So, what say you?

While at SpouseBUZZ LIVE III, I was able to sustain a broadband connection long enough to push a post out to you on the Relevancy of Spouses Clubs.  Now I confused some by being a bit too … “oblique” … was one input I received.  So, let’s cut to the chase.  We’re talking Enlisted and Officers Spouses’ Clubs.  Not FRGs, not A&FRCs, not a semblance of a spouses group within your mil spouses immediate unit.  We’re talking Installation-Wide Spouses Clubs.

Membership at most places regardless of your Military Service, is quite frankly on the rocks.  I suppose of course it wouldn’t be considered on the rocks if you believe the definition of “good” is having 5% of eligible’s as active participants. As you can read in some of the responses to this previous post, there are many factors.  What you can also read, is what can be construed arguably as a desire for more participation and involvement. 

The public as well as the private notes I received, reflected that most folks (at least those that answered) “wanted (their clubs) to be relevant and we want to belong.”  But they want their involvement to be MEANINGFUL, as most of the respondents simply see anything other than that as a waste of their time.  Yep, socialize WHILE you’re doing something good—that’s the ticket!

So, what now?

In one of the posts and in a follow-on email, “Lisa” posed this: 

“How involved would the military spouses like to be on base and how would they like to be contacted?  We have been trying to figure out how to get information to them about our club, (and have gone so far as to ask) what would they like in a spouses club and what events would they like to see on base?”

And you would say to her?

Over&Out, MaintenanceToadOne

Comments

[liberal army wife]

well. I just checked the O club at our post. Luncheons... a little difficult for working women to attend, who don't work ON post or close enough.. and I looked in vain for something else! What do they DO?? besides lunch.

What do I want? support for the deployed spouses, support for the young, (or not so young) new arrivals. How about contacting the new person? I want something there to help with education of spouses, of assisting the children, going to a local VA hospital. Put it this way, from the website I could find for my O club.. nothing but lunch!

LAW

[LMT]

I joined the installation spouse club at our last couple of duty stations b/c I like the community involvement they had, not just installation involvement, but the local community as well. We were able to help with scholarships to milspouses and children, food banks and many other things.

My current installation went to an all inclusive club this year b/c rank clubs alone weren't doing so well on membership. I admit that I have not joined here for a few reasons. 1)this particular club doesn't do as much for the installation or local community as clubs I have been involved with in the past. 2)I am otherwise very busy with other volunteer things. 3)I homeschool my children, they are too old for CDC care during luncheons, this leaves me out of attending these meetings.

I do participate in a couple of the events this club holds yearly which are super fun, but otherwise, I simply don't have the time to attend. The luncheons can also be a bit expensive for some people, especially now that our club is all inclusive. You can't expect all wives to be able to afford the cost monthly.

As to what they can do. When they put flyers on my door, they can explain to me exactly what the club does and offers b/c each club is the same, yet different. Otherwise, I would prefer email information updates, maybe they could offer a form to fill out for club information within a newcomers packet?

Clubs can be wonderful and what they offer can be great, but LAW is correct, working women (and otherwise busy during the day women) can't often attend 'luncheons' and I want to know exactly what each club is doing for our community before I will agree to offer my time and money.

[ALM]

I've never joined the Enlisted Spouses Club. I guess it never really occurred to me to do so, although the more I think about it, the more I think I'd probably like to. My husband never brings these things up with me at all. He figures I wouldn't be interested since I was a soldier first, and I have all my vets' organizations that I'm part of. I think I'd like the spouse club, too, though.

I'm not actually sure if this post has one. I've heard of the OSC, but never the ESC.

I think I may join at our next post, if not at this one. Being a member of the ESC would probably help me a lot, because one reason I don't care for FRG as far as a place to meet people is because it's weird for me to try to be friendly and social with the wives of people who work for my husband. It's like, in one ear, I'm hearing from those wives how great their husbands are, and then when I get home, my husband's filling the other ear with whatever pain-in-the-behind thing they did that day which made his life just that much more "fun". (Once again, because my husband and I did serve together before we had a relationship of any sort, we do talk about Army stuff. It is the biggest common interest we have. So yes, I do hear about his soldiers. In great detail. I'm his favorite vet buddy, and that's what I'm here for.)

So for that reason, I just honestly try to avoid all wives from the unit, even ones whose husbands are somewhat comparable in rank to mine, because that brings about a whole separate set of issues. It's unhealthy to mix business with socialization, so I've kind of been in a quandary about how to get around that.

ESC would help a lot. I could meet other NCO wives from different units. I prefer that.

I don't know how to join, though.

[MO]

How involved would the military spouses like to be on base:
Personally I was very involved in the beginning of the deployment O wives club and FRG but it got to be too much too often. I would like to be involved but with minimal things to do but have fun... lol

and how would they like to be contacted?
E-mail, a phone call, something in the mail, a sign where I drive by, something, not word of mouth.

We have been trying to figure out how to get information to them about our club, (and have gone so far as to ask) what would they like in a spouses club and what events would they like to see on base?

After being in a spouses club I would have to say I want fun. I want the menu to be beyond quiche and bland meat. If you say we're having BBQ well honey bring on the sauce and the baked beans. If you are going to hand out prizes please don't make them something I'd say "hmm my mom will like that". Basically that's it, if I think my mother would love it, which most of the luncheons she would, it's not my thing. I'm not ultra trendy or cutting edge, but I am in my *ahem* late 20's (hanging on by a fingernail) , and you need something to pull in the new wives (I'm not new, but we wont discuss that LOL)

[Andi]

For me, I will happily give up three hours out of my day IF we can do something productive and not merely socialize. I love, love, love to socialize, but I will throw a party or impromptu get-together, or attend a small group coffee when I want to socialize merely for the sake of socializing.

