Ah, But There are Similarities, Too...

We often discuss the differences between civilian life and military life here at SpouseBUZZ. One of the topics we've covered pretty extensively is how often we're geographically separated from family and how, due to a variety of factors, we are unable to see them as often as most of us would prefer.

Last week, we buried my grandmother. Over the past few years when I visited her, it was to see her and I rarely saw my extended family, so I knew that I'd be the one who had missed family reunions, funerals, weddings and births. I anticipated that the conversations I would have with my family would revolve around catching up. Blanks would be filled in. Huge blanks. We would say how great it was to see each other "after all these years." And it happened exactly that way, but something else happened, too. Something that surprised me. Something I hadn't even considered.

As I was catching up with one cousin, another cousin would approach and they would hug and say to one another, "how long has it been?" They didn't say that to me, they said it to each other. My lovely Great Aunt even said, "It's a shame that it takes a funeral to get all of us together." For the most part, they all live pretty close to one another.

I have always assumed that if I were a civilian, I would see extended family fairly often, or at least be able to recognize them if we passed on the street. So here I was thinking that I would be the one surprised to see how kids have grown, to learn who graduated from college, who was now married, who had moved, how the town had changed, etc.. Turns out, I wasn't the only one. Now don't get me wrong, they have seen each other since I've seen them, but many of them had not seen each other as often as I assumed they had.

For all of the sadness that came with burying my grandmother, a lot of goodness came, too. I was able to spend some quality time with my relatives, most of whom I had not seen in well over ten years. I was reminded where I came from and how lucky I am to be a part of such a wonderful family. I am truly blessed. Truly. For a bit of irony, I found out that one of my cousins is now an Army wife!

We're all busy, military or not. We have our own lives and our own families to take care of. Life is hectic. For everyone. It's hard to stay as connected to each other as we would like. It's true that military families face unique challenges. Even so, I was reminded last week that in some respects, we're not that different from civilians, after all.

Having said that, I can -- and should -- do better than once every 10-15 years...

Comments

[Sly2017]

Andi,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
We had a similar situation a year and a half ago when MH lost a cousin that he was very close to while growing up, but whom he hadn't seen in over 20 yrs. He also had not seen the vast majority of his family since the day we got married. While the reunion was bittersweet, the emphasis for both MH and those on his side of the family, was more *sweet* than *bitter* for they had yet to meet S.W.H.N.O.B., and they were so very comforted by both his and her presence. It also gave them an opportunity to tell MH how proud they were of him. Something he had yet to hear from his family in all his years in the Corps.

You will be in my thoughts......and not in a snarkastic way either -- for a change.

[Kori]

Big Hugs Andi...My condolences for the loss of your Grandmother.

I am fortunate to have been able to see my family often, no matter where we were stationed at the time. Either I was going to them or they were coming to see me. Even when we don't see each other often, we often call/email just to touch base.

[Jamie]

it's a said shame but you really "find out who your friends are" but i have learned that my family is my husband and kids. that's all i need in life.

[Erin]

My condolences Andi. I definitely know what you mean though - most of my extended family is here in SoCal and we *rarely* see each other. It takes a concentrated effort to get us all together. I'm glad you were able to reconnect with everyone!

[Andi]

Sly - Know what you mean. Several cousins thanked my husband for his service and it made me so proud. Of him and them. It was good to have the little ones around, too. They somehow managed, unknowingly, to take the edge off of everyone's grief.

Thanks to everyone for your condolences.

Sly - the snarkitude may resume....

[Tressa]

I am so sorry about your Grandmother. ((hug))

You are right though. We moved back to my home town 2 years ago. I thought that everything would be wonderful. That I would be able to see my sister all the time. The truth is that while we do see each other more often it isn't more than once every couple of months. Sometimes I only see my parents at church on Sunday and I live 5 minutes from them. Some things really are the same.

[Christine]

My condolences for your loss. I have actually found that I see our extended family more as a military spouse than I did before. It's become a higher priority now. Even in my "civilian life," I was always living hundreds of miles away from family, so not much has changed.

[Laura, a Military Mom]

So sorry for you loss. It reminds me of several years ago when all three sons where in their 2nd year of service and #1 son was home on block leave before his first deployment, my husbands father died suddenly. After all the challenges of getting everyone to the west coast with uniforms in tow, it was the reunion of cousins that hadn't seen each other in over 15 years. But because of that when #3 son married last March several Aunts and Uncles made the trip to Alabama, something that had never happened before. Keeping in contact takes a bit more time but it's always good to know that the family is there when you need them.

[cdgin]

Andi, so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you.

[cdgin]

Andi, so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you.

[Shain]

I too am sorry to hear about your loss Andi, but I totally understand where you're coming from with family all over but not near me. I can relate to reconnecting with them, (even for the sake of a funeral). We hope to stay connected in better times. I found a wonderful gift that helps keep family & friends connected even when apart. The friendship stone will always remind the person you give it to of you so you are always in their thoughts even if not present. Check out the site and read more- it has some other cool messages! www.the friendshipstone.com