A Safe Year
November 4, 2007|
We thought my husband would be deployed this year. But when we found out he wasn't leaving and had instead been accepted to a school, our plans for the future changed overnight.
All of a sudden, this became a "safe year," a year with no deployments, a year to start a family.
I wrote a post here at SpouseBUZZ back in February, asking readers how the pace of deployments has affected their family planning. I didn't find the response I was looking for. I wanted other readers to say that they too were nervous and apprehensive that they might not fit Baby in while Daddy was home. Instead I found that SpouseBUZZ readers had already learned a lesson that I hadn't yet grasped: There is no such thing as a "safe year" when it comes to babies.
Our timing would've been perfect. We had time to get pregnant, spend nine months getting ready for baby, and four months together as a new family before my husband's course ended and he became deployable again. We had successfully controlled our Army environment to ensure he'd get to participate in the miracle of bringing another human being to this world.
What we hadn't controlled is biology.
Every month that we didn't end up pregnant was killing us. Every negative pregnancy test was one less "safe" month. Our time was ticking away, and Baby was simply not understanding the gravity of today's deployment schedule! We were heartbroken.
If I had gotten pregnant right away and used our "safe year" to its full advantage, I would be going into labor right now. Instead we are just beginning the journey. We finally ended up pregnant in October, now with only four months until my husband becomes deployable again.
Not ideal. But that's life.
But having struggled to get pregnant, we now have a better perspective on the whole process. Now instead of worrying whether my husband will be home or not, we just worry and hope that the baby joins our family healthy and happy. That's all that really matters in the end, not whether my husband's in the room, not whether I can control everything.
Heh, now the baby controls everything!
Thank you for that reminder. I'm a control freak and have tried to figure out when would be the "best" time to TTC, but narrowing down a specific time frame just isn't realistic sometimes. I know I'll be in your shoes soon enough, so I appreciate your insight.
Posted by: Erin | 11/04/2007 at 13:21
"Heh, now the baby controls everything!" A truer remark could not be made...
Welcome to the world of parenthood! :)
Posted by: RedLegMeg | 11/04/2007 at 13:59
First... Congratulations! How exciting. We're going to have to come up with a way to have a virtual baby shower...
Second...if you think the baby controls everything now, just wait until the little bundle of joy arrives!
Posted by: Marine Wife | 11/04/2007 at 14:07
Congratulations!
And.. I agree 100% with everyone. I wanted kids after I finished with nursing school and was established at the job for at least 6-12 months.. Yep, I have a 7 1/2 month old now. Didn't see that coming, but .. he's helped so much with this deployment and just such a joy in my life.
Btw.. They control *Everything* and another note once the baby is 4 months, you'll be able to sleep through the night! ;)
(yep.. took him 4months, I didn't sleep for God knows how many days hehe)
Posted by: Penny | 11/04/2007 at 15:01
Congratulations!! The SpouseBUZZ readers are right; there is never a "safe" time to have a baby. I know if I had waited for a good time to have a baby, I'd still be childless! Again, congratulations!
Posted by: Melanie | 11/04/2007 at 15:08
Congratulations Momma,
You know we waited to get "pregnant" for 10 years...thought it was safe, and then while I was 7 months pregnant I watched 9-11....
I am not sure if one can pick a good time either.
Posted by: awtm | 11/04/2007 at 16:30
Congratulations to you and your husband. Babies do change everything, in the best way possible! If your husband is deployed, the baby will be the most comforting presence for you while you wait for his return. Good luck, and God bless!
Posted by: Kristen | 11/04/2007 at 19:05
Congratulations! I am so intimidated by all of you "planners"! All 3 of mine were happy accidents; my daughter during my jr. year in college and both of the pregnancies with the boys made me postpone my doctoral program, but that's ok. I've gained a much more valuable education with them. If everyone waited for that "perfect" time in their life the human race would be extinct very soon.
Posted by: Shanna | 11/04/2007 at 21:38
Congratulations!
Posted by: Tiffany | 11/05/2007 at 02:54
Congrats!
Posted by: dizzylizzie | 11/05/2007 at 07:15
Congratulations!!
My hub and are going through this conversation right now. There's a deployment coming up, so do we wait unitl after the deployment when we're thinking about going active duty, so no extended family or do we just go for it now and he might miss the entire first year? But as we all know, the army can change everything in the blink of an eye, so by tomorrow all of our reasonings that we have today could be worth zero.
Posted by: (army) wife | 11/05/2007 at 09:43
Great post, Sarah. Our first SpouseBUZZ bundle of joy - we are so excited...
Posted by: Andi | 11/05/2007 at 10:27
Congratulations! That is so exciting! Babies do have a way of getting their own way.
Posted by: Tressa | 11/05/2007 at 11:51
Best words of advice I received as a young 23 year old military spouse - "There is no perfect time to have children. You can plan and plan, but sometimes it does not happen at that moment you think is best in your life."
I take these words to heart not just in family planning, but in life planning. So after being the hard headed Irish/German woman I am - I have learned with age to take each day as it comes.
Congrats on your pregnancy. Hope it is all you excepted and more!
Posted by: Mel | 11/05/2007 at 17:45