However....for a bigger event that involves an entire spouse club, feed us AND give us a task. Something more than mingling, finding my seat and then listening to some announcements, however relevant. Let's stuff care packages or sew clothes for Sew Much Comfort or stuff stockings for Operation Santa or do something that makes a difference. If we're not doing that, I'm left thinking that I cannot wait to get back home where I can actually do something productive.

From what I understand, the spouse club here is very much like that, very relevant. However, I chose to wait until SBL3 was over to join because I knew that I had no time until then and would feel guilty for having to decline invite after invite. If I'm going in, I'm going all the way in.

Some people truly love the mere opportunity to socialize, and many of these clubs offer that opportunity, but others want to see more relevancy. And I also think that in a post-9/11 world, many spouses want to make a difference and not meet for the sake of meeting. I'm unaware of any data that may bear this out, but I'll bet that the "mission" or "expectations" of many spouses clubs changed dramatically after 9/11. Or, at least, they should have, in my opinion, anyway.

I know that spouse clubs are as different as the spouses who belong to them. Some are functional and meaningful and others are not. But this goes back to something we discussed at SpouseBUZZ LIVE, and something we have discussed on the blog before. If you belong to a spouse club that isn’t all that you would like it to be, speak out. Take a stand and voice your concerns. If you want more out of your club, maybe it’s up to you to move it in a more positive, relevant direction. If you find that’s an impossible task, start your own club or group and help shape it into what you would like it to be. Spouses don’t have to belong to a formal organization to make a difference. We’ve seen that over and over again.

I need to do some more thinking, but this is a very interesting topic.

[MO]

Andi, stuffing care packages, sewing projects, signing holiday cards etc. is exactly the minimal I was talking about. I can eat, socialize and put candy in a box. Seriously, it's a great idea. Our O spouses club does major charity fundraisers however the general membership barely knows about it, or really cares because we don't get to actually see it. I'm not sure how they can get members to come in to do these things. Perhaps just spring it on everybody at the luncheon "Ok ladies, we're doing this buffet style and we're going to stuff carepackages" Perhaps if it's planned you get 1/2 price lunch with a donated bulk item or a toy for Toys for Tots or Santa's Workshop, what ever, just do it!

For FRG's same thing. I speak from an experience I had a year ago, 100 stockings needed to be stuffed and items donated, one spouse from our troop showed and she was the one that basically planned it, I just hosted it. I was so disappointed by the excuses I received from those who even bothered with one. A lot of people scream "more support" but nobody is willing to step up. It goes both ways. *sigh*

[Slightly Salty]

When we lived in San Diego and Obi-Wan was on his first ship, a cruiser, after being commissioned as an officer, I belonged to a few clubs. The wardroom wives held monthly get togethers to give people a chance to let off steam and socialize and they were held at different times so that working women were not excluded. I also joined a San Diego Surface Officers Spouse Group for fun. They met monthly for dinners purely for social reasons. I was lucky b/c our wardroom group was active being that the ship was deployed, and that the CO and XO's wives were wonderful, motivated women that wanted to make sure we were all taken care of. I'm still in touch with those women 5 years later now.

Upon moving to the east coast, Obi-Wan was on an aircraft carrier and the wardroom wives group was fairly small given the number of officers on the ship. However, I was never able to attend any meetings or other things they had b/c they were always during the day and always revolved around children's activities. Not that there is anything wrong with having events to include children obviously, but working women, like myself, had no way of participating. It was all coffees and teas in the middle of the day or a day at a water park or something. I would have liked to have seen them mix things up a bit but after just moving here, I wasn't feeling assertive enough to speak up and say anything.

Personally for future ship commands, I'd like a mixture of things that offer everyone a chance to get involved and I'd like to see a mixture of purposes for meeting such as social, but also doing something charitable as well.

[Lisa]

My husband and I have been married just five years and the last base we were stationed at (my first) was very tiny...seriously, a five minute walk from one side to the other. I don't think they had a spouse club and being a brand new military wife, I had no idea there were such things. When we came to Hill AFB (OMG huge compared to Los Angeles AFB), I kept seeing notes in the local base paper about all of the things the officers spouses club and the enlisted spouses club were doing. I have always loved getting involved in the community and here was an organization that created things to sell to raise money for charitable events, created a loan locker for anyone to borrow formal gowns for any events for free, created deployment dolls with the deployed mom's or dad's faces on them for the kids to hold while their parents were away, had a scholarship program and many, many other wonderful things.

I was welcomed into the club and just a few months later voted in to be the interim vice president. I am proud to say that I am with such a group even though our numbers have been dwindling with each PCS. Our problem has been trying to reach the spouses....frankly you just can't count on the military members to bring info home.

It was great while my husband was deployed to have something worthwhile to do. Not that I am any less involved while my husband is home.

Today we had our holiday get together at a local restaurant and we were trying to figure out ways to reach people. We do have a tiny part of the base newspaper where we post when/where are meetings are but how do we reach the incoming spouses? We do attend the newscomer briefings but rarely do the spouses attend.

Our base does have a huge amount of support from the local community and quite a few businesses give military discounts. We were thinking tonight of putting together a list of local businesses that give the military discounts with a brief paragraph on the spouses club, wrapping it around a chocolate bar with a ribbon and put it on all of the doors each week in temporary lodging. Do you think you would like that approach if you are just coming onto the base?

Have a wonderful day,

Lisa

[Sharon A.]

I have never lived on a base because of custody issues and i would love to be in a sopport group even if I could just drive to a base every month or so. Please my husband is in Iraq and I have no one to talk to that understands anything.
ssssharonnn@cox.net