What do you think?

While waiting at the doctor's office I read an article in Family Circle magazine about the fact that society has "changed" regarding parents disciplining (or "correcting") other people's children.  Apparently it is not politically correct to discipline someone else's children. 

What do you think about this?  Or, what do you do when you have another child at your house or on an outing with you?

When I lived in Kansas we had many children on our street.  At any given time there were kids and parents outside.  And these parents became my friends and my kids played with their kids.  None of us ever really talked about it up front, but if a child needed disciplined, we took it upon ourselves to do so if the parent of the child was not in the near vicinity or aware of the situation.  Most of the time the discipline was because of safety issues.  And we never touched each other's children (i.e. spanked). 

Even though we don't have a lot of kids to our house now (not many in the neighborhood), when one of my kids has a friend over I expect that child to abide by my house rules.  If I expect my kids to follow my rules, why not their friends?  My son had a friend over a while back who said "crap" on a very regular basis.  I don't allow my kids to say this, so I corrected this boy.  I was nice:  I simply told him I do not allow that word to be used in my house (unless you are an adult, which I did not tell him).  He told me, "My mom let's me say that."  I told him that was fine if he's with his mom, but he was at my house and he was not to say that word.  He apologized and did not say that word (at least not within ear-shot) the rest of the day.  See, no major problems.

And when my kids are at their friend's house, I expect them to follow the rules at that friend's house.  And I expect them to use their manners and respect the parents.  Is that so much to ask?

What are your thoughts/experiences with this?

Comments

[angela]

I have no problem with someone discipling my kids as long as they do the same to their own kids. I have a relative that lets her kids get away with anything. They are spoiled rotten and nobody likes her kids to be around their kids. She is always yelling at my kids about little nothings while hers are pretty close to being evil. That is the only time I get defensive. Now if you see my kids doing something on the playground that I miss then yes I want you to stop them. Just as long as your kid isn't getting away with it.

[Ann - AF spouse]

I guess it's a teacher thing. I have no problem correcting other people's kids.

[LAW]

My house, my rules. that was always the agreement with his friends.

[airforcewife]

I'm with Ann on this one. I'm more in-your-face (for lack of a better term) when I correct my own children, but they are also cued into my actions.

So they can get a look or a finger point and know exactly what they are doing wrong.

When it's someone else's child, I'm far more polite about it and I handle it like you described, Joan.

And if my kids are doing something wrong, I certainly HOPE someone will correct them if I don't see it! They also know that if someone else has to correct them, I'm going to be even more ticked off than if I saw the original bad behavior - because I expect them to be on their best behavior around others.

[Michelle]

I have no problem with it either. Just yesterday I was waiting to pick my child up from school and as the kids were exiting the building an older child (probably 6th grade) walks out and spits. Right in front of me. I nicely said "we don't spit on school property" He looked at me as if it was the first time he had ever heard that spitting was inappropriate. I've also corrected friends for inappropriate language.

[Reasa]

I have kids over all the time, from teens to toddlers. It is my house my rules. I am alot more strict and old fashioned than alot of parents and will use the same on others, I do not spank other people's children.

If my kids are somewhere else then I expect them to follow those house rules and still maintain manners. When the other parent does favor their own kids and are always getting onto mine, I can be ugly. If you have one standard for yours, do not impose another for others. Especially mine just because they are kids and I have more strict rules than you do.

[bev. wynn-martin]

If I am not talking to the right department, please let me know whom I need to contact.
I hope you can help me. I have a friend that has a daughter in Ft. Campbell and the daughter's 15 year old daughter just found out she's pregnant. Her mother has told her she can not see obgyn until she is 20 weeks. This child is having problems and the grandmother is worried sick. The mom is former Army and the stepdad is active duty. She will not let her have her ID card to see the doctor and someone has told her she could go on her own and they can pull her up on DEERS with her own social security number. Is it true she has to wait 20 weeks and use her social to see obgyn? I'm a former Army Wife and realize regulations change so I don't want to tell her something wrong. This grandmother is concerned about the care of her grandaughter and her two younger siblings. Can she legally do something with JAG to help her either get custody of the children or help them in the situation they are in? They are physically and mentally abused and she has no idea where to turn or the finances to deal with it.
Thanks, Bev. Martin

[Erin]

I'm a teacher, I'd be likely to correct them/scold them if needed. =)

[Military Momma]

