Deployment Gremlins: Real and Mental

Today I found a deployment issue I hadn't thought of.  For the first four years of our married life, and throughout the first deployment, my husband and I shared one car.  Now we have two and he's deployed again.  I thought it was a great novelty to drive his car, but I didn't realize how exclusively I was driving it until I went out to get in my car today.  Dead battery.  I realized it hadn't been driven in about five weeks.  Oops.  I'll have to do a better job of making sure both cars get driven equally.

So I had to jump one car with the other.  That's Homefront Six's area of expertise, not mine.

I am a dufus.  I don't even want to tell you how dumb I am about cars and batteries; that little secret will remain between my dad and me.  But after I got off the phone with him and realized the proper way to jump a car, I accidentally knocked the positive and negative ends of the jumper cables together and got a nice spark.

That's when the mental gremlins kicked in.  All of a sudden, I imagined myself electrocuted to death in my garage.  And wondered who would notice.

I had this same thought before a few days ago when I started taking a medicine I'd never taken before.  If I dropped dead in my house, how long would it take for someone to figure it out?  My husband is gone.  I have no kids.  I don't even have a job I'd be expected at the next morning.  I am friendly with my neighbors, but not so close that they'd notice me missing.  My friends and my mom would call and get my answering machine, and maybe they'd call back the next day, but how long would it take for one of them to realize it had been a long time since they'd heard from me?  And if so, what would they do?  It's not like my mom or AWTM can pop in on me from the Midwest to make sure I'm still breathing.

A friend of mine, her neighbor slipped and died in the shower.  It took three days for someone to find her, and it only happened that quickly because another insightful neighbor noticed her newspapers piling up.

I don't even get the paper.

I know, I know, completely morbid thoughts.  But I'm sure this is something that single people all over the world have to worry about, not just military spouses on deployment.  It just really hit me how isolated I am.  No one in my city would notice I was missing.

People on the internet would probably notice first.

There's a blogger out there who goes by the name of Green.  LAW and I noticed that she hadn't posted in a while, so we left a comment.  Then we sent emails.  Neither one of us knew her last name or her phone number, and LAW and I sent emails back and forth, hoping that Green was OK.  It was a relief when she finally replied and realized how worried about her we were; she was just busy with Real Life and hadn't been online.  But when someone from the internet doesn't show up for a while, it can be a red flag.

Please, if I don't blog or email, someone check on me.

Oh, and when I called my parents to voice my concerns and to give them the phone numbers of two friends in town who could peek in my windows and make sure I'm still kickin', my dad further cemented my dufus-ness by telling me that I can't really die from a spark on a car battery.

Good thing it's not possible to die from worry either.  I'd be long dead. 

Comments

[Andi]

Funny that you wrote this. When my husband was deployed, my mother realized this before I did. One day she asked that I call her when I returned home every evening from work. At first, I thought I was 18 again, but then I realized that she was right. If I were abducted or in a car crash and didn't return home, nobody but my furry children would know, and they weren't trained to call 911....

[Marine Wife]

This was my solution the last time Stretch deployed (for a year): We had just bought him a new vehicle (coming from overseas, yeah, stupid move) and I found myself using it more than the minivan. So I had a brainwave and decided it made more sense financially to sell the minivan, use the money toward the newer vehicle, pay it off before the deployment was over. Then once Stretch got back, we bought a new vehicle for me. So now, we have 2 relatively new vehicles and only 1 car payment. Plus, I didn't have to may for maintenance, gas, or insurance for 2 vehicles during the deployment. I think this just might qualify me for "Queen of Justifications." ;D

[Marine Wife]

*pay* not may

[Marine Wife]

Also, I worried a bit about my own demise as well. But instead of no one will know, my worry was my kids would probably be the ones to find me, as if I haven't scarred them enough already. So then, I pulled a Scarlet O'Hara and just couldn't let myself think about it.

[A Soldier's Wife]

All the more reason that spouses should have battle buddies too. A thing I stress at every pre-deployment briefing I give. It is essential that we take care of one another here just as soldiers take care of one another down range. We are fighting this War here at home and need to take care of one another.

As far as the car thing goes, I am a constant dead battery person....I hate driving my husband's truck, I mean loathe it...more because I seem to almost run other vehicles (and people) off the road with it....bad judge of it's size, so alas it sits on the curb....and dies....and then I can't get my car anywhere near it to jump it...so I um....just buy a new one....but don't tell him! :D

[A Soldier's Wife]

just to clarify that last statement, I buy a new battery, not truck....although, that thought entered my mind on occasion once or twice, but he never noticed the new battery...the truck, yeah, he would have noticed that....he's observant that way! And Sarah, I'd miss your posts, I'd know if you were missing! :D

[JennH]

Wow ... when my DH was gone, I'd drive home from work thinking if I get into a car crash and die, who will pick up the kids from day care? Would everyone just think I was some flaky mom who never showed up again? If the car burned up how would anyone know it was me? Who would get the emergency call? AARRGH!

That was about the same time my mom asked me to call her everyday on the drive home from work to the day care...she SAID just to decompress before I got the kids, but now I wonder if she was having the same thoughts :)

I'm glad it's not just me who thinks like this. I kept wondering if that was some screwy form of anticipatory grief....in reverse?

Regarding the battery issue, about 3 weeks before DH was to come home from the sandbox, I realized: a) his truck battery was dead, and b) it was still under warranty. I called the warranty people at GM and had it towed away to the dealership for a new battery. There's nothing quite like the feeling you get watching your deployed spouse's vehicle get towed away from the parking spot of honor it's been in for 15 months!

