From the Mailbag: Hey, You Know What's Boring? Separation, that's What...

Milspouse Heather has a problem. It's called boredom....

I had a question and was wondering if you could help me out…My husband just re-enlisted (after a 5 year break in service), and is in training in Oklahoma, then he goes to Benning, and then we get our duty station.  We have two kids, ages 8 and 10, who go to bed at 8:30. 

My husband has now been gone 12 weeks, and won’t be home until after Thanksgiving.  I know it’s not long in comparison, but I haven’t done this for a long time, and forgot how slowly the time can pass.

So my question is, after laundry, time on the treadmill, and tv, what is there I can do at night to pass the time?  The last two nights by 9:30 I was bored out of my mind.  And my civilian friends here are supportive, but have their own lives, so I don’t feel like I can call on them to entertain me.

Thanks for any help you can offer.

Suggestions?

Comments

[Linda]

scrapbook...organize pictures into albums...learn to knit and make scarves and hats (you can knit baby caps and donate them to a hospital for newborn babies)...learn to crochet and make blankets...buy fleece and make rag-tie blankets and pillows...if you don't WANT all those blankets, pillows, hats and scarves, donate them to a good cause (hospitals, nursing homes, shelters, etc)...make cards...write thank you notes that are long overdue...write letters to friends you haven't seen or heard from in a long time...send emails....play computer games...rent all those chick flicks you haven't been able to watch when your hubby was home...bake goodies to donate to a church, or funeral home or shelter...roll coins that need to be banked...

That ought to keep you busy for a night or two, lol!

Can you tell I've had many nights of boredom?

[Slightly Salty]

Ditto what Linda said. Crap, by 9:30 I'm in bed so more power to you if you are still up at 9:30 and looking for something to busy yourself. :)

[tiffany]

Join the local library and start checking out books to read or DVDs to watch. :)

[She of the Sea]

Bored is no fun...I tend to turn in shortly after the kids, but when I do stay up I try to do something a little relaxing. Reading, even watching some TV, or doing crossword or sudoku puzzles.

For me the problem is not getting so caught up that I can't go to sleep!

[Soggy@Lewis]

Gosh, I wish I had this problem!! I clean, dust, pay bills, organize, iron clothes for work the next day, etc. after the kids go to bed and still don't get it all done. I would be going to bed at 2130 if it was me!!!

[Ramie]

I scrapbook, and do my own thing...I rarely do chores after the kids are in bed, much to my houses dismay...I'm sure it would love some TLC before I call it a day, but it never happens!
Any hobby that is for YOU would be a good boredom substitute.

[tankerswife]

I'm a book addict, as the few hundred books in the basement can attest to. And those are just the ones I liked enough to keep. DH just shakes his head and reminds me that I need sleep occasionally (via email obviously). ;-)

[MrsD]

Some years back I faced the same problem. I puzzled over it trying to come up with a hobby I could do that wouldn't land me with a house full of "stuff" that no one really wanted. (I have no talent or artistic ability, so I KNEW no one would want anything I made! LOL) Finally, I hit on the perfect hobby for me. I started tracing my family's genealogy. This is a hobby that can consume your life or just fill those quiet evenings, whichever you allow it to do. :-)

[GM]

Scrapbooking is great-but I'm too particular to do that. So this is going to sound crazy but I "spring clean" when I'm bored. I'm always worried we're going to end up in a little bitty house somewhere along on our PCS travels, so when the house is quiet and I can't sleep (which happens more often then not), I start digging thru the piles or drawers or cabinets. It works perfectly when hubby is gone because he doesn't know that I just donated a $50 product that was a "must have" thing 6 months ago that I never took out of the box. :) Ha!

[Laura]

So many things to do...READING, computer games, long hot baths, laundry, dishes, BLOGGING(!), and I've recently become a facebook addict...*that* should take up a little time!!

[christina]

hi sweety, there is really alot to do. my husband has been gone in the navy for 8 months. and i first thought what can i do i am really bored, depressed, and so many other things. i need to get my mind off of him right now so i can pass through this. so i started thinking. what do i really wanna do. what is that i love to or havent been able to because of my husband. so i started to really think. i want a degre and education. so i started school. i have been going to online school ever since the first week he left. then school got easier because i am used to the process and how it works. now i have more time again and i keep thinking. i havent seen my husband since the day he left graduation. i really miss. i really needed to stop. so i did the whole scrap book thing on my kids. that got old after a while. sine i to have two kids i decided to spend time with my kids. but there are the times they are in day care and doing other such stuff that i still get free time. what else is there for me. so i started an online buses for extra money its going well. still more i have more time. so i started calling friends over lots of friends to just hang out and talk. and its really been helpful and we do this thing once a month that we just pass gifts. i have list to make sure everyone gets a gift. its nice. i also have been redecorating the house. and some remodeling. i also have been studying up on things i always wanted to know about. reading and writing a book. meeting new friends. life has really been stringing along now and i have been alot better since my husband left. but i still drown the day to see him. also. what helps to fill in that missing person that used to be on the other side of the bed. i switch nights to have my kid sleep with me and i read to them or help them with projects or something. either that fill the other side with pillows. its not warming and wont hold you back lol but it helps

