No Time Off From War

A civilian relative of mine recently asked me about my husband's deployment, specifically what his schedule was like.  I said that he's been working 10 AM to midnight.  She said, "So he works like three days in a row then?"  Huh?  It took me a second before I realized that she was tallying up the hours, trying to get him to work a 40-hour week.  Ha.  I politely but kinda forcefully said that, in fact, he works all seven days of the week, as do most other deployed servicemembers.

I'm not trying to rag on my relative here, but it never ceases to shock me when someone asks a question like this about deployment.  There is no "time off" during war.  They don't get to come home for holidays, they don't necessarily get to come home for births or deaths, and they don't get to take the weekends off.  I've heard versions of all of these things, surprise that spouses don't get to come home for Christmas or that my husband is not guaranteed to be here when baby is born.  I even have a friend whose relative thought her deployed husband would get to come home on the weekends!  Can you imagine, the entire deployed force getting to commute back and forth to war?  It seems hilarious to us, but for some reason, a few civilians still seem to think that Iraq and Afghanistan are business-as-usual, with 40-hour work weeks, scheduled lunch hour, and holidays and weekends off.

I don't know where they get these ideas, but some people sure don't seem to think this is a war.  I have my complaints about news coverage from downrange, but I have never felt like the media isn't properly showing that our servicemembers are working hard.  I don't know why some civilians have the notion that deployment is like a business trip.

Civilian-equivalent work weeks.  Heh.  Not even close.

Comments

[Val]

Wow....

Yeah, not even close to civialian-equivalent work weeks. Even when my husband is home, it's not even close what with the watches he has to stand at least once a week. He's been on work-ups since November--hot and heavy work-ups since February--and when he's been home (for 1-2 weeks total) in between it hasn't been uncommon for him to work 14 hour days.

Our servicemembers work hard. ALL THE TIME. I don't know why some people continue to have their heads in the sand about these things.

[Penny]

What are these 40 hour work weeks you speak of? heh.. Not even 1/2 the time when they're in the states do they work 40hr work weeks. Dh mentioned once how wonderful it'd be to actually have the 9-5 timeline.

[Erin]

One of my favorite civilian questions is, "will he have to go to Iraq?"

Um, yeah! Probably! We are at war here, and he's in the Army. He doesn't just stand around and look cute in his ACUs! ;)

[angela]

My family is giving me a hard time about our vacation plans. Hubby just got back from Iraq a month ago and the year+ that he was gone we planned a huge vacation during his block leave. Well so much for block leave he go no time and I mean not even a day off and now he is in school. Now I am left with broken plans, upset kids and relatives mad because he couldn't take the block leave that he should have gotten. How do you explain to inlaws why he didn't get the time off we were all planning on?

[Erin N.]

haha 40 hour work weeks? funny...even when my husband is home he doesn't work a 40 hour work week. that's pretty ridiculous...

[loquita]

Amen to the non-standard work weeks, even while stateside.

I just feel livid thinking about anyone having family members who would make a spouse feel bad about their servicemember not getting vacation time as planned... Seriously! As if you would *chose* to have things turn out that way! Ack!

Sarah - I am with you, I just don't get where people come up with these ideas or attitudes.

[MO]

sometimes I think families just want to say they sent a care package and slap a yellow ribbon on the car, ughh

[Teri]

Hi all! :) I am a "new" military spouse, and new to SpouseBUZZ. Though we have only been married a little over a month, (and hubby deplloyed 2 days after we were married!) I have already been witness to the ridiculous comments that people can make about deployments. So far my favorite was "Does he carry a gun, and has he ever had to use it?"...!!!??? Seriously!?!?! I honestly think that most people forget that we are at WAR!

[liberal army wife]

dumb remarks - like " has he killed anyone?" or "oh do you think he'll deploy again?" or "jeez, why doesn't he just say no to going"... I want to simply slap them upside the head and ask what planet they just arrived from. Then I remember, we are the 2% that these wars are affecting. Everyone else... other things to think about. At least now, it's not just Brittany or Paris or Angelina -it's mortgages, jobs... but STILL - like Teri said - we ARE AT WAR..

