Gallows Humor: The Milspouse Version

gallows humor
Function: noun
Date: 1901
: humor that makes fun of a life-threatening, disastrous, or terrifying situation

At SpouseBUZZ LIVE Camp Pendleton, we began a discussion about funny or odd things that we've heard from civilians. Before I knew it, we were off in a different direction, that's the nature of our LIVE events and that's one thing that makes them so interesting, but I wanted to revisit this topic here on the blog and add a few things that I wanted to say Saturday, but didn't get a chance to say.

Service members, police officers and fire fighters often laugh about things that would freak the average person out, or even offend them. In many ways, it's a coping mechanism. Milspouses have their own version of gallows humor, especially when it comes to some of the questions and comments we get from civilians. Laughing at them, or rolling our eyes, doesn't mean we hold civilians in contempt, far from it. So many big-hearted civilians have supported our troops and their families though some very difficult times, and continue to do so, and we sincerely appreciate the support. 

But we can still laugh. And we do. And we are not laughing at other people as much as we're laughing at the how very unique our lives are and how hard it must be for the average person to relate to our circumstances. Sarah mentioned that when she was stationed in Germany, someone thought that soldiers commuted from Iraq to Germany on the weekends during the war. A couple of weeks ago, someone said to me that my husband must be making a lot of "overtime money." To us, that is hysterical.

While people were sharing their stories, I made a mental note to point out that these situations are sometimes an opportunity to give civilians some insight into military life. I've had some funny questions from civilians before, but they've mostly been from an uninformed or curious perspective, not a malicious one. 

The topic came up at SBL because a milspouse told me during the break that she was having such a good time being in a room full of people who "understood." She lives in a predominately civilian area and in this forum, nobody had to explain themselves. She could relate to everything that was being said and she needed that. We all need that on occasion. 

gallows humor: the milspouse version
Function: noun
Date: 2009
: humor not intended as humor that military spouses find entertaining 

Comments

[Wife of a Sailor]

A. Men.

Oh my. I'm not near any other military wives and sometimes I'm just busting a gut.

My favorite is "But you signed up for it when you married him." Hahahahahaha. Yes, I knew deployments would happen. What I DIDN'T know would happen is that we'd be spending time the time he was on shore apart too since we can't sell our house in Michigan!

It used to make me roll my eyes but now I just laugh.

[David]

"Check out www.pillowsforsoldiers.com and see how they are giving comfort to soldiers with believe it or not PILLOWS"

[Jessie]

One of my civilian friends was whining to me the other day because her hubby had to go out of town for the weekend. He left Friday and returned Sunday night and on Saturday my friend was going crazy!
Now I know they've only been married for 8 months, but while on the outside I was trying to be supportive but on the inside I was thinking---48 hrs AND she knows where he is and it isn't somewhere where he has to wear body armor and listen to mortars, or crawl around in rain and mud, and it happened on the scheduled date!

[Apryl]

My most favorite comment is "He has to go back?" Although a close runner up has been "He has to work on weekends?" (He's AGR...reservist in a full time duty position..gets to do his 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year sans pay).

Love the one from Jessie...oh the times that people have bitched and whined to me while DH was out the first time..since their husband was gone for 2 weeks they've TOTALLY been in my shoes. Sure whatever.

[Love My Soldier]

Wow, I can relate to some of the comments already made, even the one "Wife of a Sailor" made. Yeah, I've learned most people have no clue that even though we may have known our Soldiers were going to be deployed, no one knows what it's like until it happens to them.

I usually get the shaking of the head, side to side...with that pitiful look on people's faces. I told my DF about it, and we just laugh. I mean come on people! Where IS the support?! It's not SAD he's deployed...it's just what it is. I try not to talk about him, but it's just so easy sometimes to talk about it...I find it helps me cope.

However, I'm glad to know I have Spouse Buzz because even though DF and I are not married yet, I have some guidance from you ladies in here that have been through a deployment a time or two.

Be blessed!

[David M]

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 09/29/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.

http://www.thunderrun.us/2009/09/from-front-09292009.html

[angela]

Before my husband went to Iraq I was amazed at the stuff people would say to me. At the time he was an xray tech and civilians would ask me if I was worried about all the horrible stuff he would see? They thought he would not be able to handle it and come back changed forever. I have to point out that at that time he was working in the ER. I felt bad but one day someone asked if I thought he could handle it and I snapped. I pointed out that earlier that day they had him xray a man that was missing his head to try and find out what happened so I think he will be fine when he deploys. Bad stuff happens here that he deals with. I don't know why that comment always upset me? Maybe I should work on my people skills and not let it bother me.