[Valorie]

I am typically too tired to do much but read or watch TV after my kids go to bed, but when I do have a little energy and feel like I want to do something productive, I blog. I don't have the patience for scrap-booking, but I have found blogging a great way to chronicle my family life. I have been able to get in contact with so many people I've lost track of along the way and when my husband is away, he always has a place to go where he can see how the kids are growing and changing. Best of luck as you navigate your way through this crazy military life!

[Marc Maxwell]

Hi everyone -

Just passing on info. I wrote a 365 day guidebook of things to do while your servicemember is deployed.

Check it out: www.survivingmilitaryseparation.com

It's titled Surviving Military Separation by Marc CB Maxwell .

I really think it can help. A family group in Germany just ordered 200 copies for their family members and I was able to get them a huge discount off the cover price. If you have an FRG that would like to order in bulk, just let me know at survivingmilitaryseparation@yahoo.com

Also, if you want to order as an individual, you can get it for less at Amazon.com

Sorry for the plug, but I hate knowing that my book has 365 activities and journal space and some people out there are looking for activities to do.

[Kathy]

When I know a deployment/TDY is coming up I usually arrange a schedule that is very busy. For instance, I'm a full time engineer student and work part time so I take difficult classes or schedule more time at work. However, if I'm unable to maintain that busy schedule and I start to get bored, I organize. You should've seen my house when my husband went to Korea. Now granted it was going on the market to sell, but everything was put in alphabetical, color and size order so it catered to everyone from the strictest OCD person to the normal people. But it helped me maintain control over something when there were so many things I could not control.

[Mrs. EMO]

I would suggest going back to school. My husband has been active duty for 21 years and we've moved 13 times. It just never seemed convenient or cost effective for me to go back to school. Now, if your spouse has 2 years left on his orders and you are in a "test" area, the military will pay for you to go to school Check out Military One Source for more information. I work full time and have two college age kids (one at home and one away). I'm going to school "with them" (I go online, they have to sit in classes). It adds a whole new dimension to study time when you're asking your kids for homework help.

Good Luck and whether you believe it or not, "He will be home before you know it!"

[Jennifer]

Shop for and pack care package, get your christmas gift list drafted, try out new recipes that you might want to make when he comes back. and... just wait. YOu'll once again fall into a pattern and you will be accustomed to him being gone. This last half of deployment has gone by much faster than the first and I've done much less in my spare time than before. It's all how you perceive it. Good luck.

[Mystika]

All of the ideas above are really great. You may have already decided what to do with all of those suggestions. When my husband was gone for 4 months I became very depressed and didn't want to do anything. I basically laid in bed almost as if I were throwing a fit and refusing to live life until my husband came home again. I, fortunately, have a four year old son who just wasn't going to allow me to do that. It also takes a lot more energy to throw a fit than it does to live life. I was tired of being tired so I decided to explore my world. I mean, I went through everything in the house (almost like Spring cleaning) looking for something to help me pass the time. Before I knew it, I had cleaned out a bunch of closets! Yay! After that I explored my son's room, toys, books, etc. and in no time had his closet and toy box cleaned out and organized. The fun part was he helped me with it all so it made him feel better and less alone too. That was one of the biggest things I realized about my husband being away...it affects our children too. I was too busy being selfish to realize it. I finally sat down and began checking out TV shows-old faves and new popular shows. I eventually came up with this whole line-up of television that I could watch with my son and then a few "indulgences" I could watch after he went to sleep. I also spent more time outside with him. It's amazing what you will find to do outside that maybe you didn't realize was there before.
I hope this helps. Just remember, even when you're fighting living life while your husband is away, and you're doing your very best to just lay down and throw a fit refusing to do anything until he comes home, life somehow finds you and picks you up anyway and drags your happy, fit-throwing butt back into it and gives you stuff to do. Good luck!

[RAE]

Why not go to school on-line, this will help you in the long run if you are looking to get back in the work force. Thank you and your husband for serving. I'm also a retired Army and my wife is currently serving in the Navy Reserve.

