That's My Normal

Andi mentioned at SpouseBUZZ Live over the weekend how one person's weird is another person's normal.  Her example was how she does laundry immediately after her husband deploys, in contrast to the many wives who seem to hang on to those stinky shirts as long as they can.  I came across an example of this weird/normal dichotomy in my own life recently.

Fellow milspouse Sis B called me two weekends ago and asked what I was doing.  I told her I was watching Band of Brothers.  She litterally gasped out loud and asked me how on earth I could stomach it while my husband is deployed.  Her weird, my normal.  I said that the only time I get to watch military-themed shows and movies is when my husband is gone, because when he's home he nitpicks the stuff to death: this beret is crooked, NCOs don't talk like that, etc.  The last time he was deployed, I finally got to sit down and watch Black Hawk Down and We Were Soldiers.  I peacefully enjoyed Patton, The Big Red One, The Longest Day, and Band of Brothers.  And I decided to watch Band of Brothers again this time around, for old time's sake.  I like to watch military movies while my husband is gone; somehow it makes me feel connected to the mission and to my husband's life.  That's my normal.

Do you have anything you do that is weird for your friends but normal for you?

Comments

[D]

Even as new to the Navy life as I am, I do have one : ) Yeah! Starting to feel like I'm actually a part of things...

Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has been asking me, "Are you going/coming home when Hubby is deployed?" They are all shocked when I say no. I guess I had no idea how many milspouses "run home" as soon as their husbands deploy. It seems weird to me(But is their normal). I think I could understand a visit to the in-laws, maybe as a way of feeling that connection through his family. I guess I've chosen not to because I want THIS to be my home, my life, etc. How do you ever feel that that is so if you always go "home" when he is gone?

I guess I've concluded that I feel more connected by being in our home, doing our dishes, doing our laundry, mowing our yard, than by going home and not having any contact with this life other than phone calls and emails from him.

[afwifestephanie]

That's cool. If I called my parents and said my hubby was leaving and wanted to come home with my 4 kids they would laugh and say God Bless the military. They would NOT let me move back in with them. Although, I know several wives that do go home, I think I have established a fam and need to help run it. Where I am and when he's gone!

[Sara]

Goodness knows I do. I haven't ever gotten to enjoy life in the same home as my husband, so when he left after R&R I kept certain things around. There's a beer bottle cap from him last night home, an empty wine bottle, shoes by the door, sunglasses on the counter, and a watch on the bedside table. I vacuum, dust, and generally clean around those items, not daring to move a single one because he placed them there. To my civilian friends, thats weird. The other day I started to sob when I realized that I would be packing all those things before he got home. That this apartment I love so much will never again be enjoyed by both of us, and that pair of shoes will need to be packed by me rather than worn by him.

I cannot, under any circumstances, listen to military songs where someone dies like "I'm already home" - Tim McGraw, and "Just a Dream"- Carrie Underwood. I get angry at the radio station for even allowing me to hear them because most days I don't think about "What if", and then I have to when those songs come on. My friend Amanda on the other hand loves the songs because she likes hearing someone else recognize her biggest fears. My normal. Her weird.

[Penny]

Sara, I'm the same way you are. When Dh came home last year during R&R he left a Pepsi can by the bed near the window and I never moved it. My family and friends would ask me what it was doing there b'c it was in such an odd place and I would tell them that Dh had left it there. This was weeks/months after he'd been there so of course I got the "weird/I'll go along with this" looks from my family and "laughs/this girl is nuts" looks from my civilian friends. Once I had to pack up and leave I got pretty sad but it faded since I realized I was packing up b'c the deployment was almost over!

Interestingly enough, it drives me nuts when he's home and leaves his Pepsi/coke cans lying all over the house.. lol.. Guess when they're deployed the empty cans take up a whole new meaning. ^_~

[Sarah]

Penny -- I think when they're deployed, LOTS of things take up new meaning! We get sentimental about the funniest things, don't we?

D -- I know what you mean. I don't have any kids, and several people assumed that I would go home when my husband left. One soldier even thought that we wouldn't bother to get housing here since my husband was leaving. Weird to me but normal to some, I guess.

[wendy's tiki hut]

I just read the other comments and this may not be what you were thinking, but our normal is a little weird...

Soldiers vs. Cows. (This is a blog post I've been meaning to do, maybe tomorrow)

I love to read ThePioneerWoman's Blog about her farm life. Do you read that? I think about how different life is for her children than mine.

We would be blown away if we saw a cow grazing in the field behind our house. We would stop and stare and take photos and wait for animal control to come.

Yet I am looking out my back window at that same field right this minute and I see a group of soldiers in full combat gear with large guns strapped across their backs. They are talking to a guy with a strange gas mask on. I wonder if they would mind if I came out and took some photos... Some kind of training thing, I suppose. And I am not scared or surpised or wowed.

Seeing soldiers in a variety of uniforms and involved in all manner of crazy activities does not even phase my children. That is normal to them.

This is our crazy cool odd normal life.

[blueSchatzy]

My son has grown up surrounded by military service men and women. Other than going out on the economy that all we had were spouses, service members, and a few civis on post. Coming back to the states was REAlly hard to adapt to, especially living on the economy!! I would forget that I was in the states even though things were strange and I would speak German to the cashiers and waiters. It was just weird to be living somewhere the people All spoke English. When my son was a toddler sometimes I would go pick up my DH from the hangar and I would take our son. Well everyone was in their BDU's and he sometimes would mistake someone else for his dad. I've seen it over and over again with those toddlers and it is hilarious every single time!!

[April]

I guess my normal is cleaning up all of the little things he leaves around because seeing them just reminds me that he isn't. It makes it harder for me to stare at his unused and dusty electronic razor everyday. It makes me feel his absence even more.

Although I do agree with you on those horrible (but meant to be touching) songs! I still have not allowed myself to listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood. For me, it is my worst nightmare, and for my mental sanity, I cannot listen to it! Same goes for all military movies...even IronMan gets me stressed out and worried. I cannot imagine Band of Brothers. It would be torture!