Gone, but not THAT Gone

I've had some very interesting conversations lately.  Air Force Guy is not getting ready for a deployment right now (as if anything is ever set in stone in this lifestyle), but we do know that he will be spending the rest of the year TDY.

This is the first time we've had an extended TDY that is not a deployment while living in a civilian community.  And the results and explanations coming out of this have been very interesting, to say the least.

Since AFG will be gone but not deployed, and I am currently surrounded by non-military people who don't know what a TDY is, I have chosen to inform them (when necessary) that AFG will be "leaving".  This has led to several quite funny incidents. 

A typical conversation might go like this:

friend: "We're doing sign ups for the Girl Scout trips next year - can you fill out this form as to your availability?"

me: "Well, are other kids allowed on the trip?  My husband is leaving next month and I won't have access to childcare as often."

friend: "Leaving?  I never would have guessed - you all seemed so happy together.  Oh.  Um, well, I know how hard these things are for the children.  We understand if you aren't able to help out in a time like this."

me: "What?"

friend:  "Well, we've had several families break up - it seems to be an epidemic now.  So sad."

me: "We're not getting divorced!  He has military duty out of state!"

friend:  "Oh.  Has he been to Iraq before?"

me:  "Yes!  But he's not going there right now!  He's got temporary duty stateside!"

friend:  "I'm sure you're glad to have that all over with, too.  Thank goodness you don't have to worry about that anymore.  That's not bad at all, then."

me:  "Well, just because he's not going NOW doesn't mean he won't go again.  He's kind of been agitating to get back."

Trust me, it goes on and on.  I'm thinking about packing flow charts with me in my purse so that I can have a ready visual to try to explain to people exactly what is going on when they feel the need to know.  I also spend a lot of time trying not to bust into laughter at some of the assumptions - because I have yet to encounter someone where we live now that is not truly interested in being as helpful as possible.  The misunderstandings are usually of the "trying to be helpful, but not sure how" type.

In fact, some people try to be helpful by pointing out the silver linings as they see them - I should probably point them over to Sarah's thread on the matter!

Actually, I think I might just point them to SpouseBUZZ in general, particularly those posts where people leave their own stories in the comments section.  I'm thinking that might just be one of the funniest things in the world to try and explain!

Comments

[Sis B]

I recently had lunch with a very sweet, kind, loving and generally wonderful civilian friend. When I told her my husband would be leaving for Afghanistan, and for how long, she had a look of shock on her face. She recovered quickly and said with concern, "Will you get to go with him?" I tried very hard not to laugh out loud as I explained that the Army isn't very keen on families accompanying soldiers into war zones. :)

[liberal army wife]

Oh and the best one yet, for me, " since he has gone once, I guess you are done with that, huh?"... um... no... we have at least ONE more deployment before he retires.

The look of shock is always entertaining..

LAW

[audette]

Heh... I've been asked if I would be accompanying my husband to Iraq. I've also had the fun of trying to explain why, a month after we got married, my husband moved to another state for five months (school). At least I could say he had to go to a military school, and that we'd be joining up again after that at his next duty station...

[Christine]

My favorite was one a girl at work told me that she knew "exactly" what I am going through because her boyfriend just left for Chicago for six months for a marketing consult job. Very odd, especially considering that I usually don't run into that in the DC area as opposed to non-military communities...such as my husband's hometown in the midwest.

[Sarah]

LAW, I just experienced the same thing! I told a friend my husband was deploying again, and she said, "Why? He already went; why does he have to go again?" Seriously, have people not noticed that the troops are going multiple times? I thought that was highly-discussed common knowledge.

[SeabeeSeniorWife]

AFW - This post made me chuckle. As a reservist wife in a non-military area, I have these type of conversations all the time. I just try and be patient and see the humor but sometimes it's difficult.

I was at a birthday party this past weekend, sans hubby because he was drilling, and a woman I only know casually asked where he was. I explained that he had his drill weekend and she said "but didn't he just get back from Iraq?". I said yes but he still has to drill once a month. She said, "Well that's just stupid, once he's been to Iraq and back he shouldn't have to do that ever again. Although, once we have a new president, we won't have to be in a war anymore." I answered that he really enjoys the military and even if we do pull out of Iraq at some point, there is still a war going on in Afghanistan. Then she answered, "Well, aren't they the same war". So I just smiled and went on my way, no sense in getting into a deep conversation with someone like that!