There ought to be an Atta Girl for this!!

Pre-deployment briefs. 

Right before Lancelot went on his latest trip, he reminded me that the Dark Prince was coming home on Friday.  I must have had a blank look on my face because he then reminded me why:  Dark Prince's pre-deployment brief the following day.  A brief that I would have to attend with my son without my husband. 

Looking back, I'm now of the opinion that my husband planned to be out of town so as to avoid the whole nightmare....

For starters, my son is not very skilled in the social graces.  Some might even assume that he was raised by wolves.  Arriving at the brief, it began. 

"Mom, I have to go talk to someone."                                                                                                  Me:  "Oh, okay, I'll be right here."

This, in case you didn't know, is his way of avoiding even the admittance that he has a mom (let alone introducing her).  Nope, not the Dark Prince, he was hatched from an egg.

20 minutes later, I'm still standing in a corner waiting for him to come back.  I've already toured the tables containing brochures like "How to help your child with deployment".  I didn't take one of those.     I want one about "How to survive your child's deployment".  They didn't have that one.

We finally go into the theater and sat down.  Surprisingly enough, he and I sat with a couple of his friends (that's almost an introduction!!)  All of whom looked as thrilled as DP did about having to be there.  I could relate.  I don't know how many briefs I have been to over the years but I'm darned close to being able to recite verbatim the deployment cycle, the what not to do's, the keep busys, etc.  It's like if you fly enough, you can recite (with hand gestures) the airline attendants pre-flight spiel.  It's like that.  Pre-deployment briefs are a necessary evil, like mammograms, and just as much fun.

5 hours of speakers, 5 hours of powerpoint slides.  I glanced over at the DP and he, at one point, was actually holding his eyelids open with his fingers.  Pffft...amateur.  I'm furiously scribbling down notes because a)I have a few ideas for future posts and b)the command did not supply us with deployment handbooks.  That's right...no handbooks to reinforce the death by powerpoint and no handbooks to refer to at a later date.  More than a couple people went to the command to let them know about this need and the command seemed genuinely surprised.  Handbooks?  You all want handbooks?

I like to watch people and when things got particularly boring, I started doing that.  I saw me in other faces.  I saw the past me who was going to have to be a single parent with very small children.  I saw the present me worried over her son's impending deployment and getting aggravated with the brief.     I might have even seen a form of the future me in a grandfather who proudly told everyone he met that he had three grandsons and they were all Marines.

At the end of the 5 hours (thank you, Lord!!!) there was a powerpoint slide giving us the contact phone numbers for the remain behind command, the  Family Readiness officer and the Key Volunteer Coordinator.  That's right, folks, we didn't even get a handout for that information to put on our frig.  People got vocal again.  Rightly so.  The families were then promised that the website, which hasn't been updated in 3 years, would be updated and materials used in the briefs would be made available to us.  At a later date.  Ever hear of that expression,"holding feet to the fire"?  It's very appropriate used here. 

If I were a glass half full kind of a girl, I would say that at least the command now understands it fell far short in this brief.  I would hope so because there wasn't a soul in the audience who wasn't dead serious about the need for a supporting handbook and an online source for updated information.

To all who face upcoming pre-deployment briefs, I encourage you to bring a notebook and pen.           Do not be afraid to ask questions.  If there is something that you need to know and it wasn't addressed, LET THEM KNOW.  You may not be the only one who needs that information.  You're helping out someone else as well as helping yourself.   

 

 

Comments

[Amy]

I understand your frustration. My husband's first deployment was last August. I didn't even know who my key volunteer was until about 2 days after my husband left for Iraq. And the funny thing is I ate sushi and sat next to her the day before my husband deployed. Go figure!

[Semper Fi Wife]

Amy, yep..checked that box too. I have emailed the KVC at least 5 times about being a KV for the company. I am trained at the Coordiantor level. As of Saturday, nobody knew who their KV was going to be.
Yet one more sign up after the brief from hell to be a KV with the proviso that our sons would have to approve us to volunteer in that capacity......sigh...
Frustrating...
We all get there eventually, right?

[m]

Wow. I'm surprised. At least the National Guard did better than that. And it was shorter. Much shorter. Amazing how short these things can be when they're scheduled for 1930. On a weeknight.

[Semper Fi Wife]

m, usually the USMC is better but this could have been a last minute planning problem. Either way, the goal of a predeployment brief is to give families the tools to get them through a deployment.
Giving us the tools to help ourselves also reduces the number of calls to the FRO and the KV.
They did not do themselves any favors this weekend. They have time to correct. Here's to hoping they do that.

[Sly2017]

"I saw me in other faces...I saw the past me...I saw the present me...I might have even seen a form of the future me...."

I told you not to kill that last half-magnum of chardonnay before going.....did you listen to me?
Apparently, not.

[Marine Wife]

Seriously, you'd think commands could do this in their sleep by now (i.e. have had some poor schmuck write up an SOP or something!). That's just appalling. But no matter how well they are done, it is still an exercise in torture! And what is it with web sites and hot lines that commands never seem to update?

This deployment, our command didn't even know I existed (despite all efforts) until I volunteered as a KV 3 months into it.

[SeabeeSeniorWife]

Wow, and I thought the Navy Reserve handled ours poorly. We at least received handouts but the whole thing only lasted 1 hour and didn't really give much useful info. I think the best deployment brief would be one prepared by those wives and moms who have been through a deployment and letting the command know what info was necessary and helpful and what info wasn't. Also, unless you've been through it before, you don't know what questions to ask. Those questions are the ones you come up with one month into deployment when there is no one to answer them. Saying that, I give high praise to all the ombudsmans, KV, etc. who step up and handle all the things that were never covered in the briefing. Thanks for all that they do to keep us afloat during the deployment!!

