Doing Delivery Alone

Reader SJ left a comment on Doing Pregnancy Alone:

Reading all of your responses makes me feel a little bit more comfortable about having a baby while my husband is gone. We have been talking about trying and he would be gone about half way through. This definitely makes the decision a little easier. I just hope he can manage to come home before I have the baby, I dont know what I would do if we wasnt there for the delivery.

My husband and my baby are in a race against the clock.  My husband thinks he will get permission to go home two days or so before my due date.  It's a toss up who will arrive first.  I have contingency plans in the back of my mind in case he's not here, and I keep telling myself not to get too hopeful that he will arrive in time just in case he doesn't.

Many of you have had babies alone during deployment.  Do you have any advice to put SJ and me at ease?  Did a family member or friend take on the role of birth partner?  Did you get a doula?  How did you get the news to your husband when you went into labor or once the baby was born?

I'd like to hear your stories...and give you an attagirl for doing it alone!

Comments

[She of the Sea]

To anyone thinking that they might be alone when the baby is born, I suggest starting talking to people now and make a plan. You will feel so much more comfortable if you aren't worried about it, especially if this is a first baby. I was reluctant to ask people to help me because I didn't want to put anyone on the spot and I wanted to make sure that it was a person who shared the same ideas about childbirth. Fortunately, an old family friend volunteered herself.

There is also an organization that provides doula services for spouses of deployed service members. It is called Operation Special Delivery. You may want to see if they have doulas in your area, even as an addition to your friend (and hopefully husband.) If your spouse makes it home but hasn't had the opportunity to learn about childbirth, having a knowledgeable person there will be very helpful. Good luck to all of you, and Sarah, I can be there in a few short hours. Just call!

[Jen D]

I think you should definitely look into a doula. When I delivered in Germany, they provided a midwife who was amazing and really guided me through the whole experience. My husband was there and doing what he could - but having a knowledgeable woman there was wonderful and I think she made it a better experience. She helped me into different positions and showed my husband ways to hold and support me that really helped to ease the labor pains.

[Robin Neudorfer]

I have a son in The Marines and would be honored to be able to support a wife of a deployed husband. Is there a service that one could register with? I am a mom of three grown children. I had never considered this before reading this blog post.

[Jenn]

I raced the clock with a pregnancy and deployed husband and "lost" when our daughter was born. My husband was due home 5 to 10 days before her due date. She came 10 days early and he came home 5 days later.

Definitely cultivate a relationship with someone who will come with you for the delivery. I made those back-up plans and was glad I did because I ended up needing them.

As to actually having the baby alone. Honestly, it wasn't so bad. I may be a bit laid back about stuff like that, but it was only one day of our lives. I think my friend was probably a better coach and advocate than my nervous husband ever would have been. (I'm, honestly, more upset that he's missed almost all of her birthdays since then because SHE knows it...)

As to contact, I was lucky in that he was on his way home and knew I was going to the hospital (my water broke). Every time the plane would stop he would hit the closest USO and call to see what was happening. If that's not the case for you, make sure you keep the phone number to the Red Cross in your bag (I did that, too!) so that you can use their notification service.

I still keep in close contact with the woman who was with me when my daughter was born; she's her kid too, now....

If you feel bad about accepting the amount of help it will take, remember to remind yourself that the life of the military spouse is full of karma. You may accept an extraordinary amount of help from someone in this case, but you'll then repay it in another and bigger way to another military spouse/family over time. I know I have - and gladly!

Good luck!

[Allison mom of 8+]

