Changes in Personality

I just moved back to military land to get a house setup before the Soldier came home from his deployment. A friend of mine was kind enough to let me stay at her home while I went house hunting. During this time I noticed that her son, who is 14 months old, was rather quiet. I guess I just was used to babies talking up a storm but Baby K said no more than a few babbles. She said that he was a little guy of few words, the strong silent type. I know that each child is different from the other so I didn’t think it was out of the norm.

Well, her husband recently returned from his second deployment to Iraq. Yesterday I got the chance to see the family together for a little bit and got a bit of a surprise. Baby K, the strong silent one, was talking up a storm! During the first few minutes he babbled more than he had the entire time of my stay. My friend told me that ever since her husband returned, Baby K had been talking nonstop. I joked that he must have taken a vow of silence for the deployment and knew it was ok to talk again. I couldn’t believe how different his personality was compared to a few days ago. The “strong silent type” was gone and here was this talkative, outgoing baby boy.

We spoke for a bit and I told her that based on the changes in Baby K alone, I’m curious to see if there will be any in my two year old. I used to say I was thankful Little H was too young to understand what was going on, as far as the deployment, but that’s not true anymore. Sometimes I feel like he’s walking around with the weight of the world on his little shoulders.

I guess I didn't realize that deployments are very tough on children regardless of the age. We try to be both parents while one is deployed but it isn't easy. They all know that there’s something is missing. Thankfully, homecoming is right around the corner and he'll have Daddy back soon.

How have your own kids reacted to having their parent home after a deployment? Have you noticed a change in their personality?

Comments

[Newspouse]

My eight year old seemed fine before he left. Then, when he was gone she completely freaked...thought he would be killed. When he wrote and said he liked to fly airplanes she cried that the bombs he carried would kill him. She drew pictures of him dropping bombs on the 'monsters' that were trying to get him - he works in a command center, which I thought we had gone over with her. 'Over there' is war to her, though. I was really unprepared for her fear. Kids are very intuitive. I try and hide my sadness from her about him being gone, but she told someone the other day that Mommy cries almost every day - which I don't, but she picks up on the longing for him. As someone was telling me recently how hard it must be for me, she jumped in and said 'imagine how I feel'! She misses him....and waits for our family to be complete again.

[Marine Wife]

My oldest child walked all over the room the night before my husband deployed for an overseas exercise a few days before her 1st birthday. Then she didn't take a single step without holding my hand until the night he got home, when she ran down the unit's hall to him.

When he deployed to OIF in 2003, she was 2 and had no interest in potty-training. Daddy came home and she trained herself within a week. To this day, I think she was just waiting for Daddy to come home. (We found her the morning after he came home curled up on the floor outside our slightly open bedroom door).

[Jewels]

My son (4) is having a very difficult time. He has completely changed since his dad left. He gets really aggressive with everyone. I really don't know how to deal with it. I'm trying to do the best I can, and just make it through this deployment.

[Phyllis]

Jewels When my Husband left my three/ four year old daughter went crazy she yelled at me all the time. It took ten months to figure out she thought it was my fault that Daddy left. As soon as I figured it out I had everyone tell her that I did not send Daddy away and it was not my fault, she got better. My son 18months/2years) would not leave my side and started sucking his thumb and having a baby blanket. I worry more about how this will mess up the kids. I will deal.

[Guard Wife]

This was M2 for certain.

When my husband deployed overseas the first time, M2 had just celebrated her first birthday. During his deployment, she did not cuddle, she didn't smile much, she did a LOT of tantrum throwing, screaming and crying. It was maddening, but I kept reminding myself that all kids are different & she might just be that type of kid.

Nope.

When my husband returned, she was going on 2. The minute she saw him, she went right into his arms, buried her head in his neck and turned into a bright, bubbly, talkative, happy, tantrum free kiddo.

Broke my heart, but we made it.

[Penny]

The tantrum throwing, screaming and crying describes Little H completely, which took me by surprise because he wasn't like that at all. There were so many times where I could see the frustration in his face and not being able to express it properly. One day when he was throwing a bad tantrum I just took him into my arms and hugged him telling him it was ok and that everything would be alright. He was pretty upset at the time and the last thing on his mind was to have Mommy hugging him, all of a sudden he completely broke down and started sobbing. If two year olds had breakdowns, that was his.

One of the things I've always told the Soldier is that I believe I can handle deployments pretty well. My main concern has always been Little H and making sure he is able to get through them. Phone calls only worked for the time before and right after R&R. After that, he refused to speak to him on the phone.

I'm definitely looking forward to the happier times :)

[Apryl]

DS1 was 14mos when DH left and returned at 2 1/2. He didn't speak until he was 3. Didn't PT until he was 3. He was a hellacious (can you hear the love dripping???) child during that deployment. He still struggles with anger issues (some of that .. rather most of that is genetic (I SWEAR!)). He's been attending play therapy for almost a year now and we also had him in Tae Kwon Do to help direct and focus his anger. He was suspended from preschool 7 freaking times. We finally are starting to see the light in the tunnel just recently and DH leaves today for another year. He'll be home after he turns 7.

And then we have DS2...he's 2 1/2 and he'll be 3 1/2 when DH returns. He's my mellow child and I'm really expecting a few regressions...a bit of stranger danger, cligyness, etc. Things he already displays but I figure amped up a bit. Once he's older we'll work him through some therapy if necessary to work out any bugs.

It's hellacious and noone can tell us what the long term affects on their psychi is going to be or how they react to relationships later in life, etc.

I also "Buck up Little Camper" for DH's benefit but this 2nd deployment..it's taking a beating on me and he's only just left. I started counseling about 6 weeks ago and see it going on for a while until I get my sea legs on and start feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

God help me.