Let's Make a List
May 22, 2009|
There's always someone deploying, someone who is deployed, someone who is coming home... Our life is that cycle, right?
Air Force Guy is deploying in very short order. Guard Wife's husband is deploying quickly, too - and she's already put deployment on notice. Homefront Six has already noticed a few things deployment is putting in her path in an attempt to trip her up. She of the Sea has been keeping us up to date on her deployment journey, from silly to irritating to thought provoking. And Sarah actually had a very good pre-deployment experience!
When I was reading through military.com today I noticed an article that may be very helpful to those getting ready for a deployment. It's a good place to start -6 Important Ways to Cope With Deployment. Goodness knows I'm all about #1 on that list - getting enough sleep! The problem is that I have severe insomnia. It's hard enough for me to get to sleep at night, taking a nap is not something my body will give into.
Since, as Sarah has told us, every deployment is a unique snowflake, I'd like to hear from you. What was your most important deployment coping technique? Sleep? Exercise? Pasta? Chocolate Lava Cake? 2$ Margarita Night at Don Pablos? (I kid! I kid!)
Mine, strangely enough, was crocheting and sewing while watching a movie on TV. Nothing on earth would help me find my zen during a deployment better than that.
How about you?
The first deployment I went through after actually living with my husband was a difficult one in a lot of ways, and the one thing that at least helped pass the time was World of Warcraft, and even that didn't do much.
This deployment is much much much smoother in a lot of ways - time is moving a lot faster, and my husband and I are able to communicate more throughout the day. I have a ton of books on hand to read during my little ones nap times and after they go to bed. He was buying me a book a week off of my Amazon wishlist, so I started looking forward to that, rather than the date on the calendar that was circled for his estimated return. Only 6 more weeks left . . .
Posted by: Samantha | 05/22/2009 at 12:37
Each deployment I have had different coping skills. The first one was the family hissy fits. The second one was road trips and this last one, I threw myself into school and running ragged. The last one was not to smart I think, the running ragged part.
Posted by: Reasa | 05/22/2009 at 13:40
Our predeployment included a 6 month stint at Ft Lost In the Woods for a Commander Class. I guess my predeployment stress was how I was getting to Carson by myself so we could see him off. He went as a single soldier without a unit...a unit that he volunteered to go with that he'd never met..well I guess they exchanged some e-mail pleasantries.
So I'd been by myself (small child in tow) for 6 months already...hell what was another 9.
I think the return stuff is worse then the predeployment but that's cuz we're still dealing with the ramifications 3 years later.
Posted by: Apryl | 05/22/2009 at 18:47
Not dealing with a deployment, but a remote and those are real fun. At least I don't have the stress of thinking of hubby in a dangerous place, but I find that Routine with a capital R gets me through. Staying busy and lots of gym time.
Posted by: Xtna | 05/22/2009 at 18:57
My husband's deployed right now. As for my coping mechanism, I find that I'm watching a lot more NCIS, because if he were home, that's what he'd be watching! ;) Otherwise, I stay busy in general, so I'm doing pretty fine.
Posted by: Erin | 05/22/2009 at 22:35
To fill in my long afternoons/evenings after work i've started attending fitness classes at the local base gym. First it was once a week, then twice. I'm up to four different classes a week now, nothing available on the weekend unfortunately, got fill in that time on my own. I need to keep busy and I need to keep a routine to stop myself constantly staring at the calander...
Posted by: Kate | 05/23/2009 at 09:23
First deployment I was too involved with volunteering. Staying busy was not the best advise to give me. It overwhelmed me and made me a lot more stressed out. Once I dropped everything I felt so much better and had more time to pursue my interests. Staying busy does not always mean volunteering :P.
This deployment I ride horses. We found a place for my daughter to start lessons last year, that turned into a two week camp, then it turned into leasing a horse and now it's turned into making new friends and riding a lot of horses. Being around the barn is very therapeutic and gives me a real sense of accomplishment. I am now getting free lessons myself in exchange for taking care of two horses during the week while their owner works out of town.
It's wonderful! Before this I hadn't been on a horse since I was eleven years old. So it's something new, something very physical and gets me out to meet new people and gives the girls some responsibility. They don't get to ride if their chores and attitude start to slip. ;)
Posted by: MO | 05/23/2009 at 12:10
Being in school right now really helps when GI Joe has to go off with his unit. Having to work on a dissertation is a "great" way to pass the time. Nothing like writing about Combat Stress Reaction to pass the time...
I also watch a lot more NCIS and The Unit and I picture GI Joe lecturing me on when they stray from reality and my telling him "it's just Hollywood, of course it isn't totally accurate."
And I jog using his favorite routes. Mainly, it is just keeping up routines that we have when he is here, and sleeping in his shirts of course!
Posted by: Jessie | 05/23/2009 at 23:51
Aloha. My husband just left Friday for a 6month deployment to Iraq. This is our first one! I am here in Hawaii, 5,000 miles from home and so unsure about everything! My big question is "How will he call me? Do they have payphones?" I also want to send him a care package and have no clue where to even send it!
Posted by: Channon | 05/25/2009 at 00:35
I am on the tail end of dh's 12 mo deployment. I teach yoga, cycle and ride horses. I have found that listening to a guided meditation called Yoga Nidra really helps to relieve the insomnia that always seems to creep up prior to and immediately after deployment/redeployment. James Jewel has a great short one and longer one available on Itunes. "They" say that an hour of Yoga Nidra is the equivalent of 8 hours of sleep!
Yoga Nidra asks you to make a resolve of what you wish to have or accomplish. The key is to make it in the present tense. I.E. "I handle stress effortlessly" instead of "I will handle stress effortlessly". The really cool thing is that Walter Reed is doing a 200 person study on the effects of Yoga Nidra on PTSD!