LAW

[jm]

Yeah, it is just the 2%, LAW. And I'm sick of it not bothering anyone else.

[Elisa]

My favorites are:

"Oh, I wish this thing would just end!"
(thanks, hadn't thought of that.)
"Ohhhh, why can't they just bring him home??"
(too many sarcastic remarks available for this one...)

[flaneuse]

exactly. Civilian friends/family are always pretty surprised when I tell them DH works 14 hr days...EVERYDAY. And then when he gets back, my family is convinced he'll be getting weekends, working a 40hr week...not very likely! Our service members are overworked and terribly underpaid.

[Guard Guy's Gal]

When Guard Guy and I were dating and I was still in college, I was telling one of my roommates about some particularly long days he had coming up. She responded back with "at least he'll get some good overtime!" I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Could you imagine how rich we'd all be?

[Penny]

.. Overtime would be fantastic! When's that kicking in again? lol..

[Slightly Salty]

I've had similar conversations with civilian friends as well. When Obi-Wan was in Iraq, people asked about his work schedule and I had to explain that he works 7 days a week. The war doesn't take off on weekends. And they weren't 8 hour days either - more like 12-13 hour days on average.

[Heather S]

I think that part of the reason that civilians don't understand is that they have not had to make any even small sacrifices for this war...so it isn't really on their daily radar. I mean, everyone just got a tax REBATE for crying out loud...the vast majority of the population has not had to do anything related to this war. No saving rubber and aluminum, no brown or black outs, no tax increases...nothing. I suppose that in the bustle of everyday life it is easy to forget a war that doesn't affect you. I think that is what makes me saddest about the current situation. The burden is being born so very heavily by so few...and the others don't even think about it each day.

[FbL]

Gah!! I'm embarrassed to even read these stories!

It's not a civilian problem, it's a stupidity problem. Or at the very least, a failure to think before opening mouth.

I don't doubt for a minute people have said these stupid things, but I honestly can't imagine the inability to think at the most basic level (i.e. commuting to/from a war is absurd) that is demonstrated by such comments.

[Laura, a Military Mom]

After 15 mo of 12 to 12 seven days a week, #1 Son was sooo looking forward to a month off...funny thing about that, he was antsy to get back to a regular routine within one week of time off! Before the Army he could party all night and sleep all day, after Army he wants to work and do it on a regular basis! I do so love all that my sons have gained and learned from Uncle Sam :)

[army_wife]

I can't tell you how many times a civilian asks me... "Will he have to be deployed again?" or some variant. Umm... he's making a career of the Army. He's not getting out any time soon. So... PROBABLY! Some of them seem to think that after you do a few tours you are exempt from doing any more or something. Some other favorites of mine... "We should not have started this war in the first place..." "They should bring all the guys home NOW..." Or some other anti-war sentiment. I guess they don't realize that we don't view it that way, this is his job and an honorable one. He takes pride in defending the country. It's kind of insulting when they start bashing the war, etc. I know they are trying to be nice, though, so I try to be polite and answer them accurately without sarcasm. It's kind of hard to leave the sarcasm out sometimes though. :-)

Oh, yeah... I almost forgot. I got a really interesting comment from one of our own once! It was a reservists' wife (or it could have been Guard, I can't remember -- one of the two). My husband was deployed and we were talking about his job, etc. I mentioned that I was able to talk to him online at some terrible hour like 2am our time... and she said "What was he doing up at THAT hour?!". I was thinking... uh, haven't you guys ever done a deployment? Iraq is nine hours ahead of us... even then, the war is a 24 hour a day operation, ya know... some people do have night shift. Insurgents don't necessarily pack it up at 5pm and go home for the night, know what I mean? LOL. I was shocked to get clueless remarks from another milspouse. I was so blindsided I couldn't even say much in return.

[not military]

Okay. So what kind of questions DO you want from civilians? The vast majority of whom have no experience at all with the military, its schedule, what kind of things are expected....AND when the military is such a small part of the general population and usually living on bases away from us civvies so that it's pretty hard to even get a hint? One could simply refrain from asking questions--but apparently that is bad too.

And what kind of support IS wanted from the general population, since sending care packages is apparently Not Acceptable?