unfortunatly. And sometimes my list haunts me...I wake up at 2am thinking of the list.

Sometimes the list making is no better than the not actually getting 1 freakin' task done in 1 freakin' day...let alone oh crap he's going to be home in 30 days WTF can I hire to crank through my 45 page list????

I do think that I short change myself in what tasks I actually complete. I thought that was my job though..and I'm pretty damn good at my job.

At least I think so...

[D]

The days can spin by during deployments because there is a lot to do. And sometimes I found I made sure there was a lot to do so I didn't have to look at the emotional drain of the deployment. Physically I could handle everything. Emotionally I couldn't.
But I'm learning.

My wish for military families this holiday season is to slow down, breathe, know you are doing fine. Realize you are doing enough. And it is still hard because someone you love is away, so sneak time to fill that gap with things you love. It's not lazy. It's beautiful, it's living.