[Kam]

Isn't it funny that when your spouse is gone you feel like you have so much more time on your hands? Eevn with kids around!!

[ThunderWolf6]

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[Janice]

I don't have any kids left at home to keep me busy.......so I go to the school and do some volunteer work. My husband is the principal of this school in his civilian life so it's advantageous for both of us. I get to do something fun to pass the day and he gets the updates on his other career.
Schools always need help!
I also have lots of friends that email me and that takes time answering them back. Along with the scrapbooks, reading and baking cookies for my neighbors that help me out while my husband is away......I have kept pretty busy. My phone calls from my husband are at night and that helps me sleep.
Best of luck!

[Rhonda]

Janice (above) is right on the money!! I'm a teacher and I never have ANY shortage of things to do when my husband is away. Some schools are even looking for people to serve as email pals for children. With our wealth of military experiences we are interesting penpals for students everywhere. As a 23-year military wife, I have made it through many deployments by writing real in-the-mail letters often, and supplementing the letters with cute cards. I wish you the best!

[Lissa]

Wow... Extra time! What a novelty. What's your secret?! My biggest suggestion = Volunteer! Check with your local schools, charities, hospitals, animal rescues. There is always someone looking for help! It will eat up the time, and give you a sense of satisfaction - that you cashed in your boredom to help the community, or someone in need!
Also, decorate for the holidays and seasons. Even the silly little ones that no one knows about. Paint your walls. Go to your local hardware store or craft store, and try something you have never tried before. Every deployment, I pick a new "deployment project". (This deployment's experiment was learning embroidery.)
Try journaling. Write letters, or even stories for your husband, and save them up to read when he gets home. Try writing about why you fell in love with him, or why you still love him now. Or maybe even try something of a more "adult" nature. Don't be afraid to spill some of your more secret thoughts and urges. It is a great way to communicate things we're too shy to talk about otherwise. It can work wonders to bring you closer. It shows that your mind is still on him, even while he's gone, which means so much. Also, it can potentially really liven things up the bedroom, when he gets home!
Start a home-based business. Start taking classes online. Deployments are an incredible time to explore yourself as an individual, and not just as a wife or mother. Learn about yourself - what you are interested in, and what you enjoy. Then use this time to build on it! Ultimately, you will have even more to bring to the table, as a wife and as a mother.
Best of luck to you!

[Tamber]

I don't know how anyone does this. I am a new wife, and haven't seen my husband in almost a year. he went on a rescue mission, and i haven't heard from him, and now i have people out looking all over Iraq for him. it's giving me toooo much stress, because i have not been given ANY direction or help on how to deal with this. He was set to come back home (for good) on 10/10/08, then within 2 days, my life was turned upside down, and i am in a nightmare. i can't believe that this is happening, and i am sitting in an empty house, waiting to move back east to his home, and now i sit on one chair wondering what the heck to do now. my job is season, over in 2 weeks, and now what?? any ideas?? its too much stress for me and it's very hard to think when no one has prepared you for any of this. thanks for any help - i feel like i am going crazy

[Jamie]

I am having a real hard time motivating.He left for Iraq 3 months ago. I should be usted to this I have Been alone for 6 years. I thought it would be ok since i've always been by myself,but it's not being able to talk to him daily. Always wondering if he's o.k. or not. I feel like i am hitting depression hard he is my best friend and everyone else has their own lives going on. So i really don't have anyone to talk to or understand what i am going through. Is this really normal of me to feel this way? I hate the fact of being a wife and not enojoying my husband.

[Jessie]

I'm a pretty independent sort, and I'm also busy by nature (I'm finishing up grad school now). But there are always those nights (and days) when I just want a hug and some time with GI Joe.

I've started working with Angels n' Camouflage. I've adopted a deployed soldier that doesn't have family to send him letters and care packages. This new venture is fun, I've made another friend and it gives me something to do to fill in the time.

I'm also in the midst of writing a book, planning 2 weddings (mine and my best friend just got engaged over Thanksgiving so we are planning hers as well).

At first I wasn't sure how I was going to pass the time, but life has a way of creeping up and getting busy all on its own.

Even with everything I'm doing, there are still too many moments when I just yearn to see GI Joe and in those moments I'll pray for him and for our relationship, and I'll take out my journal (I have 2 one in my purse and 1 by the bed) and write down what I'd like to do if he were home at the moment. It is something I plan to wrap up and give to him when he gets back.

I'm new to this life, but I'm learning that I just have to be myself and trust God to get me through each day, and so far it is working!