This is My Brain

With Air Force Guy coming and going on a very frequent basis, it has become accepted fact in our family that my brain is the repository for all things… well, all things. Need to know how old the roof is? 2 years. Family blood types? Four B negatives and an O negative. Need a kennel? A mechanic (I found a great one, by the way, who doesn't overcharge or cheat us!)? Who is our doctor? Husband has a headache – what could have triggered it? Oh, and by the way, the minivan is about ten miles overdue for an oil change. AND DON'T PUT THAT IN THE DRYER!

Unfortunately, keeping all this information on ready access alert in my head (I do write everything down as well) means that most days I engage in quite a lot of stream of consciousness thought.

For instance:

This morning I woke up and went in the bathroom to take a shower. When I was brushing my teeth, I noticed that the trash was overflowing and took that out right away after I had rinsed and spit. On my way downstairs, I realized that the dogs needed to go out and managed to combine a trash run with putting the dogs out. While the dogs were outside I noticed that several of my plants needed extra water. I went in the kitchen to get the watering container and noticed that no one had done the dishes, I started the dishes when the dogs started barking, so I went to let the dogs in. Oops, I forgot they were out there.

Where was I? Oh yes! The dishes! But wait! I still haven't taken a shower! Or watered my plants! And I've only been up for about 45 minutes! The rest of the day follows something along the same lines, though.

I also do this when I'm in conversation with people, and it's one of the reasons I feel most comfortable talking with other military spouses. It's nice to find people who can follow my absolutely insane twists of logic without looking utterly perplexed and needing to take notes.

Yesterday AFG and I took our kids to get root beer floats and then to a local farm where they could watch and pet the animals. AFG ended up having to place our order in Spanish, and when we were seated I told him, "If you need IR flags for this deployment, you better tell me now so I can order them without the extra overnight delivery charge!"

"Yes, I will need more IR flags," AFG informed me. "But what on EARTH made you think of that right now?"

"Well, you had to order in Spanish, which reminded me how difficult it has been for your mother to pick up English after moving here from Russia. That reminded me that a lot of military spouses have the same language issues, which reminded me that my friend R. was married to a woman from Korea who had some trouble but picked up the language eventually.

Remember that R. had NCO mafia connections for everything (and they were much better than your scrounge club, which disbanded when you got home from deployment) and he was the one that found the IR flags you needed for your last deployment? Which reminded me, we're up on the deadline for getting those things mailed out in time this time, so I needed to ask you if you were issued enough this time around or if I needed to order more."

Honestly, it's like my life is, "If You Give a Moose a Muffin"!

About the Author


airforcewife started her military journey as an Army National Guard wife, but upon experiencing base housing decided to aim high and made the switch to the Air Force. That's worked pretty well for Air Force Family so far, even though airforcewife holds the spouse world record for Come to Jesus talks with various members of the command.

Air Force Family has four children, two pit bulls, and a Mother-in-Law who lost her mind eight years ago. Despite the reputation of pit bulls, airforcewife would like to assure you that her Mother-in-Law is truly the most dangerous of the group, and is banned in more places than the dogs.

airforcewife gets through Air Force Guy's frequent deployments and TDY's by frequently attending her boxing gym, after the chance discovery last deployment that hitting things really does make life better. She also volunteers as the Ambassador for Sew Much Comfort to Bethesda National Naval Medical Center and in a variety of other causes throughout the year.

airforcewife has no idea what the future holds, but decided five years ago that she wants to be Andi when she grows up.

  • Penny

    My brain works exactly the same way!
    Dh says I come up with the most random things more than any person he knows! To me though, the thoughts don’t come out of nowhere. It can start from us talking about dinner to me asking if he’s filled out xyz forms.. One small thing can trigger another. :)

  • Marine Wife

    Glad I’m not the only one!

  • wifeunit

    This is exactly what Mark was talking about! It all makes sense to me!

  • HomefrontSix

    If you give a mouse a cookie…

  • MrsD

    When talking to those who get confused, I simply say, “Oh, just jump with me.”

  • ArmyReserveWife

    I had to forward this to my sweet DH and say “see it isn’t only me”!! He gets whiplash everytime we talk!! LOL

  • Apryl

    So it is a military wife disease?? I just thought it was my ADD going full fledge. Probably a combo of both on my part but thank goodness I’m not the only one who’s planning lunch at 6am when I’m trying to log into work, pick up toys, find the island, and start a load of laundry.

  • Guard Wife

    We are all about giving pigs pancakes around my house too. SO understand you!