And the guilt is lifting

It has been a while since I have had anything to add to the conversation here at SpouseBuzz. 

I think the last you heard from me, I was living in a state of perpetually broken down appliances.  That pressure has seemed to let up a little for now. (knocking on wood)

I also am working again, which was HUGE.  Finding an employer, that will work with a military family schedule is HUGE.  It seems to help that the gentleman I am working for was former military. 

Both of my children are also attending school now. 

It is a complete new life for our entire family.  This year felt like a huge jump for us. 
There are extra activities like Boy scouts, swimming classes, gymnastics, church CREW for the children.  I mentioned earlier that I would need a system to organize myself, a HUGE magnetic calendar is on my refrigerator, along with a pocketed file for everything.  It has helped immensely.  I can be scattered. 

With all of these additional activities there seems to be an influx of emails and notes, in which the school, church, or any number of people need assistance in some way.  For the first time,  I find myself capable of helping.  When I had smaller children, it was almost impossible.  In fact many of you with small children are nodding your heads.  You want to help, but with small children and the childcare situation can be a puzzling one. 

Instead of feeling guilt about not helping, I think it is imperative to note, that if you are caring for yourself, and children and doing the best you can in those arenas you are doing your JOB, ESPECIALLY if your spouse is deployed.   Most Mothers have been there and done that, even without deployments, and understand.  I will say I understand your feelings, and the guilt associated with not being in a position to help. 

This year, since my DH is not deployed, my children are older, and I am not dead tired at the end of the day, I decided to become more involved.  My Husband has been helping  too.  I seem to be able to gage my abilities and energies much better now with 5-7 hours sleep in my belt.  I promise, it will happen.  

I also think it is important to remember to enjoy what you are contributing, so it does not feel like a chore or obligation.  Take your talents and take them into consideration.  I for one, do not do well around LARGE groups of Kindergarten children for too long.  Something about the noise, and motions, and the buzz they carry with them.  It does me in, makes me edgy and a little overwhelmed.  So instead of long days of volunteering, I tried my hand at hosting the fall party.  (45 minutes felt like 10)  I have also become the "treat bringer".  The church needs snacks, easy enough.  The classroom needs books.  I can bake, and purchase a couple of books.  

The purpose of helping others, is to do what you can when you can.  You would be surprised at all of the things people can use help with.  Many of those things may seem small, but they are not. 

And with this, I am off to slumber.  Something I recall not getting much of when I had children under 3.  So to the Moms that feel bad for not being able to help because they are stretched thin...it is ok.   We know you will when you can.  We understand.  It is OK to say no.  You have one of the most important jobs on Earth. 

Comments

[Lemon Stand]

I like to believe in the "pay it forward" mentality. You do for others when you can, as often as you can. Don't worry about the times when you can't, you WILL get your chance.

::Shrug of shoulders::

It's hard to be on EITHER end of the helping hand. Been there, done both.

[Apryl]

Something I've had to come to terms with is being that Mom that goes to the K class and helps our, etc. I'd love to do that (in small spurts thank you) but since DH is deployed and we have a little guy in daycare and I work full time. It ain't happening.

I resigned myself to taking all of the teacher's wants/needs at the beginning of the year and purchasing them when we had the $$ available (clorox wipes, etc). And have vowed at X-mas time to get a gift card from Walmart for the teachers. I can't be there myself but I can support the classroom.

I do what I can and I don't hesitate to say 'no'. Do I have guilt. Yes..isn't that a Mom's creed?

[AWTM]

I agree with both of you here. I just really never understood why on Earth the guilt felt so bad, when my hands were tied. I always thought the guilt should only come, when you can help but don't ! HA....

[Kay]

Yep, the guilt issue is strange. I feel guilty for not doing enough or the inability to do something. And I have to stop and remind myself that I have a very giving spirit and the willingness to give. What I can do I do, when I cannot I have to let the guilty go. It is indeed strange to feel guilty about things that are beyond your control and things that require unsustainable sacrifice.I do believe in going the extra mile though... whenever humanly possible. That creed does however set you up for the 'guilt trap'

[ABW]

As a teacher, some of the best things that parents did for me, were done in the comfort of their own home. They put together books, cut out laminating, colored centers, put together packets, etc. Just ask, there are easy things you can do after the kids go to bed that will make your son or daughter's teachers lives easier!