[Kel]

5 hours is a bit excessive.. I mean ya they can do the PP slides but do they really have to read ever single slide aloud.. I mean most people know how to read! I think they definitely shouldve had it more together at least have the pertinant info printed for handout and a handbook is a must no matter how many you have been through that be be a help ina pinch!

oh btw.. i love how you compared it to a mammogram!..lol

[USMC SSGT Wife]

My husband and I have been living apart while in pre-deployment training, so I flew down to attend the family briefing and meet KV. I really didn't learn anything that all you wonderful ladies hadn't already told me on spouse buzz, but I had to atleast attend to feel in the loop, 5 hours and still didn't gain anything but got to see the hubby and hold hands and snicker at each other the whole time. It was nice. He left Saturday for Iraq...

[Semper Fi Wife]

marine wife...we are still going to be responsible for making them do what they need to do for us. Sad but true.

Seebee Senior Wife..I know that we can't anticipate problems. the best route, I think, is to narrow down what problems go to who. Green side and pink side.

Kel..I know. I was going to compare a pre-deployment brief to other, more invasive things but thought better of it...:)

USMC SSGT Wife..I'm glad that you got to spend a little time with the hubby. Snickering is okay. If he left Saturday, you know we're here...right?

[Penny]

KV???? I think that's the 1st I've heard that mentioned? It sounds familiar but not hitting home at all.. How sad is that? Deployment is on it's way to finally getting done with and I now find out about this. ::shakes head::

[dizzylizzie]

LOL "websites that havent been updated in 3 years.." yeah, we have handy dandy phone tree lists like that. 36 phone numbers and you get ahold of noone. either the numbers are out of order, magically turned into fax numbers, the number now belongs to someone else not even IN the military, is now someones cell phone number, disconnected, or the person hasnt worked at that office in years. yep. thats the handy dandy phone tree. we've been given them on all three deployments. and all three were worthless. its like the army is trying to say "dont call us. we'll call you, but dont plan on that either"

when i saw the paper in my door a few weeks ago for the signing of the army covenent for the families, standing there on my doorstep reading the pamphlet, i couldnt help but shake my head and laugh.

[angela]

While on the subect of not knowing what is going on I have a question. My hubby called from Iraq and said he is going to Officer's school. He has no idea when of course. So here is my question. I don't know much about the army so could someone explain what that means for him and what that means for me and the kids? I really don't know if this is a good thing or not? Is it more of a workload because even when he isn't in Iraq we never saw him. Now I am worried as soon as he gets back in June after 15 months of being away they will ship him off for several more months to school. Then when he gets back from that it will time to go back to Iraq again. I am really confused about whether I will ever see my husband again.

[cdgin]

Well..at least I know it's not just our base that was horrible with the predeployment briefing and everything else. I am now the KV for the SF, since we didn't have one during the deployment and it would have been nice to get information while it was going on. I didn't even get a call when they were coming back-well I did, but it was the day before because they forgot to call me, even though they knew the information. If someone wouldn't have remembered to call me I might have missed it and got the call from him at the airport to pick him up. How horrible would that have been?

[USMC SSGT Wife]

Well since this is our first deployment I will definately need spouse buzz, thank you. All the other wives I know have heard from their husbands, but mine of course....so frustrating.

[Laura, a Military Mom]

I found your blog a few weeks ago and have loved it! I have lots of lol moments. In the past 5 years I have gone from one in the AF and two in the Army...now I have an AF veteran, one in Iraq (due home in January after 15 mo) and one that did 4 years in the Army (1 1/2 of it with NATO in Belgium) now attending school in ROTC due to return to the Army in Jan 2009. Deployment from a parents end can get very frustrating as we have no pre-deployment meeting other than what our son passes on...I can't imagine if he was in a unit that didn't have a current web site...it's all we have sometimes. Coming home gets tricky too when you live so far away and want to be there when they arrive...waiting for the official word and you miss it. We never wait for that!You all hang in there. Your greatest support is all the others that are in the same position as you.

[Semper Fi Wife]

Penny, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. It isn't supposed to work that way.

Dizzy Lizzy, some days, you just don't know whether to laugh or cry, right?

Angela, I honestly don't know what that means for your family. Maybe one of the Army spouses can help with some info. Let me check.

[Semper Fi Wife]

cdgin, I always hate to hear about the spouses who fall through the cracks. I am sorry.

USMC SSgt. Wife, I had the same problem when Lancelot was deployed. I would bet that your husband's job has a lot of responsibilities. I am sure he will call as soon as he can. In the meantime, there's always that first care package to get out..:)

Laura, yep, we are all on the same team. Glad you found Spousebuzz.

[Cassandra]

Angela, I am not Army but you will see your husband.

I was raised Navy and married a Marine. My Dad was an officer and I married one too. Being an officer means more responsibility but also your pay will be better and you will get some nice benefits to go with that responsibility too. So I think it all balances out. My husband has been in since 1981 and I haven't strangled him yet!

It takes a different blend of leadership skills to succeed at the NCO and officer levels. Both are crucial to making the military run smoothly. That your husband has succeeded already in one arena and has now been chosen to become an officer speaks very highly of his adaptability and intelligence. Let him know you are proud of him - that is the most important thing in the world to a man. If he knows he is number one in your eyes, he will always rush to get home to you :)