[dizzylizzie]

a little off topic but when he was gone and i would wash my car and then i would make sure to wash his. when i checked my fluids, i checked his. i let a good friend and neighbor borrow his truck (we lived on post) to go to work before he too deployed, since he didnt have one after his wife went to boot camp. that kept the battery from dying.

also the kids love to ride in 'daddys pick up' so when the weather was nice we'd toss the dog in the back and go for ice cream like we did in georgia (that dog is crazy for orange/lime sherbert)

these things helped keep my sanity that yes, he really will eventually be home even when the days/weeks/months seemed to drag on for forever.

[dizzylizzie]

oh and on really bad weeks, i would go through his drawers and RE-fold his clothes just because i missed doing his laundry. plus they smell like him so theres a bonus.

[dutchgirl]

You know, until I had my daughter that worry hadn't occured to me before...but this last deployment it hit full force. I think it was because she was so little. I had horrible thoughts about how long she would be alone, crying and helpless... you get the idea. I won't go any further than that. My mom and I instituted a daily call, which made me feel much better.

But I also had a strict policy of calling somebody right before I did something semi-risky... like climb the rickety ladder in my garage to get into the attic, or attempt electrical repairs ;)

[She of the Sea]

When my kids were little, I'd call a friend before I got in the shower, then call again after I got out. I was sure that was the place where I'd fall and hit my head. Also, like dutchgirl, before I did anything likely to result in electrocution or a serious fall.

[Slightly Salty]

Sarah, I feel your pain. When Obi-Wan was deployed last year, I had both vehicles to maintain. Luckily, I did alternate using vehicles b/c I was tranporting my dogs to doggie daycare twice a week so that helped. But I did have to start his motorcycle in the garage once a week to keep the battery fresh.

And as for the other morbid thoughts, I totally had those two. I'm barely on a first name basis with my immediate neighbors and I don't know them enough to have exchanged any kind of information. My best friend lives 4 miles away at least but if something happened to me, none of my neighbors would notice b/c I don't get the paper either. :)

I thought of stuff like that when he was gone last year and it's really creepy. I think when he leaves next year, I'm going to have to get to know my neighbors a bit better.

[angela]

I had that thought a few weeks ago. My hubby was in the field and could only call on weekends and my kids were at their grandparents for 3 weeks. It was a Monday and I had a thought if I died right now nobody would know. My hubby would call on Saturday and just assume I was busy then call Sunday. I never talk to the neighbors unless they are bringing me my mail that the mailman takes to the wrong house. Sad part is some of these nieghbors I wouldn't want in my house even if I was dead.

[Penny]

Oh wow, I've had those thoughts! A few days before Dh was set to come home the car battery died and I had just moved here and my friends were in Florida.. Lucky for me, my neighbors and her husband (who ended up PCS'ing ..boo) were kind enough to help me out. We went to buy a battery only for the sales people to give me the wrong one and then they took me off post to get a new one elsewhere. We had this thing, since our houses were connected that if anyone of us were ever in trouble, all we had to do was hit the wall once and we would come over and break the door down.. :)

I try to call my family every other day but I do wonder if something happened to me, what would the baby do? And would the house be clean then? I'd forever be known as the wife with the messy house.. how sad.. lol.. Lucky for me, whenever Dh has to go to the field or away for a few days, I call home to let them know and daily phone calls until his return are required. Seemed silly at first, but now I'm definitely thankful for them :)

[Laura, a Military Mom]

When #1 son went to the Sandbox he didn't have a car, but while home on R&R bought one...it moved into our garage until he came home plus and extra 5 mo until he was back on the mainland! His car battery seemed to have NO life on it so we ran the car every other day. When he went to Iraq (supposed to be 12 mo turned into 15 mo) he brought his car home and once again my husband got to park his vehicle outside in the rain/snow and heat...it took another 2 mo after he came back for him to reclaim his car...and actually it was fun to have his second car it was a 2006 Mustang Roush...only a single soldier could afford to pay for that! :)

[army_wife]

Yeah, I've had these thoughts too. I have 2 "littles" at home (one infant and one preschooler) and one of my biggest fears is that DH will be deployed, something will happen to me, and the infant would starve to death (and possibly the preschooler, if he couldn't get into the fridge or anything) before anyone noticed. I live in an isolated area and I don't have anyone contacting me daily to "make sure I'm all right". I've been thinking of setting up something like that but I feel like it would be a "bother". I'm getting ready to move on post (and therefore be surrounded by neighbors) but of course it's unclear at this point whether I'll be close enough to anyone to have them checking on me daily.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that worries what would happen to my kids if something happened to me and nobody noticed. That would be just awful.

[plc]

I drive hubby's car on weekends...usually just to run to the store. But it keeps the battery charged, and you do want to make sure the car doesn't stay in one spot for too long because that's bad for the tires. Or sometimes if I am low on gas in one car I will drive the other one for a while!

I make a point to touch base with at least 2 neighbors, we aren't buddies but we check on each others houses when one of is out of town, so that way there is someone who would hopefully notice if something was amiss.

[UncleSamWifey]

Oh man....I have these same problems!

Thankfully,I hold a part time retail job so if I didn't show up and call someone within a few hours.Someone would be worried.Once the kiddo comes tho,I quit my job so we'll see.

As far as the car goes...I haaaaaaate our other truck.We have a 2008 Dodge Avenger that is amazing.The truck is 1998 Chevy,and only goes over 45mph.So we drive it around town,and no highways.Its pretty much another car to have if one of us is at work and needs to go to say the ER or the store for something.

We're waiting til after deployment to get me a "new" car.

I reminded DH to start the truck up during this weekend when he was here 2 1/2 days...he didn't so Im sure this truck will need to be jumped.

So annoying.