I hate this.

Apparently, I offended a neighbor last week.  I was working on a volunteer project and I was looking for help.  In true "action oriented" style, I left a succinct and probably directive message on her answering machine.  It seems that the kind, concerned side of me didn't get through on the message and she was miffed.

Now I've got to do something about it and I would really rather not put myself in an uncomfortable situation.  However, to get past this, I've got to put myself out there and into that uncomfortable situation. It has been eating away at me for days.  When should I go talk to her?  Should I call first?  What if I get her at a bad time?  Am I going to make things worse?  Can I just avoid her until we move in two months?  (Not actual option - that would just kill me!)

You can't get through life with perfect communication all the time, and I think that military life makes miscommunication even more likely.  You're thrown into a new world every couple of years, you're working on multiple crazy projects with people you've never met, and you're balancing a fairly complicated home life.  Under the best of circumstances, this is a recipe for interpersonal challenges.  Throw in a deployment, or a family problem, or some poor interpersonal skills (mea culpa), and the possibilities for misunderstanding multiply faster than Easter bunnies.

Even more frustrating, it seems that several mutual acquaintances knew that I'd offended her, but didn't tell me directly.  I didn't pick up on their cryptic comments, and it was several days before a friend explained the situation to me.  What a lot of energy wasted on miscommunication.

Wish me luck - I'm off to call on the neighbor.  And next time I offend you, please just let me know!

Comments

[Penny]

We're in the same boat. Last Saturday we had a bday party for the baby's 1st bday and one of our neighbors called the cops on us. Why? B'c we had 2 cars parked in front of our house. Apparently, we're not supposed to park cars in front of our house - we didn't know- and instead of coming over to let us know (the neighbors who live 6 houses away) apparently thought it'd be better to call the cops.. Not really sure what to do there except wonder why they'd do that since we've never met them. Oh well, hope your phone calls goes well! :)

Oh, Penny, that is so frustrating! I hope that things improve :)

[airforcewife]

SotS, I feel for you. I really, really, really do.

[She of the Sea]

I can't imagine why you would say that, AFW!

[liberal army wife]

Oh, lordie... somedays you just can't win, can you? I have been known to be abrupt..well I'm busy, I say Hi, it's me... about the project lets do this that etc. I'm leaving a message, not doing a soliloquy for heaven's sake! No, I'm not going to giggle and gossip on the machine..

Penny - that was just mean. sorry, just mean. so exactly WHERE are your visitors supposed to park??? THIS is why we built a house in the country. we did our thing, the neighbours down the road did theirs... enough.

LAW

[Jewel]

SheoftheSea...coming from someone who has offended more than my fair share of spouses over the years,(not on purpose, mind you)I feel for you and your situation. Not easy, is it? I'm curious to know how your attempt to talk to your neighbor and apologize was received.

PS: Let this be a lesson to all of us. If someone has offended us, speak up and say so instead of letting it fester.

[Penny]

LAW- Yeah it shocked us but we just moved the cars over to the side of the street. We've had our share of BBQ's since we got here and it has never been a problem. They weren't blocking the street or anything either but oh well.

Jewel- I completely agree with your PS. Couldn't have said it better myself!