The Milspouse Lens

As the end of 2008 draws ever closer, I realized that being a military spouse has created yet another noticeable difference in the way I operate.  I bet it has for you too.

You know those experiences where you're told, "You'll never do/watch/think X the same way again thanks to Y."  For me, it's been things like "You'll never watch TV again now that you've gone to law school."  Or, "You don't know the level of love possible for a pet until you lose him." 

Once I became a military spouse, lots of things changed.  I don't listen to the radio in the same way, for instance.  I sometimes find myself thinking, "I wonder if this song was written with military families in mind?" and adding it to the mental list of songs to avoid if I don't want to cry.

As I look forward to turning over our 2008 calendar to the fresh pages of 2009, I realized that being a military spouse has created yet another lens through which I can view life's experiences.  I remember the great anticipation of tearing the 2004 calendar's December page and getting on with 2005 because that meant my husband would be coming home from our first lengthy deployment.  I remember never being so glad to tear a page off my huge desk calendar.  Now, we're on the same timetable, but headed in a different direction. 

Rather than anticipating a return, I'm dreading a departure.

I'm looking at the holidays and trying to make them memorable and meaningful because I know next year will be difficult for all of us.  Where I usually look forward to crossing off these final days in a year and moving into the next, I find myself wondering why things have to go so quickly?

And then, I remember.

Somewhere, there is another military spouse wondering why these last days are taking so long and why can't 2009 just start already so his/her loved one can come home.

I know I haven't looked at the turning of a calendar's page in quite the same way since becoming a military spouse. 

How has the milspouse lens focused the way you view certain things?  Share in comments!

Comments

[dutchgirl]

Oh yes, so true. This year I am seeing through a very similar lens as you are... thinking about how next year will likely be so very different.

I have been sort of grumpy about all the holiday traveling we have been doing, but trying to maintain my perspective and savor each moment. If that milspouse lens has changed anything about how I look at life, it's definitely that you have to focus on the now as much as you can... because the future is often so unknown.

[Kel]

This year my lens was focused on November when that month rolled around it meant the end to a long 15 month deployment. Now i am looking forward to turning the page to 2009 because it means we are one month closer to the big move to oklahoma where my husband will be non-deployable for at least 3 years. It is a big jump for us. we have been here at Campbell for 4 years and my husband has been here for 19 months of it. I look forward to 2009 meaning i will actually have a live in husband and the kids a father who does not live in the computer screen.

[Erin]

I'm definitely dreading this coming year, at least with him leaving. I'm tired of hearing about it and I know we've got a way to go before he even leaves. I wish everything would fall into place so he could leave without us having to hash and rehash it over and over again.

[Chris]

Amazing how becoming a military wife changes your appreciation of time, your concept of separation, your perspective on life.
I couldn't wait to for 2009 to arrive!! Complete opposite feelings were shaking my universe in 2003, when each day brought me closer to facing a deployment, or the end of 2007, knowing that in a matter of days I would be standing in front of a bus, holding back tears, watching as half of my heart was driving off into the dusk for many months to come. I've ripped 12 pages out of a calendar since and have little over three to go. Yes, I indeed developed a special relationship with my calendar. I cannot wait, I count constantly and love to lose track of time or be caught by surprise when I get busy and find out that I am several days closer to having my normal life back.
It's interesting how our minds and bodies learn to operate in auto-pilot, remain productive, achieve superlatives, while they are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of our better half.

The beautiful aspect of time is that is comes and goes, it's not stagnant, however, full of surprises. It has an incredibly healing effect, allows our mind to rest, and enables us ot regain energy, regroup, and start over.
I am looking forward to a reunion in April. I am thankful that time went by as quickly as it did, I am thankful that I have time to reconnect, I am thankful, that time, in spite of being our worse enemy, always turns out to be our best remedy.

[Kris]

The post office lol
I think I have spent more time in the post office this deployment than in my own bed :P
And I definitely agree on the calander thing. I have NEVER been this excited for a new year in my entire life, even if he won't be home til august :D