My DH is deployed to Afghanistan at the moment and we knew that he was still going to be gone when I delivered number 9 baby. I looked into Operation Delivery and sent my paperwork in.... note it takes a little bit for them to hook you up with a local Doula, don't wait to turn paperwork in. Anyways, about a week before delivery I received a call from a local doula she came to my house so I could meet her before the big day. My step mother also came to be with me. My step mom arrived 24 hours before delivery close call but she made it. The day of delivery that morning my water broke 5 weeks early. I was on the chat with my DH and told him that I was heading to the hospital. He told me to keep him up to date on skype. When I arrived at the hospital I found out that the baby had flip within the pervious 2 days and was breech. I was almost to the point of loosing it when my doula suggested talking to my DH when I was able to get on skype with DH and he was able to calm my nerves. He stayed up his time until 1 AM and I told him to go to bed and I would call him on skype when the time was closer. I fought for a vaginal breech delivery I had already had 1 c-section and did not want to go down that road again. So, I won the fight!!! With my doulas help of course, she kept telling me that it was my body and suggested different positions to try and turn her. At 6 AM DH time 5:30 PM my time I called him to tell him it was getting closer and update him that I was going to try a breech delivery. It would have to be done in the O.R. in case of an emergency c-section. I was worried that the computer would not be sterile enough but the Dr.s and nurses were in total support of him being there. My doula was in charge of the computer and carried it into the delivery room. The Dr. kept turning around and asking DH if he could see okay. I ended up delivering a beautiful baby girl frank breech at 6:41 PM via skype to afghanistan. Each morning DH has a morning briefing where and the CPT stated in the morning brief: "I have one fire mission to discuss:
The Ellibee family conducted a birthing mission in vicinity Mat-Su
Regional Medical Center.
The mission was fired at 1841L in Alaska (0711L this morning).
Sophia Emmaline was on target and came in at 5lbs7oz and 19in long.
All rounds were observed safe with no significant damages to report.

Operation delivery freedom is awesome!!!! And skype was wonderful too. He felt he was apart of things even from so far away.
I truly love skyping!

[SJ]

I will definitely be looking into a doula and operation special delivery. I found this website less than a week ago and I love it, I dont know anyone where we are and he is deployed right now so this makes the days a little better until he comes home. I definitely believe we will try when he comes home!

[Meredith Peterson]

I delivered my first child while my husband was deployed. My mom came to stay/support me a week prior to my delivery and stayed for about a month. I was fortunate to have her for so long. I considered a doula, but I was blessed to have mom and my best friend present. We were fortunate that my husband had access to a satellite phone and was making a quick call every 24-48 hours to check my progress. He called after I went into labor and therefore, was able to call again to get the great news about his daughter's arrival. While I missed him, I felt completely supported between my doctor, labor and delivery nurse, mom and friend. It's certainly a personal preference, but I just wanted people around me who knew me and could provide emotional and physical support. We were able to e-mail pictures of the baby to my husband in Iraq within hours of the birth. It wasn't ideal, but hey, when is it ever ideal in the military! :) I wish you the best!

[Leofwende]

My little guy was born during deployment. We live close enough to my parents that once Beowulf deployed, my mom became my go-to person, which was great while she was out of school (she's a teacher) for the summer. She was also there for me to call when my water broke at 1:30 am, and there when I finally delivered 26 hours later.

When it came to notifying Beowulf about the birth, I got lucky. I started making my calls, and the chaplain's wife happened to be on the phone with her husband when I called, and he was able to get the info to Beowulf super-fast. I got a call from him about an hour later.

I had talked to some of the senior spouses prior to the birth about how to best get the info to my husband. I prepared all the info to send a red cross message when the time came, but knew that the chaplain's wife and the commander's wife had had pretty consistent contact from their husbands, so calling either of them might be quicker than sending the red cross message, which I never did end up doing. But I was ready to, just in case.

The other thing that made things easier was just making sure I had everything done and ready for the baby - with my parents' help - by about a month before my due date, so that the last month pretty much all I had to do was wait.

Definitely make sure to have a couple of plans for getting to the hospital. My neighbors and some of the gals from the unit were my backup plans for if my mom couldn't get there in time. I didn't need to call any of them until after, but it was good to know that I had a backup option.

Oh, and when people offer to help, especially by bringing food after the birth, accept! I didn't hardly have to cook for the first 3 weeks after our son was born, and it was a lifesaver. :)

[Jeri]

I had my first child in 1987 while he was gone. My mother was there and all went well. I was so uptight I made myself sick for awhile and to the hospital I went for a week. It was no fun, but I decided I could do it and I knew he wouldn't be coming home. That Air Force nurse was the best. She coached me better than anyone else could have. What a God send. She even had my mother and mother-in-law in stitches. She told them not to push when I did or they would hurt themselves. She was so funny and I've never forgotten her. I was 19 at the time and even though I was married, I felt like everyone must think I'm an unwed mother. At the time it was the worst thing I could think of and the last I hoped everyone else was thinking. All will be well.