I'm with you guys on this...Especially if it's a safety issue or my child and another not interacting (ahem) politely(haha). I won't yell but I will reprimanded a complete strangers child if the parent is or isn't there. I was born in 75 but we were still taught to respect our elders which was anyone older than us even complete strangers (though we were also taught not to talk to them, take candy or go with them)

[The Older One]

I should first comment on my age. I am not a parent. Just a normal run of the mill in your face teenager. Secondly, do not disregard my opinion because of this. I am frequently over at other people's houses who have different techniques for disciplining their children then my parents do. When other parents discipline me or other children it tends to make them look overbearing and ridiculous. Unless you have some sort of authority over a child you should not be disciplining a child over the age of 5 unless you have some claim to back it up.

[Army wife]

I totally agree..............My House my rules. I would definitely expect someone to discipline my boys if they were doing something wrong and I didn't see it. I have 4 boys, all teenagers now, and a husband deployed and I welcome any help I can get while he is away. If you teach your children respect and manners at a young age you usually tend to have pretty decent teenagers. I sure got lucky with 4 teenagers and all boys.

[ArmyReserveWife]

I agree my house my rules, and the children that my children play with all the parents agree on the discipline issue. If I ran into a parent who would not enforce the their house their rules then my child would not be playing with the child. Easy end of story.

The Older One-the authority to back it up is if you can't behave you can go home and not come back. I can guarantee that is my policy in my home.

[LAW]

The Older One - my authority? My house. that's all I need. You don't like that rule? {I might suggest you ask your parents - they'll probably say the same thing.} Then while I'm sure you are a delightful (and very smart) young person, I'd have to ask you to leave my home.

[AJ]

Older One, if you don't break the rules and misbehave then you won't have to worry about your friends' parents disciplining you. End of story.

[Ramie]

I'm in agreement with most here. My house, my rules. I enforce them just about daily, as we have some neighborhood kids who congregate here (middle house on the culdesac). I don't mind them being here (prefer it actually--helps keep my almost-3yr old from wanting to leave) and when they get wild, I say something and it calms things down. Have asked them all (at one point or another) to leave for not following the rules, and its never been an issue.

My kids are the youngest in the bunch (almost 6 & 3), and its nice for them to see that visitors who misbehave get sent home. I hope that when my kids are older and out and about a bit more that someone else sends them home for misbehaving too.

[Mrs. Lilmonkeytoes]

This is an interesting topic and one which I need guidance on. I am a childless mil-spouse. We are in the middle of a deployment and I attend many FRG activities. I am the only one with out children (who attends regularly) and I am REALLY careful about correcting a child. I only say something if it's an immediate danger issue, i.e. playing with knives or fire. I have been told by some women that children only learn by cutting and burning themselves. I now stay buttoned up.
I have noticed in my group that not only is correction from other parents a taboo, but no one ever asks children to be better behaved or use inside voices. It's extremely frustrating because sometimes we are in the middle of FRG meeting and we can barely hear the speaker because the children are soooo loud. I know being childless it's not my place to be bringing up discipline issues, especially during a deployment. I almost don't want to go to functions anymore because the children are so out of control and the adults can barely interact. I am in my 30's and grew up in a setting where any child was free game to be corrected by an adult. Children were expected to heed that correction. I want to spend time with other women in the unit but if I can't have a conversation over the noise of screaming children, why frustrate myself and feel more alone? Any advice? Help!

[Ann - AF spouse]

I would guess that most mom's wish their screaming child was any where else but in that room. Multiply that times 10, and that's how the child feels.

Experience teaches most mothers to bring something to entertain their children. When hosting these types of events, I always provided toys, movies, and a babysitter (having a teenager is VERY convenient).

In the early years, I always seemed to have happy meal toys, crayons, calculator, cookies, gum etc. in my purse. Most other moms were very happy when I provided a positive distraction for their fussy kid.

[SailorSam'sGirl]

I do not hesitate to correct other people's children...and my own children know that if another adult corrects them - they had better straighten up!
My husband scolded a child in Wal-mart (about 13) who was running his hands through the bulk bin of shelled nuts over and over again. My husband said "Hey- that's people's food! Keep your hands out of it." His Mom who was standing right next to him looked up at my husband with a disgusted look. He told her "If you had told him -I wouldn't have had to." We didn't buy any nuts that day.

If my kid was behaving that rudely in public I would hope someone would speak to them and they would stop and think about what they were doing and why it was wrong.