A Holiday Is Not a Date On the Calendar

By the time Christmas rolls around, I will be too pregnant to travel.  My family is trying to decide how to make sure I'm not alone.  Both my father and brother will have to work on Christmas.  My father suggested to my mother that she could come see me by herself so I'd have someone to spend Christmas with.

My mother was telling me this suggestion on the phone when she wistfully said, "But that would mean I would spend the first Christmas apart from your father in 34 years..."

And then she trailed off, because she obviously realized what she had just said to her pregnant daughter whose husband is deployed for the second year in a row.

She continued, "But I suppose if you can celebrate multiple holidays over the years without your husband, then I can manage one time without mine."

My husband and I have been married seven and a half years.  We have a decent track record as far as the military goes: We've been apart for two Christmases, three Thanksgivings, three of his birthdays, three of my birthdays, two anniversaries, and at least one of everything else like Valentine's Day and 4th of July.

So for me, those dates aren't really that important.  The fourth Thursday of November or the actual 14th of February are less important than being a complete family whenever you can manage it.  I know many military families who have put up a Christmas tree in October or waited to take it down until February, just so the family could all be together to celebrate.  We give thanks for physically and mentally healthy spouses all year round, not just in November.  And Valentine's Day is any and every day when you and your spouse want it to be; our love gets rekindled several times a year, not just in February.

We make do with what we can get, and sometimes that means celebrating holidays whenever you're lucky enough to be together.  Because a holiday isn't just a date on the calendar; it's a celebration of being a family.

And sometimes for military families, Christmas has to come in August.

Comments

[Michelle G]

I grew up with my Dad in the Navy (Submarine Service) and we always planned holidays around his time at home. When we were little, Santa always came on Christmas, but we always had the Family Christmas when Dad got home, even when it meant the tree stayed up until February! With DH having been Regular Army, a Civilian Firefighter/Paramedic, and now in the Army National Guard- we have, over our 27 years together, celebrated holidays and special days whenever we were together. It drives civilian friends and his family crazy sometimes, but we have adjusted, just as you said, to celebrate whenever we can, regardless of the date.

[She of the Sea]

I'm struggling with this right now. We are very, very lucky - this is the first Christmas in our nearly 17 years of marriage that DH has been gone. I originally thought that we would wait and celebrate it when he comes home, but I have realized that isn't really going to work for us. We are going to relatives for the week of Christmas, and it will be THE Christmas. We already struggle with our kids having multiple Christmases with multiple sides of the family, and getting way too much stuff, and I don't see that having another Christmas in a couple of months is a good thing. DH doesn't want us to send him anything because he would just have to schlep it back.

That said, as a child I had family members in both the television news business and the restaurant business. We usually celebrated Saturday Thanksgiving and Saturday Christmas and that worked well for us. We weren't stretching it over months, though, just weeks.

I wish I had a magic ball and could see what would be best for us.

[David M]

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 12/09/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.

http://www.thunderrun.us/2009/12/from-front-12092009.html

[Hope]

Ah yes, we had Christmas in October before he deployed :) Momma put up the tree and drug out the Christmas plates and the table was decorated to the nines. Somehow, it makes December a tad easier, knowing we had family before the family was taken to different continents.

[Lemon Stand]

What a lovely way of handling holidays with such a positive outlook despite the hardships.

[Nicole Janine]

What an absolutely beautiful outlook and wonderful read. Thank you!

[AussieCoyote]

Just before DM deployed, we took a holiday together. By happenstance, we ended up in Williamsburg, where there is a store decorated like Christmas all year round. We finally got to have our Christmas together, a couple of months early and completely unexpectedly, but memorable nonetheless.

[Kori]

I love how positive you are, Sarah.

I have been telling my husband for years that holidays are another day. If we are apart during a birthday, anniversary or holiday, we can celebrate any day we want and it makes it even more special because it's our own day.

[dizzylizzie]

AussieCoyote,

LOL that was the Christmas Mouse store. we were just there a few weeks ago choosing out newest childest first xmas ornament (with her name on it of course) and her stocking.
do you live in the area?

[dizzylizzie]

please ignore the spelling errors...

our not 'out'

child's not childest

*sigh* my bad...

[Rebecca]

Definately know where you're coming from! hubby will fortunately be here for Christmas, despite having to cancel one return flight (at cost) and rebook. He will also be having a nice Thanksgiving dinner with his Presents. You have a wonderful outlook and I am so happy that your mom will be there for you!

[Jessica]

thank you for your post. this is our first christmas apart since we meet four years ago. and it is a positive outlook that will get us through this season and deployment.

merry christmas!

[AussieCoyote]

Dizzylizzie, We stopped at the Christmas Mouse, too! But in the Yankee Candle store there's an area with big Christmas trees and life-sized nut crackers and all sorts - very fun.
I live about 9000 miles away from the area, so I'm not quite a local. It was a good place to visit, though, especially for someone like me who doesn't know a lot of US history.

[Leofwende]

Yep, we just celebrated Xmas along with Thanksgiving over R&R. I'll still spend Xmas day with my parents & brothers, but my husband and I exchanged gifts and gave my parents their present from us while he was home.

[Gunter G. Gillot Jr]

Hey
Should you need anything anytime anywhere ... there are a load of American fans in my Belgian family.
You should not be allowed to xmass alone at home even preggie. Hell ... like we, Belgians, will accept this :(
Yesterday while freezing like hell in Bastogne I discovered that my daugther Cindy (25) falled in love with Americans from America (that the way she uses to distinguish the Army personal from the reenactors) ... :))) This brooke me down as what I am trying to do since over 15 years (getting my kids into real pro American Belgians) was done in less than 15 seconds while standing before the 4AD's Sherman on the McAullife square in Bastogne.
The best of all is that my son, Gary, (16) followed exactly the same way the same day on the same place ... just the way I did on a German autobahn some 50 years ago. Crazy life ...:)))
You can write to Cindy if you want (sourishen@hotmail.com) because she decided now to learn english ... (and daddy is pushing) ...
Pass this message to hubby and tell him to spread that in the whole surounding : You guys out there, take care.
Gunter, Jalhay, Belgium