Posted by: Mrs. Lilmonkeytoes | 05/25/2009 at 16:08
I'm 3 months into a 12 month deployment that started in Iraq and is now in Afghanistan (recently I've been getting suspicious that the tour will be extended). Honestly, I haven't really been able to come up with any strategies that work all the time. The best bet is to keep myself distracted. It also helps to come here and see that others are going through the same thing (my FRG is not much help in this area).
lately I've learned how poorly the guys in the unit are treating my husband. That is making it so much worse, knowing that I can't do anything.
Channon, if your guy is in Iraq, he should not have any difficulty contacting you. Get in touch with your FRG to learn his address. I would be careful with the FRG: some are good, many are a group of gossipy "children". Regardless, this will be your best way to get information.
Posted by: lor | 05/25/2009 at 23:39
Thank You for your advise! He called me last night, it was so very good to hear his voice! I'm curious why ur hubby started out in Iraq and is now in afgahanistan, that scares the hell out of me because my hubby was told he'd return(in 6 months) with the unit he was sent to, that has already been there for a yr in Oct.
Posted by: Channon | 05/26/2009 at 02:24
Channon ~ I'm here in Hawaii too though my DH's company hasn't left yet. Give him a few days to get you an address. Often times, they'll have an address before they even leave but it will change once they get there simply due to the quirks of the base.
As for me, last time I was frenetic. I HATEHATEHATE being home when MacGyver isn't here. So we were rarely home. We had Awana, sign language, hula, playdates with friends, beach, school, Ohana group at church...you name it and we were at it. I have a feeling it will be that way again this time around too.
When I *am* home, my coping mechanism is that I get into MY rhythm and I stay there. It's like I put my head down and trudge trudge trudge until we get to the next milestone (a big trip, a holiday, R&R, etc.). Don't get in my way or I'll run you over.
We're not even TO the deployment yet and already I have too much on my plate. I need to whittle that down. But only enough that it's manageable. I don't want a lot of free time on my hands - that will get me in trouble!
Posted by: HomefrontSix | 05/26/2009 at 03:20
I have never been able to handle deployment well. I always seem to get in a funk only after a few months no matter how many I times I have played this role and no matter how hard I try to keep cool. But I have found that by keeping to myself and my true friends and family this deployment is going better. So my advice is this positive breds positive and negitive digs you into a hole. So just keep a positive out look and things will work out. Be alone when you have your melt downs, wipe your eyes and keep your head up. If others see you down then they will feed you more negitive and we all know what what rolls down hill.
Posted by: friend | 05/26/2009 at 13:32
"positive breds positive and negitive digs you into a hole."
That is SO true. I do my best to surround myself with positive people during a deployment/TDY/life in general. I cannot handle people who are black clouds - they suck the life out of me. It's contagious. Don't get me wrong - EVERYONE has bad days and weeks. But to dwell on the negative sides of a separation gets me nowhere so I tend to shy away from people who do that. Ditto to unhealthy behaviors. I was surround by people like that for a time during the last deployment and that will NOT happen this time around.
Deployments SUCK. No arguing about that. We have no control over that. What we do have control over is how we deal with it.
Posted by: HomefrontSix | 05/26/2009 at 15:04
Channon,
Glad that you heard form your guy. I'm not sure why my guy's unit was moved from point A to point B. They were told that this was coming after only being there for a few weeks. What a waste. I would suspect that if your guy's unit was going to move, they would already know. Anyway, there is not point worrying about what we don't know. It will just make us insane. It feels like this deployment will never end, but there have been other difficult times that seemed to go on forever. eventually this will be over.
Remember gang, it's ok to be sad, just don't get stuck in it!
Posted by: lor | 05/26/2009 at 22:58
Thank's for the comments, I am amazed at just how close to being alike we all are and am very thankful tonight that I checked this website out!
May God Bless each of you...
Posted by: Channon | 05/27/2009 at 01:11
This will be my first deployment being married to my husband and I am very scared. My husband has been to Iraq before and now he is going. Sometime I always think some bad will happen. I mean when he was over there the first time. He almost didn't make it back to me. I always think that something bad will happen again. But everyone words of encoragement really help me out alot. Thanks everyone.
Posted by: Twajeanea | 05/27/2009 at 13:35
I need a steaming cup o' hot tea and a heating pad during the winter since DH isn't here to keep me warm!
Since he had a 5 month deployment in the summer last year, I kept the kids busy, which helped me stay busy and positive - less scary thoughts and bad attitudes that way!
In our Navy squadrons, we made a calendar for the active duty personnel that included pictures from home. My husband was excited to see a full 12x12 calendar page from me at least once a month for our special family occasions. And I kept connected to him by considering his likes and how he was going to feel when he missed our special days...2 kids' bds, my bd, first days of school, our 10 year anniversary, Mother and Father's day...but I hope I made him proud with my scrappin' skills!!
Posted by: SwordsmansWife | 05/31/2009 at 01:38
My fantastic hubby left this past Wednesday -- our first deployment (hopefully not one of many, but I'm not holding my breath). I signed up for my first half marathon on Thursday and applied for a CAA today. I figured this is my opportunity to do all the things for myself that I use "but I want to spend time with my new husband" as an excuse for not doing. Bring it, Deployment. I'm going to get the best of you yet...
Posted by: melinda | 06/01/2009 at 15:04
My DH just got home last month after being gone 15 months. I have four kids to keep me busy, but I took school full-time online, went to the gym and ran to get my endorphine rush and then hit the hay because I was so tired.. Only time I would slow down is when he called. If you are positive it will be a positive experience.
Posted by: liz tennyson | 06/17/2009 at 18:18